Story of Onorix, the former Toa PART 1

Here's the first part of my story for Onorix (The MOC is here:http://board.ttvpodcast.com/t/oronix-the-former-toa-update/16890)

Around the time of the creation of the Toa Mata, Artahka experimented with the idea of creating a Toa with no natural elemental abilities. He then followed through with this idea, creating Oronix, a Toa that had no elemental abilities, but had enhanced physical and intellectual capabilities. He still had access to mask powers, wearing a Kanohi Jutlin. Oronix was very reserved, avoiding the other inhabitants of the island of Artahka, even Artahka himself. He trained by himself, hurting his left eye after a projectile incident. A week later, he completely disappeared, leaving no trace of what had happened to him. Many presumed him dead, others thought he was kidnapped by the Dark Hunters. Nobody really knew what had happened to him or even if he was still alive.
About a year later, an Av-Matoran disguised as a Le-Matoran was exploring a jungle only to find that beyond it was a barren wasteland full of ruins, bones, and burnt fields. The Matoran wandered in curiosity, wondering what he had found. He heard a burnt twig snap behind him. All that followed was pain; a blade was sent through his chest. Behind him, he heard a deep, almost beastlike voice, saying “Light shall die in my presence.”
The Matoran slowly staggered around, gasping at his fatal wound. He saw a being clad in silver and maroon armor, walking away, his tattered cape lightly flowing in the almost unnoticeable breeze, and blood dripping from the blade mounted on his forearm. He could almost make out a scar on the left eye of the being when it looked back. The Av-Matoran collapsed.
In a month, Artahka learned about the discovery of the Av-Matoran’s body by his fellow Matoran. Artahka noticed something strange. The metal hunting knife the matoran had been carrying was rusted all over. The edge of the blade had almost completely disintegrated. He realized that this kind of damage, given the location of the murder, was only possible through a Kanohi power. The only Kanohi that came to mind was a Jutlin, a mask that carried the power to disintegrate metal. Artahka thought to himself “No, it can’t be...”

For some reason, the format of the site won't let me indent paragraphs. It's better on the original text document.

I hope you all enjoy my first real fan fiction!

4 Likes

Looks promising to me, looking forward to see how this will pan out.

1 Like

Thanks! I do think it is important to mention that I have virtually no experience in writing stories, so please keep this in mind.

Duly noted, and don't worry too much about it. We've all been there and done that, and the best tip I can give you as a new writer is simply to keep writing.