Captain Marvel - An exceptionally late critique

Before you all go "Why are you doing this? Why does this topic exist? Why isn’t it part of the Captain Marvel topic?” calm down and let me explain.
I saw Captain Marvel in theatres. I had my opinion fluctuations when it comes of it. In it’s lowest points, I completely despise it and I almost completely remake it in my headcannon. In it’s highest, I think it is OK, but still a bad movie. Now here’s the thing: I’ve been wanting to make such a long “critique” for quite some time, and Captain Marvel seems the best test subject for me to try my hand on.
I am doing this to completely show my opinion about this movie. Yes, you can argue that what actually is my opinion was a little diluted by different factors, like the rather big number of reviews I saw. However, such factors did not changed it that much. Or at least I hope it didn’t.
I am making this topic separate to the Captain Marvel discussion topic because I do not want my extremely elaborate opinion to be lost in that topic (even tho this topic as a whole might end up bigger than the CM topic as a whole).
I want it to be it’s own thing. Obviously it will spawn talks about the movie. As long as said talks would be based on my rant, and would not be general opinions about the movie that were not ignited by this topic, they are OK. I guess… I really don’t care what you guys write in the comments.
And YES. I am going to briefly touch the political controversies surrounding the movie and Brie Larson, as they are an important part surrounding this topic. The ones who know me are aware of my strong political opinions and virtues. I will try to hold them as much as possible, although I am almost certain from this point that I will have some points in which I will have diplomatic problems.
I will also use my natural kinda arrogant-kinda ironic sense of humour. To be honest, this is who I am, especially when it comes of movies and stuffs like this, so it’s only natural to expect me to act like me when I am doing such a topic.
And before any of you calls the mods, let me hold you up: @Kini_Hawkeye is on my side. I PM-ed the guy months in advance, just to be sure that he, one of the most active mods, is OK with my critique review thing. He is. Not only that, but he also assured me that in a worst case scenario the topic will be closed, but I will still have access to my account (aka I won’t get banned). To quote him, he said that I have “his blessings”.
Ha ha you lose I win.
In all seriousness, let’s hope that we will not have any problem, and that there would not be anybody who would find this topic offensive or something enough to call the mods.
Ah, by the way I don’t know how much this is a “personal opinion” as it is a “semi-subjective opinion backed by a lot, and I mean a lot of objective facts”. But you’ll see what I am talking about.
OK, enough talking. I already kinda feel that this one page-long disclaimer was completely useless, aside of the @Kini_Hawkeye thing.
Without further ado, here we go.

~~I would like to point out that my “Blessing” in this instance carried to posting a critique without getting banned over what may be controversial. I in no way endorse the content of this piece. ~Hawkeye

I don’t think anybody was thinking that your opinion on this movie will be the same as mine.
Plus, let’s be honest: nothing from what I said was controversial enough to do this.

Captain Marvel is the 21st movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which is arguably one of my favourite movie franchises of all time, if not the one. Sorry Travisverse, M:I Universe, LotR saga and Glassverse. Good luck next time.
When the very first teaser trailer dropped, I was actually hyped for this movie. Extremely hyped. Then I kinda forgot for it. When I got interest into it again, it wasn’t on a positive note. I was slowly finding out about all of the controversies surrounding the movie, controversies which admittedly conquered my way of seeing the movie.
And then the movie came out. I hated it, I hated it so much. All of my fears came true. It was garbage, boring, it was bad.
Since then my opinion kinda centred a little bit, but I still have a lot to say about that.
Since I watched Captain Marvel I realised that the MCU is not invincible. Yes, Thor: The Dark World was also kinda bad, but at least it had it’s charisma that was attracting me to watch it every time I was seeing the promo on television. I can’t say the same about Captain Marvel, tho.
But I guess this is it. The disclaimer and the introduction should be enough. If they aren’t Vladin From the Future will edit it.
You good? OK. This will hurt my fingers so much.
Let’s go.

##”Small stuffs”
When I say small stuffs, I mean stuffs that are not actually connected to wider subjects and categories of this review, like characters or plot. Most of the small stuffs are theme-based.
This doesn’t mean by any stretch that they aren’t important. They are as important as the other categories, maybe even more important in some aspects. I just want to get them out of the way before starting with the bigger categories.

This movie has too many themes, till the point it can’t handle any of them. This movie is about a lot of things. In the beginning it gives us the sensation that it will be about the relation between Jude Law’s and Brie Larson’s characters. And… to be honest… I would have really enjoyed it. That fight scene could have been a great set up for the two, and it seems that the idea of a continuous mentor-student theme was actually considered to be one of the main themes, as at the very end Law’s character actually tries to have what I call a “theme fight” (a fight that represents the climax of the theme arc) with Carol. Big emphasis on tries.
But then the movie shifts. It suddenly becomes a funny buddy cop comedy with Fury and Danvers. OK…? I mean, it is quite the abrupt change of theme, to the point the movie kinda becomes a little inconsistent, but it can work, right? We can say that Fury is the reason why Danvers slowly drifts away by Law’s character. Like we can say that while Jude Law tries to teach her to hold her emotions and to be more serious, Fury tries to make her let the things go. But of course, it didn’t happen like that.
The movie suddenly shifts in theme again, becoming about the sisterhood between Danvers and her best friend, Maria. While the two previous themes can work, a third theme, this one in particular, can’t. At this point the movie is just tonally inconsistent, because the writers really wanted to have Maria as a character instead of saving her (or most importantly her daughter) for a more important occasion. The sisterhood theme is useless and forced into the movie, without having any sort of pay-off. We do have an OK pay-off for the buddy cop theme, and we kinda (?) have a pay-off for the relation between Danvers and Jude Law’s character, but for the sisterhood theme we don’t have any. Which is very frustrating, considering the potential of the best friend character (or most importantly for her daughter).
So three themes. One of them incomplete. That’s pretty much for a single movie, right? We should stop here with them, right?
We get yet another theme, a fourth one, which is admittedly more important for the movie than the previous two: reaching your full potential. I mean, it is obvious, right? The entire movie Carol is tied “with a hand at her back”. She must reach her full potential and to learn how to use it. And to the movie’s credit they kinda use it properly. Big emphasis on kinda. What do I mean by this? Well, the theme kinda fits on Carol. At the end of the movie she struggles to control her powers and her “emotions” (”struggles”) and by the end of the movie she goes Super Sayan. Just one thing tho: by the middle of the movie she completely forgets of the theme. Like, she represents the positive side of the theme, the ‘letting things go’ side, while Jude Laws’s character (I’ll call him Youngledore till I get to the point where I actually need to name him) represents the other side of the spectrum, the ‘control your emotions and be serious’ side. Now we have set up a PERFECT theme, in which the protagonist and the villain are complete opposite forces of it. So the final battle should be the theme fight of the movie, in which Carol’s completely rekts Youngledore while letting things go, achieving her true potential. However, she rekts him in a completely unsatisfying way, just for the sake of a joke. Really movie? A joke? Do you really want to sacrifice the climax of the theme and the story for the sake of a joke? From a theme perspective, the final confrontation with Youngledore is a complete disaster. It doesn’t achieve anything aside of making the plot forcefully go forward. This could have been completely awesome, it would have fixed the “Danvers vs Youngledore” arc I talked earlier, it could have been a redeeming quality of the movie, but scratch that, let’s make a joke. Kids like jokes. Kids bring us money, so jokes bring us money.
Besides, this fourth theme isn’t even complete by itself, because when we get to the second theme of this movie, the “Buddy cop” theme, Carol is already letting things go. She is jokey, she laughs with Fury. She basically embraced what she has to learn at the end without any struggle. She doesn’t learn anything out of it, ruining the entire theme. However, at the end of the film she suddenly forgets that letting things go is a good thing and she is up to the fourth theme again. So the fourth theme not only that has no pay-off, it also is inconsistent by itself.
Not only this, but it seems that half-way through the movie Fury becomes self-aware and tries to push Carol back on the “Danvers vs Youngledore”/”Reaching your full potential” double theme arc. When he says “I recognise a renegade soldier when I see one”. That moment is when Carol should realise that this whole time she was letting things go, and it was good. However, she doesn’t realise this push, and Danvers continues going on her inconsistent path.
And if four broken themes are not enough, there is a fifth theme: standing up and be who you are. OK, this one kinda ties to the “Reaching your full potential” theme, because by the end of this theme, Carol should have recognised her true identity and become the person she actually was. But no… If the other two themes have no pay-off, this one would not have either. I mean, it kinda has, because very conveniently at the end of the movie Carol is supposedly the person she was before the brain washing. I say supposedly because we have no idea who she actually was before she became a Kree. I also want to add that “standing up” was teased multiple times in the movie, with the many montages of Carol literally standing up after mean guys were telling her what to do, but I’ll talk more about that later.
OK, now let’s recap, shall we? The “Danvers vs Youngledore”/”Reaching your full potential”/”Standing up for who you are” tri-thematic arc? Very conveniently ended in a rushed, extremely messy way. It seems that the writes really were not able to figure out how to end them in a pleasant, good way. This, or they really wanted to sacrifice the whole theme of the movie for a joke, which kinda seems more likely. I am sorry, but I am not going to forget it. This is the sin nr. 1 of this movie: they completely, intentionally, broke the entire theme of the film just so that they can have a joke in which Carol shoots a mean, punny guy like 100 metres away. I am not forgetting that, and any critic shouldn’t either.
The “Buddy cop” theme? This one might actually be the most consistent, even tho this means the inconsistency of the try-thematic arc of the movie. Meh, it kinda worked, and it kinda had a pay-off at the end when Carol gives Nick the device thing that he uses at the end of Infinity War. So this theme actually kinda pays it off. Maybe this is why Fury’s character is the best in the entire movie. I’ll give the movie credit for that, tho this credit is compared to the mess that it is the tri-thematic arc like the ant compared to the laptop I am writing these words on.
The “Sisterhood” theme? Completely useless, inconsistent, and has no pay-off. It pops out of nowhere, with minimal teasing, and is there just for the convenience of the plot. The movie would have been exactly the same without it. Actually no, it would have been better. It would have given more time for the development of the tri-thematic arc. I am not calling it a sin, tho, as it kinda had enough potential to remain memorable.

The Tesseract
I saw a lot of people raging about the Tesseract’s presence in this movie and, to be honest, I don’t really care that much. I think the movie could have worked without it too tho. I am pretty sure that there would have been a way to give Carol her powers without milking the last Space Stone juice there was. But even then, I am not that mad that they kept it.
However, the Tesseract was used mostly as a joke, especially when it comes of Goose’s scenes with it. This is especially insulting when this is happening right after Infinity War, the movie in which we finally see the Space Stone used properly, in a scary way actually. So imagine: the thing that decimated half of the universe, 4 billion humans plus God knows how many Skewes’ Numbers, was eaten and vomited by a cat. And before any of you tell me “No, it is a Flerken”, it doesn’t matter. It still plays the role that a cat ate the stone for laughs. The simple fact that the cat is alien doesn’t change the situation. The thing that had the possibility to tear every single atom in the entire Milky Way apart, before bringing them back and using them to bombard a Neutron Star before turning every remaining piece of reality into freaking SUPER MASSIVE BLACK WHOLES… Inhales… was eaten and vomited by a cat. Sigh… I really hope that Goose vomited it in the first place only because the Tesseract was slowly burning his stomach from the inside. I mean, the thing teleported Red Skull all the way to Vormir. You can’t tell ne that a cat’s stomach would be worthy to have the stone and Red Skull wasn’t.

Exposition dumbs
Not much to say here. Captain Marvel really doesn’t know how to handle exposition, one of the most crucial parts of the story. At the very beginning the AI lady is telling Danvers like… everything about the Skrulls and their plan. Obviously, this is an exposition dumb, and a bad one at that.
But why is it bad? I mean… at the beginning of the movie we see Danvers training for her mission! Maybe she didn’t knew all the details of the Skrulls before it! Maybe that was her very first mission!
That… Actually makes sense.
For real now, if we try to look past the movie’s need to explain the audience what the hell is happening, this exposition gives us the sensation that this is Carol’s very first mission, and that the AI lady is filling her in personally because of her special powers. If it is so, then I take back my words and I apologise. However, if it actually is so, then several other pieces of the plot won’t align. I’ll get to that later.
There is another smaller exposition dumb, in the form of Monica Rambeau, but I will talk about it when I actually get to the character herself.

The humour
It was… there. It was composed of the “Marvel jokes” that you came to expect from any MCU movie. It’s not bad. There were a few jokes that cracked a chuckle out of me (including the joke ripped off from The Mummy (although I kinda regret it now)).
The joke that I liked the most is when Danvers just punches an old lady in the train and everybody is like “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”. I know we already saw it in the trailer, but I think that it is one of my favourite scenes in the entire movie, if not the one.
But you might be wondering why I am expecting better jokes from Captain Marvel in particular. After all, it is supposed to be a more serious movie, not a comedy like Ant-Man or GotG, right?
Wrong. I already made it clear in the theme category of this review that this movie has no idea what it actually wants to be, and that it sabotages itself for the sake of jokes. If jokes are so important for this movie, at least try to make them higher than the average. Try to make them tge centre of the movie, like the aforementioned Ant-Man and GotG. Plus this would somehow help the “Buddy cop” theme a little bit more.
Again, the humour is not bad, it’s just pretty average, and I was personally expecting more.

Just a girl
This category is all about the pop songs that were used in Captain Marvel. Said songs are “Crazy on You”, “Kiss Me Deadly”, “Whatta Man”, “Connection”, “Only Happy When It Rains”, “Crush With Eyeliner”, “Waterfalls”, “You Gotta Be”, “Come As You Are”, sigh, “Just A Girl”, “Man on the Moon”, “Please Mr. Postman” and “Celebrity Skin”. Observe something? There are way too many pop songs for what Captain Marvel supposed to be. At this point, with all of the thematic swifts, the jokes that brake the story and that are meant to attract a bigger audience, and now the rather big number of pop songs, you can observe a divide in this movie. It almost seems that in it’s first half it tries to be serious and to actually show a story, one important for the MCU as a whole, while on the second part it tries too much to be like the GotG movies. It doesn’t work. You can’t be serious, like an Iron Man or a Captain America movie (which I assure you, this was the theme meant for Captain Marvel) and funny and laid back, like the Guardians, in the same time. It’s too big of a swift. And the said swift is easily observable, with the war that is going on between the themes, the elements and all other kinds of factors related to this movie. I am not saying that pop songs are bad in a movie about the 90s, but before you go all crazy with all of these songs, actually think at the theme, man!
Personally, I don’t have a problem that big with all of these, except for one. Using “Just a Girl” in the middle of the “final battle” is a bad idea. I mean, not even the Guardians had pop songs in the middle of their big, important moments. Even in comedies, those are meant to be serious.
I could also talk about how the movie uses it’s set-up into the 90s for cash-grab (unlike, let’s say, Wonder Woman, which actually uses the set-up into WWI to its advantage), but seeing that I wasn’t born into the 90s, I don’t think I will be able to talk about it to the level I talk about everything else. Maybe there are people who actually felt the 90s nostalgia. I dunno, I wasn’t around yet.

The directors
The main directors of Captain Marvel were Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck. If you haven’t heard of them then you aren’t exactly alone.
Let’s look on IMDB, shall we? Apparently, this couple team worked together on several films, those being Half Nelson, with a score of 7.2, It’s Kind of a Funny Story with 7.1, Mississippi Grind with 6.4 and, of course, Captain Marvel with a clean 7. See a trend here?
In all seriousness, I haven’t seen any other movie made by them, and Captain Marvel convinced me not to do so. I am scared to see the scores of their individual films. The thing is that these two are responsible for the mess that it is the theme of this movie. One of them tried the serious, female empowerment path (remember my Iron Man and Captain America examples?), and the other wanted a funnier, laid-back comedy with Nick Fury and Carol Danvers. Something tells me that the former one is Anna and that the latter one is Ryan. Unless neither of them realised that we actually need a unified theme for a movie.
Like I said, the second half of the movie seems to be a total different story than the first one, and that thanks to the divide between the two directors. I bet my money on that.
Besides, these guys were responsible for everything from the story to the “continuity”, but I will talk about that later.
Vladin From the Future note: OK, I actually looked through their IMDB pages, and apparently they worked together more than four times, to the point in which one barely made anything without each other. The lows are really low and the highs don’t pass 7-8, so their works are pretty average, tho I kinda have to give them a little more credit retroactively.

Rotten Tomatoes
At the time of writing this, Captain Marvel has a 78% at critics and 55% at audience. Ouch… Another The Last Jedi case. Tho the divide it’s much smaller.
But at the beginning of the movie’s run we had this score:

And then they deleted a few tens of thousands of reviews, claiming that they were “trolls” (yes, sure), turning the score into this:

You know, don’t you think that it’s a little rotten when rotten tomatoes deletes 54k reviews and the score changed by only 3%?
Wheter they were actually trolls or not its pretty irelevant, really.
Tho if they are willing to cover this movie up, imagine what else they would be covering.
I think this is all I had to say here.

Yeah I think you already know what to expect from this category: me talking about Danvers, Fury, Youngledore, maybe Talos too. No. I am going to talk about more than these 3 or 4. I will start from the least insignificant to the most significant, at least from a story perspective. In this category specifically I will talk only about the lesser characters, and later on I will talk about the bigger ones as well.
Anyway, let’s start it.

