Bionicle MOC: Al' Takire - The Lich

Its amasing!
@Whaddon he is the lich guy from dota, forgot his name.

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I dont Play Dota

but this person is Arthas from World of Warcraft who goes under the title The Lich King.
also Dota stole most of the design ideas from the Warcraft series anyway

#Now Back To Topic

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Heheheheh :smiling_imp: :grinning:

:alien: hehehe hoho hahahahahaha


@matanui606
@Gilahu

backstory is done

I like this backstory, it’s simple and well written. In fact the only problem I have with it is the last line:

I would suggest changing, “My name is…” to “I’ll call myself…” seeing as how he is literally naming himself.

My other problem with this is the line:

My main problem here being that he: A) probably doesn’t know he’s a lich, B) probably wouldn’t call himself that even if he did know, C) even if he does know, and would call himself that, there is no reason for him to say it to himself.

I can understand him saying his name to himself, I mean, if I was choosing a name for myself I’d probably say it a couple of times, but I probably wouldn’t say “My name is [insert name here]. I’m a human.”

Those are my only real gripes, and they are very small at that. I could go either way on him remembering his old name and then deciding he didn’t like it, but either way it’s an interesting detail to include.

That being said, great backstory! It fits the character well, and I’m curious what havoc Al’ Takire will reap on Spherus Magna however many years after it’s reformation.

That backstory really has something to it. Very nice job!
Just the last passage seems somewhat odd and not fitting, probably because of the reasons that @matanui606 gave.
Especially that “I’m a lich” seems … forced? I mean, he just has risen and is all like “I don’t remember my name but I definately know that I’m a lich and I have to tell that to myself because I totally know what a lich is and that I’m one because I wouldn’t believe it otherwise”
Considering @matanui606 's comment what about this for the last passage:

He grinned. “I’ll call myself Al’ Takire. The Lich.”

Just “The Lich” could either imply, that “Al’ Takire” is perhaps matoran for lich or that he knows, what he has become, and adds this as kind of a title to his name.

Anyways, I guess he isn’t a contribution to the Brotherhood project now? (the time of his death (I guess?) is too late (Teridax’ reign, all Makuta except Miserix and 2 Teridax kept as Kraata creators were already dead by then, not to mention that Destral had been overrun by the Order of Mata Nui and Tridax was the last Makuta there)

But as I said, the story itself is great. And surley works in an alternate universe.

I’m eagerly awaiting your contribution to the Brotherhood project!

Well, if he wanted to set it in the cannon universe he wouldn’t need to change much. Just replace the hordes of Rahkshi with the Order, and make up a reason for him to disobey his orders and stay in Destral.

I do like your idea that perhaps Al’ Takire is the matoran word for lich, it has a nice symmetry to it, but that’s just my opinion, and it’s not my story…

yeah, I see what your getting at, It seems my theatrical side ran away with me XD

He was dead for a while, I guess i was too subtle with

That and the fact he wasn’t wearing it at the time (in the story, he’s not the main villian (his lich-hood was by design))

probably gonna do this

[quote=“matanui606, post:28, topic:17781”]
I do like your idea that perhaps Al’ Takire is the matoran word for lich
[/quote] and this

would a form when he’s just a Makuta be a valid entry?

Just curious,approximately how long was he ‘dead’ for?

@TheRed1s

The only problems here in terms of being accepted for the Brotherhood project are these:

  • he has to die (but not necessarily also already resurrected) before Teridax takes over the Matoran Universe (it isn’t exactly canon but I could live with it, if he died when he tried to escape from Destral when the Order of Mata Nui attacked)

  • as I mentioned at the beginning of the project, I will allow it that some Makuta besides Miserix survive in some form although these things have to apply to them:
    –> they aren’t out of Antidermis anymore (which would result in them not being able to absorb enemys or create Kraata anymore, thus in theory making them something new and not really a member of the Makuta species anymore)
    –> they have to loose most (>50% ~) of their Makuta powers
    You would have to mention this specifically (and detailed in regard to his powers) for example under an extra caption named “Powers”.

I think, that’s it.

I admit that I didn’t mention it in the short story, but when turning into a lich, he lost all makuta powers and as lichs are spirits in a dead body, antidermis would not be necessary.

but none of that really matters, I was going to make a prior version of him. he will be 100% makuta (basically him when he called himself “Tak”)

long enough for the Toa Nuva to become legends and the makuta to become tales to keep agori in bed :stuck_out_tongue:

So several thousand years, based on the amount of time it took for the Great Cataclysm to become part of the Legend of Mata Nui…

yeah, that sounds about right.

Ok, sounds comprehensible.

If you add all the lich stuff as part of his story to his 100% Makuta entry, you will have to take care of the two things I mentioned, though. :wink: