The Legends Of Mythron chapter 2 The Festival part 1

Bright lights and flowing festive music flowed through the vally from the Capital City Canterbell, everyone in the city are busy rushing around buying, selling and making trips to the market buying decorations, food and other festive goodies. Meditor looked out from his balcony upon the tallest tower of the Palace, sighing he moved a hand up to his right eye remembering that this very day 3000 years ago his brother Darkus-Eclipse turned on him wanting to use the Element Keys to rule Mythron and destroy any sign of heroisme. Meditor turned around as he heard someone enter his chamber “Yes Rean, what is it?” , Rean stood up straight “Sir the other royals are here”. Meditor looked out from the balcony one last time and walked past Rean and out of the door at the same time grabbing his suit jacket off the coat hanger, walking down the grand staircase leading to the main lobby looking out to all the royal families that live in the different cities around Mythron.

Greeting each family Meditor motioned the Families to the rooms which they will be staying in for the Festival, one of the Families Daughters walked up to Meditor “Excuse me Mr Meditor can i ask you something?” looking in the direction to where the the voice came from Meditor smiled “Lady Lyla, nice to see you again, my haven’t you grown since i last saw you, what would you like to talk about?” Lyla blushed pushing up a strand of hair that fell across her face “Thanks, being part of the Batzards and as the only Daughter of the royal family from Mamotopa City i have a lot of spare time on my hands train and practice combact skills, i was wondering can i enter the gladitorial fights and my other request is you’ve been around for a long time when did the Festival start?”. Scratching his chin Meditor looked at Lyla “I can’t stop you for entering but atleast as your parents about it see what they say about it and say you’ve been perparing to show yourself that you are capable of taking care of your self, and to answer your other question, The Festival started way before me and my Brother arrived here on Mythron.”

Lyla said her good byes to Meditor and went up the stair case in the direction to where her and her families joining rooms are, suddenly the guards posted at the front shouted HALT!! as a cloaked figure holding a bone and thorned staff with a dream catcher on top entered the palace “Shadara i told you never to enter this palace or this city ever again” Meditor said standing in front of the figure “And i told you Meditor i will never leave until you give me those Keys” said Shadara in a gravley gritty voice. Shaking his head Meditor gave an order “Get her out of here and make sure to keep an eye on her so she doesnt play any of her tricks” the guards saluted and walked off taking Shadara with them. Getting to the entrance to the city the guards pushed Shadara out forcefully “Now get out of here you lothsome Witch and never come back” said one of the guards, red eyes glowed under Shadara’s hood “I will get those keys and when i do will make you pay” with Shadara walked off. Looking back to see that no one can see her Shadara took out a mirror from her cloak and spoke a spell “domo cata no gia poso kia mata” the mirrors reflective surface started to ripple and wave as it turned to black apart from two green glowing dots " Master i tried to get those keys off of Meditor but he resisted" “Of course he will i told you time and time again that he will if asking wont work then get control of one of his guards, i must have those keys if i’m in order to return to that retched world” said the voice coming from the mirror “of course master” Shadara replied waving a hand over the mirror and it went back to normal. Putting the mirror back in to her cloak Shadara made her way along the rocky path up the mountain.

The next day is Festival day and everyone is excited going to diferent places where they wnt to go, the chidren to the fair, mothers looking at fabric and chatting and the farthers looking at jewerlly for their wifes and testing their strength in the fair. signs and posters advertised the first and second gladitorial fights, fight one: Tigartron VS Camo F.Large, fight two: Heroina VS The Courier. Meditor is walking through the streets talking to his people and other towns people when Mr Batzard walked up to Meditor “Meditor have you seen Lyla she didn’t come to breakfast this morning” Meditor had an odd look on his face “i saw her yesterday she was asking me about being in the gladtorial fights and about when the Festival started, didn’t she ask you about fighting in the gladitorial fights” Mr Batzard shook his head “No she didn’t, she just entered her room and never came out. you you dont think she actually is thinking of going to enter the fights do you”

