Sometimes santa eats too much milk and cookies while delivering presents.
Let’s just say it wasn’t coal in my stocking.
3 Likes
“What a nice day,” I said, as I left the house. “I sure hope no one needs that rock I borrowed for geology 7500.”
3 Likes
“I would like one hamburger,” I said.
“Oh so you think this is a joke do you” said my hamburger relatives at the hamburger family reunion
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I’ve gotten food poisoning many times, had my brakes cut twice, nearly drowned after falling off a boat, broke my leg falling from my balcony, among other things.
My mom’s attempts to kill me are too numerous to count.
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I have done everything I can to instill the fear of death into Racie with numerous inexplicable occurrences trending towards grave bodily harm, as my evil machinations require me to fulfill.
She then called me her mom 
2 Likes
Breaking into the house was easy, navigating it was like knowing the back of my own hand.
Then I realized I was the invisible man.
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Someone moves me in a coffin.
Then someone got scare because I’m Dracula.
1 Like
“Why does this creep keep breaking into the morgue to sleep in coffins,” I asked the other mortician. “This is the third time I’ve killed him this week!”
4 Likes
“Look at all these excited people,” i said, gesturing at the empty room.
“We’re not that excited,” the empty room said.
5 Likes
Walk to a scary castle with a skull face on it.
However it’s belong to someone’s grandma with a white mask.
3 Likes
Ghid. GHID.
8 Likes
“Guys, I just heard someone at the door. You know, the one that leads to the incinerator.”
6 Likes
Yesterday I died.
Tomorrow you will too.
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“Your order will arrive in five business days,” The LEGO Pick a Brick service form said.
Wearily I retrieve my LEGO package from the front porch, a month and a half later than promised.
5 Likes
“Oh boy I’m about to stop the Western Roman Empire from collapsing!” Majorian said with a smile.
“Hello,” Ricimer said behind him.
5 Likes
“You ever feel like something’s a bad idea, but you do it anyway?”
“Right, and sending the murder weapons from all the stabbing to everyone whose address appeared in today’s newspaper doesn’t count.”
6 Likes
Vincent knows too much, sees too much, hears too much, and scare too much.
He will be paying the price of knowing too much.
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Great King of Evil Ganondorf appears.
“I could have my gucci onnnn”
2 Likes
Velika is behind me, armed.
I suddenly see the interior of the Red Star.
6 Likes
“So nice of you to take me home,” I slurred to the well-dressed man with the pistol as we drove up to a townhouse in upstate New Jersey.
5 Likes