I think the main problem for you guys is that your outlook borders on a more pessimistic side. That will negatively affect your confidence and motivation. I say that you should all focus on having mostly positive, selfless thoughts. Learn to smile and don’t focus on your own situation so much, because that overly critical mindset is creating insecurities.
Also, people aren’t perfect. Don’t look for “the one”. Just look for someone who shares similar outlooks on life and see where it leads. There are plenty of people out there, you just have to be willing to put in the effort and create new friendships. A relationship shouldn’t be the one thing to make you happy. You need to find your happiness BEFORE you start a relationship.
@Tarvaax I have confidence, I am not worried about that, I just want to find a girl which shares what I like as well, when I talk about the One, I talk about okay she has some characteristics that I have, she likes what I like mostly but she likes other stuff which I am also totally cool with.
I just remember one crazy thought.
What if we all married our alternatives from a universe 100% identical with others, except that its gender swapped?
THAT, my friends, that would be perfect. Unless you hate yourself, its impossible not to meet a person that would share any passion, thought or passion of yours.
I think we need to dismiss the idea of “soulmates” too. It’s romanticizing, well, romance. Whoever you date won’t be perfect. But find someone who you like and appreciate despite flaws. But acknowledge flaws. Nobody is made for each other, that idea is silly.
The idea of someone being imperfect and loving them despite the flaws goes along with the made for each other idea imo. The best couples fill each other’s gaps sorry that last part sounded dirty but that’s not at all what I meant
For the longest time, I have been asking myself if I would prefer my future girlfriend to have seen the Marvel movies or no.
After watching my Endgame, I decided my answer would be no. I just was so blown away by it that I want to relive that experience through her, which would be really fun and epic.
I think it’s hilarious because I just had a moment a while back where I promised myself I would never put myself through dating someone who didn’t share at least partially my love of Star Wars, Marvel, and Lord of the Rings. As long as they like and have seen one, we’re okay, but I know too many people who refuse to see any outright and so much of my love of books and sci fi and fantasy comes from those franchises.
Lemme give you some… let’s call it brotherly advice?
You’re on the right track dude, but getting there is more than just “learning.” You don’t learn to love yourself, at least not in the traditional sense of learning. The easiest way I can explain it (because I was 100 percent there when I was younger and my self deprecating humor is still razor sharp) is that you begin to accept yourself.
Your biggest enemy is you, and that mentality of “If I don’t like me how can someone else” is honestly the most underratedly toxic thing you can do to yourself. Because simply put, we’re all stuck in our heads and we all fixate on our flaws. Of Course you’re going to see yourself in a worse light than anyone else. The key is to recognize when you’ve been fixating on things that really aren’t important.
The way out of it is different for everyone. In my case, I turned 18, started going out to bars. Not to drink, but because I started hosting an Open Mic with my friends, and to this day I play music publicly at least once a week. It sounds bad but positive validation on a hobby of yours does absolute wonders for your self esteem. 4 Years later, while I still have issues with singing on stage, I feel a whole lot better about myself than I used to because even if I think I suck, other people seem to think differently.
The other thing is that you have to hit a point where you’re comfortable with yourself. Not necessarily comfortable being alone, but just comfortable with who you are. Same deal where it hits everyone differently, but this is where you need to go out and find some kind of group or place to go to.
We’re our own worst enemies, every single time. I can’t tell you the number of people I know who have spent months or years feeling worthless because “No one is interested, and why should they be” only for them to take a step back and work on figuring out who they are, and suddenly having a complete reversal of fortune.
The truth is, and this goes for everyone here, that people are attracted to people. You want a one night thing you can go and find it somehow, but if you’re not an actual person yourself, you’re not really bringing anything to the table. So rather than worrying about what kind of person you are, worry about being someone.
But then what do I know, My situation is more messed up than it’s ever been. Course I wouldn’t have it any other way, but that’s just me being a sucker for pain.
I’ve got kind of a complicated thing rn… the girl I liked just now turns out to have not liked me, and now I’m realizing that while I really did like her, it was mostly because I missed having mutual affection in that way and it’s leading me to again miss the girl that dumped me a freaking month ago. I could use some help
Ummm
Not exactly sure how to deal with that.
I’d personally just try to stay away form romance and that kinda thing for a while, just because it’d probably be good to focus on the more important stuff in life. Maybe give it like 3 or more months, let everything calm down, and then just let stuff happen.
If the new girl doesn’t like you, and you miss the attention of the old girl, why don’t you just leave the new one and try to make up with the old one?