The Relationship Topic

So I had a relationship. It was long distance, and lasted just under 3 months. It seems kinda ridiculous, but I really did love them, and the reason it ended has really made me hate myself. It is fascinating how an experience can be so positive, and so painful at the same time

Or it ends up in just dating, some people just donā€™t get married

Well, youā€™ll eventually split. Even id you donā€™t consider it a breakup, it does the samw thing. You canr just date one person until rhe day you die without making tthe commitment. (Unless you met when you were old or terminally ill. But thatā€™s a rare case.)

Asides the fact that thatā€™s provably untrue given I know plenty of people in long term relationships who have no intention of ever getting married, and the wide variety of forms that relationships can takeā€¦

Saying ā€œrelationships either end in breakups or marriageā€ isnā€™t untrue, but itā€™s also intentionally misleading and extreme to call a breakup a failure flat-out. Sure, some relationships fail, but others evolve, or the people in them change. It doesnā€™t mean the relationship failed it just means that it ended. And yes, commonly people refer to relationships that didnā€™t work out as ā€œFailedā€ but thatā€™s also, in a lot of ways, directly ignoring what caused those relationships to not work out in the first place. Saying the relationship failed is an easy way to say ā€œIt wasnā€™t my fault, it was the relationship.ā€

Also, my ā€œAunt and Uncleā€ (Family Friends) have been together for the better part of 40 years, and will never get married or have kids. Why? Because they donā€™t see the point in it when they arenā€™t religious and the law treats them as married anyways, why spend the money? However, to say that because they arenā€™t married ā€œtheyā€™ll eventually splitā€ is both disingenuous and making a loooot of assumptions about relationships.

Just like thereā€™s more to relationships than dates, sex, etc, thereā€™s a lot more to relationships than marriage. I respect the people who say they wonā€™t date people if they canā€™t see them marrying that person, as thatā€™s perfectly valid. However, if getting married is your only goal than youā€™re not dating to find a partner, youā€™re dating to get married, and thatā€™s doomed to fail as well.

Point is relationships take a lot of different forms, whether youā€™re monogamous or not, or serious or not. Dating for the sake of Marriage can be just as bad if not worse as dating for the sake of dating. Not only that, but marriage is A: Primarily a religious institution, and B: A legal contract. Nothing more, nothing less, and you can absolutely make a commitment to someone in the long term without getting married.

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I did point out that there are rare cases. The examples you gave are obviously in the minority. And while yes, marriage is a religious creation, the vast majority of people in the world happen to be religious in some sense. And while, yas again, a nonreligious person can be in a happy relationship with anothrr person without ascribing to marriage without feeling any moral negativity, as I said, they would be the minority, with even the majority of nonreligious relationships partaking in marriage.

All of my girlfriends (besides one) transitioned into friends right after. Breakups are negative in connotation. If the relationship simply changes, then there isnā€™t an end. Just a ā– ā– ā– ā– ā– .

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I feel what I said was misconstrued, and I had said this in an attempt to fix the statement.

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I think itā€™s misconstrued because, again, you seem to have a very black and white view on the subject. Thereā€™s no one way to have a relationship, or one end goal for a relationship. Everyone is different.

Some people want to find someone they can settle down with, have kids, and live a comfortable life. Others want a travel partner. Some would like all of the above, with the caveat that they want someone to build a live with not just someone to inhabit the life they built for themselves.

Honestly, it all depends on the people. And that Minority is steadily growing year after year, just the same as our Generation is trending towards having far fewer children than our parents.

Also, again, saying ā€œIf you arenā€™t married youā€™re eventually going to split, even if it isnā€™t a breakupā€ is again, very extreme. I would also like to defer to the Pew Research Center, specifically this article that details some interesting statistics. The Marriage Rate is falling overall, for a variety of reasons both personal and economical.

Like I said, I donā€™t necessarily disagree with your stance, I just disagree with the notion that the only two outcomes are Marriage or Breakup.

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Yes, I will admit, a more open wording would be more appropriate.

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Sometimes it works like that. My grandparents were 15 when they started dating. Depends on the person and the situation in general

EDIT: a few months ago my friend put me in a gc with her friend trying to set us up, and just the past couple days Iā€™ve started to have interest :joy: idk if she likes me tho, and Iā€™d prefer she not cuz itā€™s a rly good friendship and I donā€™t want it hurt by anything too soon

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You must have a great friend then

None of my friends who are females would be the sort to do thatā€¦

Which is fine. I donā€™t know the first thing about dating.

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Ah this friend is a bit of a matchmaker. At least with me. She accidentally set me up in like November. That was very brief and completely pointless

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Ah, yes. The matchmakers. Or in my case, itā€™s the rumor-spreading younger siblings.

I may or may not have mentioned in this topic that, usually, Iā€™ll never truly develop feelings for someone unless I believe that person likes me - which happened twice thanks to the rumor-spreading younger siblings, and one by the one that actually said she liked me (see my above post circa August 2018.)

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ā€œAll you need is loveā€

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The blood of my enemies is a acceptable substitute.

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Heck yeah

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It done just got complicado mis amigos. I shall update you in due time.

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Dunno if I said this, but I asked the girl I like to the spring dance weā€™re havingā€¦
and she said yes.
Yay!
However, she just told me that sheā€™s going on a trip and wonā€™t be able to go.
Oof.
Guess Iā€™ll be a lonerā€¦ I think two of my good friends are going, though, so Iā€™ll just hang out with them.

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Man all this talk about proms and girlsā€¦I need a dateā€¦since Iā€™ll have prom next year. Dang this Germans always copying Americans!

But sie problems my friends isā€¦I have no girl which I can ask out, either they got boyfriends and all that or they arenā€™t interested in me and others arenā€™t my type and appeal.

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Be a loser like me and just donā€™t go