1) The Krees
While I was writing the words that you are reading right now I had to stretch my mind, trying to find anything notable about any of the Krees in Captain Marvel. Except for Youngledore. I actually had to open the MCU Wiki to find their names. It’s a very smart move that you tease an entire team of characters and you only name one of them excluding the main character and the main villain.
So let’s see… There is Korath the Pursuer (aka the black robot dude from GotG, although here he is a regular Kree, I guess), there’s Minn-Erva (aka the girl), there’s Bron-Char (aka the beard guy), there’s Att-Lass (aka the puny guy who really looks like he is the by-the-book-cadet type of character of the team), and that’s it. I actually thought that there were more.
OK, so while I was continuing writing the words that now you read, I researched about the role these four characters had in the Marvel comics. Apparently, in the comics Black Guy is called Korath-Thak. In that universe he was some sort of engineer that made himself robot. He also fought Cap and Scarlet Which, so that’s a bonus. Minerva was a mad scientist that wanted to mate with Mar-Vell just so that they could have superior kids or something. Bron-Char was basically the Kree equivalent of the Hulk, to the point he even destroyed Cap’s shield (or a replica or something). By the book cadet was the equivalent of Bruce Banner with the Hulkbuster from Infinity War. He even called himself Titanium Man.
See any pattern? Cause I see one. None of these personalities or ideas are explored in the MCU. Or at least not in Captain Marvel. While all of these ideas could have been interesting, the directors and writers were like “Nah! Developed background characters? Who needs developed background characters? This is Captain Marvel, not Beast Wars!” We could have and should have seen more of all of them. Of course, making them main characters wouldn’t have been a good idea and it would have probably hurt an already crowded movie. But really now? Not any line? Not any hint of personality? Why should we care of her team? Black Guy could have been the scientist of the group. He could have been Youngledore’s devoted second in command that also kinda disliked Carol for her powers. Maybe he was thinking that she will become so powerful that she will shadow him. Maybe he decided to make his mechanical implants so that he would be better than her, more powerful, faster, smarter.
Maybe Minerva could have been a little more explored. I kinda liked the route they chose for her MCU iteration, but she only was there to shoot a few people from time to time. She had one line of dialogue that kinda gave her a personality, but it was completely scrapped by the end of the movie. She might have been the most wasted out of the four, tho also my favourite. I don’t know, when I saw this movie I was going through a weird phase in which I had to like every character named Athena/Minerva.
Beard guy could have been the heavy weapon specialist. An The Expendables-esque character, like an older, drunker uncle that gave Carol advices from time to time and was there to cheer the rest of the team up in dark situations. Maybe he was the muscle of the team. Maybe he was the one with the biggest remorse when he had to fight Carol, and attacks Youngledore instead.
By-the-book guy could have been… just that. A by-the-book rookie who was there to praise every choice that Youngledore was making. Maybe he had a crush on Minerva and would go Titanium Man on Carol to protect his love interest. Or maybe he had a crush on Carol and HE was the one with the biggest remorse when he would have to fight her. Maybe he would make Carol manifest actual feelings.
But no. All of these had to be replaced with generic, non-speaking background gun-fire Stormtrooper-esque characters that could have been replaced with absolutely anybody else and nothing would have changed. Such a waste of characters and potential development.

2) The Skrulls
The Skrulls are just… meeeh.
I mean… initially I was extremely mad to see that they changed them from clear bad guys to poor hunted emigrants, but as time passed on I realised that I don’t really care that much. It is not even their biggest problem. Tho I still preferred if they were the definitive bad guys of the movie, or at least if by the end Carol and the audience would consider both the Krees and the Skrulls bad guys. I mean, at the beginning of the movie they were actually pretty interesting, but as time passed on… Yeah. They weren’t all that interesting, if at all, by the end of the movie.
Also please don’t tell me that I am the only one who thinks that they look horrible. I mean REALLY now, they look like one of those failed alien costumes from Star Trek, or like something that George Lucas would choose to put in that cantina in A New Hope. Their faces look rubbery and unnatural. They can barely open their mouths or even talk! Like, don’t tell me that you didn’t had problems understanding what Talos was saying, or moments in which you just had to admit that his acting got a little damaged from that awkward mask. Really, was it that expensive to CGI them? They actually CGI-ed some of them! Why some of them and not all of them? Was it really all that expensive?
I’ll have to stop here tho. I can’t talk about the Skrulls extensively without spoiling one of my next sections. Let’s consider this sub-category a teaser.

3) Maria Rambeau
In the comics Maria Rambeau was Monica Rambeau’s mother (plot twist). She was the extremely protective type, considering that she even tried to steal her daughter’s Avengers identity card when she heard that she was going to become an Avenger.
I would prefer that version of the character any time.
Granted, there is not much to explore about it in a movie about Carol Danvers, and we kinda saw a glimpse of this side of the character when she tried to tell Carol nicely that she doesn’t want to come with her in space. But never mind, her daughter completely changed her mind.
I really don’t have much to say about Maria other than she is generic and unnecessary. As I said she was the one who created the forced “Sisterhood” theme which again: could have been better if we actually cared about the character. The thing is that we don’t care about Maria. She barely has any lines in the movie. She initially seems to be the main focus of Carol: she has to find her so that she could explain her her backstory. After we meet her we kinda have a funny moment with her, tho then she actually opens her mouth and tells us motivational speeches about how hard it is to be a single mother. Then she just blends into the background. She is dragged along into the climax of the movie with no real reason of being there.
Also, how come that she accepted the existence of aliens so quickly. Not only that, but after she quickly accepts it she kicks the aft out of them in the final battle.
I don’t know, I really don’t care of her. She did not annoyed me that much. But you know who annoyed me?

4) Moica Rambeau
In the comics Monica Rambeau is, if I recall correctly, the second Captain Marvel. She later changed her alias into Photon. Now, I don’t know too much about her, as I yet have to read about her, but what I can say is that she was better than the psycho that is Carol Danvers into the comics, that she is cool and awesome, and that she doesn’t go around saying that she is better than everybody else because she is not only a woman, but also black.
In the movie she is an annoying child, the proof that the big media companies have no idea how children her age are acting.
In all seriousness, I kinda liked the idea of setting Photon up from now as this child who had the experience of being friend with Captain Marvel. This might also be a reason as to why she will end up as the second Captain Marvel, but this is up to Feige. What I did not like is that they kinda forced her here, into the first movie. They don’t even finish the first appearance of Captain Marvel and are already setting up a replacement.
She is also a complete walking exposition machine®. The most important thing she did was bringing a box full of photos in front of the camera and explaining Carol things like “She didn’t get along with her father”. OK, couldn’t we actually see it? Like, she explained pretty important stuffs, stuffs that could heavily develop and change Carol’s character, but instead this movie proofs that it never heard of the “Show, don’t tell” rule and decides to give us a second exposition dump halfway through the movie!
Also how did she even recognised Carol after six years?
And here is the part that you knew it was coming. You just knew, didn’t you?
“You have the chance to fly the coolest mission in the history of missions, and you’re gonna give it up to sit on the couch and watch Fresh Prince with me? I just think that you should consider the kind of example you’re setting for your daughter.”
This, TTV Message Boarders, this is the cringiest line I ever heard in all of 2019 so far. Also, no. I am challenging you to show me a line cringier than this. I literally laughed loudly in the cinema room, and I don’t even think that I was the only one. This line single-handendly shrunked any respect I would have for any iteration of Monica Rambeau, and it honestly scares me that THIS is going to be our Captain Marvel after Carol is knocked out. I… really don’t know what to expect from the MCU anymore. I hope my annoiance is understandable. No kid her age or younger speaks like that. No teenager speaks like that. No young adult speaks like that. No adult speaks like that. No old men speak like that. _I_don’t speak like that. Nobody speaks like that! Disney, CW, everybody else who thinks we are speaking like that, please understand: nobody would EVER say that in such a situation, therefore there is no reason to use SUCH lines!
Also why didn’t she got older from the flashback Carol saw her in and the actual movie?
Honestly, the fact that she will join the MCU that quickly in phase 4, and that she will be part of the Wandavision Disney+ show, scares me.

5) Goose
Yes, I am giving the cat a category of its own.
No, I will not talk about that joke yet.
Tho I am going to talk about the running joke of the movie. Somehow the Skrulls are the only ones who can identify Goose as a Flerken. How? You want me to expect that Goose is the only cat that they ever saw on Earth (because otherwise they would think that Earth is a planet populated by Flerkens and would run away)? Or that they did not saw him while going through Carol’s memories? You want to tell me that the Skrulls have this incredible sense in detecting the Flerkens, yet they run of it like I would run of garlic? You want to tell me that neither the humans, nor the Kree could realise that Goose was more than meets the eyes? This joke might be a nice one, but it heavily affects the worldbuilding and creates plotwholes.
Also, why is the cat more charismatic than the main character?
Goose was OK. It was a final-moment plot device, and it turned one of the six most powerful things in the universe into an one-off joke, but he was nice.

OK, I’ll talk about the other characters, aka Youngledore, Fury, etc, later on, I promise, I just want to get what might be my favourite (and most efficient) category of the critique out of the way now.

##The movie’s plot broken down
OK, here are the game rules. I will try my best to break down the entire plot of the entire movie. I should say from now that I will not dive super deep into every detail, just in my problems with the story. Some of them might be nitpicks, and I will not negate this when it comes of the actual nitpicks. However, I think that the majority of my problems are actually important and valid stuffs.
Again: if you expect that I will explain every single detail about the plot here, this is not the category for you.
With that out of the way, let’s just jump into it.

So the movie starts with probably my favourite part from the entire picture: the Stan Lee tribute. To be honest only now I do realise how much Stan Lee meant for me and what will mean for me. He was an important person, from more points of views, from his absolutely revolutionary works to the fact that technically he was Romanian (the more you know). I was extremely surprised when I saw that tribute, as I firstly thought that it was a parody. But no, it was a touching moment that moved my heart.
But unfortunately the movie starts after it. Now I kinda think that the cameo was wasted and that it would have been better if it was at the beginning of Endgame or even Far From Home.
At the beginning of the movie we meet Carol, who apparently is a white-skinned Kree, although everybody around her is blue. This never gets explained. I kinda think it is an issue in the comics too, tho I might be wrong.
Carol is apparently training with Youngledore, who is her mentor like figure. He wants her to learn to use her powers, to control them. He also wants her to learn to restrict her emotions. And here I have my first problem. It is very well established at the beginning of the movie by Youngledore and the AI lady that her powers come from her emotions. My question is: how does Youngledore plan to make Carol learn how to use her powers while restricting her emotions, if the emotions are behind her powers.
It turns out that Carol really can’t stand her mentor criticising her, because she shoots him right away with her photon blasts. This makes Yongledore to send her to the AI lady.
She is the collective knowledge of all of Hala’s (the planet they are on, the capital of the Kree Empire) greatest minds. The AI lady (real name: supreme intelligence but nah) can only take the form of the most important being for the one she is talking to. OK. That’s pretty neat.
She takes the form of Mar-Vell and tells Carol that she is too emotional, and that she needs to learn to control her feelings.
The AI lady then goes on an exposition dumb in which she explains Carol everything about the Skrulls and the Krees trying to fight them. She also says “do not disappoint us” before letting her go in the mission. What do we learn from this, boys? Aside for the mechanics of the movie, of course. We learn that this is Carol’s first mission. Why else would the AI lady fill her in with everything that a newcomer should learn for the first mission? Or why does she say “do not disappoint us”, like to a newbie that would mess everything up in the first mission? I think it’s fair to think that this is Carol’s first mission, which would actually fit with Youngledore’s and AI lady’s desire to make Carol control her emotions.
Anyway, AI lady lets her leave. She goes to her team that was preparing for a mission against the Skrulls. I already talked about how wasted Carol’s fellow Krees are, but at the beginning we get a line exchange between them, one that might easily trick you that said Krees will be relevant to the story. To get to the Skrull invaded world, they use the trans-warp jump thing from Guardians of the Galaxy. OK, that’s a neat point of continuity.
They arrive on the planet, which seems to be pretty similar with Earth. They land underwater, and they swoop out of the ship with some sort of underwater propellers. While underwater, they use some sort of cool mask of oxygen. You know what mask I am talking about. Another neat piece of continuity: it seems that they need air to breath. I wonder if I am setting something up here…

Anyway, a while passes, while in which the Kree team tries to help some locals that turn out to be Skrulls. Carol goes out to try to save a spy guy who had some sort of data or info that the Krees needed to use to defeat the Skrulls or something. It turns out that the spy guy is a Skrull too and he captures Carol by zapping her with a zappy staff. Carol wakes up in a brain-reading machine of sorts and the Skrulls jump randomly from a memory to other, showing her flashbacks of her former life that she doesn’t remember and showing us some context about it.
So the space shenanigan that could read in memories that were supposed to be deleted out of her memory, that the user of that brain herself could not access, is not able to go straight to the memory the Skrulls wanted? Why did they had to go through so many memories of her past? I mean we see memories from the age of 8 to 30. Are you really telling me that the Skrulls actually had to search through the memories of 22 years, just to find a single one? Was it intentional tho? Did they show her all of this so that she would be easier to convince to join their side later on? No, because otherwise the Skrulls would not act like they are actually struggling to find said memory. This could have been easily fixed: just have the Skrulls exchange a few lines. “Why you do this?” “Do what?” “Why you randomly jump in her brain, idiot?” “This technology is damaged and very old! It doesn’t work properly anymore!” or something like this. Instead we get no explanation about why the Skrulls use such incompetent technology. This is pretty bad writing who’s only point is to give us more exposition.
Anyway, we see quite a few memories of Carol, like she constantly falling down, some mean dudes that told her that she did everything wrongly, she being with the little annoying girl that will never get old, the guy who literally says the worst hook-up line in the history of Hollywood, and Maria saying “Gotta show these boys how they do it”.
Anyway, Carol escapes but oh no she has two huge cuff things on her hands. Eh, don’t worry. She has a second wind moment that will help her get rid of them. She fights a bunch of Skrulls, yada, yada, yada. Remember when I said that at the beginning she was captured when she was zapped with a zappy staff? When she is zapped the first time, she is instantly falling unconscious. Now, while she is fighting the Skrulls, she is zapped by three Skrulls with the same device in the same time and she is perfectly all right. I guess that she is like Doomsday: she adapts from literally anything. That would actually explain a couple of things.
Anyway, she does a little more damage and she ends up destroying a wall, depressurising the ship, or at least the room she is in. She catches a bar and forms that space mask of hers.
She returns to the room in which the Skrulls were going through her brain. She finds two Skrulls that were looking at the “You know why they call it cockpit, do you?” scene. Right then she uses her photon blast thing to smash the screen.
Anyway, now the ship is in danger. She goes to the escape pods room, in which we see a random Skrull escaping. We never see that Skrull again. That Skrull either died, either meets with the other Skrulls that we will see later on, or now a random Skrull remade his life somewhere on Earth. I made this fan idea a while ago and I can’t get rid of it: the Skrull meets a human lady, they marry, and they have Mystique as their daughter. That would actually be a little interesting.
Regardless, Danvers goes and takes an escape pod, piloting it out of the mothership, even tho she still doesn’t remember her past life as a pilot. Do I also need to remind that this is her first mission? Oh yeah, this girl only needs to see the device to use it. Again, this could have been easily fixed if Youngledore mentioned at the beginning that she is a good Kree pilot, or if we would see Carol looking confused at the control panel, before seeing a few more flashbacks of her learning and piloting other crafts. Just some ideas.
Anyway, the mothership explodes as Carol escapes, probably as a result of the damage she did. Now, here’s a good question: nobody, from NASA to SHIELD to random people that just so happened to have a telescope did not see the huge spaceship that just casually exploded in their atmosphere? Did literally nobody saw that? I mean, we are talking about a post space race time, everybody should have the means to see what is happening a few kilometres into their own atmosphere.
Here’s another good question: what happened to the remainings of Carol’s escape pod? We see it disassembling, making Carol fall into a Blockbuster. That’s OK, but what about the remainings of the ship? Did nobody found them? Were they so fragmented that they were confused for scrap metal?
I might sound like nitpicking now, but think about it. Homecoming’s entire plot is spinning around the very idea that the wrong people might take the leftovers left by superheroes and aliens. What if the wrong guy took the crap remained from the explosion of the mothership or the remainings of Carol’s escape pod. Or actually screw that, what if the good guys took them? Wouldn’t that advance the way we know our world? Wouldn’t it revolutionise technology? Wouldn’t this mean that we get superheroes before Iron Man? For Christ’s sake even the Transformers movies actually had such worldbuilding. When the humans find Megatron, we used him and made technology. Or when some random company finds some other dead Transformer bodies they go on and create their own transformers, looking more advanced that anything that we have seen in the prior three movies. Are you telling me that the people of the MCU are dumber than the people of the Bayverse? Or that the guys who stumbled upon the technology of the Citauri were smart enough to create weapons of mass destruction, but SHIELD of the 90s were not?
Anyway, Carol wakes up and shoots a cardboard Arnold Schwarzenegger because she thought it was a threat.
She gets out of the Blockbuster, where she meets a stunned policeman. She ask him about info of the planet and such, before leaving him alone. OK, question: why did the policeman waited till morning (oh, yeah, everything is happening at night) to call SHIELD instead of calling them right away. A woman fell from the sky into your Blockbuster, are you going to shrug it off and go to sleep or are you going to actually do something?
Anyway, next morning we see Carol building what seems to be a communication system out of old 90s junks. Yes: Carol, the girl who not only that doesn’t remember more than half of her life, but can also fly an alien escape pod without any difficulty, can also create an intergalactic communication system out of old phones and cassette players. Brilliant. Granted, it probably took her the whole night to make it, but how did she knew how to make one in the first place?
Carol uses the communication device to talk to Youngledore, who tells her that they will need 22 hours to get to Earth. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but both the Krees and the Skrull mothership were in the same place, aka at the planet that the Skrulls were invading. Even if the mothership wasn’t there and just so happens to be around Earth, the Skrulls would still have to go with Carol to it, right? So the Skrulls arrived on Earth in what might have been just a few hours or something, or in a relatively short period of time, while the Krees need 22 hours for the exact same distance. Why do the Skrulls need the light engine again? If they, who supposedly had inferior technology and transport, were able to get to Earth so much faster than the Krees who, again, have the trans-warp technology thing, why don’t they just use the technology that they already have to get out of the Kree border? They have the technology, they are clearly not welcomed, why are they still tagging along? Do they enjoy having their families and friends slaughtered?
Speaking of time, why does it take so much for the Skrulls to arrive on Earth? Their ship is destroyed in night time, but we see them arising from the sea in the same morning. What did they do for so long? Did they just casually go swimming for the night?
The Skrulls get out of the water and take the form of some random surfers in the middle of the morning. I am not even going to ask why nobody saw some green reptile people completely shape-shifting into four random surfers, not to mention that two of them morphed into the same person.
Anyway, Carol is found by Nick Fury and SHIELD. She tries to explain Fury everything in a very sassy and vague way before being attacked by the Skrulls. She goes to hunt them while SHIELD chases her. She ends up chasing a Skrull in a train, where the grandma scene takes place. The Skrull escapes, but drops a crystal like device that Carol uses with the device in her wrist. The crystal shows her two random pieces of information before braking down. Carol sees a bar in which she dances and smiles and sings happily with a stranger (Maria). She also sees a small image of the PEGASUS logo. She decides to go to the bar, in hope of finding more info about what was happening till the other Krees show up. Fury finds out that Coulson (that was right next to him in the car that he used to chase Carol) was not actually Coulson but a Skrull. The Skrull dies in the chase and reverts back to his reptile mode.
OK, I oversimplified this part a bit because it’s details don’t really matter. What matter is the following.
First of, how did the Skrulls even infiltrated SHIELD before they even found her? This is the chronology: the Skrulls pop out of the water, Carol talks with Youngledore and then SHIELD shows up. How did the Skrulls knew that the SHIELD agents were there for her?
Why do the Skrulls use their ability in public, just like that? Shapeshifting is a very powerful ability, and the Skrulls in the comics were using it to their advantage, in very smart ways. The MCU Skrulls just use it in plain sight. At some point the Skrull that Carol was chasing down shapeshifted in plain sight into a random guy with glasses. Not only that Carol and all of the other civilians in the wagon saw this (I think one of them also filmed this), but also the guy he shapeshifted into saw that. How were they able to conquer so many colonies like that?
But there’s one more problem surrounding this scene, more specifically the crystal thing that the Skrull drops. First of all, don’t you guys think that it’s a little convenient that the crystal thing can show Carol only like two pieces of information before breaking, those being the only ones that she needs to get to the bar where she will meet the only person that can help her with the memories and explain her about the project thing? But it’s also convenient that those two pieces of information were also the ones that would make the plot roll on the fastest. But it’s also, also convenient that her wrist device can help her access info stored on devices created by other alien races. But it’s also also also convenient that she found the device during the chase in a crowded train. But it’s also also also also convenient that the Skrull even dropped it in the first place. But it’s also also also also also convenient that she just so happened to chase the Skrull that was having the crystal (remember that she had no idea about it). But it’s also also also also also also convenient that the Skrull even took it in the first place from the brain reading machine thing (oh yeah, the crystal comes from that thing by the way) when the entire mothership was going to blow up. But it’s also also also also also also convenient that the brain reading machine even downloads the memories on that crystal thing, just so that Carol can end up reading it on her wrist device that is magically compatible for like three seconds.
No, but really. I have nothing against one or two “it just so happens” moments per movie, but look how many we already have. This would not make the movie more enjoyable, in fact this was one of the biggest problems I had with Endgame.
Also, one quick question: Fury refers in public of SHIELD as… SHIELD. Why? Did the writes forgot that they were not calling the organisation SHIELD till Iron Man? Back then it was the Strategic Homeland whatever, and they should have kept it. Coulson’s entire gimmick in the first Iron Man movie is that he had to say the entire name of the organisation till the end when they finally figured out the perfect acronym. But no. Screw any form of continuity.
Anyway, she gets a map somehow and tries to read it, but she can’t cause a guy with a motorbike comes in and asks her for a smile. Somehow this is catcalling or something similar. I mean I kinda get why she would get angry on that, but for real: is it that bad?
Thank god that the scene in which she almost kills the poor guy was cut. I understand that the message of such movies must be that women should stand up for themselves. I fully agree that there are jerks that still consider women inferior to men, but is almost killing them the right choice?
Anyway, the guy leaves after Carol ignores him, then she steals his motorbike. Wait, how did she turned the bike on if she didn’t had the keys?
Sigh we are cut to SHIELD making some sort of autopsy on the Skrull corpse, and we learn that the Skrull biology is completely different than anything we have ever seen before. One question, tho: why doesn’t this affect our understanding of the universe in any way, shape or form? I mean, why would the government cover something like this. Why wouldn’t they research it, try to understand it and replicate it. Are you telling me that a Skrull body would have absolutely no effects on the worldbuilding of the MCU?
Also, apparently the ones that wrote this movie did not understand this, so I am going to say it once and for all: when they are alone, guys don’t look at each other’s… carriage. We don’t. That’s just not what we do. I mean you could do it, but I and absolutely every other guy that I ever met, don’t. I think that men behind this movie never were in a locker room.
Anyway, Fury leaves the operation room with only one information: that Carol stole a motorbike (oh yeah, they found out in the meantime somehow).
Carol arrives at the bar showed by the crystal and meets Fury. The two then go on to---- wait a second. How did Fury, who only knew that Carol stole a motorbike, knew that she is going to that bar in particular? How did he even arrived there before her? Sigh
Anyway, the two start talking, trying to convince each other that they are not Skrulls. Nick tells her a few of his missions (Bucharest included :relieved:) and she suddenly trusts him, even tho she has no idea what Bucharest is. I mean, how is she so sure that he is not lying? What if he just made up a few names and zbang! Missions.
Then Carol has to prove that she is not a Skrull. How does she do that? She shoots a photon blast into a jukebox, telling Nick that a Skrull couldn’t do that. But we the audience know that neither a regular Kree can do that, that she is the only one who can do that, so her argument kinda falls flat. Nick seems to become meta again as he even tells her that he would have no idea that a Skrull can’t do that, but she just ignores him.
Also, am I the only one that saw that Carol shot the photon blast millimetres away of Fury’s face? Shouldn’t that completely melt his head, or at least severely burn it? I mean, just look what it did to that poor jukebox.
Eh whatever.

