“Royal Mess” may also describe how the RP could turn out…
“Long, long ago, in the year of uh… huh, it appears one of the scribes spilled some ink here… ehm, Well, I suppose the specific date doesn’t matter. Only the place, the time, and the people involved. Allow me to start again…”
“Long, long ago, the realms of the land of Ilira were at peace… Well, Vushil was still Vushil, but the rest were peaceful. However, this period of peace would not last. A great force of great evil began terrorizing the land, causing great inconveniences such as changing road signs to cause merchants to wander aimlessly, and, um… Well, ships started disappearing too, and… Well, one day I woke up and my laces were tied together! Now how do you explain that?”
“…Anyway, most believe a ragtag band of Vushilian pirates are responsible for the latter, though that doesn’t explain the road signs or my shoelaces, or a hundred other occurrences. The sharpest among us suspected that, somewhere in this great land, nay, perhaps even here in Dravalong, was a worker of nefarious evil bent on disrupting our very way of living.”
“Wishing to shed some light on these recent events, Dravalong’s king, Oswulf Pencot, long may his name be praised, sought out to form a team to investigate. He penned several letters to invite the greatest minds from both Dravalong and its ally, the Gretsire Timberland, on a crusade to defeat this monstrous foe. Unfortunately, his majesty’s notoriously poor penmanship confused both the messengers and the recipients, causing most of (if not all of) the invitations to be handed to the wrong individuals…”
“…And that, dear Hero, is where you come in. For the sake of the Kingdom, for the merchants and seafarers and women and children, nay, for my shoelaces… Hey! Are you even listening to me?!”
Heroes of Ilira: A Royal Mess is a Medieval fantasy/comedy/adventure, which will largely satire the many, many, many fantasy/role play tropes, which should provide us with a lot of material. While the setting and worldbuilding is somewhat silly, we expect the effort you put in and the stories you tell through your characters to be legitimate and heartfelt.
“Who’s we”, you say? Well, while I will, of course, be the GM who’s responsible for running the RP, some of the concepts and storylines have been provided by my Self-appointed Secretary-GM of Stuff and Things , @Ghid, who will take over minor responsibilities when I’m unavailable to keep the plot from staling. Don’t worry, though, he’s asked to be kept in the dark on as much as possible, so he won’t be spoiling anything in advance.
Right, Ghid? 
Now, with minimal ado…
Character Creation
(I plan to accept somewhere around five entries, though this isn’t set in stone, because I don’t have a chisel or a decent rock… also, Ghid’s entry will not count to this cap)
Generally, your character will be from either Dravalong or the Gretsire Timberland, though some characters could be from other lands, but you’ll have to make a good case.
There will also be a limit of one character per user, but as the GM, I’m special 
Name:
Age:
Gender:
Species:
Homeland:
Skills/Abilities:
Personality:
Physical Appearance:
Backstory:
Important note regarding magic:
“Oh, Cobalt, since this a fantasy RP, surely magic will be allowed, right?” Well, no, but sort of yes. Magic and magical powers will largely be forbidden, due to being very difficult to regulate. However, I may allow a couple of characters to have magic powers should they have ridiculous/comical restrictions on said powers.
(Examples: Carb Magicus posesses magical powers that can control any and all root vegetables… and only root vegetables; or, Merlin the First, Son of Merlin II the Time Traveler, must roll a dice for initiative to determine whether or not his magic will be effective [if someone wants to use either of these concepts, be my guest])
Species
Humans: Uhhhh… they’re just normal humans. There’s not much information required here, honestly. The only difference is that all humans born in the Gretsire Timberland have ginger hair. The cause is widely debated, though the prevailing theory is that an ancient Gretian insulted a redheaded witch who proceeded to curse every sentient inhabitant of Gretsire with ginger hair (the curse also applies to cats because ginger cats).
Elves: The elves, like always, are tall humans with pointy ears and an innate talent for making sweets, specifically and most notably fudge (bet the LOTR wiki won’t tell you that fact). Essentially, they’re basically your typical fantasy elves except even more accurate.
Dwarves: Dwarves are… well, short people who like mining and battleaxes… and sometimes mining with battleaxes. The dwarven women have beards, but only on their scalp. To the rest of the world this is simply known as ‘hair’, except all male dwarves are bald, and the few exceptions deliberately shave their heads. They consider it heretical for a man to have a beard on both his head and his face, and will accost all men who are not clearly bald - especially the boys, who were clearly so improperly raised as to allow such heretical hair growth.
