Listen, gathered friends, to our tale of the Eljay.
It was a dark and stormy night, at 3 A.M, and Eljay was in
the Recap Reviews setup in his parents' basement. He had just got the Vezon and
Fenrakk set for $150 on eBay and he was eager to review it. He took another
bite out of the Mangosteen while he opened up the package. His fingers rested
on the Mask of Life.
As soon as that happened, though, a voice like thunder shoot
the studio, and it said, "You must forever smell the smell of nose!"
And it was so, Eljay could only smell the smell of nose.
The next day, he still could only smell his nose, so he went
to the swamp to find Shrek, who could heal him. But the ogre only shook his
head. "I cannot undo what the Mask of Life has done", he said.
"The only way to reverse that is to make it non-canon." So Shrek went
back into his house and brought out a treasured relic, the Flame Sword of Omega
Tahu. "Ven gave me this six months ago", he said. "Use it
Eljay touched the sword, and its power surged through him
and through his cardboard Miru, making him a Toa of Canon!
Eljay left the swamp and went back to his parents' house to
retcon the Ignika's curse, but the swamp was under attack by AppLEGO, who was
clearing it away because they believed that Shrek was an agent of MeGoogle
A nearby McDonald's spontaenously exploded. In the midst of
the flames, Eljay could see a sihouette, of a man with a trenchcoat and
glasses, and a McDonald's bag in his hand. As he walked toward Eljay, he saw
fully who this man was -- AppLEGO's most dangerous agent, the Farshtey.
Upon seeing Eljay in his full power, Farshtey dropped his
McDonald's bag and shouted, "YOU ARE NON-CANON!" Whereupon his beard
began glowing and a life-size Bohrok jumped out of it. The Bohrok attacked
Eljay, but Eljay knew all about Bohrok tactics and defeated him. Farshtey tried
again with Rahkshi, Skakdi, and a Venom Eel, but Eljay defeated every one. Then
he attacked with his most potent move, the Jump Up The Yell. Leaping into the
air and activating his Miru, he yelled at Farshtey, startling him, then struck
him with the sword of Omega Tahu, making him Non-Canon.
However, by doing this Eljay found himself in an alternate
future where all of Farshtey's contributions to BIONICLE did not exist, and
that LEGO had become bankrupt in 2004, and the universe was now controlled by
MeGoogle Blox. Eljay's cardboard Miru was dented up and dull, and he no longer
had his Omega Tahu sword or his powers as a Toa of Canon, but he no longer
smelled his nose. So he went back to his parents' house, and as he had no more
reviews to do as the BIONICLE line only lasted until 2002, he played video
games for the rest of his life.