After this Carol asks Fury to show her the way to PEGASUS, and he does so. Why would he help a complete stranger that turns out that has incredible powers and that she is an alien?
A while passes, the two go to PEGASUS, which is more area 51 than area 51, yada yada yada, I’ll skip the jokes and the dialogue.
They finally arrive and enter inside, where they find Goose. Wait a minute, so Goose has been there at PEGASUS for six years? Why would the guys there even keep a cat for so much time if the owner have been missing, especially now that we know what that cat really is?
Eh, probably they just considered it cute or something.
They arrive at the room in which the info that they are looking for supposedly is, and Carol just blasts the door open. One minor question, why aren’t there any guards in probably the most important building, a building that, as I said, is probably more area 51 than the actual area 51? Wouldn’t the government want to actually keep the national secrets safe? Do they really think that a locked door would actually stop a group of terrorist to infiltrate?
They enter inside and find some files about a plaincrash that involved Carol and science lady, a “million dollars mistake” to cite the movie. The files are there because they are covered up. Supposedly. When you “cover up” a million dollars mistake you make sure that you actually hide everything about it, destroy the proofs, erase the cite of the crash from the map of America. Instead, the files not only that have a photo of the pilot that flied the plane (aka Carol), but also the name and info about the co-pilot, aka Maria. If this mistake was covered up so poorly, I wonder what was in all of the other covered up files.
Wait a second, I have another question: why did they tried to cover it up in the first place? Like, it doesn’t make any sense. Ok, I get it: the first test was a failure, so what? Why would you suddenly give up such a big project? Would the Bill Clinton be like “Eh, we tried” and then give up? Why, man? I think it’s obvious that there were some failed tests before the creation of the nuclear bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but the US didn’t immediately gave up after seeing that they are not succeeding in the first time. They did not cover up the atomic bomb project, instead they kept going till they won. Are you trying to tell me that SHIELD and NASA covered up the info about the first and only lightspeed engine so that SHIELD and NASA would not continue their testings? Star Wars was out at that time, you can’t convince me that nobody wanted to travel with such a speed like the Millenium Falcon.
Sigh the Skrulls show up, and is revealed that their boss, Talos, had time to infiltrate in the higher ups of SHIELD (somehow) and to take the form of Krenick. They fight a little, and the scene doesn’t have anything noteworthy, except for one line coming from Talos: “We need them, dead or alive”.
Keep that line in mind. It would serve a purpose later.
Then they leave for a hangar in which they find a Quintjet prototype. I actually liked that. We see the Quintjet’s grandpa. They take it and fly off into the sunset. Wait, hold on. Are you trying to tell me that the Quintjet was just staying there for the taking? Like, it wasn’t guarded, it wasn’t tied up to the floor, it had enough fuel for the rest of the movie, it didn’t needed a key or something to turn it on. I start to think that Carol has the hidden power to be able to drive/fly anything. Think about it: the Skrull escape pod, the motorbike, the Quintjet. She doesn’t even need the keys.
Also the cat is in the ship too.
We know why.
OK, we are going to make quite a big skip here, so bare with me. Carol and Fury finally arrive to Maria’s house (even tho they were using a literal jet to get there, so anybody who was looking for them, from SHIELD to NASA to the Skrulls should have easily detected them; wait, maybe this is how the Skrulls found them) and land there. Maria is obviously shocked to see that her friend is still alive, and the future-to-be-not-to-be Captain Marvel is extremely happy to see her again, even tho she is like… what? 10? She should have been too young to remember Carol before she was gone, in fond we are talking about a six years period.
Anyway, the four enter inside and have a talk, in which they try to explain Carol her past life. Here is a thing that really annoys me, but I am not going to call it a sin, at least not yet. Why they prefer to go for an exposition dumb, the third or the fourth in the movie already, provided by Monica, instead of actually showing it? Like, flash-backs, past scenes, things like that, anything but this? It would have been much better. I mean, did you ever heard of the phrase “show, don’t tell”? Apparently this movie haven’t, as the only flashbacks we get are the ones with mean people which are completely useless for the story (well, maybe except for the one with the father). One of the things the little girl tells Carol while showing her a bunch of images is that she never got along with her father. Why couldn’t we see this? Why couldn’t we see why she didn’t get along to her father? They try to depict her father as a bad guy, but I am sure the poor dude only wanted the best for his daughter. I mean, my father would have yelled at me too if I would have almost died as a result of not listening to his advices. Maybe not right there and then, maybe not when I would look like I need an ambulance, but he would have yelled at me nonetheless, especially at that age. Would I consider him a jerk? Would I like to forget of him, and never bring him up in such moments ever again? Of course not. I love him, and Carol should love her father too. Well, I mean she would have a motivation if the dude was a straight up jerk that was threating her badly with no reason, but once again: couldn’t we see something like this in a flashback instead of having Monica telling it to us?
Monica continues showing random photos, with random memories. Honestly, the scene takes only about two minutes, but it annoys me as hell, and that only because the movie spends more time telling us useless information that we really don’t need and creating cheap plotwholes that could have easily been fixed instead of actually hammering in everything we need to know about the story. Look at how much I wrote so far. Imagine if you would cut everything negative that I presented from the movie. All that time could have been used to actually build a good, coherent story instead of this. This exposition dumb scene? It is the perfect example. The writers literally got out of time and in the last hour of editing they realised that they need to actually make a scene in which they explain Carol’s story, and so they did it in the cheapest and quickest way possible, not caring about the end result.
I am sorry that I am dragging this idea too much, but it’s just sad. It’s like Crimes of Grindlewald all over again, and I haven’t even watched that movie.
Actually, one more thing about the idea above: in-universe, it is basically useless. Like, such an information, even if it is presented in the form of an exposition dumb, should have changed Carol’s view of life entirely. All that she ever knew, all that she has ever done, her six years of normal life, with goals and events that she had lived were fake, or at least radically different of what her first insert Carol’s age -6 years were. She wasn’t a Kree, she was a human. She had a human family, human friends, and a human life. She didn’t even knew what Earth was before she was brainwashed. Instead, Carol looks confused at the photos for a little bit, before shrugging everything off and suddenly accepting the tsunami of new information and revelations that she is getting from a ten year old.
Remember than Monica and Maria could also be lying to her, but we are not getting into that.
Anyway, getting back to the main plot. After the exposition dumb the house is invaded by the remaining Skrulls. Talos comes to Carol and the others and is all nice and polite, making sugar jokes. He also calls Maria “lady”, which unexplicably anger her.

OK, and now starts a sub-section of itself, the one in which Talos tries to explain Carol the real truth, after listening to the blackbox remained from the plane crush. Basically, the Skrulls were actually the good guys, and they were just hunted down by the Kree. Science lady was a Kree that came from Hala, that was trying to use the power of the Tessaract (god knows how she found out that it was on Earth, seeing that it was there from Norse times) to create a light speed engine that was able to help the Skrulls get out of the Kree Empire and into a new world far away from their enemies.
I have a couple of problems with it. I will talk about them here and in the following categories. I just want to say that from now on the movie goes berserk.
First of, how did science lady got so high up in the ranks of SHIELD, and probably NASA too? Think about it: yes, she is looking like a human (even tho we still don’t know how there are white and black Krees) but she had blue blood. Literally. Do you really thing that she got so high up in the ranks of SHIELD, NASA or even both without any blood test? Or without even being an American citizen? Such ranks aren’t given to random smart people. If I would move to the US and I would be like “Hey, I am extremely smart, I want to be the boss of CIA”, the states wouldn’t allow me to go that far. Somebody of her ranks must have gone through different tests, must have been an American citizen, must have had school in the states, etc. Instead, the movie presents it like she got the position just like that with no explanation.
Like, OK. I would have been OK if she was a Skrull and she would have shape-shifted into an actual higher up, but it’s clearly not the case, as we see her bleeding blue blood. The Skrulls definitely don’t look like something that would have blue blood. Also, she doesn’t revert back to the reptile mode after getting killed by Youngledore.
Second, why is science lady even making flight tests for the light-speed engine? I don’t think I mentioned it, but after she created the light-speed engine she used it for flying to her lab that we will talk about later and for flight tests. Why don’t they use it for leaving immediately? Like, if she assures the entire Skrull race that she can create the engines needed for salvation, and she actually builds them, doesn’t this mean that she is capable of building working engines, that she built others before? Why does she still take flight tests instead of just letting the Skrulls leave? Like, this argument might be a little weak, but in the movie we learn that she made quite a few journeys to the lab and flight tests. Why didn’t she spend the time to actually help the Skrulls leave the Kree borders instead of flying around in the atmosphere? Why was she still tagging along? An entire intergalactic empire was hunting her. Just go!
Speaking of which, why don’t the Skrull just use the transwarp jump technology thing? Like, a bunch of space pirates that don’t even have a stable hierarchy have it, why would the ruins of what seemed to be an advanced race don’t? Or take it like this: at this point in the timeline, the Skrulls already attacked and destroyed a bunch of Kree controlled planets. None of them, not a single soul, thought that it would have been a good idea to use the Kree technology on their planets to leave the Kree Empire?
But I guess the movie would have never happened if they went this route.
Wait, hold on. Actually, why were they even attacking the Kree colonies in the first place? Like, they want to leave and find a new home. OK, do that. Why did they feel the need to invade so many of the Kree’s planets for no purpose. I mean, I guess they had a motivation for the last one (they wanted to get Carol), but what about the tens or even hundreds of the other ones? This kind of plotwhole makes me side with the Krees. The dudes just want to protect their planets from a bunch of snake people that don’t even do anything with them after conquering them.
Anyway, Danvers learns the truth: that she was actually a regular human that had a regular life on Earth till she became the pilot of science lady. The two were attacked by Youngledore while they were testing the engine or something and science lady dies. Carol realises that the Krees are there to take the light-speed engine and she shoots it. The explosion covers her in radiation that gives her awesome powers. Youngledore took her on Hala and brainwashed her.
Carol is ”incredibely” devastated for like one minute, minute in which Maria gives her a speech that honestly made me chuckle in the theatre.
Anyway, some other discussions happen between the characters, in which we learn that the Skrulls were searching for science lady via tracking her signature. I don’t remember what signature, I guess that after long exposure to the light speed engine she kinda got the same powers with Carol, or at least they both have a similar radiation signature. The Skrulls thought that if they find science lady, she can lead them all to the lab. After they lost science lady’s signature they apparently sit down drinking galactic coffee for six years till they finally found a signature identical with hers: Carol’s.
Sigh… OK, I get it. They thought that the one who has the identical signature will also be the one who helps them go to the said location. Then why in the name of God they tried to kill her so many timed? Remember when I highlighted Talos’ line while he was disguised as Krenick? “We need them, dead or alive?” He didn’t give a crap of her condition. He wanted her dead. All of the other Skrulls shot at her so many times, she was in so many life-threatening situations! You need her to show you the way to the most valuable thing in the universe, why do you want to kill her? The Skrulls are nothing but inconsistent messes! You know what? I am fully on the Kree side here. The Skrulls are dumb, extremely advanced technologically and capable of shapeshifting and destroying your entire empire. Can you really blame the Krees for what they are doing?
Aside for… You know… Genocide.
OK, I am overreacting a little, but from now on you completely know my opinion on the MCU Skrulls. Or on the Phase 3 Skrulls. Or at least on the Captain Marvel portion of the Skrulls, other writers may and will know how to fix them, and I can’t really say anything truly bad about the FFH cameo.
Also, let’s not forget the fact that Brie destroyed their mothership, together with God knows how many Skrulls. During the autopsy we see Talos, disguised as Krenick, genuinely hurt by one of his comrade’s death. How about the other thousands that Brie killed in that night? Talos acts like he forget them. No grudge, no nothing.
I think I pocked this idea a few paragraphs ago, but I’ll retake it. We already know, or better said, presume, that this was Carol’s first mission with the Krees. However, the entire mission seems to be, and it would be logical to be, a set up made by the Skrulls. I really doubt that they were casually invading a planet before one of them being like “Dude! Dude! Remember that weird signature that science lady had? Well another one identical is coming right towards us on board of a Kree shuttle!” and Talos would spit all of his milkshake on his face and be like “Quickly! We need to improvise a way to capture the one with the signature!”. Yeah, I’m not buying that. But if it was her first mission, how did the Skrulls knew that she is coming? How did the Skrulls even knew about her existence before? She was just a random white-skinned Kree, how in the world would they have known about her, or that she is the one with the signature?
New questions: why did the Kree even let her remember so many things? Like, they clearly didn’t straight-up erased the unwanted memories, seeing that the Skrulls were able to dug them out. They also simply edited some of the memories she had, like for example changing Youngledore with a Skrull when he is about to shoot her. Why did they edited some memories, before deleting them anyway?
Actually, why did they even kept her alive in the first place? You have an invincible goddess of murder on your hands, you have no idea how to deal with her and you clearly can’t extract the powers out of her. Why don’t you just kill her, so that you would not risk a possible change of team, which actually happens. It’s not like you were actually using her in any valuable way. Just kill her while you still can.
Anyway, after the big reveal Carol looks a little confused for a few seconds before… just accepting it. She just accepts the fact that all her life was fake and that she was being raised by the bad guys. She says “I don’t even know who I am” (which is a little laughable seeing that we are three quarters into the movie and our protagonist doesn’t know a crap about anything around her) and then she just joins Talos, sassier than ever. You remember when characters were actually going through low points? When Tony was trapped in that cave and realised that he was the one responsible for all the wars going on in the world? When Cap saw his best friend “dying”? When Thor realised that he isn’t worthy anymore? When Banner realised that he will never be able to cure himself? Well forget all of that, now we have Carol, who’s lowpoint is only a few seconds long and it isn’t that low, and then she is back to kick alien butts. Yay/s
Anyway, they go off and fort for a little bit before Carol accepts to lead the Skrulls to the lab, which just so happened to be in the atmosphere. But obviously to go in the atmosphere they need a jet capable of space flight. Luckily, one random Skrull that doesn’t have any space tech instruments and that have never seen the Quintjet prototype can modify it and make it able to fly in space in one night. Yay/s
And then we get what I strongly believe that it’s the absolute worst line in the entire Infinity Saga. When Carol talks with Maria about taking her up in space, Maria understandably refuses. Then, out of nowhere, Monica shows up and says “I think you should think at the example that you are giving to your child?”. I already talked about it but basically… It’s bad. The line itself its bad, the performance is bad, its forced, it pops out of nowhere, its bas. That was the moment when I literally considered to leave the theatre room.
Later on we cut up to Youngledore, who finally arrived in Maria’s barn garden place thing and is looking for Carol. He finds her in a shed, but it turns out that she is just a Skrull. Before the Skrull would reveal itself, Youngledore asks him something that only the real Carol would know, aka where she got her Kree blood from. Or at least I think this is what he asked him (I hope I am wrong, because otherwise it comes the question: why would she know about the blood transplant to turn her into a Kree? If she knows this then she knows that she wasn’t a Kree in the first place too. Why wouldn’t she ask what she was before being a Kree?). The Skrull obviously can’t respond and Youngldore shots him in the chest. With his last breath he says something in the lines of “It’s too late, she’s already there”. Why in the world did he said that?
Tho… Why did he had to sacrifice in the first place? If Youngledore could somehow track him wouldn’t it have been better if he would hide somewhere in a city or in a densely populated area? Or what if he left the state or the country? He would have bought the group enough time for them to do everything they had to do up there before going to hunt Youngledore. But no. Instead he had to stay in a random shed. Because Youngledore really would not find that suspicious.
Anyway, after killing the Skrull Youngledore calls Ronan (Vladin from the future note: Say whatever you want about this guy in GotG. I liked the idea of having him back. Initially I thought that they would use this opportunity to explore him a little bit, but obviously this didn’t happened, and Ronan only stagnated, if he didn’t got even worse). He tells him to prepare the bombers to destroy Earth. Nice.
We are then cut to the group that leaves the atmosphere. When they do leave it, everything around them suddenly starts floating. That’s a neat touch. It would have been extremely hard to believe that the Skrull scientist was able to put an artificial gravity creator thing in that improvised spacecraft.
They arrive at the lab which is cloaked, being invisible for the naked eye and apparently for any kind of detector too. They uncloak it so they can actually see where the entrance is, and then… and then leave it uncloaked. Why? It’s like you are inviting the Krees to find and capture you. It takes only one press of a button!
They walk in and guess what they find: the Tessaract.
Unironically the Tessaract became the face of the MCU. I mean just imagine how quickly it would fell apart without it. But why the Tessaract, tho? I really wanted to see other Infinity Stones. The Reality, Soul, Time, Power and to some degree the Mind Stones all passed largely undeveloped. Tho looking at the writer team I don’t know why I would expect them to be able to write them in cleverly (granted the Soul, Time and Power Stones were blocked in some pretty specific faces, and I don’t know if it would be as easy to introduce the Reality stone, but what are you going to do).
I like that science lady just got all the materials necessary to create such an advanced high-tech piece of engineering AND the Tessaract and then died and nobody seemed to care. Like, think about it: the Tessaract, the thing that almost turned the entire world into The Man in the High Castle, that put Captain America to ice and that has literally infinite power was just given to a random science lady, together with what had to be millions of dollars worth of materials for her and her alone to build the lab, and nobody, no higher up knew or cared enough to investigate what she was actually doing with them. Like, imagine that you are the director of SHIELD and Mar-Vell just comes to you and is like “Ya man I hav dis crieizy kool plan to mak FTL spid. All yo necessito is literally the most powerful thing that Earth has ever saw ent shom materialz. Also, io will be the onley one to knaw ‘bout it, end je will noth allow you to know wat im doing.” Isn’t that a little suspicious? Well it seems that the directors of SHIELD and NASA were completely OK with it. It also doesn’t make any sense that in the six years after science lady’s death (and they knew that she died) they wouldn’t try to investigate, to try to find the Tessaract. Believe me: Earth would not take that loss lightly.

