REWRITE: Mata Nui

A small rewrite of Bionicle Year One. Feel free to criticize as this is my first extensive writing project. (WIP)

Prologue: Awakening
My head... where am I?
A... a beach? And what is that thing? A canister?
Ugh, I can't feel- where are my legs? Oh, there they are.
Why do I feel so weak? I can't even hold this stupid sword up.
"Tahu... Tahu..."
Tahu? Is that my name? What good is a name if I don't even KNOW WHO I AM?
Wait, what is that? A mask? Am I supposed to wear it?
As the gray figure donned his mask, a sure of energy coursed through his being. Many things became clearer. Tahu was indeed his name, and he had the power of fire. A Toa, if he remembered correctly.
He was on a serene beach. To his left there was a massive stony outcropping, bearing what appeared to be a telescope and a memorial. He decided to return to that later.
In front of him was a massive metal cylinder, presumably what he had just emerged from. Just looking at it gave him a sense of identity, but also dread. He didn't want to go back in anytime soon.
To his right lay a rocky pathway. He could see what remained of a charred forest. It was the only path that looked like it would bring answers.
Time to get to the bottom of all this.

The beach.
The small figure awoke. Dazed, he got up from the crater left in the sands. Everything looked familiar, yet he couldn't remember anything.
Who am I? Where am I?
He had a nagging feeling in the back of his head. Almost as if he needed to report to some authority figure. Oh well.
He climbed up the rocky outcropping, deciding to investigate the small monument and telescope. Upon the base were many odd symbols, seeming to correspond with constellations and a red comet. He couldn't make much sense of it.
The monument, on the other hand, fascinated him. After approaching, he was struck by a vision. The large smooth rock was a guardian, and the smaller rocks around him were his "children". Opposite to them were jagged chunks of obsidian and a large piece of... An unidentifiable substance. It filled him with a feeling of dread just to gaze upon it's scowling face.
The good rock had been a guardian, until the black decided to strike him down. He fell and was cast into a deep slumber. The innocent were left in disarray, as the obsidian swarmed and sent them into chaos.
Then, six crystals fell. Red, blue, white, black, brown and green. Fighting off the black glass, they then went to challenge the black rock. The struggle was long and arduous, but they emerged victorious.
These images all passed in a matter of seconds. He felt like this was a clue to what happened and what was to come. Returning to the beach, he saw footprints in the sand. They led to what looked like a volcanic area. Within was a charred forest.
He thought he saw a tall figure clad in crimson, gazing back at him with malice in his eyes. Despite his fear, he followed the footprints and entered the forest.

The Forest
I must practice.
The Ta-Matoran continued pacing, trying to go faster. Despite his enlistment in the Ta-Koro guard, Jaller and everyone else thought of him as but a joke. He was always too slow, too clumsy, too useless. Yet their elder saw greatness in him. That was why he had to practice.
He chose the charred forest because it calmed him. Ashes had long since left the air, making it safe to breathe. All the trees were blackened and leafless; the life burned out of them. Despite their destruction at the hands of the dark one, he enjoyed going for walks and patrols in it.
It was this that made him present when they caught the large being in a rahi trap. Their elder had stopped a fight fro breaking out and revealed his identity: a legendary warrior called a "toa" who wielded the power of fire. He came to save them from the dark one, or so Vakama said. The elder seemed to see a new prophecy every day.
I must practice.
One could easily get lost in the forest as well. Of course he couldn't, surprisingly. He knew every pathway despite their destruction. Many a matoran had wandered in only to never come out. But not Kapura. He always knew the way.
Suddenly, he heard noises. Many would have run then, but he knew better. These weren't the footsteps of a hostile creature. They sounded slow, cautious; a lost matoran was there. Kapura merely continued practicing, lest he be teased again.
Out came the being. Had it not been for his blue mask, he could've sworn that it was Jaller. An unfamiliar Ta-Matoran was extremely odd.
"Excuse me, but what are you doing?"
"I am practicing."
"Okay?... So where am I"?
This matoran really was clueless! He didn't seem to remember anything; and what was even more odd was his unfamiliarity with his own Wahi. It seemed that Kapura was the only being he had ever seen. He needed help and fast.
"My name is Kapura. You must have many questions."

