The Relationship Topic

I know. I even considered that when she first talked to me. But there’s a massive and critical difference between this and all the other times.

She came to me.

She’s the one who liked me, not the other way around.

That has never happened before.

As far as I know, no one else has ever felt that way about me.

And that’s why I felt so confident about this. She couldn’t turn me down because she was the one coming to me. Even if it didn’t work out, I would have been able to end things on my terms.

But instead it turned out just like all the other times.

I’m not even really upset emotionally. I didn’t even get the time to really know here. I’m just furious that it happened again, right after I was finally happy being single.


I mean, if I found out I was dying the next day, I’d probably tell my crush I like her

Ah, I’m sorry, man. But you made some big progress, so who’s to say you can’t do it again? The fact that someone liked you, that’s huge! It’s not even like she doesn’t like you anymore, so that should tell you a bit about yourself.

Honestly, I would be perfectly happy just knowing that one person out there liked me. Just having that knowledge would make me feel a little more confident about myself.
######Well, I guess there was that one person someone said liked me, but coincidentally she moved too…#


Why do I have the sensation that I will feel exactly the same when the school will start a few weeks for now and I will start seeing my crush with which I have a quite cringey history again?

I think I’m going crazy… So earlier today I was heading down to my local games store and on my way I thought I passed the girl I had a crush on from the previous school I went to. However I don’t really know why she would be in the same city as me seeing as she was planning on going to the USA as a sort of exhange student and was set to move shortly after we graduated. Of course she could have just changed her mind last minute but I don’t find that likely considering she didn’t really want to study at university directly after the summer.

Also there is the fact that I kinda was an idiot and a jerk and got on bad terms with her shortly before our graduation. Don’t ask about what happened I really don’t want to talk about it. Thously I think it is unlikely that she would move to the exact same city to presumably study. Which boggles my mind even more, why, I not only thought I passed her I also thought I heard her voice. Now I don’t think who I saw was actually her but it spooked me a bit since I was hoping to get some sort of fresh start on the whole life thing by moving here too study. Now that would’t be possibly or as easily obtained if it had turned out she started studying at the same place as me.

Now in terms of what happened that got us on bad terms. So can I say that I do feel regret for what I did and I’m sorry for it too but of course I can’t tell her that since we’ve lost contact and she probably doesn’t want to speak to me which I don’t mind its fair of her to act like that. This also gives me a chance to start anew but if I were to meet her randomly one day I totally would apologize for what I did.

In the end I think I was just seeing things but school starts friday so just have to wait and see if I’m crazy or if it actually was her. Even if it wasn’t her it still made me smile a bit seeing her despite our conflicts

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Wow, this place still exists. Anyways, I’m still single. But last Friday night I went to a high school football game to hang out with some friends, ended up also hanging out with their respective friends, and by the end of the night it was me and like seven girls. Lots of fun. Guys suck in comparison.


I sorta know how that feels, i somehow always end up hanging out with girls because either my friends that are dudes aren’t around or there’s a buncha jerkish dudes.

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I know, right?!

Girls aren’t afraid to talk about how they feel, and they don’t tear each other down “as a joke.” Compared to guys, they actually act like they like people.

My male friends, most of them are absolute jerks, to each other and (when they remember I’m there) to me, but “they’re just joking.” I mean, to an extent I can play along in good conscience, but most of the time they take it a bit too far for me. My female friends, on the other hand…well, don’t do that, or at least not to nearly as bad of a degree. And they actually treat me like a friend instead of an afterthought. They don’t forget I’m there. Well, as much.
Though it may be more of a social group thing, since the one or two other guys in that group act the same way as the girls, but I’m sure this has something to do with it.

Aaaaaanyways, still single, girl I liked has a boyfriend(didn’t when I started trying to get close to her, but they recently started dating, so…sucks to suck, I guess.) She’s still one of my really good friends, so nothing lost, really,

At least now though, I’m not hopelessly pining over someone, so maybe I can finally focus on myself, instead. I need to do that.


That’s happened to me… Twice. Actually thrice now that I think about it.

That’s a good mindset to have.

That’s the attitude I like to keep.

Isn’t it fun when someone basically describes you as the kind of guy she wants (In fairly general terms) but you know she doesn’t like you.
And then she goes and says things about her that are likable that I really like about her and questions why prince Christian gamer boy charming hasn’t shown up

Haha we love this

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Yeah I’m definitely in a tight spot.
I feel bad because last year i was super nice to the girl i used to/sort of still like.
And now we’re in a lot of different classes and our schedule is different, so i can’t talk to her as often.
And i feel bad because of that.
I don’t even really like her anymore. I just want to be nice, because she’s still a good friend.

