The Relationship Topic

The only problem I can see with this advice is that it’s hard for people younger than 16 in the States to get around places, especially with siblings. (mostly talking about myself here, lol).
I personally would go around into the main part of San Diego, finding other Lego groups, Model building groups, and the like.
The only problem is that my family can’t take me these places.

It’s not that I’m saying that forced relationships are a good replacement for this, they’re not. I’m just saying that sometimes finding other groups might even still be hard/not the right thing to do.

If you’re younger than sixteen trying to get a permanent relationship and stressing yourself over it is something similar to bashing your head in with a brick.

And if you’re younger than 18, trying to do the same is akin to bashing your head against a wall until you bleed. It’s not worth it.

The point isn’t that “You need to meet more people to find the one” it’s “Stop trying to find the one when the number of people you can interact with is limited by your maturity and your ability.”

4 Likes

That’s true.

That also makes more sense.

:slight_smile:

I should preface all of this with the fact that my first and so far only serious relationship occurred over a year and a half in highschool, ruined me for three years, and ended horribly.

Mileage may vary but I have had much more success and found much more happiness in simply surrounding myself with people I like to be around who happen to feel the same than in trying to pigeonhole things into a relationship.

3 Likes

Personally, I’ve never really had to worry about such relationships, mainly because I just like being good friends with my friends. That makes sense…right? Anyways, I tend to stick away from “romantic” relations cause not as interested in them.

1 Like

I think that’s a morally dubious way to live life, and I almost ruined a relationship by having that exact mindset, so be careful about that. An ideal life is one where you’re cautious about your safety, but love others more than yourself. If you love yourself first and others second, every single action and moral decision will involve selfishness that you will be blind to at that time. That devastates relationships.

Lasting love requires faith in the other person, and sacrifice on your part (regardless of risk). This was a hard lesson for me to re-learn after all of the self-love stuff my introduction college course shoved into my head.

1 Like

There certainly is a difference between taking care of yourself first and selfishness. Even if your priority in life is taking care of others, the only way you can do that effectively is making sure you are taken care of first.

I’m in my objectively best relationship I’ve ever had rn, and it’s all due to me giving up the mask, knowing what I want, not being afraid of being myself, and just going for it.

4 Likes
  1. It’s easier said than done
  2. I subconsciously forced myself to like her when I realized she liked me because I was worried to hurt her feelings

I think there’s a fine line to toe there though. If someone is negatively impacting your enjoyment of life, is it morally dubious to cut them out? If you live your life for other people you will be absolutely miserable. It’s not that I’m “taking” from others to get what I want, it’s that I’m living my life for me and no one else.

The point, really, is that being comfortable with yourself and your life without an external factor is important as well. I can guarantee you MANY more relationships have failed and exploded because of someone making their partner their only source of happiness than have failed because everyone knows what they want from the relationship.

Lasting loves requires hard work and sacrifice yes, but not at detriment to yourself. If you’re changing your own negative habits that’s one thing, but it’s entirely another to live your life based on what others expect. There’s a reason that “self-love stuff” gets drilled into your head: you can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re miserable with your life.

Or, put simply:

It’s not easier said than done though. You recognize that you forced yourself to like her… don’t do it again? Relationships hurt, life hurts, the sooner you learn to accept that some people are going to be hurt MORE by your attempts not to hurt them, the better off you’ll be. For example, what would be worse? Shooting your shot and not having a chance, or being led on for months? Years?

Let me be absolutely clear that I am in no way advocating malicious selfishness. Taking advantage of others is a horrible thing to do; doing what you want without thought for others is a horrible thing to do. That being said, allowing yourself to be taken advantage of is also a horrible thing to do.

Don’t put someone on a pedestal and put them above yourself. If for no other reason than you’ll get stepped all over. Being mature, independent, capable, and confident is a billion times more attractive than not.

