Bionicle:Darkness Rising (G1 Redo)

Bionicle:Darkness Rising is my second redo of G1.

It is story based on G1,not story set in it,so some things are different.At first it will be similar to G1,but there still will be major changes.I hope that it is better now that I edited it for ninth time.

Bionicle:Darkness Rising-Part 1 Book 1-Coming of Toa

In time before time,Great Spirit descended from heavens,and brought us,Matoran to this island paradise.He helped us and protected us,so to thank him we named our island Mata Nui after him.We prospered under watchful eye of Mata Nui,but peace didn’t last forever.

Before Mata Nui brought us to this island,his brother Makuta went mad.He almost shrouded entire world in darkness,fortunately Mata Nui sealed him underground.Some time after Mata Nui brought us to this island,Makuta broke barrier and rose to surface.

He cast spell over Mata Nui,who fell into deep sleep.Makuta used another spell to gain control of Rahi,and sent them to hunt us,and drag us into Underworld.Through Rahi hunted us for long time,all hope was not lost.

It was told that six heroes called Toa will come,and stop Dark Hunt.And these tales were true.Toa came,six heroes with one destiny-to defeat Makuta.Now that Toa arrived Dark Hunt can be stoped,but Toa should beware,for Makuta is strong opponent…

Chapter 1-Fire

Tall red and yellow being awakens an sandy beach,his memory empty.Whitish sand surround him,home to Hoi turtles,and other small rahi.He stands up and looks around himself.Before him.blue sea stretches to eternity.He hears seabirds singing their songs,and waves hitting shore.

To his left there is cliff with telescope on it.Behind him are tall cliffs and giant stone head.To his right there are rocks from which smoke rises up.Behind smoke is outline of forest.

_That forest…it has answers to mysteries of this island…But what is my name…_He doesn’t remember. …Tahu… Who is Tahu? After seeing nobody other than himself,he decides that it must be his name.

Near where Tahu awakened there is metal canister of elongated shape.Canister is open,its lid with six holes lies nearby.Near canister are silver colored mask and golden colored sword.

First,I will take sword.It might be useful. Tahu picks up sword,and then drops it,startled with its weight.Seabird sitting on cliff laughs at him.“Go away!” yells Tahu at bird.Bird is unshaken.Tahu tries to hit bird with sword,but bird dodges and Tahu hits himself.In shock he drops sword again.

“You will pay for this,you stupid bird!” …Kanohi… mysterious voice in his head tells Tahu._Something tells me to wear that mask…_Tahu picks up Kanohi.It is rounded on top,straight on bottom,has oval mouth,and seven horizontal slits,not counting eyeholes,three on each side and one on top.

Tahu instinctively puts Kanohi on.It fills him with ■■■■■■■■■■■■ feels much better!_Tahu picks sword that isn’t heavy at all now,and swing it at bird.As sword lits up with flames,terrified bird flies away.Tahu stabs sword in direction of bird,and jet of flame fires out it.

I can control fire! To celebrate Tahu shoots several firebolts into air and then departs into fiery jungles of Ta-Wahi to find answers for mysteries of this island.

xxx

Ta-Wahi is very fiery place.Fire commonly emerges from holes in ground,flows of lava are common,many rahi spit fire for defense or offense,and many plants use exploding fruit to spread their seeds.

Tahu travels through this place,careful to avoid Tagu slugs.As Tahu walks through jungle he is unaware of eyes watching him from bush…

Toa had arrived…Yess,Toa had arrived…We musst sstop them…Yess we musst sstop them…For Makuta willss it…

Information-Tahu

Toa of Fire Tahu is brave defender of Ta-Koro that is sometimes is too easily angered.Tahu’s weapon is Fire Sword,sword that when used is covered by layer of fire,and his mask is Kanohi Hau,Mask of Shielding.

Ta-Wahi

Ta-Wahi is Wahi of Fire.It is one of two forest wahi along with Le-Wahi,but unlike it,it is very volcanic.Some areas of Ta-Wahi frequently change their geography due to tectonic activity under them.

Through forest fires are common they don’t usually spread very far,because of high fire resistence of plants growing in Ta-Wahi.Ta-Wahian rahi are commonly heat loving,some like Ranama even live in lava.

Chapter 2-Air

Lewa moves through jungles of Le-Wahi.He is green with aerodynamic mask,and holds lightweight axe with silver axehead,and green handle.He likes it there._Good place for adventure-walk._Lewa climbs on tree,grabs vine,and swings on it.He jumps on another tree,and then slides down vine.“Yoo-hoo!” he yells as he slides down.

Near place of his landing there are many rahi.Hois and Takus float in ponds,Ussal climb over stones,and Kewa pecks on carcass.Roar is then heard,and scared Kewa flies away.King of jungle had arrived,adult Muaka Tiger.

“Hello,huge-big cat-kitty.” says Lewa.Muaka Tiger snarls in response."Cat-kitty,do you want stroke?"continues Lewa.Angered tiger roars and attacks Lewa.Lewa evades Muaka,and jumps on its back.Tiger shakes him of,but he grabs its tail.Lewa barely escapes very angry tiger.

xxx

Lewa tries to mount young Gukko bird."I will be sky-rider!"He is flung on ground,but tries again,and after several attempts,Lewa finally mounts bird,but bird dislikes being unable to fly,and some heavy thing being on its back,and so it tries to shake Lewa off.

Then winds lighten bird,and it,no longer caring about Lewa,flies into air.“I am sky-rider!” yells happy Lewa.Gukko lands on cliff,Lewa dismounts it,and bird flies away,to its nest.Lewa realises that he created lifting wind.“Winds help-aid me!”

