A dumbed down version of the Bionicle story

So I've decided to write a simplified and dumbed down version of the Bionicle story or at least the way I view it. It's supposed to be in the form of a fary tail kind of.

In the time before time There was a village. A peaceful wonderful village. People small and big smart and strong boy and girl lived together without poverty or war. But when too villagers found a strange object conflict began to spark like fire on dry wood. And like fire it spread fast. Every village wanted the object. The only Beings that did not join the conflict where the great beings. The smartest of them all. Upon examination of the object they found it was tainted it would only cause jealousy and anger and for the village to split.
They decided to speed up their most important project. Creating living beings. With the accelerated work speed the beings were finally complete. They had created hundreds of small villagers six larger beings that slept in one of the wagons they pulled and two even larger beings. Matanui and Makuta. They where brothers. Makuta tended to the villagers needs and trained them to fight while Matanui their ruler examined the terrain and animals around them like he had been instructed to. But Matanui was thanked for Makutas gifts. Makuta became jealous. His neglectful brother was being worshiped while he did the work! Finally Makuta stabbed Matanui hoping to kill him and take his place sadly the wound did not kill but put Matanui min a coma. Makuta decided to hold the comatose body of Matanui hostage. He terrorised the vilagers to keep them from trying to awake their ruler. Still worshiping their Neglectful god. But hearing
the call to battle the six heroes emerged and fought Makuta protecting the villagers. After many battles with Makuta a villager was transformed into a hero finnaly killing Makuta! But all was still not well. They needed a special herb to heal Matanui. So the six heroes began their quest to where the herb was said to grow. They foun villagers their who had abandoned the caravan long ago. But that was not all that was their six strong beings where their. Creations of Makuta they also wanted the Herb. They defeated the six heroes and continued their search. Six villagers left to find the herb as well.Upon arrival to the area where the Herb was said to grow they became heroes! They defeated the Evil beings and got the herb but it fell from their grasps into the ocean. They dove down and fought past enemies of Makuta too emerge and begin the long track home. But when they arrived their they found the six original heroes where back but Matanui no longer was. Some of Makutas henchman had taken the comatose body to a swampy region.
One of the new heroes took the herb to the swampy region but shortly after arrive died of starvation and thirst. The six original Heroes than went and used the herb to revive Matanui but when he awoken Makutas sole filled the eyes. Matanui's sole filled the herb and Makuta threw it as hard as he could.
As battles raged the herb flew far through the air all the way back to the now split village. The herb began to grow into a body and Matanui reunited the three seperated villages. But Makuta was on his way with all the villagers and heroes locked up in the wagons. Matanui killed makuta but took a fatal blow and died aswell. On the Desert sand lay two brothers one a vengeful being who had grown in shadows and the other a neglectful man many had died for. Both died their deserved deaths.

6 Likes

wow that ending, kinda dark

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I second this. Overall it is a good reinterpretation.

It was hard to understand, because of the 'dumb' grammar used.

2 Likes

A little too dumbed-dow IMO, but nice idea for a stroy.

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Agreed.

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well, the magic guys land on the island
and find the little guys shaking in fear
they learn that they must fight evil again
but cannot recall ever being here.
they collect the masks, in order to
combat the shadow guy, this much is true.
but then the Bohrok, those annoying insects,
start destroying the island, what little pests!
In order to stop them, the heroes must find,
the Krana, also called the Bohrok's minds
once they'd defeated these no good, evil doers,
they were transformed, into armor much newer.
but even with this, their task was not done,
In fact their challenges had not yet begun

I wish I could continue, believe me it's true,
but rhyming this way is a bit of a grind.
But I shall do more later if I have the time
So for now, I must say, jusgt two more words
Good and bye. that is all that you've heard

4 Likes

Pretty good, though you still need to work on your grammar.

2 Likes