The Relationship Topic

I have made a decision regarding relationships.
I’m not gonna search for a relatinship until it is blatantly clear that someone is The One.


That’s all.

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I’ve made friends with her friends…

No not for that, they are genuinely nice people

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Isn’t that kinda the point of dating relationships from a Christian perspective? Trying to find out more about someone and what they’d be like as a spouse to see if they’re the one?

We’re from the same church friend group, and I kind of know some of her school friends.

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In a nutshell, yeah.

So… you’re doing the opposite of that :stuck_out_tongue:

Not quite

I just got out of my freshman year in highschool
The chance that I meet my future spouse here, if I am to have one, is very slim
The serious searching usually should start in college. That way it’s neither too late, nor to early.
That’s what I’m doing

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Ah ok I see.

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Sigh…yep.

I’m really mad for getting myself into that. She dumped me Thursday and my whole week was affected bc I was anticipating it. I wanna be done with these fake/forced relationships

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pats shoulder, hands over cookies
I would give some advice, but it involves religion, so I won’t say it here. I can say it in a DM if ya want.
Also, that sucks. That really does.

Go ahead

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Sorry about that, man. Unfortunately, I don’t have much useful advice or encouragement to give, but, hey, at least make the experience worth it. It’ll make your future relationships all the better if you take lessons from this one.

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Then stop forcing them.

Look, Y’all are young and I was totally in the same boat 5 or 6 years ago, but the fact of the matter is that there’s a 90 percent chance any relationship you get into at your ages is gonna fail. Why? Because there is so much growing left to do.

I’m not the same person I was a decade ago, or five years ago, and neither is anyone I knew back then. Things change, especially when you move out on your own and start your own life.

The best advice I can give is to not dwell on it and find something (outside of Bonk and the Boards) that you love. Something that will get you out of the house and meeting new people. For me, that’s open mic nights and local shows, for some others it might be expositions at the museum or art gallery, or a fitness group, or part time work/volunteering at trade shows or events.

The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone who not only you want to spend time with, but wants to spend time with you. Even if you’re socially awkward and have a hard time meeting new people, if you keep putting yourself in those situations you can overcome the awkwardness.

Now granted, religion doesn’t play any kind of role in my relationships so your mileage may vary, but that’s what’s worked for me. There is wisdom in the idea that “when you stop caring about being in a relationship, one will find you.”

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you can do that?

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TBH, probably the best advice on this topic.

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I try :joy:

It’s incredible what some distance and perspective can do for you. It too a loooong time of moping about an ex and feeling alone and worthless before I hit the point where I’m just in it for me.

Way I see it, dating is expensive. It’s money I have no issues paying and time I love to give, but it’s money and time that could also be better spent on myself or my business.

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The only problem I can see with this advice is that it’s hard for people younger than 16 in the States to get around places, especially with siblings. (mostly talking about myself here, lol).
I personally would go around into the main part of San Diego, finding other Lego groups, Model building groups, and the like.
The only problem is that my family can’t take me these places.

It’s not that I’m saying that forced relationships are a good replacement for this, they’re not. I’m just saying that sometimes finding other groups might even still be hard/not the right thing to do.

If you’re younger than sixteen trying to get a permanent relationship and stressing yourself over it is something similar to bashing your head in with a brick.

And if you’re younger than 18, trying to do the same is akin to bashing your head against a wall until you bleed. It’s not worth it.

The point isn’t that “You need to meet more people to find the one” it’s “Stop trying to find the one when the number of people you can interact with is limited by your maturity and your ability.”

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That’s true.

That also makes more sense.

:slight_smile:

I should preface all of this with the fact that my first and so far only serious relationship occurred over a year and a half in highschool, ruined me for three years, and ended horribly.

Mileage may vary but I have had much more success and found much more happiness in simply surrounding myself with people I like to be around who happen to feel the same than in trying to pigeonhole things into a relationship.

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