I literally have no idea if I still like my crush.
And I think she still thinks I do.
So the smallest thing might disturb the dort of “peace/equilibrum” I am in.

I’d be wary about those kind of thoughts. Instilling jealousy in yourself is not a very healthy attitude, even if you think the gal is being ridiculous.


There’s a new girl in my improv club that I’m thinking about talking to.

My goal for now is to continue to get to know her as a friend and not overthink my words or actions, or what she might make of them. That seems to be one of, if not the cause of why I’ve never gotten far enough for a real relationship (and why I’ve used this topic a bit too much).



It was another dream. I met the cutest freckle faced redhead girl. She was clever, and funny, and she cared about me. I could see her and feel her. I cuddled with her and she loved it. I remember her. I can remember her face. She was real! I was happy. We were both happy. AND NOW SHE’S GONE! RIPPED AWAY AS I’M PULLED BACK TO MY OWN DEPRESSING REALITY!

It hurts so much. I can remember her so vividly. How she looked, how she sounded. She was so real. She loved me. She cared about me. Do you have any idea how much it hurts. To have been so lonely and hollow for two years. And then I finally meet someone. Someone who actually cared about me, and then in an instant I’m pulled away from all of it.


Dude that really sucks.
All I can say is hang in there. You’ll find someone, eventually. Just wait.

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I’ve seemed to notice a pattern. I always seem to fall for girls I, for one reason or another, have pretty much no chance with.

First girl moved away before I actually told her, but I don’t think she liked me anyways.
Second girl I’m pretty sure’s a lesbian.
Third girl I though I was getting close with, then she got a boyfriend.
And fourth I wasn’t sure if I even had feelings for, but she’s talking to someone else anyways so it doesn’t really matter.

And that pretty much describes my luck so far, and probably for the next foreseeable future. Hopefully I find someone once I leave for college.


Welp, this is probably gonna be long but I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible. I’m pretty much at the end of high school now, and looking back I’ve had a lot of experience with relationships. Were they good? Not all of them. But not all of them were bad either. All I can say is, relationships can be a hit or a miss. Stay with someone who’s commited, wants to stay with you, and be good to you, and do the same for them. But if they’re a terrible person, just leave them and ignore them for the rest of your life. But in general these kinds of experiences make you wiser when it comes to this kind of stuff. However, most relationships I’ve been in are either short, or most of the girls I like are the kinds I have no chance with, sadly.

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It’s midnight… I’m afraid to go to sleep.

I had that dream two nights ago. No matter where I go tonight, I won’t be happy in the morning. If I don’t see her again, I’ll just be disappointed. But if I get to see her again, no matter how beautiful our time is, I’ll only hurt more when I wake up. Because she isn’t there… She felt so real, but she only exists in my mind.

Why did I have to have that stupid dream. Before then I was fine. I was okay. But afterwards I’ve only felt hollow. All I feel is empty. I just want someone who cares…

I’m almost 18. In just a few months I’ll be an adult. And I’ll still probably be alone. That thought scares me. I don’t get why this has to hurt so much. I have a caring family, loving parents, an amazing best friend. But there’s this ceaseless agonizing emptiness that eats away at my insides. No matter how hard I try to forget about it, it’s always there. And it’s all because of that stupid dream.

I don’t want much. Just someone who cares about me. A shoulder to cry on. A hand to hold. A face to feel pressed against my own. Someone who appreciates and supports me the way I would to her. Someone I can trust…

Is it really too much to want someone to love me. I broke up with my only girlfriend just two years ago. But it feels like a lifetime. Every time I try to put myself out to find someone, I’m only shot down. Left no closer than where I started.

I just feel so lonely. I feel… so… very… tired…

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First of all, don’t think like that. You’re only 17, and the time you’re most likely to find someone will be the time you can legally marry. If you’re going to college, that means there are hundreds to thousands of new contenders who know nothing about you, but you can’t force it. Play the long game. Build up relationships, don’t rush them just because you want it done. But you’re still young, and you still have plenty of time to find someone.

Plus, you’ve already had a girlfriend. You know that it’s physically possible for someone to share an attraction to you, which is more than what I have.


I think that everybody tries to rush it in the teenagehood, instead of realising that the chances of getting a girlfriend and staying together with her for more than a year, two at most, are really small.
I’ve fell into such awkward situations twice, but after these two times, I realised that I better set myself up, continue with school and my personal life, and then when I get to college I can start thinking of real, lasting relationships.