Uuuuugggghhhhh... Why do these feelings always have to happen when I'm trying to sleep or when I wake up. I can't take a nap anymore without feeling depressed...
This isn't about anything incredibly specific. Just some built up steam I need to blow off.
So, as I've been talking about there are three different girls I've been talking to. A coworker who works at the deli, a redhead who took interest in my writing, and a girl who I've gotten along well with from my college class.
Well I recently found out the coworker is much older than I am, at least by five years, and I'm fairly certain the redhead has a boyfriend. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting anything deep to come out of any of these interactions. I've made that more than clear. And I love talking to these people, and I fully intend to keep doing so.
But that doesn't make the denial completely painless. All in the same week I get to know three people, three chances. And two of them have been shut down before I had a chance to say anything.
No matter how hard I try to keep my expectations suppressed, to keep myself from getting my hopes up, it still happens. I still get excited for the potential. The hope that after so long I finally won't be alone anymore.
I just want to love... I want to be loved. I can never seem to shake this impatient pit in my heart that isn't able to wait.
But who knows. I'll get a chance to talk to that girl from my college class tomorrow. So I'll wait and see how that goes.