So lots of people (and by lots I mean a grand total of one) have been asking me how I'm so freaking good at Super Smash Bros. What they don't realize is that I'm actually a scrub who just uses this one easy trick to win. After being paid a ridiculous sum of money (10 cents and a Chick Fil A sandwich), I've decided to release my secrets to the public.
HOW TO BE A PROFESSIONAL ZSS PLAYER
Step #1: Select default color ZSS from the character select screen (all the other colors suck and if you pick them you will assuredly lose)
Step #2: When the game starts, grab your opponent and down throw them
Step #3: Follow them into the sky and uair them repeatedly
Now from here, the game can proceed in two different ways.
Either A, your opponent will realize you're simply trying to grab them every time and avoid your attack, at which point you should scream and call them a cheater and then stop playing (minimize your losses)
Or B (most likely), your opponent will never figure it out and you can rack up infinite damage on them to win the game. Continue doing this to get tons of wins and achieve a 70%+ win rate on For Glory
And that's all there is to playing ZSS. Congratulations, you learned absolutely nothing!
...so just go main Diddy Kong or something I guess