You can date someone without them being a significant other. Dating is how you learn more about a person before you commit to a more serious relationship. Going on a date with someone you don’t really know too well is just how things work. Many people, including myself, have had much better outcomes from just talking too new people, rather than waiting for someone we already know to take interest so we don’t have to do anything out of our comfort zone by initiating first contact.
Talk to people, go on dates with people, get to know people. What’s the best and/or worst that can happen? Either you hit it off and both really like each other, you become friends, or your effort resulted in nothing but at least you have more social practice, which I wager most people in this topic/boards/internet/world really need.
Technically “dating” is going into a relationship with someone as a siginifcant other. Before that its just hanging out with a friend or acquaintance. Without a distinction like that its just confusing.
I also wouldn’t just date for the heck of it. You’re playing with someone else’s emotions. Just doing it for “social experience” is silly. There are plenty of other ways to grow socially, without possibly really hurting someone down the line. Just, be careful with whom and how you spend your time, relationships are a minefield.
No offense, but you sound like someone still in high school, or at least you still carry over social expectations from that part of your life.
Dating, in the adult world, is the first step towards a possible relationship. You meet someone, ask them out to do something together, and you get to know each other by spending time together every once in a while. Dating is called dating because it’s just the act of going out on dates. If two people develop a mutual bond during this period, it then becomes a relationship.
I was homeschooled through high school, so I never experienced the “social expectations” your talking about. And there’s no need to try and demean me as if my opinion doesn’t matter in the “adult world” as you put it. It simply seams that what you call dating is what I would consider simply getting to know someone better, whereas dating entails taking the next step and committing to the person as your future spouse. Is there risk? Yes, but there is also risk that I’ll die tomorrow. Now, I hope that doesn’t happen, so I take precautions. I’m simply recommending that people take precautions before throwing their lives into a possible train wreck just because they weren’t careful.
Aight, the being homeschooled explains everything.
I was homeschooled as well, in a conservative Christian area (which I assume is pretty close to the scenario you’re in), so I know quite a bit about the mentality most homeschoolers have. Simply put, unless it’s done right, homeschooling doesn’t prepare you for real world social situations.
In that subculture you’re views are appropriate, so I won’t judge, and if you’re happy with it, stick to it. However, I don’t think advice from that mindset will be helpful to anyone outside the homeschool community. Too many miscommunications, like what the definition of dating is, will make things more difficult.
I’m just saying that what you consider dating is, quite frankly, irrelevant. If you go in with radically different preconceptions and assumptions than everyone else, it’ll just make finding a relationship that much more difficult. You’re expecting potential partners to use a criteria that they’re unlikely to use.
@Ranaki_Pakewa
Well, hey, I’ve found several people around the boards who are homeschooled. So I guess someone here will accept my advice. Also, I am in the real world now, and my life has gone just fine (so far). Thanks for being civil, though, its something uncommon on the internet.
@Tarvaax
Well, over here, your idea of what dating is irrelevant, and everyone that I know would agree. So I’ll continue to use my opinion. And you feel free to use your’s, regardless of where that gets either of us. And hey, if somebody in the world doesn’t share my same view on the matter, that’s my problem. And, I’m just throwing in my two cents. Who knows it might help somebody who has the same opinion I do, so there’s no need to treat it like its irrelevant. Not everyone agrees with you, I am a prime example. Same goes for me pal, as you have made quite clear.
[details=Some kinda personal stuff?]Relationships are… interesting. Romantic, but also general sorts of things. Friends. Aquaintances. Co-workers
I never really considered myself shy before, but about three years ago I started going to college and it quite suddenly and abruptly hit me that I have no clue how to talk to people I don’t already know well. Online is one matter, but in person I’m painfully self-conscious. And it isn’t really a lack of self-esteem* so much as just not knowing what to talk about; most people in my area tend not to be interested in the same sorts of things that I am, and finding common ground outside of that is very tough. Generally I’m just content to stick with whatever I’m thinking about anyway, so making myself even want to take initiative in the moment is tough, and people don’t tend to approach me either, probably because I give off a vibe of not really wanting to talk. Just not sure how to get past that, really, outside of moving maybe? Idunno.
*I mean, do have things I dislike about myself, so there is a certain degree of hesitance based on not feeling like I can put my best foot forward until I’ve improved on those things, but still.[/details]
If I can make one suggestion to you, and basically anyone else on these boards or anywhere really, that finds themselves in a position where “I have difficulty meeting people because I don’t really know how to talk to people/what to talk about” it would be this:
Get yourself a job that forces you to.
I work in Radio, and before that I worked at a Carwash, and Retail, and even though I work in Radio it certainly doesn’t pay for my lifestyle and therefore I also work a full time office job, but that Radio job forced me, above all my other jobs, to figure out how to fake my way through a conversation.
Between TTV and That job, I’ve discovered that I can be incredibly personable when I need or want to be, and that I can both steer a conversation to somewhere I’m comfortable or allow a conversation to open up to topics I might now about. If you find yourself having trouble talking to random people, find yourself a job on a local Street Team. Promotions Departments always need boots on the ground, so to speak, and you’ll get to have fun doing the most random things. Might find a bit of confidence and social skill you never knew you had too.
Or maybe I’m just talking out my behind, because apparently I was actually popular in High School, though I definitely don’t remember it like that, so maybe take my words with a grain of salt. But working in situations where you’re forced to meet people constantly definitely helps. School, for all that people say, doesn’t actually force you to interact with people.
(Also, I would make a comment on relationships, but I’ve had enough “Crazy Ex Girlfriends” and made enough mistakes to make me both incredibly qualified to speak about it and smart enough not to unless I’m specifically asked :P)
Well, if you want to help people to be more likely approaching you, a good way to start is just to be conscious of what you’re doing. I don’t necessarily mean actions only, posture and body position really convey whether or not you’re approachable. For example, if I see someone with slumped shoulders and crossed arms, I’ll probably assume they’re in a bad mood. Conversely if I see someone sitting straight up with their hands more at ease, I’ll be more likely to approach them.
Good grief, there are a lot of us homeschooled nuts on here.
I’ve gotten myself into something of a relationship, but I don’t have the time to type it all out right now. I will when I can. But just so everyone knows: yes, she is very hot.
And I did like to post, yet I also wished to give a thumbs up to show my approval, and honestly thought the mods wouldn’t care, I never expeted a cast member to pay any notice to my post. I don’t know whether to feel honored or embarrassed. I’ll rember this next time.
There’s a girl I know, she’s like everything I like in a girl but idk if I’m what she needs/wants in a guy. She’s rly great though. Talented, pretty, fun, good taste in movies, and a firm Christian (idk if that’s too religious but I’ll leave it there unless I’m asked to remove it)
Don’t wait for ‘the right moment’, don’t hesitate, don’t doubt yourself. Just go for it.
I made that such mistake myself. Twice. Even if you think you don’t have a chance, do it anyways. You’ll get over firm rejection, but that lingering ‘what if’ will haunt you for years to come.
But I don’t have her number, and I am NOT doing anything in person. Besides, she deserves more than what I can give her. If I’m not what she needs, what’s the point? Until my first relationship, I only had my best interests in mind. I can’t be selfish like that.
