So I've been working on an adventure map for Minecraft during my off-time and have written some dialogue for it. I'd like some opinions, but I didn't want to give it away to my friends in the minecraft community, so I figured I'd see what you guys think of it.
*The tape recorder buzzes and stutters as though someone dropped something on it, turning it on accidentally...
Enforcer: Dr. Julian, please open your door for living quarters inspection.
Dr. Julian: Just a moment! I'll be right out.
Enforcer: Dr Julian, your attendance is not requested. We Request entry on order of the state.
Dr. Julian: On what charge?
Enforcer: You have been reported to be in possession of illegal contraband.
Dr. Julian: wha- WHAT!? Wait, wait, I can explain...
Enforcer: Dr Julian, you are under arrest for possession of illegal contraband.
Dr. Julian: Wait, no! The possessions in question are covered under the Personal Possesions Pardon #5001 regulation.
Enforcer: Said law was repealed in favor for the Personal Possession Pardon #5055 during last November's purge due to numerous reported loopholes. Possession of illegal contraband of the following variations:"Franchise Merchandise, Video Games, Franchise Playthings" is now qualified as offenses against the state. Dr Julian, you are provided with two choices of action. Choice number 1: relinquish the illegal contraband in your possession as well as your position of-
Dr. Julian: This is blasphemy! I request counsel with Ms. Cherym, the head of disciplinary actions before any further action is taken. She will clear my name.
Enforcer: Said head of discliplinary actions was convicted and executed yesterday under charges of conspiring against the state. Dr Julian, you are provided with two choices of action. Choice number 1: relinquish the illegal contraband in your possession as well as your position of "chemical engineer." Choice number 2: Be executed immediately for resisting arrest.
Dr. Julian: What... No... No... NO! This is my life. My collection is all I live for. You can't do this!
Enforcer: Negative; your primary directive is "the manufacturing and refinement of chemicals used in the process of cooling, and/or refining metals." Possession of illegal contraband has been proven to reduce efficiency in said areas. Dr Julian, you are provided with two choices of action. Choice number 1: relinquish the illegal contraband in your possession as well as your position of "chemical engineer." Choice number 2: Be executed immediately for resisting arrest.
Dr. Julian: Ugh... No... Please... You must understand; this is my passion! My work isn't affected by it. ■■■■ robot! How could you understand?
Enforcer: Dr. Julian, your hostility can be considered a crime against the state. Dr Julian, you are provided with two choices of ac-
Dr. Julian: I... I choose option number two.
Enforcer: Thank you for your cooperation, Dr. Julian. You are encouraged to take the following time to make any closing statement or prayer you deem neccesary. Your statement will not be recorded. If you choose to not make any statement, simply remain silent.
Dr. Julian: Hear me now; I've spent years working my life away in a society of no gain. The only reward for ascending the ladder is harder work. It's time to change. It's time to make life worth living again. If you hear me, it's time. Please hear me. Please hear me. PLEASE HEAR ME!!! *Dr. Julian is heard crying
Enforcer: Thank you for your service in improving the state. We hope you had a productive and fufilling life. You will now be executed as-per your charges.
*The sound of a loud crack is followed by that of droplets hitting the recorder. The tape ends.