And what a whoop it is.
It’s not exactly a comfortable hour right now, so I’ll keep my immediate thoughts brief and possibly come back with a more detailed look later on. This entire thing screams Greg Farshtey to the point where I actually had to scan my mental library of Bionicle books to see if certain phrases or exact descriptions ever came up. Well done in that regard.
And now for a nitpick.
Well, a legitimate nitpick.
Contraction versus Possessive: When an apostrophe is used in the middle of a word, it is a contraction - a shortening of two words for convenience, most typically with the word Is following another word. There Is, He Is, She Is, You Are, I Am, I will, You Will for example.
Now the contraction of It’s means It Is - back to this in a second.
Possessives are to label something as being the property of the aforementioned noun. His, Her, Mine, Yours, Theirs, Ours, and Its. Any time It’s occurs in this story, from what I can tell, should be the possessive form and not the contraction.
And on a side note, names and titles have a weird habit of breaking the barrier and having a contraction that is also a possessive. For instance, this is Ghid’s post. English is dumb.
And now all I can do is wait for the next alternate universe short story you come up with. Zaktan ruling the Dark Hunters, perhaps? Or maybe Mata Nui taking Teridax’s final offer? This story alone is enough proof you’ve got the potential to make a whole series like it.