Toa of Windss disscovered hiss powerss…Yess,that iss true…What we will ssend after him?..I have two Rama,iss it enough?..I think that yess…

Lewa sees something flying to him,and it doesn’t seem to be in good mood.It is Nui Rama.Nui Rama are insectoid rahi resembling giant flies with arms.They are social,and they swarms can be very numerous,but this Rama seems to be currently alone.

Rama tries to attack Lewa,but he evades Rama’s attack and notices something strange,masks that protect its sensitive eyes are rusted._It’s ill-rabid,I think._Rama again tries to bite Lewa with its jaw,but Lewa sends gust of wind at it,and it begins to fall.

Then second Rama,this time orange joins fight,rescues green one,and pushes Lewa out edge.Lewa is sent falling from cliff,but suddenly finds himself flying.My kanohi-mask!It gives me power of wind-flight!

xxx

We musst gain control of him…Yess,he would be usseful in our quesst…to sspread darknessss of Makuta…Iss it time?..Now not,but when time comess…Lewa will be on our sside…

Information-Lewa

Lewa is adventure-loving Toa of Air.In his quest for adventure,he sometimes does unwise things.Lewa’s tool is Axe,which good for cutting through foliage,and can also be used as weapon.Lewa’s mask is Kanohi Miru,Mask of Levitation.

Information-Le-Wahi

Le-Wahi is Wahi of Air.It is forest wahi with very tall trees,some large enough for small rahi living on them having never leave them.There are many rahi there,some arboreal like Brakas,some terrestrial like Ashbears and some aquatic like Taku.

There are many arthropod and avian rahi in Le-Wahi.Birds include Gukko,Kewa,Kahu,and Taku.Arthropods include Fikou Spiders,Fikou Nui,Nui Rama,Nui Kopen,Lighting bugs,and Ussal Crabs.

1 Like

why is lewa female

5 Likes

Almost every sentence feels riddled by awkward grammar and improper, and the punctuation is oddly spaced. In English, periods always have at least one space after them. In addition, many sentences are broken English, such as this:

It’s missing something between wears and aerodynamic. There’s gotta be something like “a” or “a green” in there.

Besides the grammar, the general sentence structures feels very simple and redundant, many times just starting with “He did” or “They did.”

Also, little in Chapter 2 makes sense to me. Lewa’s a female with black hair?

Given we have no context to this, I’m going to assume this is taking place in a normal universe, in all of which Lewa is male in and lacking any hair.

Overall, this doesn’t feel finished at all, as it is full of grammatical mistakes and generally redundant sentences. The story feels very filler-y and I’ve gained no knowledge of the context within two chapters. Furthermore, there are major discrepancies regarding characters and I can only assume this is based on G1, given the fact that we were never told what this is.

4 Likes

Well, what it seems like is you took the first two chapters of the first Bionicle book, condensed them a little, made the grammar awkward, and made Lewa a girl with black hair.
Sorry if I sound harsh, it’s just I don’t understand the purpose.

6 Likes

When did Lewa become a tumblrina?

Why is this just retelling of what I already know?

So many questions I will never have answers to.

Chapter 3-Earth

Onua digs through depths of earth,his claws,and elemental and mask powers aiding him.He knows there is something hidden deep under rocky surface of Onu-Wahi,but doesn’t know what it is.I am close,but not enough.

After some further digging Onua arrives in place he ■■■■■■■■■ is cavern lit by lightstones mounted on stone pillars.There are six statues.Is that me?And are there others like me? thinks Onua.He enters passage behind statues.

Its walls,ceiling,and floor are made from reflective material._Probably to scare away rahi._After many twists there is room,also reflective.In center of room,there is lock mechanism.

Onua slides stones to correct place and wall opposing entrance opens,revealing another passage,this time made from fairly normal stone.Onua enters passage,and closes its entrance using lever that is on wall of stone passage.Who built this place wanted to maximize safety.But why?

Passage leads into gigantic cavern lit by lightstones and supported by massive stone pillars.There are many dome-shaped houses built from mud.River runs through middle of city-cavern,bridged by stone bridge.Small figure runs to him.

“Toa Onua,you had finally arrived!”
"You know my name,but I do not know yours."says Onua.
“Sorry Toa Onua,I am Onepu,one of matoran of Onu-Koro.You are one of six Toa who will save island of-”

“Kuma Nui” says another matoran.“Shut up Taipu! -Mata Nui from evil-”
“Muaka” “Taipu! -Makuta.I will tell our wise Turaga of your arrival,great Toa of-”
“Moles” “TAIPU! -Earth.” finishes almost crazy Onepu and runs for Turaga.

xxx

“Turaga,does Makuta literally used spell to control Rahi?” asks Toa of Earth.
“Toa Onua,it is not known how exactly Makuta infects rahi,but it is known that Kraata are involved in it,through their identity is also unknown.Bit about spell was added to provide temporary explanation to matoran,before true one can be provided.” answers Turaga Whenua.

“On other matters,me and other Toa must stop Makuta,but how we will do it,wise Turaga?” asks Onua more important question.“You along with other five Toa must find Kanohi,Masks of Power that are hidden all around island,they will help you to defeat Makuta.” begins Whenua his answer.

“After you find all your masks,you must enter Tlamia through Kini-Nui.Tlamia is located under Mount Tlama,but it is too dangerous to go to Tlamia through it,because Makuta’s power is strongest there.In Tlamia you will fight Makuta,and hopefully defeat him.” finishes Whenua.