Trolls: (Note: Trolls might not be available as playable characters, but I might as well mention them)
Trolls are short, green skinned creatures with pointy ears, rotund bellies, and soulless yellow eyes. They are incredibly mercenary creatures who will stop at nothing to make a fortune in gold. Some say they would sell their own mothers for a gold coin, but that’s not true; they would only sell them to the highest bidder for maximum profit.
Many operate so called “troll booths” on busy pathways, while others took an ever less reputable line of work: door-to-door salesmen.
(These are not the only species that exist in the land of Ilira; they are merely some of the most common)
Realms/Kingdoms
( NOTE : Due to being on vacation, I won’t have the time to add all of the lore for the different lands right now. Make sure to check back to see if I remembered to add the rest of the lore)
The Kingdom of Dravalong :
Geography: Generally flat lands and small forests, with a few mountains in the center of the kingdom; bordered by the Sea of Sauhurst and Vushil to the west, the Gretsire Timberland to the north.
Population: Predominately humans, with a various other species (such as elves, trolls, etc.) scattered throughout the many counties of Dravalong. (More information will be added later)
Royal Family: Oswulf Pencot (king), Catharine Pencot (queen, deceased), Alric Pencot (prince and primary heir, son of Oswulf and Catharine), Eliza Pencot (princess-consort, wife of Alric), Eric Pencot (prince, son of Oswulf and Catharine).
History: (To be added later)
The Gretsire Timberland:
Geography: A forest… that’s all the Gretsire Timberland is. It’s bordered by Dravalong to the south, the Sea of Sauhurst to the west, and Vushil to the southwest.
Population: Largely human, with a sizable population of elves in the northern edge of the forest. Other species may also be found. (More information will be added later)
Royal Family: Leavold “The Red Fox” Langworth (ruler), Ricola Langworth (wife of Leavold), Aeschild Langworth (primary heiress, daughter of Leavold and Ricola), Marian Langworth (secondary heiress, daughter of Leavold and Ricola)
History: (To be added later)
The Island of Vushil:
Geography: Harsh cliffs, rocky shores, unforgiving terrain… pretty much nothing desirable for a proper land… Located in the Sea of Sauhurst, with Ilira to its east and an unnamed western continent to the… west… where else would it be?
Population: Pretty much just scoundrels, low lifes, and the like. No reputable person would be caught dead here. Well maybe Steve would. You know what you did, Steve.
Royal family: None to be seen. It’s pretty much an anarchy, but substituting all the fun and shenanigans with 100% organic free-range homemade crime. Mint flavor also available.
History:
summary
The island of Vushil is a dangerous and inhospitable place, only inhabitable by proxy, with settlements built off the coast and inhabited by scoundrels and ne’er-do-wells running establishments for dining and the black market. It is ungovernable, with all attempts to force the settlement to follow the letter of the law of any major military faction falling flat.
Two main establishments hold power here: Tavern Tavicus and The Peeler. The owner of Tavern Tavicus is Grim Malady, a massive man with a grimy black beard and menacing eyes, and his cutthroat ways keep the monopoly of Tavern Tavicus afloat, pushing all other culinary competition out of business - or simply eliminating anyone who attempts to get in the way. the food isn’t remotely good, but it serves as a haven for all sorts of devilry on the high seas. Plus, he seems to have an infinite supply of alcohol, so…
The Peeler, however, is far less open about his type of business. Everyone knows about him, everyone speaks about him, but no one dares speak against him. Slinking about with his features hidden in a black hood, he goes where he chooses to and takes whatever he wants without comment - if you are unfortunate enough to be the recipient of his verbal message, his soft and weary voice will calmly deliver it to you in a manner implying the grave severity of the topic. He has an infinite curiosity for the nervous system of the various races of sapient beings in the world, and meticulously tortures individuals to death to decipher the ins and outs of each type of pain. To meet these ends, he seeks out and hires the worst of the worst, commanding them to report on any unusual specimens of individuals in the world, and if possible, to bring them to him alive for further study.
General Rules :
All Boards rules apply, but I’ll go a step further and bar all profanity. The most I’d allow is ‘carp’, expect reversing the “A” and “R”. I’m also not allowing anything inappropriate, be it innuendos or jokes or whatever.
No incivility. If you’re angry at someone for whatever reason, be a grownup and scream into a pillow. That’s what I do!
(Ghid note: I’ve had to replace his pillow on eight occasions because he screams a hole through it every time I dunk on him with facts and logic, so I would recommend taking your grievances to either me or him and we’ll work to find common ground for everyone involved.)