Like, Fury should have known what the Tessaract was. When he would see it in the lab he should be all like “No way! Here is where it was this whole time?” (although after all he saw in the last 48 hours he should not be that surprised). Everybody, including the lower ranks should have known about it. Especially when in Winter Soldier Fury specifies that he and the bad guy from HYDRA worked together for decades. Decades. How many, to be exact? Two? Because this is what this movie is implying. When he says decades, I think at 30-40 years, yet in the 90s Fury is still a rookie. It’s a little bit of a stretch, but I can accept this.
What I can’t accept is the fact that everybody, and I mean everybody seemed to forget that the Tessaract might have been stolen by a random older lady.
After the crew explores the lab a little bit a bunch of females and children Skrulls showed up. It turns out that the science lady was protecting them here, giving them shelter. With all the female and children there were also Talos’ wife and child, which kinda layers him a little bit but not really. The child recognises his father even tho it looks around 8 years old and his dad was absent for (at least) six years. Unless the Skrulls don’t age as we do, the child should have no idea who his father is.
Here’s a small question to ruin this reunion: why didn’t Talos knew where his family was? Did he just gave them up to science lady? She just took them without telling them where she is taking them? Imagine if a “good” serial killer would take your wife and baby, saying that she is taking them to a safe place. Would you blindly believe her?
Anyway, Youngledore and co just walk into the room casually, with no alarms or noise or whatever. I mean, I get that they easily spotted the lab in the atmosphere, but you can’t tell me that there were no sensors on that ship. Maybe after so much time they broke, or the Skrulls broke them, or Carol turned them off off-screen or maybe the Krees jammed them, but I want to see that.
Once Youngledore sees Carol’s change of colours (of, yeah. Monica convinced Carol to change the colours of the suit from shades of blue to dark blue and red) he gets offended. Why do the suits even have the colour changing feature in the first place if it is such an offensive thing? Camouflage? Then why didn’t the Krees use it in the mission from the beginning, it would have helped a lot.
Anyway, the Krees successfully sent Carol unconscious and plug her into one of those things that helps her communicate with the supreme intelligence, aka the AI lady. Here’s a thing that I really don’t understand. Once Carol is back into AI’s lady world, she is doing nothing but to do the victory dance. She is all like “I won, you lost, now watch me dance”. If you really don’t have anything better to do and the goddess is literally useless to you, then why don’t you just kill her? Just stab her while she is unconscious! Kill her and you win everything! Any normal villain would have thought at this. Just why is she stretching the moment for so much?
Anyway, while the AI lady is doing the victory dance, Brie get’s yet another second wind. All the lights in the lab flickers and such, which makes no sense, seeing that Brie is not connected to the actual lab or its power source.
But even if it would, why doesn’t the AI lady just use the patch on her neck to block her powers? We saw that that little thing can completely negate all of her powers, why doesn’t she think to use it when it’s almost clear that she will go super sayan?
Instead, she chooses to hit her with a beam of blue fire. How does it even work? What does the AI lady want to achieve by this? The beam only slows her down. Am I the only one that finds stupid the fact that this AI that is presumably made out of the brightest minds that Hala has ever seen tries to “”kill”” Carol with a beam of blue fire in her own mind? Remember, they are still in her mind, so she has absolute control over it. At worst the AI would scare Carol into thinking that the fire can actually burn her, but then what? She will wake up eventually, and we see that that eventually is actually pretty close. If it is pretty close, why don’t you just try to get rid of her, to kill her?
Anyway, Carol realises that the patch on her neck is slowing her down instead of giving her powers and so she takes it off in her mind and the patch suddenly explodes in the real world. And so Carol stands up, going full on Super Sayan.
So all this time she thought that the patch thing was actually giving her powers.
Mutters in Romanian
To all of you who actually still like this movie: please: explain me this. She never asked why the other millions of Kree soldiers are not getting one? I mean, really now! After she woke up from her coma somebody just came to her and said “look, we’re going to give you a thing that is basically going to make you a goddess, and you will be the only one who actually gets one, instead of making an army of gods” and she just rolled with it? I mean, think about it: how would they even answer if she would suddenly ask why she is the only one who got powers?
Anyway, when she went Super Sayan, all the energy cuffs fall down from Talos’, Maria’s, and the rest of the crew’s wrists, although I really cannot find a logical reason as of why the cuffs that were most likely never even in the same solar system as this lab are connected to its main source of power.
Also Goose eats the Tessaract.
And then an extremely amazing final battle starts, in which all the good guys are basically wearing indestructible plot armour. Carol is destroying everything without even trying, the Skrulls are fighting the Krees. Heck, even Maria got her own plot armour! She is able to kick those Kree buts even if I am 100% sure that you don’t learn that in the aviation school! I guess this is her training for that James Bond movie that is coming next year.
It was at this point in the movie in which I realised that I really don’t care for this final battle. I already knew what is going to happen: Carol is going to win, she is going to give the Tessaract and a pager to Fury, and there’s that. I really didn’t care for any of the characters involved in this fight, not even for Fury, because I knew for certain that he is going to survive.
Anyway, after a while the battle gets into outer space, where Carol has to get rid of the barrage of planet destroying missiles that were going to destroy the Earth brought by Ronan. When she goes into the cold void of space she turns on her mask and don’t worry guys, my pay-off for this extremely long set-up will come soon.
You know, this final battle really speaks a lot about Carol’s character. She is going around, destroying massive warships and atomic bombs without even messing her hair off. She is amazing at everything by default, and you should all respect her for that. And if she struggles for more than five seconds? Don’t worry, she will get a second wind. It would be like the fifth or sixth in this movie. She had a second wind with the massive iron cuffs when she was in the Skrull warship, when she went Super Sayan, when she almost fell to her death but suddenly learned how to fly without even a second of training. She is killing so many hundreds of innocent Krees that are only doing their job, maybe just to win enough for a living for them and their families, members of a society that she was part of too only like… what? Two days ago? Nah, I guess that six entire years of living in the said society, maybe even meeting or understanding the roles that the ones she is killing in this fight have doesn’t matter. Like, I really wonder: how many Krees were in the starfighters that she destroyed? Or in those two bombers that she destroyed? I am not kidding when I say that I am pretty sure that one of those bombers was as big as my hometown. Currently my home town has around 14.100. A quite unpopulated city, I know, but still: 14.100 souls. Multiplied by two, 28.200, maybe with 100 more, 28.300. Nah, I am sure that all of those 28k Krees were all just jerks, idiots, and deserved to die. She really likes to play god. She chooses who lives and who dies with absolutely no moral behind her.
OK, I think I talked too much about Carol. Let’s return to the main story for now.
So yeah. She successfully destroy a barrage of nuclear warheads, and they all explode. Tho something is a little weird… the explosion isn’t that big. I mean, it obviously is big, but it doesn’t look bigger than the explosion in Hiroshima from all the pictures that we see on the internet. How was that explosion going to destroy the entire Earth? I remind you: Ronan’s crew were capable to destroy entire planets.
Tho speaking of Ronan, how did he got to Earth so fast? It took 22 hours for Youngledore to arrive, and we know that the bombers were either in Hala or on the planet that the Skrulls were raiding at the beginning of the movie. Furthermore, Youngledore told Ronan to not engage and to wait for their orders, meaning that they were not moving anywhere. Did they broke orders and secretly followed them? Did they use the technology that the Skrulls used to arrived on Earth much faster than Youngledore’s transwarps?
Anyway, after the fight ends Carol goes down in the deserts of Nevada to confront Youngledore. We all know how this ends and what I think of it. I mean, you would know how it ends and what I think of it if you would have read the theme section of this critique and, seeing that you are down here, I think it’s safe to assume that you read it. If not, then Carol just pew-pew’s Youngledore down with her lasers when he (and we) asks for a real fight with no powers or anything. Yaaay…
I actually wonder how they were allowed to get to Nevada in the first place. I mean, think about it: a massive space battle happened in Earth’s atmosphere above the Area 51 and nobody saw it.
After she “defeats” Youngledore, Carol puts him in a small space craft, wanting to send him back to Hala. Guess how she does it? She just hits the back of the ship with a photon blast and it automatically flies away, presumably to Hala. How in the name of God does this work?
“Anyway, but what happened to the others?”, said you, probably. Well they remained in the lab, where they were celebrating the victory. Fury rises Goose above his head and does what a normal human does when he has a cute cat in his hands. But suddenly, the cat snaps with absolutely no reason and pocks Fury’s eye with its claws.
We then cut to hold it
The cat slashes Fury’s eye out of the socket. This is why he has only one eye? This is why he always wears a patch on his wounded eye? This is— oh God…
I can’t possibly express how much of a letdown this scene is. This is easily one of the worst things about this movie. Did the writers watched any of the previous MCU movies? If they did then they should have known that explaining Fury’s eye problem by blaming it on a cat is the worst possible way to handle it. They sacrificed Fury’s entire character in the MCU for a joke. For an unwelcomed, unfunny joke.
Don’t believe me? Remember than scene in the Winter Soldier when Steve comes in and asks Fury a few questions? Well yeah, Fury responds by “last time I trusted somebody, I lost an eye”. Are you kidding? Was he really refering the cat? He trusted it for what? Goose never showed any sign that he would suddenly snap an attack you, so you don’t need to “trust” a cat for it to not slash your eye.
You are really telling me that his missing eye is like this not because of something personal, an extremely important mission for him, a betrayal, or any of the other millions of reasons that we thought of when we saw his eye for the first time in Winter Soldier, but because a cat scratched it? You can’t tease something like this, something of this importance, of this context, something that changed Fury from a 90s rookie to a complete edge lord, and then say “ah, nah mates. It was a cat. Yup. Just a cat.” And please don’t start with the “It’s not a cat” argument. It’s like saying “Uh, actually, they are not giant space robots that turn into machines, nah they are Cybertronians”.
You don’t brake such teasing, such work. Work which, by the way, it was made by the Russos (now that I think about it, I am extremely curious what the Russos thought about Captain Marvel). Take it like this: what if in Star Wars Anakin turned from the chosen one to Dark Vader only because he lost a bet? Would you have accepted that? Yeah, he lost at a gamble and then he turned into a Sith Lord out of anger. Everybody and their mothers would have wanted to see Lucas crucified, yet there are a lot of people who either liked or didn’t cared for the Fury and the cat thing.
Fury was a cool bad boy in every single movie he was in, except for this one. I 100% understand why, and I like to see a more different Fury, but then you must ruin the one thing that more than likely would have turned him from a laid-back agent to a strict and edgy dude in the most natural way, for the sake of a joke?
Guess what? This is the second sin made by this movie! It’s not only Fury’s eye, but it’s also the fact that this movie is filled with plotwholes and that the writing is just abysmal.
What the hell, man… That scene ruined my enjoyment for the MCU. From now on, every time I will see Avengers, or Iron Man 2, or especially Winter Soldier, I will not be able to see Fury as a serious, intimidating figure. For now I will only see him as a looser, a looser that only wants to be edgy around actual heroes like Iron Man and Captain America, a looser that is too afraid to actually admit that yes, his eye was indeed pocked out by a cat. I mean frick it, not even Coulson knows about it.
Ugh… we then cut to Maria’s dinnertable in which we see most of our cast eating. They also make jokes on Fury. Monica says something like “I’ll come visit you” to Carol. Fury then says something like “For that you will need a spaceship” and Monica responds like “Maybe I’ll make one, you don’t know” and Carol winks and repeats “He doesn’t know”. Yeah, you go girl! Worst part: Fury realises that they make fun of him.
At this point, Fury is nothing but a joke. First they permanently ruin him for the sake of an unfunny joke, then they make fun of him, and then they have him forget to react that he is now half blind. Like, my mother also has problems with one of her eyes, I think it’s the same one. In her worst days, she must stay laid on her back and stay calm, without moving, so that her head and her eye would stop hurting. Granted, my mom’s eye wasn’t slashed off by a cat, but I think this would actually make the situation worse for Fury. Blood? Aqueous humour? Nah, just make everything dark and blurry so we don’t see what actually happened there. I am sure it will beeee juuuust fiiiineeeee…
After the dinner Fury talks to Carol and tells her that she should go by the name of Captain Marvel, because of Mar-Vell. It what at this point when I realised that she has no reason to be called like that. The movie has no reason to be called like that. She wasn’t a captain (I mean she was a captain or something in her pilot life, although I am afraid to ask how she got that up in the hierarchy) and her name was not Marvel. My headcannon says that she adopted it off screen just because it sounded cool. It seems totally in character for her.
Anyway, Carol gives him a pager that would help him contact her when Earth needs her. Don’t ask how a pager could contact someone from space, even after the modifications of a novice in the world of space engineering.
Oh wait, frick. I guess that now she is an expert engineer too.
Carol then leaves Earth. She wants to help the remaining couple of hundreds of Skrulls to find themselves a new world to colonise. She flies into space in front of the lab. And here, ladies and gentlemen, here is the pay-off for my previous set-up, because Carol flies in space without her helmet. Yaaaay… She is not only a goddess that can pew-pew mortal photon blasts, that can fly, that can tear an entire fleet of spaceships apart without even messing her hair, that has plot armour and that by default is amazing and great at everything and everybody and everyone should love her, she is also able to breath in space, just like that, with no context or explanation, just because the movie wanted to have some cool visuals.
Anyway, the lab, which seemed to have some light speed engines incorporated, swoops out with the speed of light, followed by Carol. Yaaaay… Not only that she got the ability of breathing in space, but she also got light speed! And this just in the span of three seconds.
But do they realise that this is not how light-speed works? Light speed has ten or even more zeroes, meaning that unless the movement routes of two objects that are traveling with light speed are perfectly parallel, apocalypse would come. If she is off with 0,00000000000000000001%, she can end up in another solar system, on the other side of the galaxy. Or worse: she can crash into the lab, killing off everybody inside of it. Because believe me: if a small ball would hit you with the speed of light, you will not be there to see the results.
The light speed would not even help them! Like, OK, they are choosing to travel with light speed instead of the transwarp technology, which seems to be much more efficient from the start, because you can travel the entire galaxy in just a few hours, or the technology that the Skrulls or Ronan used to get to Earth before Youngledore, but do they realise how ineficient it is?
Our solar system is huge, no matter what you think. Earth is… three light minutes away of the Sun. However, imagine how far away other planets are. Imagine how far away is Pluto. Imagine how far away is Eris, which is three times more far away than Pluto, imagine where the heliosphere ends. If you would be at the edge of the heliosphere and you would look through a planet-sized telescope at Earth, you would not see it. You would only see the Sun slowly being created, with a bunch of rings of dust around it. I might be exaggerating here, but you get what I’m saying. It will take so many years for them to travel with the speed of light to just leave our solar system. Speed of light is not fast, it’s not comparable to the transwarp technology, it is unimaginably slow. By the time Infinity War would start, Carol would have barely started the search for habitable solar systems. Yes, there are a lot of planets that might sustain life. The closest is Proxima Centauri B, who’s solar system is about 4 light years away. But you must admit that the light speed would be horribly slow, especially for what Carol wants to do. She would not have the possibility to feed the Skrulls, to raise their moral. She would be alone with a bunch of her former enemies, trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. And from what I saw in Endgame, she did not found it.
But wait, there is an even bigger question. Are you trying to tell me that all the Skrulls in the lab actually had access to a light speed engine this whole time? That all this time the Skrull race actually could have escaped and ran away to a safer place? Like, at this point I don’t really care enough to listen any counter argument, I just want you to tell me why the Skrulls were just not able to use the lab to swoop out of Kree territory, or at least use the engines to multiply them and then swoop out. Are you trying to tell me that science lady really wanted to keep the men busy and the women and children captive on her lab till she herself would have done… what was she even doing at this point? To this moment we knew that she was building light speed engines, but now that we know that the Skrulls already had such engines the whole argument falls flat. To what we know, Mar-Vell was actually still on the Kree side, and tricked them into thinking that she was the one creating the lightspeed engines while not only that the Skrulls already had it, but were being slaughtered by the Krees for decades.