4 Likes

Yeah I learned that lesson now. Thanks tho

I recently (about a month ago, now) broke up with my girlfriend of three years, and I came on the boards after some time away due to a curiosity at the vague memory of posting something or other about it here when we began going out. I don’t have any of the conventional social medias (Instagram, Facebook, etc), so looking through my entire post history of four years was a rather novel experience for me, and one that I imagine FB IG users are regularily accustomed to. It was both pretty funny (as well as minorly embarrassing), looking through every dumb comment or joke I made here from the age of 15, but also quite cool, and I was reminded of many things I had since forgotten. I did eventually locate the post I had set out to find, and it’s awfully strange to get inside my own head like that. Turns out, in the end, I was wrong–she wasn’t “three levels above me,” and since that three-year-old-comment I’ve (in large part) overcome my self-esteem issues and feelings of inadequacy, and evolved in other ways as well. Things may change, of course, but, one month after breaking off the relationship with her (it still feels weird to call her my EX-Girlfriend), I feel surprisingly at peace and content with the present status of my life.
Just thought i’d share, for anyone interested! (That includes you, future me!)

9 Likes

I don’t really care anymore :smiley: . I’d rather spend the majority of my time with many friends than spend the majority of my time with one person (that in reality don’t know well to start off). Of course, things will change, but right now, time with myself is easier, and I imagine, less stressful. That’s just how I feel right now. I’ve spoke in this topic before but eh whatevs.

Edit: None of this was aimed at Styrofoam lol. Post order.

6 Likes

Just found out she was telling the truth about her commitment issues

Kinda

It’s not that she can’t commit to a relationship but to one relationship without jumping to a different one every three minutes.

She’s literally with the guy she left for me the first time she and I were together.

Yeah, so uh, I have a really hot girlfriend…

Anyway, jokes aside, what do you think is a good age to start a relationship? Everyone I ask gives different answers. :astonished:

If you’re looking to just mess around and nothing too serious, high school at any grade is a fine place to start.

However, if you want to be in a serious relationship with longterm goals, probably when you’re midway through college. But I myself have not been to college yet, so take this with a grain of salt :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

1 Like

I don’t really think it’s an age question, but one of maturity level and readiness.

If you both feel you would be mature and ready enough for a committed, serious relationship, go for it. If you find you aren’t ready after a relationship like that, wait a bit and try whenever you feel ready again.

2 Likes

Alright everybody sit down 'cause I got some developments!

So there’s this girl who lives down street from me. She’s a couple years younger than I am and we’ve known each other for at least three or four years.

Now about two years ago she told me that she liked me. At the time I wasn’t exactly “looking for a relationship”, and it was before my first girlfriend, and all of the romantic pains and troubles that came after that. So I didn’t exactly fully understand the situation.

Fast forward a couple years (this year for those keeping track, or rather the previous calendar year technically) and she starts going to same High school I go to. When I first saw her early in the year I was terrified that it would be crazy awkward. But that never happened. We didn’t talk much over the school year and she even started dating someone, which felt like a weight off my back.

Fast forward to about three days ago, I see here while I’m at work (I’m a courtesy clerk at a local Safeway). She gets my attention and pulls me aside for a quick second, and tells me that she still likes me, much to my surprise. I tell her that I don’t have any time to really talk since I’m at work, and I’ll get back to her later.

Then that leaves today. After thinking it over a lot, I decided that I’d like to give it a shot. Give a relationship a try and see how it goes. Since making that decision and thinking about it, I’ve honestly gotten really excited about the idea. And today, whilst walking home from work, I made sure to tell her.

I really look forward to what the near future will hold. School is going to start back up in about two weeks I think, and I’m eager to spend more time with her.

6 Likes

I wish you luck in your future endeavours.

//Tarkur

1 Like

So.

I think I’m going with her to the local fair some time this week.
We just gotta choose a day.

I don’t really know if it’s a date, per sè, but at least I get to spend more time with her.

7 Likes

@Runa
@MaxinePrimal

Congrats to both of you!
I feel so happy for you guys.

2 Likes