"I'm an idiot"
"So...." (Before something else)
"Well..." (Before Something else)
"Plan for the worst, and hope for the best, and neither way you'll be disappointed." (I may have stolen that one from Ranger's Apprentice, but I do use it quite a bit.)
"Oh, come on!"
"Shh, I'm introverting."
"If I only had some duct tape..."
"Lock it up!"
"Oh, I should write that down!" (writer problems, am I write? )
"Excuse me, (Insert name/title)..." (Before something)
"Ugh... I did not sleep much last night." (It's bad when that's a catch phrase...)
"Have a good day!"
"hanging the noose now"
my friends have got this one
"I'm going to home depot to get a stronger rope"
"get rekt, mate"
"Some people are into that."
In response to "Fight me:" "Get a lawyer."
Okaydokeydaythen (in response to a suggestion)
My friends is kill yourself, and my favorite is shut up. Take your lumps...
Son of a (word varies based on present company)
I like your avatar, sorry about being off topic, but Juane is my favorite RWBY character
I have one that annoys my worst enemy.
I hold the up to my eye, and then-
"well, that happened."
"I agree." (Typically in response to whatever strange or funny noise someone makes)
"Well, color me interested."
“Butternut squash? Yes please!”
"It's fine. It's totally fine. It's fine."
"Not with that attitude." I've picked this one up from a coworker.
However, I'm more infamous for the following.
"First, you start with the chicken. Then you baste it in chicken. Get some more chicken, put some chicken on it, shove it in a chicken.Rub it around while thinking about the chicken inappropriately. Then, you take some gravy. Gravy's made from chicken; shoulda mentioned that. You know what else? Chicken."
That sounds delicious.
“Sorry, I have autism” is my new one this summer. In the same vein, “I have autism, what’s your excuse?”
but it’s usually as a joke; in general I really don’t like using my disability as an excuse.