Actually now that I think of it, how did those Skrulls even survived in science lady’s lab for at least six years? Like, did they had food? Did they had water? And if they had, you can’t tell me that what they had was enough for six years. It’s like saying that those small ships that bring supplies to island nations like Tuvalu bring enough food for six years. They don’t. They bring for only a few weeks.
Anyway, we then cut to another scene that happens a good time after Carol’s depature. We see Fury at his desk, talking to Coulson, who offered him a box of fake eyes, telling him that he is fine with having an eyed slashed. Coulson leaves, and we see that now Goose is Fury’s pet.
We then see Fury typing something on his computer: the schematics of the Avenger Initiative. But there’s a twist: Fury sees an image with Carol in her old jet, and on the site of it is says “Cpt. Carol “The Avenger” Danvers”. What the hell… I am pretty sure that the name the Avengers was already coming from Cap because… you know… he was the first Avenger. He saved the entire world by sacrificing himself. He was an actual hero, an actual character. Nah, let’s just say that Fury called the initiative after Carol, because she is better.
And that, ladies and gentlemen was the plot of “Captain Marvel”!
Like, at this point I don’t even know how to close it off. The story and everything about it is extremely badly executed, which is a shame, considering its potential and such. If I would be to remake this I would not change a line, I would not rewrite a scene. I would scrap everything that the directors made so far and I would start it from the beginning. Or better: I would make it the opening of Phase 4 and release Black Widow one year earlier. I just cannot understand why the ones at Disney thought it would be a good idea o introduce a brand new character, one that nobody knows, one that is trying to be what it isn’t and what it should not be, instead of releasing a movie about Black Widow after the events of IW, to better explore the world after the decimation, a movie about a character that we already know and love, building up to her sacrifice in Endgame and giving it more weight. (Vladin from the future note: it would also not force the Skrulls into the MCU, characters that can have at least one phase dedicated entirely for themselves, before we even defeat Thanos.)
Let’s talk a little bit more about the story before moving on.
One of my questions is why they don’t just kill off all the Skrulls from the planet? Why don’t they just send an entire army that would deal with the Skrulls, while they would send somebody else to deal with the spy? Instead of sending a small team of six, one of them being the goddess that you want to keep on your side, why don’t you send one entire team for the spy and then an entire army to deal with the Skrulls that were attacking outside? We knew that the spy had important information, so it’s not like the motivation wasn’t there. Not to mention that Hala more than likely had an army to spare, I mean it has bombs that presumably are able to destroy entire planets. Why don’t they play it safe, so that they would not risk loosing Carol.
Now, let’s change the subject a little bit: Talos’ plan is just straight up bad. Let’s recap it a little bit: six years after science lady just disappears, presumably dead, a new life signature shows up, identical to hers. It just so happens that said life signature is detected in the group that came to fight the Krees on the planet from the beginning of the movie. It also just so happens that they detected her in her very first mission. That’s nice. They took her, mind-slag her and then attack her when she tries to escape, bringing her on a new, alien planet. Talos’ plan is to convince her that she was brainwashed and to make her remember where the lab is. Actually no, scratch that: his plan initially was to take the memory by force from her head. Am I the only one who thinks that this plan is kinda based on unfounded ideas? Like, this is the very first time they see her, or get her signature, and they suddenly believe that they will be able to convince her that her last six years, the only part of her Kree life that she can remember, were all just a lie and that her real destiny is to help them, the ones that were attacking and invading various Kree colonies instead of leaving the Krees alone and try to find a new planet for themselves are actually the good guys and that she should help them instead of helping the Kree? What? What if she would not believe them and just kill them? What if she would have no idea about what they are talking about? What if she didn’t knew where the lab and the female and kids were? You really, really, really must have iron guts to go on such a bet. But again, it seems that Talos actually convinced her in less than a minute.
Wouldn’t it have been easier to just take all the Skrulls and resourced that he had, including the females and children (this happening before science lady offered them her help) and just fly straight out of the Kree border, searching for a new colony that they could repopulate?
Yeah, not to mention that in this massive span of time Talos lost almost everything, to the point that the win is almost not even comparable to the lost. I mean, he lost so many of his kind and resources in the multiple invasions of Kree colonies. Not to mention that huge mothership that Carol blowed up just like that. He abandoned his wife and daughter, together with the future of the Kree race to go pocking out some other Kree colonies, forcing the Kree to take measures against him, all the while being a creep and playing the victim card.
Good thing you did Talos, good thing you did. You could have avoided the entire plot of the movie if you just turned off Mar-Vell’s offer and just fly your butt out of the Kree border with the tech that you already had but no. You had to annoy and invade some colonies first, putting a risk to your entire species.
Even if I completely hate this movie, I must admit that it made me have a new vision, one different of all of the others. While the movie expects the audience to be on the Skrull’s side, I am on none, but more sympathetic towards the Krees. The Krees only wanted to protect their border and their colonies from some deviant, dangerous, unpredictable and, by any mean, problematic new group of people that risked to put their entire empire to an end. The Skulls kept invading and invading world after world after world, till they let the Krees with no choice but to attack them to force them out of the empire (Vladin from the Future Note: Getting some Roman/Goths vibes over here). And now I will ask a very controversial question: what’s so bad in it? What’s so bad in wanting to protect your homeland? In this movie’s attempt to show as many left wing themes as possible, it also made a right wing one: the anti-emigration one. The Krees want to stop the Skrull emigration in their home, the Skrulls want to force themselves in as much as possible. Not to mention the fact that the Kree actually technically win by the end, seeing that they finally get rid of the annoying emigrants.
All right, I’ll stop here for now, till I get to the actual political category.
Speaking of the Skrulls, I still can’t wrap my head around the idea that Talos “needed” Carol’s help when it was so clear that he didn’t. Like Talos made it very very very clear that he only wants to kill Carol because of her powers or something. Like, forget the fact that he yelled to his guards “we need her, dead or alive", Talos also constantly made his troops to aim at her, shoot her, and continuously attack her and putting her in life-threatening situations, even on a foreign, alien planet. Not only that but, aside of the fact that he caught her and imprisoned her in a pretty creepy looking machine, and that he himself was kinda acting like a creep, he could easily just talk to her. Like, when she escaped instead of telling his guards to catch her, he could just tell her “no, please wait. This is all a misunderstanding. We don’t want to kill you we just need your help. Our entire race’s fate is in your cuffed hands!” or something like this. Again, he convinced her to join his side in less than a minute, why couldn’t he do the same, but on his very pretious mothership instead of making her blow it out of the sky?
Speaking of Brie, this time, I am also wondering why did Mar-Vell even took her to the lab in that day in which Youngledore found her and killed her. Like, what was so special with that day? We know that she was able to go to the lab all by herself, so why did she even took Carol with her in the first place. I would have actually liked to see some more scenes that developed the mentor-student relation between Mar-Vell and Carol, even tho this would mean to see more of the horrible character that is Carol. But hey, maybe such scenes would actually fix her a little bit. Maybe they would respond to my questions.
Another question about the jet: why didn’t science lady used the cloacking technology that she had available for the lab on the jet? We know that the lab was completely undetectable, so why not use it on the jet too? Was she really thinking that the Kree Empire would never find her and would never try to silence her?
Speaking of the lab: why didn’t Mar-Vell used it just to send the Skrulls to a safe place. I mean, OK, I know that at this point I am repeating myself, but it is still a valid point. Science lady had the possibility of sending the future of the Skrull race to a safer places, or to at least do the next best thing: to tell Talos about the lightspeed technology that they were currently possessing and just tell him that they are now ready to move away, to leave the Kree border, to look for a better and safer planet. But of course she didn’t do that. Instead she dragged them along in the atmosphere of Earth, proving that she is not the angelic mentor that Carol built her up to be, but that she is just lame and arrogant.
Speaking of the Kree. Why were they so OK with bombing their own planet? Again, Ronan’s nukes could supposedly destroy an entire planet. I understand that the planet was infected with Skrulls, but would you go as far as destroying your entire house just because you saw a couple of bugs in the corner of the kitchen one day? This sounds just stupid.
Next questions, these being about the way the Krees handled Carol. Question number 1: why did they wasted her on a single simple mission? In the grand scheme of things, rescuing a spy from a hostile planet shouldn’t be anything special for Hala, yet here they are, using their most dangerous and unstable weapon they had for it. It’s like the US would have used its nuclear warheads in the most insignificant battle of WWII, whatever that was. Question number 2: why she never ever asked about her past life, how she became a Kree, how she got her powers, why she got her powers? Especially the past one. Again, how would the Krees even respond to such a question? Why would they give god-tier powers to a random brainwashed Kree soldier, and not mass-produce them?
Back to Earth, I just realised one thing: the movie considers the Earthlings really, really dumb. Goose the cat, the Skrull corpse, the leftover Skrull tech left around by the huge mothership and the escape pod. Are you really trying to tell me that nobody, and I mean nobody saw the huge rain of debris falling from the sky, or at least the giant explosion? Or nobody considered strange the fact that the cat of a missing scientist sticked around for six years? The MCU’s Earth would and should drastically change after Captain Marvel. The doctor that is there at the Skrull’s autopsy even says that the Skrull isn’t carbon-based, like we are. Are you really going to tell me that SHIELD completely forgot about such a revolutionary discovery? Or that they would redact it? Why? Why would they even do that? Why would they redact this? Or anything that happened in CM to that matter? Because I really think that after Carol left Earth SHIELD went on, hiding absolutely everything that happened in the movie like the Men in Black.
Now let’s move on to some continuities issues. I already talked about the eye thing, how it is bad, how it is a plotwhole, how it breaks Fury’s character, and I hope I made my point clear: I hate their approach. But there is yet another continuity error in this movie. Remember that scene in the Avengers? The one in which Fury tells the Avengers that the reason for why they were developing Tessaract-powered weapons was because of Thor and Loki? That they were the first aliens that Earth have ever encountered? Well yeah, scratch that cause now we have Captain Marvel to steal that role. How did Fury and SHIELD as a whole completely forgot everything that had happened 20 years ago, when they themselves were personally involved in what was (or supposed to be) and intergalactic war, seems a little weird. .
This is less like a continuity error and more of a consequence of the hype that the MCU tried to create around Captain Marvel: why Fury never called Carol in? Like, I get it that he was supposed to call her only in critical situation, but look at how many critical situation we saw in the MCU! Why didn’t he called her when a bunch of aliens showed up and started fighting over a hammer? Or when Earth was invaded by other aliens and he was forced to nuke NYC? Or when yet another alien showed up and tried to use some sort of red juice to destroy everything and everybody? Or when a bunch of flying fortresses were controlled by an evil organisation and were about to kill everybody from a single press of a button? Or when an evil robot tried to destroy all life on Earth? Are you really trying to tell me that he didn’t considered all of these situations critical, but Hills suddenly disappearing and a helicopter crashing into a building was? Come on, give me a brake.
There is this ongoing trend in the movie in which everybody tells Carol that she is too emotional, and that she needs to hold her emotions up: AI lady, Youngledore… This would be a very OK thing, if 1) we would actually see Carol as a very emotional person, a care-free, laid-back, nice and friendly person, and 2) Brie Larson’s performance wouldn’t be absolutely horrible. I think it’s safe to assume that I am talking for everybody when I say that Brie Larson trolled the entire movie. Carol had 0 emotions and rarely was even changing her expression. Tho I will talk more about this later on.
I asked it before and I’ll keep asking it: why her and not Black Widow? Like, I get it that after the success that were the first two phases Marvel wanted to pump up as many big names as possible, and that Captain Marvel would literally be the namesake of the company, but we already had an awesome, strong female character that we cared about, loved, and wanted to see more of. Aside for some exposition in the first Avengers movie and some flashbacks in Age of Ultron, Natasha remained virtually undeveloped and undiscovered for the entirety of the MCU. I have fate that her solo movie that will also start Phase 4 will do her justice, but I would have much rather had this movie instead of Captain Marvel. We could have explored the world after the Decimation, a world that, and I am 100% sure on my next statement, everybody wanted to see more of. Maybe we would have seen more of her trying to search for Hawkeye. Maybe we would have seen her slowly devolving into the state of pure madness we saw her in Endgame, a devolution that would have made her sacrifice even more credible and iconic. Oh my god, such delicious potential, such perfect content for a possible new hit! But no, we had to get an unknown character that would make Natasha’s movie release date confusing, seeing that she is getting her movie after she died. And we all now know how this idea turned out to be.
Speaking of idea, before the movie I knew, I just knew that it will try to poke my eyes out with the whole “Higher, further, faster” thing and you know what? I was OK with it. Maybe it would be Carol’s iconic catch-phrase, like Tony’s “I am Iron Man” and Steve’s “I can do this all day”. But to my absolute surprise, the phrase was in the movie only once, and it wasn’t even said by Carol. With all the hype surrounding this phrase, being part of posters and trailers and everything, I fail to see why they would cut this out. It’s not a con, it’s not a nitpick, I am just genuinely confused by the choice of cutting it out of the movie.
And I am also a little confused about the whole HYDRA think, or lack there of. At this point, I am sure that HYDRA was going strong into SHIELD, yet we don’t see anything from it, maybe for the good, who knows. At least they didn’t screwed up HYDRA too.
And here it is, folks! I’ll end this section here, as I think I talked enough about it. I have other things to talk about, such as….

##Major characters
I already talked about the less important characters, and now it’s time to talk about the more important ones. I avoided to talk about them above the story section because most of my gripes would spoil it, and I didn’t wanted to repeat myself too much.
Finally, let’s talk about them, shall we?

1) Talos
Talos is the best character in the entire MCU. Period.
This is what certain individuals would think about him and would tell me when they would argue about the movie. There is nothing wrong into liking Talos, in fact I myself kinda see why people would like him, and some of the interactions he has been in were kinda cute, but this can’t stop me from saying that Talos is a bad character.
He isn’t bad in the sense that he is bland, or boring, or something like this. But his plan is garbage, just like how I said earlier in the critique. He is obviously built up to be a loving man, that cares about his wife, his daughter, his species as a whole, and the only thing he wants to do is to save his people. Now, aside the fact that I already pointed out that the Skrulls are nothing but wild, dangerous, and unwelcomed monster and that the Kree were mostly right in all of this (aside for… you know… the genocide thing), Talos’ plan to save his race is extremely, extremely stupid. Sure, Talos. Send the literal future of your race to a random Kree that pretends to be your ally, while you and the boys go on and continue invading the Kree colonies with no particular reason whatsoever other than to be able to play the victim card later on, while thinking that said Kree is working hardly to build some lightspeed engines that would make you able to leave the Kree empire, even tho you were totally already able to do that.
Not only this but when science lady stops sending any messages or signals, what do you do? Nothing. You continue invading random Kree words, not even caring to try to search for your Skrull chicks. Then you wait six entire years and put together the extremely hard to believe plan in which you intend to take a goddess that is faking to be a Kree newbie, turn her on your side, and somehow convince her to help you against the Krees. Very, very smooth plan over there.
After dissecting Talos’ character a little bit, I can’t just find him annoying. Knowing how many bad things he has done, it’s a little hard for me to believe that Fury would casually go on a vacation on their ship, barely carrying about what he and his boys are actually doing. I really wouldn’t be surprised if Talos would just turn out to be evil. As I said: in my books, the Skrulls are evil already.

2) Mar-Vell, the science lady
I called her science lady a lot in the previous category about the story. Mostly it was out of an “ironic/comedic” reason, to set in stone the fact that I didn’t really cared for her. As I continued writing the story and as I wrote down more and more problems about this movie and, subsequently, about her, I realised the opposite: I realised that I don’t like her either.
I mean, think about it. I said it multiple times and I will say it once more: instead of letting Talos know that the Skrulls now have access to a straight-up battleship, a smaller mothership, that also has huge lightspeed engines, she lies to them, she continues doing her experiments, she enslaves them in the atmosphere of an unknown planet that the Skrulls more than likely have never seen before, then dies, leaving them to starve to death for six years. This… This is one of those moments when the internet movie theorist dives deep into a movie till he proofs that one character that was built up to be this angelic, perfect, just figure (in this case, Science Lady was built to be that way by Carol and diverse trailers or secondary pieces of media, not to mention that Mar-Vell was actually a superhero in the comics, just like Carol was) is actually just a monster that is the real antagonist of the series.
This is just one of the many “if this would’ve happened rightly, the plot of the movie would never happened” moments. If Mar-Vell wouldn’t have been an arrogant liar, then the movie would have never happened. I don’t like these types of moments.
But I hear you going “Vladin! You hypocrite!” and I am like “Yeah yeah I hear you”. There are such moments in movies that I love. Take the most relevant example out there: if Star Lord didn’t punched Thanos, everybody would have won! The Decimation wouldn’t have happened, Endgame wouldn’t have happened, Tony would still be alive, Avatar would still be number one highest grossing movie of all time. But hear me out: that reaction was extremely in-character for Peter, not to mention that it was in-tone and that it had to happened to back up Endgame it is one of the only moments in the movie (aside of the all “Doctor Strange could have just opened a portal and cut Thanos’ hand off like he did earlier in the same movie” thing). In Captain Marvel’s case, not only that it is one of the many such cases, it also is out of character for somebody that was built up to be a very good guy. Hell, it didn’t even set up something even comparable to Endgame. This makes me dislike Mar-Vell even more.
Also, why did they gender-swapped him? Like, OK, I get they wanted to have more women into the movie, but this is really uncalled for. I am generally OK with changing something at a character to make him more interesting (for example I am still waiting for a genderswapped Blast Off), but in these kind of cases I am not even angry, I am just straight up confused.

3) Coulson
Coulson was in the movie for like three scenes. He had about only two lines, one at the beginning and one at the end, one of which was pretty much used to quickly set up a joke.
His new CGI face effects things were kinda cool, even tho I wasn’t really familiar with how the actor should have looked as a younger version of himself.
Coulson was heavily hyped in the run leading to the movie. Obviously Disney was extremely proud to show it’s new CGI toys. I personally cannot look at Coulson’s role and rise my thumbs up. He was pretty much a let down, at least compared to how much he and Fury were hyped out to be. Although Fury at least kinda payed off.
However, I must at least nod my head. They at least acknowledge his existence in this weird, 90s version of SHIELD and actually used him, compared to other things that they should have used (ahem HYDRA ahem).

4) Fury
Fury is Fury, reason for why I liked him. To be honest, his character might have actually been my favourite thing at this movie. I actually liked him. I know that his very existence creates a crusade of problems, as I pointed out above, but I liked to see him in here, I always wanted to see more of Fury, to develop him more, to see how he arrived in the point in which we meet him at the end of Iron Man.
I really don’t have any big complain about his character. As I pointed out, I have a lot of complains about his role in his movie and… the things that are happening to him. It’s a shame that he was used mostly as comedy relief.
Anyway, I liked him. He’s the only thing I liked at this movie. There’s that. C’est la vie. Let’s move on.

