Arrival - First attempt at writing Bionicle story

Jaller stood at the top of the big wall that surrounded his home village. Ever since he awoke on the beach he had prepared for the coming morning, yet he was scared of what was to come. The others did not need to know. They must not know. As the captain of the guard, he made a promise to protect his people, a promise that until now was an easy task. Of course, there and then a Rahi had to be driven away from the village entrance, but if what he was told was right, it would be a walk on the beach compared to what was to come. If he would show any sign of weakness now, in the time the darkness would return, he could doom the entire village.

Jaller let his gaze wander over the forest near the village. Seeing such lush trees in a place so hot as this was an awesome sight. But the forest was also home to many different Rahi that sometimes got lost and ended up near the village. It was his job to ensure that the creatures would not cause harm. But from this day onward the forest could hide something far more dangerous.

Jaller heard something moving behind him. To his relief, it was Vakama, the Turaga of Ta-Koro. Vakama was the one who told him of the darkness that would befall this island he and the other Matoran called home.

“Turaga! What brings you to me?”, asked Jaller, slightly bowing down to show respect to the village elder.

“You know what day it is”, Vakama whispered. He walked past the Jaller to look over the land that lay beyond the walls of the village. “I want… I want to remember what this island looked like before…, I want to remember…”

Vakama turned to face Jaller. Jaller was shocked to see the Turaga in such a devastating state. Vakama leaned closer to him. For one moment Jaller feared he might trip over.

“Memories are so precious. They remind you of a time when things were better. In the darkest hour, they can help you believe that things can be better again sometime in the future.”

Jaller tried to form a comforting expression on his face. He was unsure how to respond to that. For one moment he thought that Vakama was looking right through him. Then Vakama turned his gaze to the forest that Jaller was watching just a moment ago.

“Yet memories can make you a prisoner of the past. They can trap you in endless trails of thought of what could have been and what you could have made differently to protect those you lost. And they haunt you in your dreams when you close your eyes in the dark. Dreams of destruction and darkness, dreams of losing everything you hold dear. If I can give you one piece of advice in these times… hold on to the good memories. Otherwise, the bad ones will consume you.”

Together, Jaller and Vakama watched as the sun rose as the time of peace had come to an end.

Balduk had left the village early that day. Like every other day, he wanted to make sure the forest’s outer area was clear of Rahi beasts. It was dangerous to do it alone, he knew that. But no matter what the guards told him, he never abandoned his mission. He never got into big trouble, as he did not try to approach bigger Rahi on his own. Rather, he watched and reported Rahi sightings to the guards who then dispatched a team to deal with the situation. His repetitious success had encouraged him to go on, ignoring any warnings.

Today was different. Balduk could sense that something was off, but he could not say what it was, at least not at first. The forest looked like any other day. Lush trees reached up high above, their leaves catching the sunlight. The ground below was barely reached by sunlight. Despite the damp light, Balduk had no issues orienting in the woods. He had been too many times in the woods to get lost. In front of a particularly huge tree Balduk suddenly stood still. He had finally noticed what it was he had been missing.

There is no sound… , he thought. No birds, no small Rahi moving through the green. There is nothing here. How is that possible?

He looked around, all his senses at high alert. Then he heard something moving in a short distance. Balduk was no fool. Whatever happened the silence was not a good sign. If that… thing is the only creature left in the forest it either was not in a condition to run and was now highly defensive or it caused the other creatures to flee. Neither situation was something Balduk considered safe to investigate alone. He had to alert the guards. He turned and slowly walked, making sure he did not cause more noise that would bring him unwelcome attention. All the while he listened carefully. Then something crossed his path in front of him. It was quick and he could only see glimpses of it, but it looked like it could have been a worm or a slug. After a short moment of standing still in shock, he inspected the trails left behind by the creature. The trails were covered in an unhealthy-looking liquid Balduk did not feel comfortable inspecting any further. He did not hear it coming…

“Balduk hasn’t returned yet”, one of the guards reported.

Jaller looked in disbelief.

“You let him go? Today of all days!?”

The guard looked irritated, then his eyes opened wide in horror.

“Today?”

Jaller was shocked. “Don’t tell me you forgot!”

“I – I…”

Disciplinary actions could wait. Jaller alerted the guards. A rescue team was quickly formed. Jaller personally lead the operation. Although his responsibilities were to the village, he also felt obligated to protect the single villagers at all costs. The group started moving when Vakama approached.

“I am coming with you”, said the elder.

“Turaga, with all due respect I must protest”, said Jaller. “You are needed here.”

Vakama looked sharply into Jaller’s eyes.

“What can I do that the other Matoran guards can’t do? Every Matoran matters to me, Jaller, you have no idea what we…”

He stopped mid-sentence. Jaller was surprised to hear Vakama raising his voice. It was a rare occurrence. Under other circumstances, Jaller would have tried to talk him out of it. But he was way too upset to argue.

“As you wish, Turaga.”

The journey was a short one. Once they entered the forest it was relatively easy to follow him. Balduk had told one of the guards about the paths he preferred to take. Quickly they found a trail of footsteps in the mushy earth. They followed it to the point where another pair of similar steps pointed in the opposite direction was clearly visible.

“Either he had company or he turned around”, concluded Jaller. “The silence is not a good sign. We should hurry.”

Vakama looked around, then he noticed the other trail. He immediately recognized what left them. But he did not share his finding. Instead, he looked out for other clues. He found none.

