Mobr Episode 1: End and Rise

Episode1: End and Rise

1,000 Years after the battle between Makuta Teridax and Artaka…

Toa Onuka: You summoned me turaga?
Turaga Vakama: Yes i have toa.
Onuka: What for?
Vakama: I need you to go to the Makuta Kingdom near Onu koro.
Onuka: Home… but why?


Vakama: Because the Makuta Kingdom has agreed to finally allow us to see who is ruling them. And I want you to see who it is. You are the only one who can fight off the Makuta if this is a trap.
Onuka: Alright Then. But shouldn’t I have help…

Vakama: No we still don’t trust them! If this is a trap I don’t want any motoran getting harmed, even if the Makuta Kingdom does sit awffully close to Onu koro. Even though it’s just the outskirts.
Onuka: Ok… then off to Onu koro it is.

Inside the Makuta Kingdom…

Onuka: So, how much longer to you ruler?
Makuta: We are allllmost there toa.
Onuka: Good…
Makuta we are here. Good luck, Are queen is feisty one.
Onuka: Ok… thanks…

Onuka: So… you’re the queen of the Makuta…
Makuta Epsilon: Yessss… Yes I am.
I am Makuta Epsilon queen of the Makuta, and now you!!! Will fall at my hand!! Getting rid of the threat for a time.
Onuka: Wait Makuta Epsill… grawwwwwwwwww

Epsilon: Mweeeeheeheeheee!! I have defeated entire toa teams before. You are no match for me!!
Sico!
Sico: Yes my queen!
Epsilon: Take him to the shadow chambers!
Sico: Yes!
Epsilon: Then send an imformant to the Matoran capital Mata Nui to tell them the “bad” new that Onuka! Last of the toa… fell in a collapsing cave while saving several Makuta. Then use this story to negotiate trade relations with the energy crystals and with the Onu Matoran.


Sico: Yessss my queen!

Epsilon: Heeh… He didn’t even get to fight back.

Inside the Capital…

Makuta informant: Turaga I bring terrible news…
Vakama: Spiilllll IT!
Makuta Informant: Onuka was killed in a collapsing cave while saving several Makuta…
Vakama: Whatttt! Impossible! What was the cause!
Makuta Informant: Because of our exclusion from the energy crystal trade, we couldn’t get proper supporrr…
Vakama: I don’t believe you Makuta! Trying to turn this into a trade negotiation dosn’t help!
Show me proof!
Makuta Informant: Ok… here.

Vakama: His mask…
Raaawwwwwwww!!!


Vakama: No… (sniff) (sniff) n…n…noooooooo!

Inside Po koro…

Turaga Onewa: I have an announcement Onuka is dead!
Matoran: Nooooo/wha?/ whyyyyyy!!!/ sniff sniff.

Onewa: Pohatu you received the toa stone, correct?
Pohatu: Yesss…sniff… snifff…
Onewa: Then we must head to the capital. Your time to become a toa has come…

Deep inside the capital…

Pohatu: So you were also chosen by Onuka to be toa?
Everyone: Yes.
Tahu: Then lets get on with the introductions before we become toa! I’m Tahu and I’ll be the leader of this team! I am the top warrior for the Ta Matoran. Strong and brave annddd not to mention tactical in battle the sword of virtues will pick me!
Pohatu: What’s The sword of virtues?
Tahu: For the love of Artaka! The sworrr…
Kopaka: The sword of virtues picks the leader of the toa. Those who wield it have an approximately 20 percent increase in elemental power.
Only fire toa have been picked by it so far.
Gali: Well then, there is a first time for everything!
Lewa: That’s what my mom said…
Gali: Huh?
Lewa: Ok thennnn…
I’m lewa! happy, fast, adventurous, and love to fly! I’m also very playful, talkative, and being the only girl in this team will certainly be an experience!! My mother was also the previous toa of air! What about you water boy!
Gali: Thanks for asking!
I’m Gali! Master swimmer, warrior, and your most local of comedian!
Wana here a joke?
Tahu, Kopaka, Pohatu: No!
Gali, Onua, Lewa: Yes!
Gali: That makes it a tie! I winnnnnn!
What do you call a talking piece of art?
An art taka!
Tahu: That’s not funny!

Lewa: what about you Icy mc smartpants?
Kopaka: I’m Kopaka, brilliant scholar and record keeper.
Lewa: Purple guy?
Onua: Who me?
Lewa: Yes you!
Onua: Ok. Ehh Hemmm
I’m Onua, fighter, miner. I never give up, I’m strong, and I’m super rich from trade!
Pohatu: Phfffft. I’m Pohatu, a smartish, strong, rahi meat trader.
Buuut looks like the turaga are here so no more time for introductions!

Tahu: I’m gunna be a toa. Yesss!
Pohatu: Shud up Tahu.

Turaga: We gather here today to see the rise of a new generation of toa in the name of Artaka and Onuka.
Matau: Ready Matoran! Ready Lewa
Tahu, Kopaka, Gali, Pohatu, Onua: Yes!
Lewa: Yes dad.

Matau: Then let’s do this!

Turaga: With the power inside us and the power of the toa stones! Toa rise!



Tahu: We are Toa!!!
Know time for the sword to pick who will be the leader! Meee!
Vakama: Tahhhhh…Pohatu!
Turaga: Pohatu?!


Pohatu: What?
Tahu: Its not fair! I have the wings, the gold, the experience!
Nuju: Mabye you weren’t chosen because you wanted to be the leader tooooo much.
Tahu Noo… Noooo!
Pohatu: I’m… I’m sorry…
Tahu: Rrraawwwwww!!!
Pohatu: Wha? Hua!

Turaga: Oh boy…

To be Continued…

So, how did you like this first episode? How do you like the sorta new toa?

3 Likes

Soooooooo I will tell my opinion about the story ONLY and I will try to ignore the mocs.
The story seems to be pretty good. We have our old Turaga, we have Lewa as a female (I always liked this idea) and Gali as a male (I don’t like this idea but it is your story), Matau is Lewa’s father (I didn’t see that coming) and an unexpected leader.
However, the story have some problems.
You skip to fast from a thing to another. In my opinion, some part would be better if they were improved, like more action, more explication, etc. Plus, you make some mistakes in writing the names, the names for the species, etc. (I can’t believe I am saying this, I am not even a native English speaker). You need to
A) Be more careful when you are righting.
or
B) Somebody to edit and improve your story, like an editor.

3 Likes

Thanks for the Advice!

Also you spelled writing wrong…

1 Like

Exactly what I was saying!

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oh…

1 Like

Keep going with it. It seems to be pretty good!

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Thanks!

I intend to keep going with the story!

Hey, why not you make your own Mobr series!

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