##Can we return to the writers of this movie again, please?
In the first category about the writers, I put all the responsibility on Anna Boden’s and Ryan Fleck’s shoulders, but it turns out that it isn’t their fault. Or that at least it isn’t only their fault. That’s right folks. Captain Marvel had not one, not two, not three, not four, but five writers. How can you screw it up with five writers?
Who are the other three? Well the first one is Nicole Perlman. Now, I can’t really blame this woman too much, as she worked at the scripts for other MCU movies, namely Thor and GotG. She also worked at Detective Pikatchu, if you can believe this. Wait a minute, this actually gives me the rights to blame her! OK, maybe Thor and GotG were not the most important movies for the MCU, as none of them had any background. I also haven’t seen Detective Pikatchu, although I hear that it is really good. If she worked at such good movies, and she had such a good understanding of the MCU as a whole, how did she allowed such big mistakes in this movie?
The second one is Meg LeFauve and she has an even bigger and more interesting background than Perlman. She worked at a ton of Disney movies, such as Inside Out, the Good Dinosaur (that movie is awesome and I don’t care what you’re saying), Finding Dory and Incredibles 2, so quite the portfolio. Again, this is also the reason as of why I can blame her: she worked in masterpieces, or at least very good movies. How in the world could she allow such big mistakes in one of her movies?
The third one is Geneva-Robertson Dworet, which seems to be new in the industry, and I think that she is the one responsible for the political agenda of the movie.
And now I came up with a theory, a FILM THEORY: Anna and Ryan were not able to write and give Disney a good script in time, so they hired Nicole and Meg, two admittedly good writers, to help them out. They also added in Geneva to spice the movie up with the whole female-empowerment themes. Disney thought that a movie with five writers cannot fail. Well, it seems they were all wrong, as these five writers all wanted to do their thing with the movie. Maybe Anna and Geneva wanted to get another female empowerment movie, maybe Ryan and Meg wanted a laid-back, comedy like the Guardians, maybe Nicole just wanted another regular MCU entry. I don’t know. I wasn’t in the brainstorming room at that moment. However, this theory seems pretty plausible: the five people couldn’t come to an agreement, and so they all forced their ideas into the movie, ultimately making it the mess that it is now. Disney then just had to accept it because they were on a time schedule and hoped that the movie would win enough money due to the marvel brand. And it did.
Sounds like a plausible explanation for me.
OK, now let’s move on.

##I am going to say the 8-lettered F word!
OK, you all saw this coming. I said that I will talk about it, I am now talking about it.
As I teased numerous times into the review, Captain Marvel is a very, very feminist movie. Everybody who knows me would know that I am right wing, that I am supporting every kind of democratic right wing movement.
Naturally, me and this movie would bump heads.
But it’s not only because I am anti-3rd wave feminism. No. I am OK with a quote on quote “feminist” movie as long as it also is a good one. Look at the Alien franchise. I haven’t seen any of those movies, but everybody seems to praise them, and Ridely in particular. Or the first two Terminator movies. Again: I haven’t watched them, but I know that in those movies Sarah Conner is protecting her son from evil timetraveling robots. There are countless of good female-lead movies, from Wonder Woman to the Hunger Games, but suddenly Hollywood thinks that they are not enough, and it wants more and more and more, and so many big movie companies want to milk those sweet sweet money more and more and more… Yeah. Let’s return to Captain Marvel.
I just want to start this section by showing one image, one quote in particular.

Suuuure. This woman surely understand how a movie, or a story with a female protagonist in general, works.
I mean, it’s baffling how ignorant some people are. Having the protagonist have a boyfriend isn’t a bad thing. Look at Wonder Woman. She had a boyfriend, she will have a boyfriend in her next movie. Was it a bad move? No, not at all! It developed her. It made her look more like a human, more relatable. It made her better. This is how we actually see if we like a character or not: by seeing her evolving in her natural habitat, by seeing her how she acts together with other characters and especially towards love interests.
I’m a highschooler. My profile is based mostly on social sciences, but also heavily on writing stories, storytelling, and such things. What I just told you is one of the first things you learn to get to where I am now. It’s one of the basics. And suddenly this woman comes in and throws them off the window, before putting her fists on the sides of her waste, acting like a superhero that is prepared to get rid of the old social norms that plague our society.
And if you don’t accept these changes, you’re sexist. In fact, does anybody remember when Brie Larson called everybody sexist, just because they did not like what they saw in the Captain Marvel trailers? That’s right folks, because this is how society works these days. You don’t like my movie? You’re sexist, or racist, or homophobic, or whatever. These are strange times, confusing times. Instead of having nice, calm debates we have such discussions like:
Person A: “Yeah man, I dunno. I don’t really like Captain Marvel.”
Person Brie: “You’re sexist.”
Person A: “Wait, what? Why?”
Person B: “Because you don’t like the movie.”
Person A: “And literally the only reason that you can think off about not liking the movie is because I am sexist?”
Person B: “Yes.”
See what I am talking about? I assure everybody. The reason as of why I don’t like Captain Marvel is not that I am sexist. I don’t like Captain Marvel because of how many problems this movie has and how incompetent it is. I mean just look at the size of this topic.
Whenever I hear the “you’re sexist” argument I feel like the following conversation would be one-sided. Why you would think that all this time we were all part of some secret conspiracy with the goal of shaming female-lead movies just because we are sexists? It’s just stupid to think something like this!
Speaking of female lead movies, do you remember how much Marvel hyped Captain Marvel as being the first female lead superhero movie? How did Marvel really expected us to forget Wonder Woman, who had been released just a few years prior? Maybe they wanted to say the first Marvel female lead superhero movie, although that would be fake too, as Marvel already had a female lead movie in their library. That’s right, I am talking about the Elektra movie. Surely, it wasn’t a good movie. I watched it only once, and I don’t think I will ever revisit it, but it still counted and it’s still a valid counter argument. Such as how Black Panther wasn’t the first superhero movie lead by a black guy. Remember the Blade Trilogy? And there were other black-lead movies before that trilogy too. Does anybody remember Steel?
And I think I already made it clear, and if I haven’t I will make it clear now: the story really suffers from the writer’s wish to make this movie another female empowering one. One of the biggest examples (aside of Carol’s character, of course) is the fact that the plot kept dragging the protagonist along for the ride with no particular reason whatsoever. I mean, why did the Kree even took her with them on Hala after she got her powers? They were not weaponing her, they were not using her to find the Tessaract, they were just teaching her their weaknesses. As I said, it would have made much more sense story-wise to just kill her off as fast as they could.
Carol literally had no point to take part of the action, to arrive on Hala, to kick-start the plot of the movie, as she was just a regular pilot that just so happened to be picked by science lady that just so happened to be attacked right in that exact day by aliens, and she just so happened to figure out what they want and just so happened to gain powers by destroying it and it just so happened that the Krees decided to take her on Hala instead of killing her and it just so happened that they took her in that mission at the beginning of the movie just to kick-start its plot, etc.
OK, I am getting back to the story category again, and I don’t want this to happen.
I’ll stop here for now. I have one more category that I want to talk about, and it will almost surely be even longer and even more feminism-based than this one, but for now I’ll have to close off this one.

##Carol Danvers, the Captain Marvel
I really dislike this woman, both irl and in the MCU. I don’t know if I hate her, despise her, am OK with her, want her kicked out of Hollywood. I am genuinely baffled by her. When I first heard of her, I had no idea who she was. When I first recognised her in Jump Street, I liked her. When I saw a few of her samples in different movies, when her performance was actually fantastic, I got hyped. But then I heard rumours, and the fact that she is a total feminist, and then the movie came out. I genuinely don’t know what to think towards her. I saw a lot of spoiled brats, both men and women. I saw a lot of people I hate. I met a lot of people I hate (you have no idea). I generally live in an atmosphere of seriousness and I am sometimes irritated when something is happening the wrong way, or when my silence is disturbed. Nothing from what I just said can possibly top my feelings towards Carol Danvers, or towards Brie Larson.
I tried taking her as serious as I could in the critique so far, reason for why I haven’t gave her any annoying nickname. But finally: this is the part in which I can finally talk about how much I dislike this character.
Without further ado, let’s get into my biggest gripe of the movie, bigger than the political agenda, bigger than the plotwholes, bigger than all that I’ve wrote so far.

Carol in “Captain Marvel”
Yes I will separate this category based on her appearances and on her future, even tho she barely showed up in the MCU so far.
Let’s start up with her powers. A lot of people say that she is an OP Mary Sue and even if that is true, in fact I am pretty sure that I myself called her that in this very review, she isn’t actually all that powerful, or all that different of the rest of the MCU cast. She can shoot laser things, so can Iron Man and Vision and Thor and Scarlet which. She can fly, so can like half of the Avengers. She is extremely durable, so are all the Avengers as it seems. She has no original powers, nothing new. She is just a female, cosmic version of Iron Man, if you ask me. All of those people that tried to build her up as the next best thing? Yeah, they clearly didn’t took in consideration that the Hulk would totally rekt her. She definitely was not as strong as how the hype made her to be. Need I remind you how hard Marvel tried to hype this movie, especially before Endgame? As far as I am concerned, Iron Man would always beat her. I am pretty sure the comics are actually backing me up. I never actually read the Civil War II storyline, but I know that Carol cheats to beat Tony, and that he would have easily defeated her.
Changing subjects, let’s compare her to an actual strong, independent female character, the one that I think of: Mothra Wonder Woman. Now, I only saw the first half of hour of Wonder Woman, so I don’t feel fully in power to talk about her. However, I watched a lot of comparisons between the two, and I can totally agree when somebody says that Diana is better. I will use her as an alternative through this whole section.
Now, powers wise, Diana is much more interesting. Not only that she is straight up a goddess, she is also a human. That’s right, folks: a goddess is also a human, without being a demigoddess. The movie builds her up as this awesome female that can do anything and, aside the fact that her story actually has a pay-off that showcases a lot of her powers (even tho I really don’t think that it is a good pay-off for her story and character as a whole), it is actually doubled down with a character arc that goes… mostly OK. Diana changes, Carol doesn’t. But I’ll get to that.
Carol is a plot device. She is given so many powers just to move the plot faster and to make the movie look cooler. She doesn’t struggle, she doesn’t do anything noteworthy, she mostly is there as a plot device to mediate the plot and to stop it from becoming actually interesting.
Carol is extremely boring. You took an awesome character (or at least she was awesome in EMH) and turned her into the MCU version of Blue Diamond from Steven Universe. She tries to be funny, she tries to be relatable, but it just ends up as being extremely boring. It doesn’t help that Brie Larson’s performance in this movie is straight-up horrible. There is nothing that I like about it and if you would ever try to convince me that this piece of wood is the same person as the chick that made me laugh in Jump Street I would say that your place is in an asylum.
And then I would follow you there because this movie turned me insane.
One thing I realised at Carol, tho, is that she actually works better together with other characters, most notably Nick Fury. Not even Sam Jackson’s charisma can redeem Larson’s horrible performance, but I found her easier to watch in this context. Likewise, I actually smiled when I saw her changing some lines with the Avengers, especially when they indirectly poke fun at her. However, sadly, at least for now, such moments are in the minority, and most of the time we see her horrible version.
Carol is cringey. Like, this is more of a side issue, but this woman got some very cringey lines in her own movie, that tried to make her look more hip or relatable or something, but it just turned out to be bad. I remember laughing in the theatre at such scenes, and I could feel the ones around me eyeing me, because it really wasn’t the moment for me to laugh. But I didn’t care, I just kept on laughing. Most of her cringey lines were just the jokes that she had to say, but there were also some of her sassy, arrogant lines that just came up as uncalled.
Brie Larson has no charisma. Yes, get used to it, because I will mention it a lot in this section. I already said that she has the performance of a plank and while I was clearly joking there, you cannot deny that it’s partially true. Brie Larson spoked in a monotone tone all across the movie, for two hours. She changed her expression only about five times. She is just like Rey in TFA, when she barely had two scenes when she kept her mouth closed, but even Rey’s stoned expression betrayed emotions, Carol seems completely soulless in her entire picture. How should I relate to a boulder? How should anybody relate to an inexpressive puppet? How should girls feel inspired by this? Really, I just don’t understand why the producers thought it would be a good idea to not let her be more expressive in one scene.
Maybe Brie was just confused. I mean, just look at the movie, at the tangled themes, at the messy story, and then come to me and tell me what kind of character she is supposed to be. Tell me: is she a sarcastic character? A stoic one? Is she supposed to be a weird one? A jockey one? A traumatised one? A brave one? A newbie one? A trainee one? All of the above? The truth is that she is just straight up the inconsistent type. All across the movie she is showing signs of being more than one character should be. Now she throws cringey jokes, now she’s stoic, now she’s serious, now she is confused, now she is played for jokes, now she is played as a plot device, for Christ’s sake movie, just choose one and stick with it.
Have you ever heard of “character influences the story, not the story influences the character”? Yeah, it’s just one of the most important rules of modern story telling. It’s absolutely clear that the writers of this movie never heard of it, because they are intentionally letting the story dictate Carol’s actions and “personality”. Maybe they tried to make her a flexible character, one that can adapt easily, but at the end of the day they only made her inconsistent and even more boring. Why would we care about the situation she is in? She will surely just randomly change herself just so she could accommodate herself to overrun the danger.
Carol is the least developed character in the MCU. Maybe I should clarify that, as I am sure that that title actually goes to Mantis. Carol is the least developed main character in the MCU in her own solo movie. I’ve met people who came in with the argument that “oh, she is not underdeveloped because she found out her real origin” and I assure you, that’s not development. When the movie starts and we see her in her room on Hala she is point A. When she leaves Earth together with the Skrulls she is in point B. It just so happens that there is absolutely no difference between point A and point B, absolutely no one at all aside for the fact that now she learned her life story. You would think that such thing would change her, would make her grow as a character, but no. She is still in point A. Still in point A. The memories of her past don’t change her as a character at all. In Endgame she is supposed to be in point C, especially after the loss of some of her Skrulls (Vladin from the future note: if not all of them. We never found out how many Skrulls survived the decimation, and seeing that Carol doesn’t even mention them, I think all of them died), and the death of half the universe, but she is so lazily played that it gives the impression of still being in point A. Let me repeat that: from the opening scene of her solo movie, till the last time we saw her in Endgame, she never changes, not a bit, she only learned her backstory, and that’s it. Na-fricking-ni, Marvel! Iron Man got developed in his first movie, Cap got developed, Hulk got developed, Thor, even War Machine seemed a little bit developed by the end of the movie, even if he is played safe in IM 2 just like they play Carol safe in Endgame. And then you would be wondering “so what if they played her safe? You don’t seem to have any problem with WM being played safe, why her?” and I’ll tell you why her: because she is supposed to become the new face of the MCU, the new Iron Man, the new Captain! We supposed to see her grow, to see her change, to see her become a better person than the arrogant, soulless one that she is at the beginning of her movie. I fully understand why we don’t see too much of her in Endgame, and you know what? I’m fine with it. But I am not fine with the fact that they did not even let her emote to the death of half the Skrulls, the species that she was supposed to protect!
I mean really now: the hero having amnesia and having to find out about his past is a very commonly used plot. In such movies, we need to feel rewarded when the hero finds out about his full story, but in this case we don’t. I personally stood there even more expressionless than Carol. Need I also say that I haven’t got any positive reactions from anybody in the theatre room I was in?
I mean, think at Wolverine and Alita. Again, I haven’t seen Alita Battle Angel, and I was almost sure that it will flop, but from what I can see it was actually a pretty good movie, based on more or less the same story (add in an Earth-Mars war) including the amnesia part. I did however watched the first three X-Men movies and I got to say, I really liked Wolverine’s two part arc of finding his past. I was actually really on board for it, despite the fact that I knew the results from before watching the movie. X1 and 2 might not be the best superhero movie there are, and they probably didn’t age all that well, but I don’t care. I really liked them, and the Wolverine subplot was awesome. Why couldn’t Carol’s path to find her backstory be the same here? We are talking about a Fox movie that was made 19 years ago.
OK, let’s move on a little, and talk about her powers again. Am I the only one who notices that she just knows how to use her powers? Like, she never flew again, she never got blasters so big and so powerful again, she never went full on Super Sayan before and yet she can handle them all perfectly, like she had years of training. Plot twist: she didn’t. Unless you count the few seconds she spent before actually starting using her powers. God dang, I just found a Marry Sure bigger than Rey: at least Rey had some sort of training from Luke Skywalker (if that could be called training), Carol didn’t had anything! Oh, she got something, excuse me: she got second winds. And everytime she would face any difficulty the writers would just write in another second wind to help her learn how to fly in a very nice and understandable manner.
The thing is that the second winds are not nice or understandable. Yes, second winds are a vital thing in a full classic evolution circle of a hero and most often occur around the final battle, in which the hero actually learns to change to a better person. Luke Skywalker, for example, arguably one of the best and most iconic character there are, had his own second winds in the original Star Wars movies. But his second winds were placed strategically in three movies. Carol has around 5 second winds in one movie. And they aren’t even placed strategically, they are inserted at random to better accommodate the story and to give her even more chances to win and to show how perfect she is.
I mentioned the word arc above. Here is another difference between Luke Skywalker and Carol Danvers: the first one has an arc and changes and the other one doesn’t have an arc and doesn’t change. At the beginning of a New Hope, Luke is a spoiled brat, young and ignorant boy who just wants to get off Tatooine. Then at the end of the Return of the Jedi, he is… well, I don’t think I need to say where he is. Meanwhile, as I stated above, Carol starts in point A, ends in point A, and stagnates in the point A. Maybe she doesn’t change because she doesn’t have an arc made for her to change, another brilliant idea made by the writers. But why does she even need to change? She is a woman! She is already perfect! Right? No. Woman or not, a character needs to change, needs to grow, needs to learn something from the events he’s just been part of! You can’t let him like this, or at least you can’t let him like this and expect us, the audience, to like it.
After her two hours of screenplay you don’t feel like you know anything about her. Well… Maybe aside for her backstory. Yes, we learn her backstory, but I am referring more of her personality, her attributes, we don’t know anything about how she is, what kind of person she is, etc. We just know that she had a crazy backstory. So what? Conan the Barbarian had a crazy backstory. Do you leave his two movies knowing anything about his personality? Apparently no, because Shwaitzerneggar plays him like a brick.
Also, here’s a little fun fact: while filming the movie the directors specifically told Brie Larson that she should not smile, because she needs to play a strong female characters, and strong female character =/= smiling. I am not kidding, look it up and try to wrap your head around it.
One of the most fundamental components of an arc (AKA the process of moving the character from the points A to B that I talked above) is the lowpoint. Here’s a thing: Carol has no lowpoint, no moment in which she realises that everything she believed in was a lie. Actually scrap that, she had one. And it was terrible. Other than the fact that the lowpoint was there for less than a minute, it was extremely poorly executed. After Talos tells Carol about her real past, with (poor) evidence and everything, she should be extremely shocked, she should be broken, she should not be able to distinguish right for wrong. Her past 6 years, the literal only 6 years that she could remember, that she could call life were a fabricated lie made by some horrible people, some very bad people. She attacked innocent people and she saw her enemies as her friends. Such lowpoints should have been longer than an entire movie. I mean look at Steve’s lowpoint. He wakes up in the modern world, having no idea what to do next. His lowpoint starts at the very end of his first movie, and keeps going and going till Endgame, till he finally can return to is world, to his New York, to his loved Peggy!
I mean, the enemies of your life, the ones that you swore to kill, to destroy, to decimate, tell you something that might easily, very easily be a lie, and you immediately accept them? How stupid are you? You really never took into consideration that the bad guys might have… I don’t know… lied you?
Now… Here’s a little bit of a 180 degrees change into what I want to talk about. I already presented the fact that Carol has absolutely no character, that she has nothing around her, etc. In an interview Brie Larson said that she indeed would like to make Carol a lesbian (as if Valkerye isn’t enough). My question is why? I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR: I don’t have anything against lesbians! I have my own opinions about the LGBT community, and this is not the place for me to talk about them, but I want to make it clear that none of my opinions influence what I am about to ask. Why make her lesbian? How would that help? How would this give her a character, develop her character, help her character? Making a character gay or lesbian or whatever just for the sake of diversity is not a key, it’s not good, it’s not OK. You know what? I liked Valkery. This is one of the reasons I was pretty OK with them making her a lesbian. At least I would still like her after the coming out moment (or at least I hope I’ll like her). But Carol? No. I don’t like her at all. Nobody does. Disney knows it. This is another sign that a possible lesby Carol is nothing but Disney playing the woke card again in hope of gaining more money. Let’s just hope that Kevin would not let us down again, and that he will actually try to fix Carol up.
OK, let’s move on to a less controversial topic. The flashbacks that she experiences at the beginning of the movie easily reveal that she is native to Earth, or that she had a live on Earth before. Yet, it takes more than an hour for her to actually realise this.
Moving on, why does she even want to kill the Skrulls, beyond the fact that she was told to? I mean, in the eventuality that she was never sent by AI lady to kill all the Skrulls, aka in the more realistic eventuality, would she still want to go to anti-Skrull missions? And if so, why? Maybe to do her duty, maybe she loves Hala and stands by any of its principles. That would add even more weight to her “””lowpoint”””. But of course, this was never added.
Actually, now that I think of it, what does she even want? What are her wishes? Her desires? Over the course of the movie we don’t see her asking or wanting anything. Even with her memories. Curious is really as far as it gets. We never saw her actually going on and asking and trying to find out about her memories. She is just dragged along because the plot says so.
Now, a few days after watching CM I was strong in giving rants about this movie. One day a now banned user came in and said something in the lines of “No, you are wrong. She has a personality”, along with a few more lines that pretty much rejected all of my statements and valid criticism without giving any counter argument. That didn’t really annoyed me as much as the “She has a personality” was. I really felt like ranging on that guy, but I hold myself back.
And now I ask all of you: can you please tell me Carol’s personality?
If you are thinking “she has no personality”, then you were completely right. As I said, she is just blank, inconsistent, unrelatable nothingness. She has no notable personality, no goals, no desire, no motivation, no nothing. She is dragged along by the plot just for the sake of the movie going on faster. We enter in the theatre without knowing anything about her, and leave it with knowing even less about her. The guy watched the movie, so he must have known this, and yet he comes to me and tells me that CM has a personality, without even describing it to me.
But here’s the truth: she has no personality. She has no character. She has nothing going on for her. She isn’t even that OP, at least in my eyes, anymore. After watching her solo movie I literally can’t feel like I learned something about her. There was no set-up, nothing that would make me interested of a sequel!
She is a perfect specimen. A flawless women. She is the perfect character. She has no flaws. No weaknesses. She doesn’t struggle. She doesn’t loose anything. She doesn’t doubt her own capabilities. She fights a small army of Skrulls while being tied up with two huge pillars. The only things that were stopping her were alien lying to her, men telling her the truth and that crappy thing on her neck.
She is the perfect specimen. This is what everybody behind the movie wants us to think about her. But here’s a valid question: how can we relate to a perfect person, seeing that nothing and nobody on this world is perfect? How can we relate to a huge jerk, to an stupid, self-centred, narcissistic, arrogant, cringey murderer who goes around doing bad things, breaking everything that she touches with absolute no consequences? Does she even know what consequences even are? How can we relate to a character that has no lowpoint, no arc, no climactic end battle, all of which have the common role of developing said character and making it actually relatable for the audience?
Hell! She didn’t even had to be a woman! Imagine the entire movie, but then genderswap Brie into a… Bryan. There’s no difference! No difference at all! This movie is indeed about a great female character, but there is nothing in the movie that would not work if the main character would be a male instead of a female! I mean just think about it, and then tell me what would have not worked if instead of a Carol Danvers we would have had a Karl Danvers! Nothing! Absolutely nothing at all! This movie is about an alien warrior that gets trapped on Earth, finds out that he/she was actually a human and goes back fighting the bad guys that were acting like his family or something. This literally has nothing to do with being a female, she could very easily be a man and everything would stay the same.
Meanwhile, Wonder Woman clearly bolded the fact that the main character just has to be a woman. Diana is coming from an island populated entirely out of women (inspired by Greek mythology), and is going into a world brainwashed by a male bad guy. We clearly see the theme of women good/males bad, Diana being the good guy and all of the WWI generals and bosses and Ares being the bad guys. But they do it in a subtle way, in a way that doesn’t make the movie unwatchable, in a way in which it would make the movie actually memorable! Besides this, they add in more characters to try to spice up the themes. We have a few male good guys and a female bad guy. This makes the line between good and bad blurred, like how it should be, nothing is just black and just white. You can argue that we have the same in CM, but we really don’t. Fury is barely a “main character” and is there mostly for comedy and to assure that average MCU viewers will come and buy more tickets. I already talked about Talos, and Minerva is… uhm… Ye, no. Plus, the line between good and bad is extremely bolded into this movie, making the two belligerents less interesting.

