Bionicle: Corruption

Welp, other people have their bonkle storylines so I'm gonna make one structured similar to @Chronicler 's because I like the idea of having chapters. Anyways, onto the story!
Prologue: Alternate Endings
Everyone knows the tale of the Bionicle, but few know of ALL the different dimensional tales. Some are similar, but some are very different...
In this particular universe, things did not turn out well for the Toa or Mata Nui, as Teridax never killed his followers. During the battle with the Teridax-inhabited-Great Spirit Robot, the Prototype Robot, inhabited by Mata Nui, was disintegrated and burned. The Toa that were fighting below the colossal battle were overwhelmed by millions, possibly billions of Rahkshi, Skakdi, Skrall, Visorak, and even the Bohrok. Each of these forces were led by an elemental Makuta, part of an elite group called the Shades. In short, the Makuta took over with Teridax as the leader, as well as wiping the memories of every Matoran on Spherus Magna. Their rule of tyranny has lasted for years on end with little to no disruption, but that is about to change...

So that's the prologue! Kind of long, and I apologize for that, but feedback is appreciated!

6 Likes

Very well written! Nice job man!

Thanks!

It's always nice to see other writers pop up on the boards smile Especially when they're good.

Not necessarily. Story's not even half way finished!

Writing before you're finished planning?
Finally, someone like me.

2 Likes

@Overlord_Kapura Well, not necessarily. I've got a certain amount of it mapped out, and by certain amount I mean a good bit.
@haloblast I have to say I'm not familiar with that story branch.

@ToaKeravnos I guess I'm just unique. One of these days, I'll find someone out there like me.

Don't worry, there are probably plenty of authors like you!

1 Like


I'm very interested in this

5 Likes

Thanks! Now I just need to establish a schedule depending on how often you guys want the story. I have no life, so anytime works!

What I've done is post everyday, no matter how long. Some days I don't have much time so I just write little character expo's that are (supposedly) fun to read. I'd suggest this, or something like weekly/ bi-weekly.

Alright, I guess I'll do daily if that's what you guys want!

@Overlord_Kapura: I have 5 chapter, 5 chapters. We are alike.

@ToaKeravnos: It is pretty good so far. I should say the pacing seems off, but I am in fear of being a hypocrite... shrugs Oh well.

Pacing?

Pacing is the speed of the piece of literature. A book with bad pacing would have one chapter be super slow, but the next be relatively fast. Pacing should be the same through out the book.

3 Likes

Hmmm, so how could I make pacing better and what was the pace of this "chapter"?

Creative Content Double Post! The official Chapter 1 is here!

Chapter 1: An Interesting Discovery

This tale follows the story of a unique Ko-Matoran named Keravnos. Keravnos was nothing like any other Ko-Matoran, as he was talkative, friendly and very inventive. He and his friends never thought anything of it, but on one fateful day, Keravnos and his friends were out at night when they saw a shooting star. "Hey guys, look! A shooting star!" one friend exclaimed. "I wish that the Makuta will let us have the day off tomorrow." another friend said rather rudely. Keravnos, being the rule follower he was, immediately chastised his friend for the remark. "You never know when Lord Teridax wil-" Keravnos was cut off when a shock wave knocked him and his friends off their feet as they heard a loud crash. "What on Spherus Magna was that?" Keravnos thought. His friends, knowing that he would never break the rules, dared him to go check it out when, surprisingly, he agreed. Upon his arrival Keravnos saw a crater about the size of Lord Teridax's fist, with a single object in the center, glowing from the heat of it's descent from the heavens. "Whoa, it's one of those old Kanohi! You know, the masks that those treacherous Toa wore!" a friend exclaimed as Keravnos slid into the icy crater. "Hey guys, look! I'm a big bad ToaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Keravnos wailed, for when he put the mask upon his face, his body was engulfed in what appeared to be an electrical storm. His friends ran as the lightning stung them, but as the steam from the hot energy on the ice cleared, Keravnos laid in the crater, much larger than when he had entered. When he stood, he realized that he was surrounded by military forces, such as tanks and police. "You're surrounded! Hands up Toa!" A police with a bullhorn shouted at a bewildered Keravnos. Before he knew it, he was in custody with a date for execution.

3 Likes

Quick-paced, nice twist, and I like how the matoran have been brainwashed into loving Maky Terry and hating the Toa.

Pretty much, yeah!