Personally, I’ve never really had to worry about such relationships, mainly because I just like being good friends with my friends. That makes sense…right? Anyways, I tend to stick away from “romantic” relations cause not as interested in them.
I think that’s a morally dubious way to live life, and I almost ruined a relationship by having that exact mindset, so be careful about that. An ideal life is one where you’re cautious about your safety, but love others more than yourself. If you love yourself first and others second, every single action and moral decision will involve selfishness that you will be blind to at that time. That devastates relationships.
Lasting love requires faith in the other person, and sacrifice on your part (regardless of risk). This was a hard lesson for me to re-learn after all of the self-love stuff my introduction college course shoved into my head.
There certainly is a difference between taking care of yourself first and selfishness. Even if your priority in life is taking care of others, the only way you can do that effectively is making sure you are taken care of first.
I’m in my objectively best relationship I’ve ever had rn, and it’s all due to me giving up the mask, knowing what I want, not being afraid of being myself, and just going for it.
- It’s easier said than done
- I subconsciously forced myself to like her when I realized she liked me because I was worried to hurt her feelings
I think there’s a fine line to toe there though. If someone is negatively impacting your enjoyment of life, is it morally dubious to cut them out? If you live your life for other people you will be absolutely miserable. It’s not that I’m “taking” from others to get what I want, it’s that I’m living my life for me and no one else.
The point, really, is that being comfortable with yourself and your life without an external factor is important as well. I can guarantee you MANY more relationships have failed and exploded because of someone making their partner their only source of happiness than have failed because everyone knows what they want from the relationship.
Lasting loves requires hard work and sacrifice yes, but not at detriment to yourself. If you’re changing your own negative habits that’s one thing, but it’s entirely another to live your life based on what others expect. There’s a reason that “self-love stuff” gets drilled into your head: you can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re miserable with your life.
Or, put simply:
It’s not easier said than done though. You recognize that you forced yourself to like her… don’t do it again? Relationships hurt, life hurts, the sooner you learn to accept that some people are going to be hurt MORE by your attempts not to hurt them, the better off you’ll be. For example, what would be worse? Shooting your shot and not having a chance, or being led on for months? Years?
Let me be absolutely clear that I am in no way advocating malicious selfishness. Taking advantage of others is a horrible thing to do; doing what you want without thought for others is a horrible thing to do. That being said, allowing yourself to be taken advantage of is also a horrible thing to do.
Don’t put someone on a pedestal and put them above yourself. If for no other reason than you’ll get stepped all over. Being mature, independent, capable, and confident is a billion times more attractive than not.
Yeah I learned that lesson now. Thanks tho
I recently (about a month ago, now) broke up with my girlfriend of three years, and I came on the boards after some time away due to a curiosity at the vague memory of posting something or other about it here when we began going out. I don’t have any of the conventional social medias (Instagram, Facebook, etc), so looking through my entire post history of four years was a rather novel experience for me, and one that I imagine FB IG users are regularily accustomed to. It was both pretty funny (as well as minorly embarrassing), looking through every dumb comment or joke I made here from the age of 15, but also quite cool, and I was reminded of many things I had since forgotten. I did eventually locate the post I had set out to find, and it’s awfully strange to get inside my own head like that. Turns out, in the end, I was wrong–she wasn’t “three levels above me,” and since that three-year-old-comment I’ve (in large part) overcome my self-esteem issues and feelings of inadequacy, and evolved in other ways as well. Things may change, of course, but, one month after breaking off the relationship with her (it still feels weird to call her my EX-Girlfriend), I feel surprisingly at peace and content with the present status of my life.
Just thought i’d share, for anyone interested! (That includes you, future me!)
I don’t really care anymore . I’d rather spend the majority of my time with many friends than spend the majority of my time with one person (that in reality don’t know well to start off). Of course, things will change, but right now, time with myself is easier, and I imagine, less stressful. That’s just how I feel right now. I’ve spoke in this topic before but eh whatevs.
Edit: None of this was aimed at Styrofoam lol. Post order.
Just found out she was telling the truth about her commitment issues
It’s not that she can’t commit to a relationship but to one relationship without jumping to a different one every three minutes.
She’s literally with the guy she left for me the first time she and I were together.