Sigh… You know. At the end of the day it is really a shame. Cap and Tony wore definitely the MCU’s strongpoints. And now look at them. One of them is dead and the other one will more than likely die somewhere in phase 4.
Tony was an arrogant philanthropist playboy and whatever. He was then forced to accept the reality that his weapons, his life, were used by the wrong people, and at the end of the day were causing even more damage than they would have caused without them. He almost died, and saw one of his mentor-like friends dying. Worst than that, his friend told him on the deathbed that he knew that he would die, and that he did all of those things to give Tony a chance to survive. Tony becomes a hero, trying to save the world from such criminals. But first, he goes to revenge his friend. He finds out that his father figure was a horrible person all along, that was getting money of the back of terrorists. When Obadiah attacks him, he has no choice but to kill him. Toney experiences more hard lessons, more deadly situation, but he doesn’t learn anything off of them. He eventually gets trauma after trauma after trauma: his word is invaded. His home city is almost nuked. He sees the future in which all of his friends are killed, he sees that that future is only his fault. He sees that future approaching as he is forced to fight his best friend, as he finally finds out who killed his parents, as he finally changes into a scared, traumatised young boy in a grown up body and a tin costume. When he finally finds out who was responsible for all of that, he goes all in. He desperately tried to kill Thanos, to get rid of him, and yet he looses, and if it wasn’t for Doctor Strange, who saw the real future, he would have died for sure.
And then he looses everything. His friends, his son-like figure. Half of the universe… He lost. That future that he saw in the cave? Yeah, it turned out to be true. Tony partially turns back to his arrogant self once he arrives back on Earth, and rebuilds his life. He has a wife now. A daughter. He is a father. He came so far, but as soon as he realises that there is another chance to beat Thanos, to save that poor half of universe, to pay for his mistakes, he can’t stop but to revert back to his Infinity War self. And then he dies for the cause. He is the one killing Thanos. He is the one saving the universe… But to what cost?..
Steve was always a nationalistic, a patriotic man. He would do anything for his fatherland, for his country, for his people. Even if the odds were against him, he would always keep on going, he would do this all day. When he finally gets the powers needed to help his country, he is treated like a fool, like a monkey in a red, blue and white costume. But then he proofs that everybody was wrong, and almost single-handendly defeats Nazi Germany and HYDRA, but to what cost? He wakes up in modern times, in an 18 movies-long lowpoint in which he gets hit after hit after hit. He first has to adapt to the new world he has to live in. He then has to face aliens, who he never saw outside of weird sci-fi books or movies, his best friend is still alive, but he is a brainwashed soviet soldier who’s only goal is to kill him, he has to face Tony, one of his best friends in the modern times, just so he could protect his other friends and the principles that Captain America stands for. He returns to the field yet again to protect Wakanda from yet another wave of aliens, this time not a city, not a country, but the fate of half of the universe is in hands.
And the he looses everything. His two best friends, half of his country, half of his soul. He tries to lie himself for five years: maybe this is how it supposed to happen. Maybe this is what fate wants. But then he finally finds out that he can fix everything up, and goes all for it. He wields Mjolnir, he fights Thanos with everything he has and doesn’t have. For Christ’s sake his arm was openly fractured, yet he ignores the unimaginable pain and uses his shield as a splint. He then has to see Tony die and attend to his funerals. After that he accepts the task of returning the Infinity Stones to their places, but unbeknownst to the others he returns back in time to the postbellum, to enjoy his life with his long lost love, with his Peggy, eventually passing the shield to Falcon.
Thor was more than likely the MCU’s third star. He started up as a spoiled brat, as a prince upon the universe. Everything had to happen the way he wanted without any consequence. However, he soon finds out that it isn’t the case. To his shock, his father banishes him, and makes him unworthy of lifting his hammer, one of the most important, if not the most important things for him. That hammer was making him strong. That hammer was giving him the confidence that the universe is his backyard, and then he lost it. Furthermore, his brother Loki turns out to be a traitor. With his last breath, he admits that he was wrong all this time, that he was not worthy for his hammer, that he deserved his fate, but right then Odin gives him back Mjolnir and its powers and Thor’s back, saving the day. After Loki seemingly died and came back and was defeated, Thor returns him on Asgard, where he gets another shock: his mother is killed right in front of him, and he has to take his brother and try to stop an unstoppable evil that would destroy the entire universe, his former backyard populated by countless civilisations. Loki seemingly dies again. After a while Thor find out that his brother was actually alive and faking as his father. The two found the real Odin, but it was too late, as he died freeing Hela: Thor’s evil sister. Thor has to kill her, to save the fate of all the weaker civilisation that she would conquer, but to what cost? Asgard is gone and he now has to be the king upon a civilisation of refugees. For Christ’s sake, he can’t even take a few steps back and look at his situation, because Thanos just casually shows up and kills half of his people, destroys their only mothership, kills Loki and stabs his best friend in the heart, before taking the second Infinity Stone and disappearing. Thor is broken. He is in his lowpoint, probably the lowest point in the entire MCU. He has no hammer, no family, no friends, and now he has to go in an expedition with a talking racoon and a walking tree to get a mystical axe that would presumably be strong enough to kill Thanos. He is extremely close of achieving his goal. He had Thanos in his grip, the blade of his axe deep within his chest, but then…
But then he looses everything. He should have gone for the head. Thanos snaps his fingers, and then everything is gone. Everything he has done, everything that gave him hope was for nothing. Humiliated, Thor retreats somewhere in Norway and he spends the next five years drinking bear and playing Fortnite with his last two friends. However, when he finds out that there is still hope, he takes it. After a heart braking moment (for him, kinda for us too) with his long dead mother, he is finally able to fight Thanos, and to kill him, and to destroy the Stones once and for all.
Now that you think of it, the fat Thor plotline doesn’t really have any pay-off, but eh. After finally winning, after finally fulfilling what had to be his life purpose, Thor retreats with the guardians, passing the title of king of Asgard to Valkyrie, and then finally coming full circle, returning to his Thor 1 self. A more experienced, much wiser Thor 1 self.
Now what about Carol? Can you compare everything that I just said with Carol? No. Carol doesn’t learn anything, is nowhere near as interesting as any other Avenger, and is overall just an SJW-fabricated icon.
Yet… There is still hope.
Tony, Cap, Thor, all of these had 6+ movies of development, and if you think of it, Tony and Thor were jerks at the end of their movies too (although by the end of the movies they at least learned some lessons, unlike Carol). What if…. What if Feige, or whoever plans such things, actually planned a 6-movies long arc for Carol too? I mean, think about it. All of the characters in the movies do seem to acknowledge the fact that Carol is an unrelatable jerk. Especially Fury: you watch his reactions and you cannot observe the fact that he isn’t exactly OK with the way she is. Also at the beginning of Endgame the Avengers too were looking at her like at some sort of crazy lunatic. What if this was meant to be like that? What if this whole movie was just the set-up? What if it’s soul purpose was to make Carol as unlikable as possible, only so that the low point that she would experience and that would change her to a better person would be even more dramatic and powerful?
I mean, if they do it, that would actually be pretty smart and Carol would win me some respect.
Except for a few things.
First off, this would not change the fact that Captain Marvel is a bad movie. I mean, look at Iron Man 2. It’s evident that that movie’s only purpose was to try to make Tony as unpleasant as possible so that his lowpoint would be even deeper. The arc worked, but the movie is still widely regarded as one of the worst MCU movies out there. Same for Dark World. Same for the First Avenger. If they planned another trilogy-long arc for Carol, then this doesn’t change the fact that Captain Marvel is a bad movie, alone as it is.
Second off, making your character as big of a jerk as possible, just to then get the excuse that “oh, well, it was for his arc” would not work. This is one of the reasons as of why many people still don’t like Iron Man: he had some pretty unbearable moments in his trilogy, and even I, a big Iron Man fan, can say that those people are true. Again: a good arc doesn’t also make a bad movie good.
Captain Marvel would always be a bad movie. Sure, it might be retroactively fixed a little, just like Endgame fixed the Dark World a little, and Carol might be fixed entirely (although I doubt it), but for now on, this movie, and especially this character, is nothing but a big piece of trash.
Only time will tell if I would ever change my opinion.
I honestly hope I will.

Carol in “Avengers: Endgame”
Yes, I am giving Carol a whole category for her… cameo in Endgame.
To be honest… I kinda liked her in Endgame.
Sure, she has been there for only a few minutes, she barely had any lines and even there she was pretty much the same, but I actually kinda liked her. To my shock, midway through the final battle, between my bloody tears, I actually kinda missed her. I kinda wanted her to be there, just to complete the circle of Avengers. And you know what? I was actually kinda happy when I saw her. Obviously I rolled my eyes while the lady team up, but I found her to be pretty OK.
Also, she had some pretty funny expressions… Like, if it wasn’t the gravity of the situation and the fact that I was pretty much going through a heart attack (no joke) at that moment, I would have exploded in laughter seeing the expression that Brie did while trying to take the Gauntlet from Thanos’ hand.
Also I may or may not have laughed too hardly when Thanos sighted her but whatever.
But I didn’t liked the hair tho. The hair… I really cannot understand what it was going on up there.
But there was another thing I liked about her: she had one line, one line made out of two words, that I absolutely loved. You cannot even imagine. When she told to War Machine out of all the people to ”stay safe” before hanging up… I really liked that moment.
It might be just me, but in that small fraction of a second, I actually saw emotions in Carol’s eyes. I actually saw her caring for Rhodes, to my surprise.
I mean, just imagine: what if they would actually try to do a romance between her and War Machine? That would be awesome! We would finally see some development not only for her, but also for War Machine, one of the most undeveloped characters of the MCU, and probably the one that needs it the most, seeing that he has been there from the very beginning! Yes, I know that Rhodney seem to be a little bit on the older side, but they don’t even need to be lovers. They can be rivals, they can be frienemies. Maybe Carol would try to change him, seeing that she can’t stand military and such things and finds Rhodes’ loyalty for the US Government simple-minded.
Vladin from the future note: And it is also cannon in the comics! If I am not mistaking, Carol and Rodney were actually dating in the Civil War II book.
Or even better! Maybe they would try to do a Civil War II between her and Rhodes. At first they are lovers, but then out of reasons they are forced to fight each other. Just imagine how much weight such a battle would have!
The possibilities would be endless, infinite, perfect! This would be the best way to develop both of them and to make them the new Iron Man and Captain America of the Phases 4, 5, 6 and whatever! This would be awesome! Just awesome! And it would make me love Carol! No kidding, for real!
Vladin from the future note: I didn’t wanted to completely edit this section, so I am just going to dumb it here. Recently I rewatched Endgame and I tried to be more critical, especially in the first act. And to my surprise, I found myself kinds relating with Catol. Key word: kinda. By that I mean that I could understand 70% of her sassiness and her arrogant lines. Like, for real now: this woman spent a few decades trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel, and when she (presumably) finally does, half of her followers or even more die, just like that, and now she has to work with a bunch of “heroes” that she never saw before to fix everything up. This surely explains a few of her reactions. Also the part when she chuckles seeing how many of the Avengers never went to space made me laugh, don’t judge me.
But now, speaking about the future…

Carol in the future
I am honestly scared for the future of the MCU. It seems that the identity politics took over phase 4, and I am honestly afraid to think at the possibilities for phase five. I know that I was super excited when the titles dropped, and partially I still am, but as the Internet started talking, I realised that the situation is not all that nice after all.
I am afraid that Black Widow would be another feminist movie, just like Captain Marvel. From what I heard so far, the director already confirmed that she wants to turn Natasha into a “strong independent female character”. As if she wasn’t one already. Please don’t mess Natasha.
I am afraid that they will poke our eyes out with the fact that the new Captain America is black.
Most of the Eternal cast, with only one exception, are either genderswapped, raceswapped, or both. Although I am not always against such things, in fact I really like the black Heimdall, I just cannot understand the logic behind such a move.
It’s almost certain that they will poke our eyes out with the fact that Shang-Chi will be “the first Asian-lead superhero movie”. Yay…
Wandavision might turn feminist as well. Not to mention that they will have Monica Rambeau (please fix her please fix her please fix her).
What If…? already starts with a feminist idea, tho I personally am OK with it and actually curious to see what would happen in such a scenario.
Hawkeye will have another mantle passed to another female.
And Thor Love and Thunder? Just pick one of the myriad of problems that I already have with it.
So you now can see some of my fears, and I hope that at least some of you share them. I am not racist. I am not sexist. I am not homophobic or whatever. I just want a regular movie franchise, without any sign of politics shoved into them.
I mean, at this point almost every movie franchises went woke. Marvel, Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Ocean’s whatever, Men in Black, Charlie’s Angels, DC (the CW shows are a nightmare), Toy Story, Lost in Space, James Bond, Terminator, X-Men, Harry Potter, hell, even the Transformers movie kinda had a “strong female character”. Kinda. It’s not a very good example, but it’s an example.
Some of this movies and franchises flopped. Some of them will flop. Some of them are actually gaining money. This is alarming. If these things actually become normal, then Captain Marvel would have no reasons to change. She would have no reasons to grow or to develop in an actually good, watchable character, and I am afraid that the MCU would get more and more of such bad, trashy, feminist movies, that they will start pumping bad movies in general, till the point in which the MCU will slowly be abandoned and forgotten into obscurity.
Please, zoomers (aka likely you and everybody you know of your age). Please, help us. Please save us. Please push our world back to it’s normal routes. Everything depends on you now.


