The Relationship Topic

Nah. It’s good you caught me on that.

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Uuuuugggghhhhh… Why do these feelings always have to happen when I’m trying to sleep or when I wake up. I can’t take a nap anymore without feeling depressed…

This isn’t about anything incredibly specific. Just some built up steam I need to blow off.

So, as I’ve been talking about there are three different girls I’ve been talking to. A coworker who works at the deli, a redhead who took interest in my writing, and a girl who I’ve gotten along well with from my college class.

Well I recently found out the coworker is much older than I am, at least by five years, and I’m fairly certain the redhead has a boyfriend. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t expecting anything deep to come out of any of these interactions. I’ve made that more than clear. And I love talking to these people, and I fully intend to keep doing so.

But that doesn’t make the denial completely painless. All in the same week I get to know three people, three chances. And two of them have been shut down before I had a chance to say anything.

No matter how hard I try to keep my expectations suppressed, to keep myself from getting my hopes up, it still happens. I still get excited for the potential. The hope that after so long I finally won’t be alone anymore.

I just want to love… I want to be loved. I can never seem to shake this impatient pit in my heart that isn’t able to wait.

But who knows. I’ll get a chance to talk to that girl from my college class tomorrow. So I’ll wait and see how that goes.

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You might have better luck if you don’t spend your time searching for girls. There are better things to focus on, like self-improvement… S T A N D O P O W E R, or most importantly: JoJo poses. Every girl likes someone who can softly wrrrrryyy to them.

Edit: Anyway, good luck on that. Just remember, even relationships are finite. It’s okay to want love, that’s normal, but don’t place them on a pedestal. When you do that, real ones will rarely ever live up to what you want.

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To be fair I don’t actively look for girls. It’s really more a matter of chance encounters or talking to people I’d want to get to know regardless, and the idea of a potential for a relationship inevitably worms it’s way into my head.

That’s something I do actually put a fair amount of focus on.

I haven’t the balance to lean back that far nor the squad to pull off a Pillar Men. Though that’s definitely something I could look into…

Thanks. I’ll keep this in mind.

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seconding tarvaax. i yearned for finding my other half in high school and my first few years of college, and becoming numb to all except the feeling of loneliness. it wasn’t until i found ways to work on myself (mainly lifting, spending more time with the people i care about, and creating new habits) that the feeling of loneliness subsided and a sense of self-confidence filled its space. once you’ve got the confidence, someone will find their way into your life. it’s the strangest thing, but that’s how it shakes out.

so for my advice: cut out the naps, as tempting as they are (coming from a borderline narcoleptic) and fill that time with something new. something cerebral, or something physical, something that makes you feel better about yourself instead of reflecting on your loneliness. i’ve been there and this is what worked for me

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So I’m in a bit of a predicament.

Tried talking to my ex today, which actually went pretty well. It occurred to me that all the stuff I’ve been mad at her about were told to me by two friends who I now know are massive a-holes, so it’s very likely they were lying.

Anyway, catching up went really well, but I find myself in a dilemma. Apparently she’s been willingly living in a semi abusive relationship for just about a year now, and I’m not sure what to do.

I want to be able to do something. No one deserves to live like that. But I don’t think it’s right for me try and get into her personal life after I’ve only just started talking to her after two years.

So what do you guys think?

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The only real advice I have is to just be there for her, be someone who’s simply a good friend for her and don’t expect anything. She may just need a good friend to be there and that’s possibly the best thing to be.

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Ditto. That’s exactly what I would suggest. Everyone, especially someone in that situation needs someone there. A shoulder to cry on, so to speak.

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@Jcton @ProfSrlojohn Thank you both. That’s pretty much what I was thinking.

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Good for you. In these past few life updates, I’ve seen you mature greatly. This just proves me more and more correct.

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Aw. Thanks man. I really appreciate that.

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I want to be able to do something. No one deserves to live like that. But I don’t think it’s right for me try and get into her personal life after I’ve only just started talking to her after two years.

If it were me in that situation I would do absolutely nothing. She can take care of herself. If you stay by her side she will lose respect for you and most likely cheat and fall for another abusive guy. Speaking from experience here, these girls never change.

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It’s been a while since I’ve updated my personal relationship endeavors.
So yeah, I got friendzoned over the summer by the girl I liked…
It hurt
A lot
For a while
But now that I’m really back in the swing of school, it’s not as bad as I had felt earlier on in summer. We’ve actually become pretty good friends non-romantically, and honestly we’ve gone a lot farther then we had at all last year. I’ve gotten to know her a lot better, and in general it’s pretty cool.
I don’t have a crush on her anymore, mostly because I’ve come to term with the fact that she doesn’t have a crush on me. Why would I waste my time on her when it’s not likely to go anywhere?
And other than that, I really haven’t had any other crushes or love interests or anything like that. I’m not stressing out about it, and it’s kind of nice for a change to be able to focus on school more, but at the same time it does make me wonder if I ever will find someone.
Anyways, that’s how my life’s been going.

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Hey man, take the friend. So what if there’s nothing romantic there? If you enjoy being friends, then stay friends.

that’s my take anyway.

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I would say that you should be there for her, but not force yourself into it. Make yourself available, not a part of the situation. If she wants your help, she’ll ask for it. If she doesn’t see the harm in her relationship, and you’re not already on a personal level enough to talk about it with her, then you just have to wait.

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i do just want to put something here real quick if people dont mind. while ive not personally seen it or remember it happening while watching here the last few months. and im not saying this as a stop talking about stuff. but you all. will find that special someone. none of you may doubt that for a second. but sometimes its nice to hear. your all lovely people. all with interesting hobbies and polite kind social skills. you are all fantastic people. if you dont have someone already. or have had but not any more. or in one. you deserve to have someone and i have no doubt you all will someday.

im on the outside of it alot. i tend to watch it. i know i wont have someone ( dont start of you will im not hear for pity i have good reasons to not ) but it allows you to view in and yeah. you lot all deserve it. your all amazing people. coming here and talking is 100% healthy. but just remember that. i think you all do. but maybe if you dont. it will remind you that you deserve that love and happiness. and if you do. its always nice to be reminded. i hope this. in maybe some small way. helps.you all. just something general to all of you. have a wonderful day all.

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@meepinater I don’t mean this in a negative way, but I feel a disconnect between what you’re typing and what you mean by it. That is to say, this all sounds like a rehearsal, the type one would do in their mind to force themselves to think everything has gotten better immediately.

I say this out of friendly love. Be honest with yourself! Even if only a small amount of hurt exists, it is better to accept it than to pretend it isn’t there. It’s by accepting your true feelings at the moment that you can properly heal, and that’s what I want for you.

I think you still have some feelings, but admitting that would make being around her awkward. That’s okay. Don’t push yourself too hard to automatically accept your new role as her friend. Think about whether it’s really healthy for you to be around her right now.

I could be misreading all of this of course. We INFJs can be a bit too sure of ourselves sometimes, so forgive me if I’ve missed the mark in my presumptuous assertions.

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I’m not really forcing myself to believe this… it’s just what I think is what I really am feeling.
I could be misinterpreting my feelings, it wouldn’t be the first time.

how did you know? :stuck_out_tongue:

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I can attest to this personally. I’ve been hurting emotionally in one way or another for what’s been almost 3 years now. Yes sometimes feel a lot better than other times, but it’s always been there to some extent. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel good think about. But being able to face it and live with that lonlyness I feel does much more good than pretending it doesn’t exist.

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How do you go about a relationship where one deals with crap that the other has never been through? Obviously they can’t give help and advice from experience. How can they help?

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