Yeah, so uh, I have a really hot girlfriend…
Anyway, jokes aside, what do you think is a good age to start a relationship? Everyone I ask gives different answers.
If you’re looking to just mess around and nothing too serious, high school at any grade is a fine place to start.
However, if you want to be in a serious relationship with longterm goals, probably when you’re midway through college. But I myself have not been to college yet, so take this with a grain of salt
I don’t really think it’s an age question, but one of maturity level and readiness.
If you both feel you would be mature and ready enough for a committed, serious relationship, go for it. If you find you aren’t ready after a relationship like that, wait a bit and try whenever you feel ready again.
Alright everybody sit down 'cause I got some developments!
So there’s this girl who lives down street from me. She’s a couple years younger than I am and we’ve known each other for at least three or four years.
Now about two years ago she told me that she liked me. At the time I wasn’t exactly “looking for a relationship”, and it was before my first girlfriend, and all of the romantic pains and troubles that came after that. So I didn’t exactly fully understand the situation.
Fast forward a couple years (this year for those keeping track, or rather the previous calendar year technically) and she starts going to same High school I go to. When I first saw her early in the year I was terrified that it would be crazy awkward. But that never happened. We didn’t talk much over the school year and she even started dating someone, which felt like a weight off my back.
Fast forward to about three days ago, I see here while I’m at work (I’m a courtesy clerk at a local Safeway). She gets my attention and pulls me aside for a quick second, and tells me that she still likes me, much to my surprise. I tell her that I don’t have any time to really talk since I’m at work, and I’ll get back to her later.
Then that leaves today. After thinking it over a lot, I decided that I’d like to give it a shot. Give a relationship a try and see how it goes. Since making that decision and thinking about it, I’ve honestly gotten really excited about the idea. And today, whilst walking home from work, I made sure to tell her.
I really look forward to what the near future will hold. School is going to start back up in about two weeks I think, and I’m eager to spend more time with her.
I wish you luck in your future endeavours.
I think I’m going with her to the local fair some time this week.
We just gotta choose a day.
I don’t really know if it’s a date, per sè, but at least I get to spend more time with her.
Maybe this will be kind of like a date to see if your worthy of dating? Or just hanging out, which isn’t bad in itself. Either way, good luck!
I also just came to the reason that not only am I unable to date because of ideals or personal reasons, but I also have 0 moneys, so financials just gets added to the long list of why I don’t have a girlfriend.
#AAARRHHGRRRAAA! I’M SICK OF THIS
I was fine! I was happy! I was finally able to accept being alone! After at least three hears of hurting and hollowness and heartache I finally managed to feel complete and happy by myself. Then she told me she liked me. She came to me and it was because of that I felt so certain that this would really be the one. Only for the rug to just be pulled out from under my feet again!
I just… I should explain. It’s the first day of school, and I was really looking forward to talking to the girl I talked about earlier. To really hang out and build something. All day I’ve been anxiously waiting for the bus ride home, so I could sit with her and really connect. But when that chance finally came she asked to sit alone. I respected that and sat somewhere else, but also asked her what was wrong.
And I find out she’s moving in January, and is really upset about it. I tried to talk to her about it, maybe help, but she won’t even talk to me! I just feal lead on. And if she knew she was moving, then why would she say she liked me?!?!?! Closure maybe? I just don’t get it!
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not mad at her. Not at all. Moving is rough, I know. I’m just furious with… All of this. It just seems way too coincidental that almost immediately after I reach emotional stability, this happens. After so much time I honestly thought I had a real chance at a relationship, only turn out to become another blunder on a depressingly long list.
I really just can’t believe it. I was so astronomically close to what I’ve been wanting for years, just to be yet another dead end.
That’s really rough. There’s nothing you did wrong.
At this point, i think that the healthiest thing for you is just to wait.
I’ve had a similar experience, although it was me being rejected…
I think you just need to step back from relationships.
I think that’d help.
But that’s exactly what I was doing!!! Like I said right before she talked to me I had finally made peace with being single. After more than three years of emotional instability and pain I was finally okay with being alone until I found someone. But then fate itself stepped down, said “**** you, I will never let you have peace” and threw this at me!
And at this point I’m just FED UP!!!