Bionicle: Origins ((Scrapped?))

Tahu stood proud atop the cliffside, his cracked golden armor and worn gears sheened in Spherus Magna's new glowing light. Before him stood thousands of matoran, the valiant toa, and the all wise and powerful turaga. The proud toa of fire ended his speech, to rebuild the once glorious home, cheers and gallant yelling poured from the crowd. Toa clapped in agreement and turaga sat, relieved that the wars with the Makuta had ended. Takanuva then left, his journey could not end here, as his search for the great beings needed to begin.

Cheer and celebration continued, but peace could not last long, as a bolt of protodermis struck Tahu's grip on the Mask of Life. He reached out to grab it, failing as it fell to the ground with an echoed thud. A wave of energy briefly pulsed from the mask, then all went loud. From the wreckage of Mata Nui's old powerful body, a weak piraka took one final shot before collapsing. Toa ran to handle the piraka, as Tahu picked up the mask, Gali and Lewa running to his side.

"Is the mask well, brother?" Lewa asked, worried on if the mask of life had been damaged. Tahu brushed off flecks of dust and protodermis, then checked for damage;
"Not a scratch. We should expect nothing less from a mask such as this."
"What was that pulse?" Gali inquired, taking a deep look at the mask; "Do you think it affected anything?"
"If it did, it should be of no concern. There's twelve of us now, we should be able to handle anything."
"Eleven" Lewa corrected, the other toa approached with a saddened look.
"We never even recovered his mask" Jaller sadly admitted, Kopaka gripped his fists and stormed off.
"You're leaving already?" Hahli and Gali spoke in unison. Kopaka gave a grunt and turned halfway in an attempt to answer his passing;
"This is a planet after all, there a bound to be poles. My people need a home made of snow and ice."
As he left, the evening settled down. Matoran made camp in the leaves and sand, resting from the dread filled week. Each toa spending an hour to guard, Gali and Lewa spent two.

Deep below the surface, in ancient caverns and tunnels, eyes that never before opened, glowed through the blinding darkness. Mechanical whirs of rusted and ancient unused gears sprang to life throughout the abandoned shafts as wave after wave of unknown abomination sprang to life in the wake of the mask of life's power. Through the mechanical cries, came a powerful blood curdling scream. Gali woke from her second shift as Lewa nudged her shoulder. Night had turned to Twilight.

"Sleep badly, sister?"
Gali shook her head as Lewa continued to inquire, "You were leaf shaking, perhaps makuta dreams?"
"Perhaps..." Gali stared off into the night; "I have a feeling it's not..."
Realization then filled her face, she then turned to look at Lewa.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Since the tree shadows grew big to the west. I'm not a long sleeper."
Gali acknowledged this, as she took note that many Le-Matoran were in the final stages of rest. Kongu himself guarding from the jungle canopy.
"Go now, sister. Leave the Matoran watching to me."
Gali agreed, then left to sleep amongst her fellow matoran.



This story takes place directly after the final comic. The online serials are not canon in this story.

It was originally going to be written as the search for the great beings. With the chroniclers company becoming toa and the original six toa becoming turaga. It was going to have a somewhat darker tone, but still focused as a story for young readers.

This story idea is currently scrapped, however I've so far gotten positive feedback from readers, which is making me consider continuing. Nevertheless, feel free to CnC.


Actually this is a really cool story concept, and it was written very well. If you ever get a chance, I think it would be cool if you ran with it!

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Thank you, but I'm not sure. My original intention was to build mocs of all the new toa, then present building instructions for each one at the end of a chapter. Seven in total, including the build for the first monsters they face, shadow bohrok. Deformed, half-processed bohrok abandoned in caves once used by the great beings. There was going to be a really dark scene where one attacks an onu-matoran and eats him alive as his friend sees the light leave his eyes. This build I found too complicated, and so I ended up abandoning the entire project.

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Fair point. It is still pretty cool, but hey, yeah that does sound like a lot of work.

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Mocwise, yes. But with writing it isn't that difficult. I write down sentences, then change those sentences into paragraphs. I try to connect to what readers I want to aim towards. What do they expect? What do they want to see? I give them not only what they want, but also a price to pay. Sacrifices made at the cost of a good ending. Happiness and Joviality can only be valued when death and sadness are gained.

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That's good advice for any writer.
In any event, as a fellow writer, my advice is never put anything in the "scrapped" bin.
You may never write the actual story, but the ideas from it can help in other works.
Btw, if I sound rude, I apologize, I don't mean to come across that way. I've never been good at the whole comment-discussion thing. :sweat_smile:

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True. Though the opposite is here. All my main writing experience is from my main story project, The World of Eres. Everything written here is what I've learned writing the other. The exception being a difference in vocabulary to match a biomechanical world. Changing words like "bones" and "muscles" into "gears" and such. Blood and Viscera changed to oil and ichor.

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wow, scrapped like my hopes and dreams

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Does this mean you like it? Thanks to @Gravityhurts123 I may consider continuing it.

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