The world was very different in 2006. Internet security had yet to catch up to hackers, and those who could bypass the struggling, basic defences had free reign over the internet. These hackers digitally looted, pillaged trolled and partook in all manner of technological shenanigans.
The most famous Hacker group of this time was known as the OddSquad. Their members were HacktivistSlime, David_Tennant, System.Waj, BrickMeister, Recorder, and DarkBlueNerd.
They were the worst of the worst. They hacked the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the NRA, the VIP, the QRS, the HDTV, the LoZ, the SCUBA and the entirety of Portugal. They stole hundreds of stocks, worth at least seven dollars. They sent people links to the hamster dance. And worst of all, they loved comic sans.
One day, I was minding my own business, working on my site that advertised my self started company, a small reptile sanctuary and artisan knickknack factory. The site was fantastic. Bright blue background, rainbow text, seventeen different fonts, animated gifs instead of menu buttons, the whole shebang.
Then the odd squad came. They tore my site to pieces. One of them took down all of my links for 'Self promotion', someone deleted all products while screaming DOUBLE POST and one of them wrote lol u suck on the front page. And then they changed my beautiful papyrus font to comic sans. It was devastating. I lost 98% of my customers over night. I had to sell my house, my car, my laptop, both my kidneys and my youngest child just to survive. I started living in the sewers, all I ate was rats and the occasional half a big mac that someone threw away. While I was living underground, all my hair fell out, my wife left me, my feet turned inside out and my tongue turned blue. Then the floods came. I had to move out of my sewer, and I ended up living beneath a bridge. It was wet, and cold, and whenever a big truck drove over the bridge concrete blocks would rain down and destroy my hut. While I was living under the bridge my fingers all started growing in different directions, and belly button switched from an innie to an outie and my left eye went blind and now I can see ghosts and I stopped being able to say the word purple.
After a few years under the bridge, I was able to get a job interview for a stamp licker job at a big company. But when I sent in my resume, the odd squad hacked it, changed every 'and' to the word 'giraffe', replaced all of my semi-colons with yen symbols, changed my name to 'Mr. Smelly', replaced my photo with a photo of a toucan running on a treadmill and worst of all changed the font from papyrus to comic sans. I didn't get the job. Then the odd squad stole my ex-wife, and made fun of my uncle, and called my dog lumpy and ate all my shoes and threw the empire state building at me.
Now, the OddSquad has a new name, and call themselves 'Moderators'.
That wasn't all that bad, but the other day the OddSquad sneezed on my cat and now she keeps biting me and my life is absolutely demolished. Thanks.