I am just so happy that I finally came along finishing this thing. You can’t even imagine. It should have been about two or three weeks long, but instead it took me the whole summer and half of the autumn, mainly because we were going through a renovation and my place was extremely crowded for like the entire time.
I know I’ve been extremely harsh on this movie in this 40+ pages, that I threated it like a crime, like the worst movie ever made, by something that should never exist, and although I completely stand by my opinions, I think it’s time to respond to the final and most important question:
Is it bad to like Captain Marvel?
Pfff no. Obviously.
In the past couple of months to a year I drastically changed. I became much more political and much more critical with… everything, but especially movies. I jokingly say that this change of character was caused by an anaesthesia I’ve been through after I broke my arm, but to be honest, I find this change completely natural (especially seeing that said anaesthesia was like two years ago).
Before the change I never watched a movie critically, this is why I was ending up liking crappy movies, like the Last Jedi and Dead Man Tell No Tails. Yeee…
Now it’s hard for me to look at a movie and to not be like “this doesn’t work, this is bad writing, etc”. This is even more inconvenient, seeing that my favourite movies are the ones with superheroes and giant robots, which are not known to be the most logical movies ever. Like, for example: look at Endgame. It’s arguably one of my favourite movies of all time, but even I have to accept that it is heavily flawed, both in its writing and in it’s logic. It is not a masterpiece. None of the movies of the MCU are masterpieces. There is no superhero movie that can be considered a masterpiece outside it’s genre. The closest of them all is Infinity War, but even it can easily fail to impress the regular audience (one day, not too long after the first trailer for Endgame dropped, I forced my parents to watch IW with me, and the result wasn’t really all that favourable).
Is CM the worst superhero movie? Obviously not. I’ve never seen Suicide Squad, or the very first FF movie, or other movies that are unanimously considered bad, like Barb Wire, Howard the Duck, Steel, Superman IV: Quest for Peace, Spawn, Batman and Robin, Catwoman, the original Captain America or Condorman (you get a cookie if you know them all) so I can’t really talk for all of them (even tho from what I’ve seen so far and from the reviews I watched for some of them I can easily say that Captain Marvel is a much better film). I’ve seen one of them tho: Green Lantern.
I personally liked Green Lantern more than Captain Marvel. Yes, it was extremely cheap, it was a bad movie, but I really got invested into two things: the worldbuilding (which was straight up fantastic for such a movie) and Hal Jordan.
Hal is probably one of my favourite DC heroes of all times, unironically. He has a motivation, he grows as a person, and he is a good protagonist overall. The fact that he is also played by Ryan Reynolds also helps. I watched Green Lantern twice, and both times I found myself rooting for the main hero, even tho the bad guy was nothing more than a generic and cheap CGI mess. Yes, you can argue as much as you want, but Hal will always remain one of my biggest guilty pleasures.
That sounded weird.
Anyway, returning to the main idea: you are indeed allowed to like Captain Marvel. You are allowed to like everything you want. You like Captain Marvel? That’s fine. You like the painfully average to bad MCU, DCEU, Transformers or whatever movies? That’s fine. You like Condorman? That’s a sin fine. It’s your life. Do what you want with it. However, this doesn’t change the fact that I will not share your opinions, and that I will be on the other side of the love/hate spectrum.
Not to mention that, looking at how many objective facts I brought in and that it’s quite the stretch to negate some of (if not most of) them, your opinion is… kinda wrong. If you would come to me and tell me that you understand CM’s massive flaws, that it is a bad movie, but that you still like it as a guilty pleasure, I would pat you on your back.
If you would come to me and tell me that you genuinely like it, that you can’t understand why people dislike him, and you completely ignore the almost 50 pages of Microsoft Word that I wrote so far, then I would probably still pat you on your back, but I would never be able to take your opinion seriously, as something professional, something that I should take as a fact everytime you are recommending me a movie (in other words, I would be sceptical everytime you tell me your opinion about a movie from that moment on).
Looking back, yeah. I might have exaggerated in some places. Maybe some of you will think that I am obsessed, or that I really have something against this movie in particular and that I want to see it dead. Don’t get me wrong, I kinda want to see it dead, and the fact that it got so many money off the back of actual great movies like Infinity War and Endgame reheheheheally pisses me off. But this doesn’t mean that I will go on and write 47 pages worth of content with the soul purpose of killing this movie (please bear this in mind, I don’t want to see arguments like “you said that you would not do this, but here you are doing this”). These 47 pages were not written to shame the movie, to try to destroy it. Let’s be honest: I am a guy on the internet. What could I do? These 47 pages were written just so I can present my full, true and clear opinion. I am not hoping to achieve anything special by writing it, maybe just to change a couple of mentalities which would still be a victory. With that said, I hope I cleared up some things.
Vladin from the future note: Oh, and about the whole “we get it, you don’t like it, stop bringing it up so often”, for one I don’t bring it up as often as some people might say, in fact quite a few months have passed since I last debated on it, and two, I am really sorry guys, this was supposed to get posted a few weeks after the movie came out, but I’ve worked so hard on it and I just can’t give it up now, when I am so close to finish it.
I have to retroactively give this movie two more sins: for the horrible characters (except Fury) and for the fact that they pushed in so many politics into it. Although some might think the opposite, I am not a fan of politics into movies, unless they are used cleverly. This movie obviously did not do that. At the end of the day, Captain Marvel has fours sins: for the theme, for the story, for the characters and for the politics. It just so happens that three out of the fours sins were given to what had to be the most important things about a movie. Without good characters, good stories and good themes, what is left out of a movie? Politics aside, of course.
I really dislike Captain Marvel, and I am pretty sure that from now on it will be a very well known fact. I hope I finally made you understand why.

Anyway, I think I talked too much. Yeah, I obviously talked way too much that I should have ever talked about it. I would actually be surprised if I would find out that somebody actually went through the entire thing and I am prepared for any interesting debates.
And yes, before anybody says anything: I took inspiration from some movie reviewers, most noticeably MauLet, which I used as main source of inspiration. Definetely check him out.
Once again, big thanks for @Kini_Hawkeye for making this possible. Without his blessings, I would have never had the courage to make this thing. Cheers, brother.
Anyway, I should stop it now… uhm… like, share subscribe…. Wait this is not YouTube. Like, comment, do whatever you want with your live. Hope you enjoyed it and found it at least somewhat useful.

Vladin out.

Okay, one major critique here;
If a review is either nearing, is, or longer the length of the media people are probably going to go watch that instead. As such long critiques like this are really only going to draw two types of people;
1).Those who want confirmation bais
2). And those against the nature of the piece.


Captain Marvel is a movie with likely much more pages of script, and much, much more work surrounding it.
This is just a personal project of mine.
Comparing the two is like comparing a long series of books and the fanfiction.

Learning that a Subspace Emissary fan fiction was the longest piece of literature ever for a decent amount of time has really changed the way I view all fan fiction.


Aight here’s the deal.

I approved an “Essay.” I believe my exact words as taken from our PM conversation were:

I believe that my point there still stands. I am not interested in censoring an “unpopular” opinion (although “Captain Marvel Sucks” is hardly an unpopular opinion) but I will say this. The board rules as they apply to Literature are more lax, yes, but that does not change the fact that I told you to be as non-combative as possible in this critique. You have, from even the first section, failed to achieve that - going so far as to infer my blessing to post to be some kind of endorsement of the contents.

In this case, I also warned you that 47 pages was probably way too much. In this, I believe I was right. Many of the points you’ve brought up are, while valid, either so nit-picky as to be inconsequential, or so vaguely covered as to not be worth covering at all. For example, nitpicking the design of the Skrulls? They look far better than their comics counterparts.

SO, here’s what I’m going to propose. I’m going to leave this unlocked, for now. I heavily encourage you to read back through this essay and seriously think about the points you’re trying to make, and make it an essay like you’d write in school, OR go read a whole bunch of Siskel and Ebert reviews if you want to make it a critique. You’ll notice the lack of such phrases as “OK, man-babies.” Pick ONE thing that you feel like critiquing rather than every single piece of the movie.

I’ll even be nice and give you till the end of the week. If no edits are made, this topic will be locked. I’ll make exceptions when potentially political or wildly out there content is well written or thought out and respectful. This is, unfortunately, neither - and you were warned about this possibility.



I was not necesarly combative. I don’t know the exact section you are thinking at, but it is most likely just my more serious humour that, by the end of the essay, it’s debunked when I get rid of it and I make clear that I do not care if the readers still likes Captain Marvel.
In the overall context it’s clear that my jokes do not actually represent my word by word opinion, but instead are there to bold my view towards a certain thing or aspect of the movie, which I don’t think its against the rules.
But if my more personal way of speaking really bugs you, then I guess I can tune it down to some extend, although I still want to keep my core personality in the critique.
Not to mention that one of the first things to say in this whole thing is that I will review it the way I am, including the jokes and sarcasm and all, you said you read it

I initially wanted to do way less, but the words just kept coming. The whole point of this project was to expresd my whole opinion about the movie in one fire.
And yes: it is that big.

For example?
I said before and in the critique itself that a lot of my argumebts will sound like nit-picking for some, and I am pretty sure I formulated my text in a way in which I let the reader choose what actually is nit-picking and what isn’t.

Again, example?
I do admit that sone are not as covered as I would want to, but this would make the whole thing even longer.

I genuienly wanted to talk about that. That was not nitpicking. Imo they don’t look good and I can’t see why I should’t say it here.

Here we differ.
The comic Skrulls, for the most part, look actually scary, especially when an artist over-designs them.
Here they… Look average. It qlso doesn’t help that they are the good guys.

I did it like three times.
95% of all of my points are what I genuienly think about this movie.
The rest might be me repeating myself due to the scale of the thing.

But the point was to critique the whole movie.
If I talk about the story I have to talk about the characters.
If I talk about the story and characters I have to talk about themes.
If I have to talk about themes, as might as well elaborate on the “little things”.
And if I write about all of these, what is left that I haven’t talked about? The directors and Rotten Tomatoes? I wanted to talk about them anyway.

OK, here I really want an example.
I spent countless days assuring that what I write about politics here is not triggering, so I really want to see what would trigger somebody.
Other than the obvious “I don’t like movies with political agendas”.

Also I am a little tempted to delete that small message but that would be against the rules. A response was enough.

@Kini_Hawkeye OK, so I re-edited the whole thing again (other than the last two posts, because I was out of time, out of means, and because they generally have less things that could be called “combative”) and I have a few things to say.
I edited out everything that I saw as combative for everybody. However, you may see as combative what I don’t. So if you consider that something else should be deleted, you have to point it out to me, because at least in my books there is nothing offensive left.
By editing the “combative” things I also edited a lot of my humour and orality, which I really didn’t wanted to do.
I also cut about 2-3 pages of script, but seeing the format of the boards, this change is not all that visible.
I edited out what I thought as useless nitpicking, bur just like with combative commentaries, you have to debate me into convincing me that a certain left argument is useless (which… Really… Was the initial point of the topic).
I still want the examples that I asked in my answer to your post.
Especially on the political matter.

Combative: Ready or eager/Looking for a fight.
Ergo, in this case, someone who writes a “Critique” of a movie and calls people who would potentially disagree with him, “Man-babies.”

Vladin, you’re a combative kid, for better or worse. It’s been a CONSTANT issues with you on the boards, and you’ve come leaps and bounds in the time you’ve been here, but the fact remains that you are a combative person. You wrote this critique in YOUR voice, YOUR style, ergo, it’s more combative than a proper, academic essay would be, because proper critique is not personal.

This is where you get an editor to make sure you’re saying what you want to say as succinctly at possible. More words -= more opportunity to misunderstand, which is once again why I mentioned that I have never seen a movie critique this long, and also why I say some of your points are nitpicky. You don’t need to do a shot-by-shot critique of a movie to critique the movie. In this case, the points I’m bringing up as “nitpicky” are those that don’t support your overall critique of the movie, as in “it’s a poorly made feminist movie.”

For example, tell me what going on a diatribe about Tony Stark, Captain America, and Thor for an entire post has to do with Carol Danvers that couldn’t be summed up with “Carol Danvers’ character development falls flat in the face of other Marvel Cinimatic Universe mainstays such as Tony Stark, and it’s unlikely that giving her more screentime will fix the issues with her characterization and make her a character worth redeeming.”

And what does going on about Wolverine and Alita: Battle Angel really have to do with Captain Marvel?[quote=“Toa_Vladin, post:15, topic:50573”]
For example?
I said before and in the critique itself that a lot of my argumebts will sound like nit-picking for some, and I am pretty sure I formulated my text in a way in which I let the reader choose what actually is nit-picking and what isn’t.

I’d call your entire passage on Carol’s powers and the patch nitpicky. You wouldn’t question a whole lot either if you’d lost your memory and been brainwashed into trusting people around you. If you woke up one day and your parents told you “Hey, you’ve been injured and you were saved, never take off this piece of equipment, it’s the only thing keeping you alive” are you SURE you’d be curious enough to test that?

Nitpicking the plot point that the Kree didn’t kill danvers and instead hooked her up to the hivemind is just that, nitpicking. She was on THEIR side, she was THEIR secret weapon. They brainwashed her once, they wanted to do it again. It makes perfect sense to try and keep your superweapon yours, just unfortunate for them that it backfired.

I don’t think you actually realize how lightspeed works considering it takes approximately 8 minutes and 20 seconds for light from the sun to reach the Earth. Pertinent to the point building off of that, I don’t believe there was actually any point where the movie claimed that Danvers was limited to the speed of light, or even that the ship was travelling at the Speed of Light. My assumption was always that the Tesseract powered technology was intended to be Faster-Than-Light, though I’ll admit to not having seen the move in forever.

If you spent countless days ensuring that this critique would come across as respectful, you failed from the beginning of the first post.[quote=“Toa_Vladin, post:1, topic:50573”]
And before any of you calls the mods, let me hold you up: @Kini_Hawkeye is on my side. I PM-ed the guy months in advance, just to be sure that he, one of the most active mods, is OK with my critique review thing. He is. Not only that, but he also assured me that in a worst case scenario the topic will be closed, but I will still have access to my account (aka I won’t get banned). To quote him, he said that I have “his blessings”.
Ha ha you lose I win.
For starters, I’d call this potentially the most disrespectful thing here. It’s essentially the “Haha I win cause I asked permission you can all go cry cause you can’t say anything against it” argument. I told you in no uncertain terms to make it a proper, respectful, nigh academic critique, and you came out the gate with a "Doesn’t matter what I say in here cause I got permission.

Now you’ve managed to edit out most of the parts that were what I would consider too combative or political, so that’s good. (The aforementioned Man-Babies comment being one of them).

Now, as a final comment on the “well written-ness” of the critique, you devote an entire passage to claims that “Identity Politics invaded/overran Marvel Phase 4” and yet don’t actually provide any evidence thereof or critical analysis to back that up - It’s just “Captain Marvel Happened, Black Widow’s movie is supposed to make her a strong female lead, Captain America is now black.” Those things aren’t identity politics, not inherently. Identity politics is Marvel including, for 3 seconds, a token gay man as their “First officially gay MCU character” in Endgame. It’s a token black guy in a horror movie so that the studio looks “inclusive.”

Your critique of the movie is nitpicky at times and overly long, but it’s still a critique of the movie. It’s your last two posts where you talk about other movies and identity politics where your critique falls apart and is no longer what I would consider “well thought out and executed.” I told you I wasn’t interested in censoring an opinion, especially if there was evidence to back it up, but all that critique of what is arguably the most important aspect of Captain Marvel comes down to is “I don’t like ‘feminism’ because it detracted from the movie”

I think what it boils down to is that you’re critiquing based on how you feel when you’re supposed to critique as objectively as possible. not only that, but your continued assertion that you want Politics out of your movies for them to be enjoyable is… misguided at best. Art is in and of itself inherently political, always has been and always will be. You don’t have to agree with the message, but it seems less like you disagree with the message and more with it’s existence.

It’s a bad thing to do because it demonstrates a severe lack of critical thinking - for example, how can you critique Captain Marvel as being bad for having a “feminist message” without once acknowledging that she’s the first super hero in the MCU to have her own movie who’s a female. Same as Falcon was the “first” Black Superhero, but Black Panther was an important movie because it was the first Marvel Movie to feature a predominantly black cast, AND not have the classic trope of “white man saves the day.”

Basically, if you’re going to talk politics and Identity, you need to put more thought into the arguments you’re making outside of “It’s not necessary.” Because it may not be in your mind, but in someone else’s it might be. Would you not get at least a little bit of enjoyment if there was a Marvel Superhero who was Romanian and got his own movie?

But I digress, I’m not here to critique the critique, and my response here is likely to be my last. I’ll let this stay as I see no serious issues with the essay that would cause it to deserve being closed. However, I still find the critique itself to be at times incomplete, amateurish, or at worst immature. It’s a decent first outing but I would encourage you to take on smaller scale critiques in the future, for your sake if nothing else. It gives you the opportunity to focus your critiques as well as makes it more readable for people - As Holi said [quote=“Holi, post:11, topic:50573, full:true”]
Okay, one major critique here;
If a review is either nearing, is, or longer the length of the media people are probably going to go watch that instead. As such long critiques like this are really only going to draw two types of people;
1).Those who want confirmation bais
2). And those against the nature of the piece.


I was not looking for a fight. Just to say what I thought of a movie.

That literally was just a joke.

don’t call me that

Wait what? When did this become a topic about my behavior?
The last time I got a mod talking with me was more than half of year ago!

That is the point. To say what I think.

That was me presenting what became the MCU’s norms, and tgen bolding the horrible start Carol had.

I used them as examples of good common plotpoints.

That thing was not said to keep her alive, only to give her powers. My main question is why she never even asked about why on she got one.

No, this really isn’t.

Which could have been easily prevented.

That really should have been mentioned.

How so?

OK, I am sorry then. I didn’t intended to abuse of you, just to let it known that you were kinda backing me up.

…yaeah I should have devoted more time to that.

I mean… Other than those last two podts everything was based on objective facts.

Are we going to forget that I debunked what Holi said?

when was that? I sure missed it

You never countered it.