Alright; I was able to cull together enough time to read the opening chapters of both serials. My first impression is that each is pretty great, especially for a very saturated brainstorming environment that likely arises when a story team is really big. And believe me, I know the trials of working with a large group of fans on story serials. My initial thought is this; a little more scrutiny with spelling and grammar will go a long way toward crafting a more professional appearance. Overall, the mechanics of the writing are great; you guys did misspell a couple of minor words, such as “canons” for “cannons” late in the eighth paragraph of A Traveler’s Tale, and “loose” for “lose” early in the tenth. None of this is a really big deal; however, I would suggest that you guys manually look over each serial before publishing it, if you aren’t already.
Each tale could benefit greatly from a larger amount of dialogue, especially of the harshly realistic variety. If I were writing these, I would really bring out the feelings of a desperate time of war. Casual, not dramatic dialogue in The Mindless is something that will supplement the inner thoughts of the characters very appropriately, though a balance between the two is very important.
So far the characters are quite relatable, which is pretty important. One thing that is tough in writing stories set in G1 and G2 is crafting vulnerable, flesh-and blood characters; so far, I love Macku and Gali. I hope that you guys are able to keep this project going for a long time.