Follow typical RP etiquette: don’t act like the GM, no bunnying (unless the other party or parties involved made it clear ahead of time that they’ve consented to the action), no autohitting or autododging (some exceptions may be granted, but consult me first), etc. You can reference that one thing Ghid did for a general idea of what is and isn’t allowed.
Respect the GM’s wishes. Remember this: Cobalt knows, and what Cobalt says goes.
Breaking these rules could result in the offending party’s characters being killed off in an unceremonious manner as I deem fit.
Anyway, here are my two characters:
Name: Eric Pencot
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Species: Human
Homeland: Dravalong
Skills/Abilities: Eric is an amateur cartographer, as well as a reasonably skilled diplomat. He is also skilled in swordsmanship, though far from a master.
Personality: Eric is an optimistic, kindhearted young man, whose loyalty to his friends and county is without question. He is also incredibly trusting, though this leads to be somewhat naive and gullible.
He possesses a strong fear of the sea, though, which started with the pirate raid that claimed his mother’s life. Ever since then, he always stayed as far from the sea as possible.
Physical Appearance: Eric stands around 5’9", and has a fair complexion, brown eyes, medium length dark brown hair, and a somewhat scrawny build.
He usually wears a red and white tunic emblazoned with his family crest: a golden lion’s head. However, in situations where he wants to go unnoticed, he usually wears a simple olive-green tunic with a brown cloak.
Name: Aeschild Langworth
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Species: Human
Homeland: Gretsire
Skills/Abilities: Aeschild is a highly talented archer, being trained by the finest archers in Gretsire from the age of 5. She’s also fond of woodworking, often being seen carving a piece of wood with her dagger as she walks around. She is also an avid hunter.
Personality: To most, Aeschild comes off as cold and reserved, and usually short, blunt, or sarcastic in conversation. She often prefers to work alone, believing that she’s better off without help.
However, deep inside, she longs for companionship, likely from being an only child until she was 15. Those who have gotten close enough to her have seen that she can also be kind, caring, and even somewhat playful at times. She can also be very protective of the few she calls her friends.
Physical Appearance: Aeschild is around 5’4", with a fair complexion with a large amount of freckles on her face, blue eyes, waist-length red-gold hair that is usually tied into two long braids, and an athletic build.
Aside from formal occasions, Aeschild almost always wears dark green tights and a sleeveless long dark green tunic, leather gauntlets, and a short, dark red cloak.
Backstories: Eric was born to Oswulf and Catharine Pencot, and led the life usually expected of a prince; touring the kingdom, participating in royal events, etc. However, his life was turned upside down one morning, when his father returned alone and badly injured from a tour of the islands around Dravalong. The king informed the two about the pirate raid, and delivered the dreadful news that their mother did not survive the attack. He and his older brother Alric were both devastated, with Eric taking it the hardest. It took over a year for Eric to make a public appearance afterwards, and even when he finally left the castle, he was often wistful and silent, far from his usual upbeat attitude. His brother started to believe that he would never be the same…
Aeschild was the first-born daughter of her parents Leavold and Ricola Langworth. Unlike Eric Pencot, who had an older brother to spend time with, Aeschild was alone. She had very few friends her age, which slowly caused to become more and more reserved as the years went on. Deep down, she always wished she had someone her age to talk to or play with, but it started to appear that would never be the case as she became a teenager. While her parents eventually had another daughter, it still didn’t seem to satisfy her longing for companionship…
The two heirs would cross paths when an arrange marriage between the two was agreed upon by Oswulf Pencot and Leavold Langworth to cement a formal treaty between Dravalong and Gretsire. While neither Eric nor Aeschild were thrilled at the idea of being betrothed to someone neither had met before, they both started to bond quickly after they met for the first time. Aeschild finally found a companion and Eric finally found something that brought him the happiness that he had lost several years ago.
However, upon learning of Eric and Aeschild’s feelings for each other, king Oswulf Pencot called off the betrothal, citing a Dravalonian law that forbade love in a political marriage (likely enacted by a bitter Dravalonian king who decided that if he couldn’t have a happy marriage, then no one could…).
While it was hard on both Eric and Aeschild, the two remained close friends, perhaps waiting and hoping that one day, they might convince king Oswulf to reverse his decision… sure, it’s been around two years, but they still have hope…
Here’s a picture of Aeschild and Eric in minifigure form, since I can’t draw to save my life:
Look familiar, huh? No? Well look at my other topics, then!
Well, consider the signups open, and if there are any typos in this post, I shall get around to fixing them eventually!
Character List:
