Again, great work. I really love reading your stories.
I have to point out that the begining of this last chapter felt weird. They all saw the Red Star crasing, but inmidiatly they changed theme to talk another thing, like: “The Red Star is falling, oh no! Anyway…”. First I though the conversation ocurred minutes before the Star falling.
I would recomend adding a paragraph saying that all were impacted for the event, but they don’t have time to chatter about the star or something like that.
Oh, don’t forget!
“The Baterra continue their advance towards the south of Bara Magna.”
(BS01 Baterra page)
Right, I meant to respond to this, before I got distracted by the Contest topic.
Yeah, I can see your point. Went ahead and added something to that effect.
Funny you should say that; I’ve already written a scene where the Baterra show up.
I finally found some time to say something about the whole stuff.
That was quite some action in this story. Though I don’t like action in books, (I am just too nerd), it is well written. A lot of “I work for a Great Being” stuff, which is pretty nice. Perditus certainly should come up soon.
Fierah’s weird.
Another thing that is weird: it’s either a working reanimation device on the Red Star, that will make all MU inhabitants invulnerable, or Lesovikk is dead. I don’t like both outcomes. But who knows, who knows, probably you’ll come up with something very cool as always.
I believe the story came out very nice. You really made me like Zaria and Orde. Cool trick with dead Toa. Will there be “behind the scenes” post:)?
Soooo…
Vezon & Axato (I mean where else would Vezon go…)
Atakus & maybe Velika personnaly
Maybe Baterra (your hint)
Orde, Chiara, Zaria, Lesovikk, Strakk, Gelu & Fierah
Marendar
Probably Pohatu
Maybe Kopaka, Hydraxon, Botar, Lhikan, Jovan (they will return after Pohatu, will they?)
Who knows how may people from the Star, Kestora and “Makuta” included
Maybe Lewa, Coveh, Likus, Tera, Tolk & Tanya (why not? Let’s unite Phantoka again)
If upper is true, than also Voporak
Maybe some expedition from mata Nui Village (there was that astrologer Matoran who’ve seen the Star falling)
Oh yeah. It’s all coming together.
I really wait for it.
Oh yeah, making it so that everyone can be revived kills a lot of stakes, so I definitely won’t go that route. I actually just now figured out how the Star will work after this, and the crash is going to have some lasting impact.
Actually, when I initially wrote the scene with Atakus, it was Perditus who was there in his stead. (Same exact scene, just with Perditus instead of Atakus) Then I figured Perditus might be better saved for a different role, rather than being exposed here.
Well, most of this story came out exactly as I wrote it to start with, or with minor changes – Atakus being swapped out with Perditus was the biggest change, and that was just the same scene with a different character.
There were, however, two scenes that I wrote that did get cut. The first one still happened, I just elected not to show it, and with the second one I chose a different series of events.
Far to the south, one of the Great Beings that the Toa sought was also trying to seek out his former brethren. Not for causes of celebration, though, but to stop a catastrophe.
.
Angonce tried to think which Great Being would be the most helpful. There was one who would know exactly what to do, but he had gone into exile even before the Shattering, and no one had heard from him since. Tanja would have had an idea, but Angonce had no idea what had happened to her, either.
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There was only one being who might be able to help. That is, if Angonce could convince them to help. That Great Being might simply wish to let Marendar carry out his mission, and be done with the whole matter. Would they even care about the new life the Matoran had found?
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Angonce had little choice. He just hoped his fellow creator would see what he saw, before it was too late.
This scene would have been in chapter one. I decided to cut it, however, to keep the involvement of a Great Being a secret to be revealed later.
As for the second, before I decided to incorporate Lesovikk, the secondary plot would have been the Toa Mahri and Toa Hagah being hunted by Marendar.
Jaller stared down at the five bodies of the Toa. Many of them had broken masks, and all of them had holes through their chests, leaving no doubt that they had died. Damage to the surrounding grass and trees indicated that a fierce battle had taken place.
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“I recognize them,” Norik said. “They used to be Spiriah’s Toa Hagah… so long ago. They were veteran Toa, like us; it’d take something pretty powerful to defeat them.”
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“It’s coming for us,” Gaaki said abruptly. Norik turned to her, and immediately recognized the distant look in her eyes; her mask of Clairvoyance had activated.
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“What’s coming?” Iruini asked.
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“The killer of Toa…” Gaaki muttered. “It’s hiding, but it’s coming, coming for us…”
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“Wait,” Kongu said. “The thing that killed these Toa is coming for us now?”
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“Well, I say we let it,” Hewkii said. “And then, we teach it a lesson.”
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“I don’t like our odds of facing something that can kill a whole team of Toa,” Norik said.
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“I still sense nothing,” Jaller said.
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“Could be it knows how to hide from your mask,” Nuparu suggested.
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Gaaki cried out, stumbling backwards. “We have to run…” she said. “Can’t fight… too powerful… it’ll kill us all…”
I never figured out a version of events from here that I liked, and when I came up with the idea to incorporate Lesovikk, I scrapped this idea entirely.
If you haven’t already, I’d recommend listening to this. DuckBricks and KhingK provide some very good insights and observations about the discontinued serials.
Very nice. 
Quick note about Lesovikk’s plot-thread, I don’t think his team was on the Red Star:
Yeah, they’re probably not. It’s a shame, it could be interesting to see them reunite, especially if Leso had to fight them because they were under the Kestora’s control, but such is as it is.
Yup, if only it weren’t for those Zyglak and their disintegration powers…
Also, looking forward to seeing what Takua’s up to (I’m wondering how exactly he’ll play a key role in resolving the GB civil war, and whether him giving up his power would be something that coincided with him achieving his destiny (like the Metru), or something he would do afterward).
I’m also looking forward to seeing what TSO is up to. Will the Dark Hunters (or whatever they’re calling themselves now that they’ve recruited so much of Spherus Magna’s scum and villainy) be a faction in the civil war? or maybe a mercenary service that plays all sides? or something else entirely?
Honestly, since you’ve revived this topic I’m going to go ahead and take the opportunity to ask about something. You can give your thoughts if you want, and anyone else is free to as well.
I have the next story ready to go. Have for a while, in fact. I was planning to wait to post it until after the Hagah contest, so that the two weren’t competing for attention (although considering how long the polls have taken I probably could’ve posted the whole thing by now, even if I didn’t post every day).
So, at this point I’m wondering, should I
A) continue to wait until after the Hagah contest is concluded
B) start posting, and stop if the Hagah polls go up, to resume after they conclude
C) start posting and keep going even if it overlaps with the polls
I’m fine with any option, really, and I’ll still (hopefully) continue to write in that time. Just thought I’d hear some other opinions.
I’d go with C.
I will also go with C.
C for me as well. I’ve been really enjoying your continuation of the G1 storyline and I am excited to read more.
Personally I’d also say C. I’m not sure about wider exposure, but personally I’d keep up with the story even with all of the Hagah contest craziness going on.