Ta-Koro
These past few days had been a tad bit too quiet. No Rahi attacks for a week was extremely unusual, but the short peace was well-deserved. After the forest's destruction, the Guard had all been extremely on edge. It seemed like things were finally starting to settle down.
That was, until Tahu was found yesterday.
He was currently out hunting for the masks with the other toa. It was a rarity to see the Matoran from other Koro cooperating, so merely witnessing the Toa of legend unite was astounding. In fact, each Koro had planned a celebration that would be had once Makuta was defeated and the Toa saved the island.
That was, until Macku brought word that Ga-Koro went quiet.
Vakama had only just found out, and that worried him terribly. Despite the Turaga's agreement to rebuild each Matoran's culture independently, the utter dissapearance of an entire Koro was ominous at best. At worst...
Jaller and his guard had put Ta-Koro under lockdown. All other villages of fire were also on high alert. Only members of the guard were allowed outside of the villages.
But then the summoner arrived.
Many had forgotten his name already. His disappearance years ago was no rarity; Rahi had killed hundreds of their numbers since they first awoke. The Blue-Masked one had gone to collect the Toa stones in the hopes of summoning the Toa of legend. Whether or not he had succeeded had been an utter mystery, until now.
Here, before him, stood Takua. He clearly had amnesia; from what, Vakama could not tell. It was clear that he had succeeded in his mission, but what had transpired at Kini-Nui was a mystery.
Vakama remembered him well. Always restless, Takua had taken his mission for the Toa stones as a means to travel the island of Mata Nui. He had enjoyed travelling, or so Vakama thought. And with Ga-Koro's sudden disappearance, Vakama had an idea.
"Come here, young one. I have a job for you."

The Boat
"So... What's your name?"
"Macku."
"Oh. Hi Macku."
"Hi."
........
Macku didn't want to how her nervousness to the Ta- Matoran. She was already on edge when she heard about Po-Koro. Now with the entire village's disappearance, she felt like it was the end of the world. There were only ever small scale vanishings; a small outpost or a patrol. But an entire Koro was unheard of.
Worst of all was her feeling of guilt. She had gone to visit Hewkii, but he seemed ill. Hopefully it was nothing. Besides which, Ga-Koro needed her.
They departed soon after Vakama's meeting with Takua ended. He seemed oddly displaced, almost as if he didn't belong. But this was the only person they could spare for the mission, and Macku would take all the help she could get.
"There it is. My village."
The familiar lily pads felt eerily dead without her sisters bustling about. The gate was closed to prevent entrance; it seemed like it didn't help. At the very least the Kaukau Waterfall calmed her nerves.
They disembarked and approached along the beach. Macku didn't want to risk leaving the boat in a place where it could be destroyed. Without it there would be no escape.
Takua could feel that something was wrong. This village was almost as big as Ta-Koro, so seeing an empty area that massive was ominous at best. he was immediately reminded of the Charred Forest.
Neither one exchanged words. This was time for action.

7 Likes

So far so good, and it was interesting to see inside Tahu's head as he first woke up.
Can't really think of much more to say because there isn't much here, so I'll just wait for stuff to come out.

1 Like

Well written. I look forward to the next part.

Just updated with the next chapter.

This song is required when reading this.

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Apologies for not updating in awhile. My computer broke down and life happened. I'll try to write something new as soon as I can.

2 Likes

This is legit, bruh. Really good writing style, and good storytelling. I look forward to reading this whenever you update!

(Also, mind checking out my story serial? I just started on it, it's called "Lest We Forget," I thought as a fellow writer you might have good advice for me.)

Just released the newest chapter. I'm trying to go for a multiple POV-kind of story with little bits of exposition sprinkled in, but I think I have to move on to the action soon. Thanks for all your kind words and I'll eagerly write more soon.

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