“Honestly Mr Batzard i do not know we have to wait till the second fight, the first fight is the boys from Cyberpeak and Nagaton, but there was an late entry which was entered for the second fight. The fight is about to begin”. Entering the VIP stand area everyone in the stands human and creature are cheering holding up banners, confetti is falling like snow when an anouncer spoke “Welcome everyone to the Gladitorial Fights today’s first fight is Tigartron from Cyberpeak and Camo F.Large from Nagaton and todays second fight is The Courier from Insectopia and a late entery Heroina from Mapan.” Mr Batzard’s face turned from worried to anger and with a stern voice “Lyla is a bridge too far for her own good.” Meditor and some of the other royal families looked at Mr Batzard “What do you mean?” one of them asked, sighing heavily as the cool air whiped through the stadium Mr Batzard replied “Lyla has been fixated on entering the Gladitorial Fights but i never allowed it”

Meditor looked at Mr Batzard as the announcer was making a few announcments “so she did ask you about fighting in the fights then” Mr Batzard didn’t know what to say he just sighed and looked out to the field where to the left Tigartron was entering and to the right Camo F.Large, “She has been asking in the past but i just don’t know anymore” Mrs Batzard places a hand onto her husband’s shoulder “We both just worry about her”. “Let the fight begin” shouted out the announcer.

It seems interesting, but the run-on sentences and several grammatical errors kind of distract from the story itself.

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Basically this. Needless to say - it’s quite an improvement from the previous “chapter”
The world building is decent but grammar feels a little bit lackluster. (By “little bit” I mean quite a lot, actually.)

thats why im bringing out all 700 chapters spread out between 4 stories and then im going to do the grammer checks and stuff before publishing

I recommend getting someone else to do the grammar check for you. People tend to overlook their own mistakes.

well i dont have far to search i just have to wait for my GF to get her internet back and i can ask her

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omg

that’s like 175 chapters per-story.

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I doubt it will get that big.

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But we don’t know that for sure. He’s put a lot of work into this, it’s kinda rude to say it’ll do badly right out the gate.
If you feel that way, there’re some things you should keep to yourself.

Also, I’d suggest putting these in a single topic.

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Or perhaps pair them in groups of five or something to that effect, it’ll make navigation considerably easier.

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Doubting that something will reach 175 chapters per story isn’t rude, it’s realistic.

The average decently-sized novel tends to go for 20-30 chapters each, and that doesn’t even account for how long those chapters are depending on the writer.

Shooting for 700, or even 175, chapters is overambitious at best, especially if he plans on actually publishing it. Either that or they’re going to have to be ridiculously short chapters, in which he case he ought to reorganize the story instead and merge chapters.

Moreover, how is suggesting that it won’t reach that equate to thinking it’ll “do badly right out the gate”? A good story doesn’t need to be that long to be good.

I’ve seen too many projects fall apart because the creators wanted to make too much without knowing when to realistically limit themselves.


As for the story itself @TheLeg0Br0ny , you need to start a new paragraph every time a new character speaks.

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I can’t stress this enough. I’m currently writing a series of short stories as of now and even three seasons, each of 10-15 episoded is hard enough.

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not all stories need to start off with a character speaking

What does that have to do with it?
He’s just telling you something you did wrong.

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because i want my story to be different something to catch the readers eye not this boring stuff people call reading you have to push your self to make something different

He said you will need to separate each character’s dialogue by using paragraphs. I suggest to do it unless you feel like reinventing the English language itself.

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reinventing the english language not a bad idea

Doing something wrong is not going to make people go “wow that was really good!”. Proper English = better.

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In all seriousness tho, you really need to use proper paragraphing. :smiley:

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English is a pretty flawed language, not going to lie. Unfortunately, a story appealing primarily to an English speaking audience may benefit from following the rules of the language. Do whatever you want, of course, that just my thought.

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