Suddenly they heard Balduk’s voice from everywhere and nowhere at once.

“I hope for your own good that you can protect the Vahi better than you could protect this one.”

Something fell from high above. To Jaller’s terror, he recognized Balduk’s mask, now laying lifeless on the ground. Suddenly the air above them was filled with piercing chirping, becoming louder and louder. Vakama did not need to look up to know what that was.

“Run!”, he barked at the guards.

Jaller looked up to the trees above them. A shiver went down his back. Above them, more than a dozen Fikous spiders sat in a web. In the center of the web was a large cocoon. Whatever it was inside that cocoon, it was not moving anymore. There was nothing to be done. The spiders looked down at them. Their chirping sounded like otherworldly laughter.

Vakama shook Jaller out of his shock.

“We have to go!”

Jaller, Vakama, and the guards ran as fast as they could. Behind them, the entire forest sprang to life. Creatures of all sizes followed them, running down trees and other plant life in their pursuit.

One of the guards tripped and fell. Vakama rushed to protect him. He pointed his fire staff at a Fikou spider. Flames sparked from its tip when he tried to intimidate the spider with it. Bud the spider instead jumped at Vakama. The Turaga of Ta-Koro fell over, and the flames of the staff spread to a nearby tree. Jaller managed to get the spider of Vakama. He helped the Turaga up and together they caught up to the rest of the guards. Finally, they reached the edge of the forest. They did not stop until they entered the village and alerted the other guards of the incoming threat. Jaller took his position on the guarding wall and waited for the worst to happen.

No creature came out of the forest. But the flames spread rapidly. Soon they saw that the entire forest was engulfed in flames. Still, no Rahi was to be seen. One of the guards had retrieved Balduk’s mask when they fled. It would play a big role in the ceremony. Vakama joined Jaller on his post.

“I hope you kept the beauty of the forest well in your memory. It was my mistake that destroyed this place. This… this is how he becomes more powerful”, Vakama said quietly. “The destruction of things, buildings, nature, people. This is his how he becomes stronger.”

Jaler said nothing. He just stared into the fire. Vakama followed his gaze, and for a moment he could have sworn that he had seen a hunched-over creature standing in the fire, a creature with sickened green eyes, waving to him from far away.

He almost heard it speaking or did he hear it?

“Bow down and pledge your allegiance to me!”

8 Likes

This was a pretty good read. I like that the broader canon informed this story without overinforming the reader. Makes the moment feel more personal. Noticed a few different references in there, both to past and future events, amd I really enjoyed that. Makes it feel cohesive to the world it takes place in. Nice job!

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So far so good, keep up the good work.

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oo solid - nice work

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We really don’t see that many stories about what happened in the one year after Time Trap, and I think this one is one of the good ones. Nice job!

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So that’s what made the Burnt Forest…

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Although this is what I was going for when I wrote this I now see that it causes some difficulties with the timeline, as the forest would have fully recovered (or disintegrated) by the time the Toa arrived. Unless there is some loophole with Teridax freezing the forest in its current state with some made up nonsense powers to mess with the Matoran.

Thank you all for your feedback!

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I mean, I assume that it wouldn’t all burn up in just a few days. Maybe there could be lignite or something similar that would keep the fire burning for years underground, sparking new fires and contributing to Ta-Koro’s burnt appearance.

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My interpretation was that these trees had a special resistance to high heat, but once they all burned up, the species was gone. Nothing else survives the temperature, so nothing new grows.

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Even then the trees would have become unstable and would have disintegrated at some point, unless they were petrified, but I don’t think that’s how it works. The forest would have been completely gone then.

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True. You could always wave the protodermis wand and say it’s Bionicle physics

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This is great story, capturing essence of early BIONICLE very well.

Perhaps Makuta was one to petrify the forest, so it may act as a reminder to taunt Vakama for his mistakes. This is simpler than freezing time, through that still could work, if possession of Kanohi Vahi somehow imprinted small portion of its power upon Makuta.

Also, Wekua’s interpretation could work, if we think that the trees are not really trees in earthly sense. Perhaps “trees” have some sort non-decaying skeleton like bones of real life animals. Living parts of the trees burned, leaving this skeleton standing. Canon G1 was initially planned to have utterly alien plants, so this could fit inside G1 universe, with plants looking earthlike, but being alien in biology.

Also, my personal interpretation of the story when I read it was that this is not set in canon G1, but is something similar. I did not realize at all this was meant as explicit prequel to 2001 storyline. This is up to you as writer, but if this is whole new continuity, then you have more creative freedom on future and past events and stories, including the trees.

I understand why you would find making original continuity a daunting task. If you choose to do so, you have advantage of being able to move the story in a fresh direction. I would love you to do your own iteration of BIONICLE in which your stories would be set, but I will be excited for your next work regardless whether it is its own thing or G1 expanded universe. From what I read, you are clearly a great writer, and understand what makes BIONICLE itself.

Goodbye! -Tkan Nui

4 Likes

This is a pretty solid story, it does a good job capturing the despair of the Dark Times, as well as providing a possible origin for the Charred Forest. The scene with the reveal of Balduk’s fate is especially striking. The pacing and atmosphere are fine, there are just some minor grammatical mistakes, most notably Balduk’s name being misspelled as “Baltuk” at one point. Overall, not bad for your first attempt, I’d love to read more from you.

4 Likes