That’s basically it there.
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I’ve been thinking a bit today, and I realized that as much as I’ve been starving for a relationship, I’m almost afraid to enter one, for one primary reason. That being I’ve been so desperate to be in love that I’m afraid I would latch on to the first girl that comes on to me and end up in an unhealthy relationship, which I honestly think would be worse than falling into another hopeless crush for two or three weeks.
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That was impressive.
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I kinda feel similar. Except like I see that I really want a relationship, and that that’s the only reason at my age (temporary happiness, rarely anything permanent) so there’s not really a reason to put myself through that until there’s real potential for permanence (is that a word?)
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My advice? Start out early so that you can go through all of the necessary breakups and growing pains.
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Ah. Thanks
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Okay I’ve been snooping on this topic for a long time now so I think it’s time for my input. In other words, story time with Haf!
M’kay it all started in 2012, I was in year 8 at high school (UK btw). That would have made me about 13 for y’all. So I’d never had a girlfriend at all, had this big group of friends who were all girls tho, and as it turns out one of them liked me, and ended up asking me out by asking one of the other friends to ask me for her, so I was like “Hell no we friends but I ain’t into her” and that was that. So cut to a few weeks later and same thing happens, only this time the girls who the was asking for her was all like “come on she really likes you just try it for like 2 weeks and if you don’t like it then that’s ok” so me being the 13 year old girlfriend-less kid that I was thought “what’s the worst that can happen” and said yes… 2 months later I’m still with this girl, but we didn’t talk much an’ all that, prolly talked more when we were just friends, so I hadda end it an’ all. She wasn’t too bothered as it was mutually agreed that we were better friends, so that was that, and we were still friends by the end of school 3 years later, so good job me I guess.
In the mean time, I’d talked to 1 or 2 girls, but believe me at high school in the UK that ain’t a good idea because unless you’re ‘cool’ you gettin’ made fun of if you don’t choose someone who everyone wants to be with, and nobody wanna be with me or my friends, so we were pretty screwed until college, little did we know.
So college hits and so does lesson 1 folks I’m in 3 out of 4 of my subjects with this same girls, and buy I like her. Legit first week of college I added her on Facebook despite us not knowing eachother. But being me, having no experience, being a lil nervous kid, do I talk to her besides asking about work. Hell no I do not. See here’s lesson 1, “what if she says no” ain’t no excuse not to talk to girls. Bite. The. Bullet. Do it, you got nothin’ to lose unless you’re good friends, but if you really are good friends, then you should be even after she says no. So anyways after 1 year I change course and I don’t see her again, with not talking to her being a very big regret of mine.
Cut to last year, and lesson 2, I’m gettin frustrated. I’m 18 and I ain’t ever kissed a girl, or even had a proper girlfriend if I’m honest, so what mistake do I make next? Dating apps. Do not use them. I met some girl on the first app I tried, and within 2 week we telling each other we loved each other. That ain’t right trust me. This girl lived 50 miles away and the closest I got to meeting her was talking on the phone, so after I ended that she tryna play it off like we’re friends. Nah, I got rid of her and the app too. Move to the second app, Tinder. Oooof did I get wayyyy more matches than I was expecting. Out of about 40 matches guess how many I actually met up with. 1. She told me I was perfect and I was the best person she ever met. And I believed it all. She one of these who says “I hate liars” but then turns out she lying to me the whole time. So that’s lesson 2. Don’t use the apps.
So during that time I was pretty desperate, but for about 7 months before I got those apps I’d had this girl on Facebook and I loved the way she looked, but like the girl from college I was far too scared to talk to her. After that last girl from Tinder (which was at about christmas 2017) I was on a real low. I thought nobody could like me, so like 4 days later I thought, ima risk it all, and I popped up to the girl from Facebook…
We’ve now been together for 9 months and counting, so that’s lesson 3, y’all gonna get there in the end.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted to tell the whole story.
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I use Tinder tho, and it seems to be going alright for me
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It works for some. some
Anywho, tryina dissect a response to a confession of interest…
“to be honest it was kind of obvious but it shouldn’t affect our friendship. I don’t want a relationship either so it’s fine👌”
…does she have interest too or…?
I don’t think so, mate. Seems like she knew you liked her but just wants to be friends.
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Well I told her when I told her I liked her that I didn’t want a relationship idk if that means anything, plus she seems to WANT to stay friends rather than simply not rly mind so either she’s just a really loyal friend or she does like me and didn’t want to seem like she did so I wouldn’t want to date her out of the mutual not wanting a relationship.
You made it complicated for yourself by chickening out with a non-commital response like that. She also just doesn’t seem to like you.
Here’s the thing. Women tend to be really good about picking up on the little things. They sense your fear, and a lot of them won’t bother with someone not willing to commit to anything, especially if they’ve been hurt before.
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I see what you mean but I really don’t want a relationship right now. Was I supposed to lie to her? Pretty sure that would’ve only made things worse
Well, normal people don’t say they like someone if they aren’t looking to be in a relationship. It’s pretty contradictory, unless your looking for a one night thing, but friends don’t usually do that.
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No that’s certainly not what I meant and based on the friendship already in place, and other context, she knows that’s what I meant lol. When I like someone it’s rarely a completely conscious decision. Something will subconsciously catch my eye (literally or metaphorically) about someone, then I try to find out more about them, and I’ll find whether I find them attractive as a person(appearance doesnt matter to me, but I don’t not notice it if that makes sense). Idk if that’s normal but that’s how my mind works in that sense
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OK, screw it what do I have to lose.
So there’s this girl, I met her on Tinder, the problem is… She’s pretty far away, 700 Kilometers to be exact, but I really like her, how could I help overcome the distance?
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Is video calling an option?
I mean yeah, but that doesn’t solve the problem of, I’m here and she’s 700Km away
Well either you’ll be able to make a long distance relationship work or you won’t. If you want to see her in person, that would have to be a special event that the two of you plan out together.
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Start running now and you’ll see her by Christmas.
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