Did Dinosaurs wear pants?

Recently, the EPA has discovered that certain breeds of the Dinosaur Velociraptor wore pants. These “Pants” are not the cotton-polyester objects we know of today; rather, they were simple, primitive designs of leaves and twigs that the Velociraptors would use to cover their legs.

This is a shocking discovery for the dinosaur research world, as it reveals that Velociraptors, and possibly other Dinosaurs, were more advanced and intelligent than we ever imagined. EPA director Ed Hillson has stated that, as of now, only Velociraptors are confirmed to have worn pants; however, scientists are beginning to research what other types of clothing the Dinosaurs might have worn. A scientist in Omaha, Kansas, has claimed to have found evidence that suggests that Triceratops used bones as armor, but these claims have yet to be confirmed.

This surprising discovery was made after an ecology teacher posed a question to his friends in the EPA: Fossil evidence showed at least two known Velociraptors to be gathering twigs and sticks. There was nothing in the everyday lifestyle of the Velociraptors to suggest why they were doing this, and many researchers had given up on finding an answer. EPA member Al Killington, however, began to study some preserved Velociraptor skin, and realized that certain parts of it were darker than others, with the legs often being lighter. By piecing together many skin fragments, Killington discovered a pattern that suggested that the animal was covered with leaves and twigs, and put forth the seemingly preposterous theory that the Dinosaurs were using some form of pants. Killington’s theories were initially dismissed as ridiculous; however, more and more evidence began to appear as scientists began to take the pant-bearing Dinosaurs theory seriously. Dr. Hillson has stated that this evidence “Was always there, and rather obvious. No one ever noticed it though because they weren’t looking for it.”

The most obvious question many people are asking is ‘why did these raptors wear pants?’ Dr. Hillson has admitted that the EPA does not currently know the answer, but many theories have been proposed, ranging everywhere from protection to mating. At first, the idea of Velociraptors wearing pants for protection seemed to make the most sense, until one scientist pointed out that if the raptors were wearing clothes for protection, why make them out of twigs and not bones? This debate is currently still ongoing.

The idea of Velociraptors wearing pants is not the first evidence of these raptors being highly intelligent. For the past year-and-a-half, scientists have been making many discoveries, some of them startling. As of now, Velociraptors are shown to be able to communicate amongst themselves; they could design shelters out of twigs and sticks for their young; and they could even ‘write’ messages in wood or dirt that other raptors could read; Scientits have tried fruitlessly to determine the content of these messages.
Scientists are beginning to suspect that Velociraptors may have been as intelligent as humans, if not more intelligent. Several people have asked Dr. Hillson about the potential implications of this. Dr. Hillson has declined to answer.

I wrote that first sentence, an the rest of this practically wrote itself.


I’m joining this new trend. All these Raptor kids and their silly newfangled pants…

btw this is amazing


This is my new favorite piece of literature.

Nice Job! :smile:

So they were sentient

this must be the next Farcry story after Primal

So…my RP isn’t completely preposterous.

Funnily enough, I’ve it planned for Zebulon to have an android body in the form of a raptor.

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Very interesting article.

Do you happen to have the link to the source?

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Just joking. so that not over good.

Psst… it’s a work of fiction.



I now got this stuck in my head

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That’s the joke.


This is amazing i love you.

Really?! I need to spread this information! /s

I love how you presented this as actual information, and actually fell for it at first! Impressive work! :smiley:

I feel fore it to man. I feel for it to…

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Honey? Where are my paaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnts?