Bionicle - Season 1 episode 3: The Totem [SCRIPT-PITCH]

Made my own attempt at writing the third episode:

BIONICLE 1.3: The Totem

Because there isn’t a proper outline for the episodes (or at least, not one that I can find), I had to guess-remember my way trough writing this - the only thing I remember is the ending, which I did try to include.
A thanks goes to @Ragdoll for reviewing it, and making a few suggestions and stuff.

Besides that, it would be nice to hear some criticism - not just for the story, but the way I wrote the script (do I make any screenwriting mistakes? Is it unprofessional?).


I got to say that the dialogue is amazing! You have managed to capture the Toa’s personalities really well!

One thing I do find a bit odd is that, as Onua said, they have only been Toa for a couple of days. Meaning, they only have their elemental powers for a couple of days.

Even the gifted ones, I doubt would be able to use their newly found elemental powers effectively, like with any new skill you are still learning.
If anything, it could probably look that their use of the powers is sometimes accidental and triggered by emotion. (Lewa’s attack when met by Onua - out of fear)

While we are talking about emotions, how does Tahu’s little handfire look like? Is he using it as a torch? Does he permanently have a burning hand?

I think this is definitely making it into the next Brainstorm.

And I believe that I’m speaking for many of us when I say…


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Very, very interesting, particularly the fight scene with Lerahk. I’m not sure why, but it really hammered it home for me for the first time that the Rahkshi used to be these Matoran. I only really got that feeling for Turahk, but now it’s very much applied to Lerahk.

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I would love to know if you are still planning on doing episode 4 pitch, as I believe there is a lot of potential in your writing, as well as loads of inspiration for the Cast.

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The flame is supposed to be hovering over his palm, basically identical to this. Guess I didn’t make that clear :stuck_out_tongue:

It’s kinda weird. I’m over halfway through episode 5, while I barely have any ideas for 4 other than the setting and characters (I’m thinking of getting them out there at the same time). However, I may not write more than that; it’s definitely fun, but there’s no outline for how season 1 is supposed to be - these two episodes are premises that I guess-made-up based on the podcast. Furthermore, now that TTV’s going to talk about the script to some capacity, I might wait to see what they have to say before moving forward.

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