Unfortunately, the internet isn’t paper
Fortunately, it’s a network connecting people together from across the planet.
Unfortunately, it has tumblr on it.
Fortunately, it also has Reddit.
Unfortunately, Reddit crashed.
Fortunately, I created Reddit 2!
Unfortunately, it was a ploy to feed everyone communist propaganda
Fortunately, I’ve created an anti communist robot to help regulate the propaganda.
Unfortunately, this robot was confiscated by some strange foundation claiming it was an “anomaly.”
Fortunately, I just broke a deal with this friendly looking alien gentlemen to come and occupy earth for a while. I can only see this ending well.
He tells you to pick up a can he dropped.
unfortunately, it’s monopoly money.
Fortunately Monopoly money is worth thousands of dollars due to it being discontinued!
Unfortunately, any place you could potentially sell the money has long since been shut down.
Fortunately, your neighbor, Zachary, offers to buy it from you for for 10 grand
Unfortunately, Zachary is lying. He wants the monopoly fortune for himself, and he intends to dispose of you to get it.
Fortunately, nearby is a beacon you can use to call a powerful creature or spirit to protect you from Zachary!
Unfortunately, the spirit was fired last week and was replaced with a man comprised entirely of styrofoam cups.
Fortunately, there was also a water cooler so now we can have drinks!