One time I told this guy 90% of the storyline in about 10 minutes (from about Toa Hagah to Spherus Magna) and then I quizzed him on it. The question: Who is the captain of the ta-koro guard? His answer: “the ice guy?”
Anyway, here is the absolute shortest version I can give you:
Better than hero factory.
The Great Geings rule a race of beings called Agori and the warriors that protect them (Glatorian), though some time later a being know as Annona tries to drive the Great Being into madness though instead inspires them to create. With this newfound trait they provide the inhabitants of Spherus Magna with advanced technology to improve their daily lives. To assist them in governing, the Great Beings select a warrior from each of the tribes and create the elemental lords. This turns out to be one of their greatest mistakes as a substance know as Energized Protodermis leaks from the planets core, leading the EL’s and their respective tribes to fight over the substance. The Great Beings try to break up the war with entities known as the Baterra though they ultimately fail in doing so and the planet is broken into three separate masses as a result (Aqua Magna, Bota Magna, and Bara Magna). Trying to reform the planet, the Great Beings create a massive robot powered by multiple races of biomechanical beings (Toa, Matoran, Turaga, Makuta, Rahi, Vortixx, etc), a robot which will launch into space and try and learn how other planets solve their problems. During construction of the robots interior and the many locations that make up the robot, a being called Tren Krom temporarily watches over the Matoran Universe before the Great Spirit.
Now inside the GSR, a group of beings led by the first Toa (Helryx) maintain order and justice over the universe and try to spread the great spirits will, in the form of The Hand Of Artakha. Sometime during this the Toa Mata are created on the island of Arthaka and send to help the Av-Matoran in Karda Nui though as the Great Spirit robot comes to life, energy storms occur and the Toa are forced inside canisters within a large structure known as the Codrex. Upon awakening, Mata Nui creates the Makuta species to help create and modify beings so that order is maintained, also during this time the Barraki are created and Mata Nui allows them to rule the Matoran Universe, though they eventually grow mad and try to overthrow the Great Spirit, but the Makuta stop them and they are sentenced to a place know as The Pit. Several hundred years after full construction of Metru Nui, a dispute occurs between the Matoran over the trade of goods. Because they are fighting instead of working to function the robot, Mata Nui’s power starts to weaken and Makuta Teridax is sent to Metru Nui to end the conflict, which he does so by locking the armies in the archives and letting the Rahi within the area lose on the armies. This event leads the Matoran to show respect out of fear for the Makuta race. Sometime after this The Hand of Arthaka is disbanned due to lack of discipline among their ranks and Helryx creates The Order Of Mata Nui.
Because of the lack of respect they get from the Matoran, despite all that they have done for them, the Matoran instead look to Mata Nui which makes the Brotherhood of Makuta grow a slight jealously and feeling of betrayal. This jealousy would eventually grow into an insane hatred for everything Mata Nui stood for and, after performing several experiments on themselves to increase their power, the Makuta (mainly Teridax) devise a plan to overthrow Mata Nui. To do so, Teridax takes Miserix’s place as leader of The Brotherhood and develops a virus to knock out the Great Spirit. He starts this by posing as the Turaga of Metru Nui and uses the Vahki enforcing the city to place the Matoran into spheres, that way so when they awaken they will have forgotten about Mata Nui and he would have taught them his own values, though because this would take a long time to fully take effect he has a Ta-Matoran named Vakama create the Mask of Time so Makuta can speed up time. Though Toa Lhikan notices the strange disappearance in Matoran and has a new Toa team (The Toa Metru) created to free the Matoran and stop Makuta. The Metru manage to retrieve a majority of the pods though Makuta succeeds in “putting Mata Nui to sleep” (what really happened was that, just as the robot was coming back from its voyage around the universe, the virus took effect and Mata Nui crash landed on Aqua Magna). This inexplicably sets off Mata Nui’s camouflage system which creates the island of Mata Nui. The Metru escape the city with some of the Matoran gathered and head to Mata Nui to drop them off, then head back to the city only to find it encased in the webs of the Visorak spide. You see, because Makuta lost the Mask of Time to Vakama and was sealed in a Protodermis cage Teridax was unsuccessful in getting the Matoran to turn to him, so the Brotherhood send Sidorak and Roodaka to keep the Matoran asleep until they awakened. Meanwhile, the Toa are caught by the Visorak and turned into the Toa Hordika, half Toa half Rahi. Through a series of attempts to overcome their inner turmoil, the Toa (excluding a crazed Vakama) locate Keetongu to help turn them back into the Metru, though he instead helps them in fighting Roodaka and Sidorak. Though even with Sidorak and the Hordes defeat, Roodaka successfully releases Teridax with the help of the Toa’s elemental powers, and the Toa are forced to escape the island (after having been cured) with the Matoran and head to Mata Nui. They sacrifice their Toa powers and become the Turaga, aiding the Matoran into forming the 6 Koros. Though because the Makuta was freed, he used the Rahi to attack the villages of the island, forcing the Matoran to gather at the Kini Nui to send off the Toa. However, the canisters malfunction and the six end up floating in the seas for hundreds of years before they reach the coast. Upon arrival the Tao assemble themselves though are completely unaware of who they are what their purpose is, though with the help of the Turaga, the Toa manage to regain their memory, find their golden Kanohi, and defeat Makutas forces. Though following the Makuta’s humorous defeat, he awakens the Bohrok early (a swarm of creature vital to Mata Nui) to cleanse the island, though the Toa manage to once again defeat the swarms and their leaders, but this time the ground gives in and the Toa are forced into tubes of Protodermis, changing them into the Toa Nuva. With their newfound powers the Toa seem victorious, though the Makuta continuous plots to gain control force him to send the Rahkshi and Bohrol Kal in to terminate the Toa. However with the help of the Matoran turned Toa, Takanuva, Makuta is defeated and Metru Nui is refound. When they reach the island, the Turaga learn that Mata Nui is not only falling asleep but dying as well. Realizing so, they send the Nuva in to Retrieve the Mask of Life so they can awaken Mata Nui, though other Beings are looking to have the Mask for themselves, called the Piraka, who have enslaved the Matoran of Voya Nui to help find the Mask of Life and manage to defeat the Toa Nuva. Moments later, Jaller grows suspicious of the Toa’s disappearance and tells the Matoran to halt all work on the reconstruction of Metru Nui until the Turaga give in. Left with no other choice, Nokama tells the Matoran of their location and Jaller along with five other Matoran go looking for them. Upon arriving at Voya Nui, the Matoran are struck by lightning from the Red Star and transformed into the Toa Inika. With the help of an OoMN member, Axonn, and the Voya Nui Resistance Team, the Inika manage to find the Mask of Life and retrieve it. However it drops and ends up sinking into the ocean, though Axonn says he can help the Toa find the mask and opens a gate into The Cord and the Inika go in. Though upon encountering the mask they are transformed into the Toa Mahri and proceed to go after the still fleeing Mask of Life though through a series of antics (a Matoran named Dekar being transformed into a deceased being known as Hydraxon), the Mask ends up under the possession of the Mutagen transformed Barraki who manage to escape The Pit after it was destroyed by Teridax putting Mata Nui to sleep. Toa Matoro ends up imprisoned by the Barraki, though manages to escace with the help of a guard robot possessed by Makuta (though makuta only did this so he could have Matoro use his mask of reanimation to bring deceased Toa Tuyet back to life and retrieve an artifact from her). Moments later the Mahri manage to destroy the cord linking Voya Nui and Mahri Nui and escape to Metru Nui while Matoro sacrifices himself with the usage of the Mask of Life to awaken the great spirit. During the events of the Mahri’s trek through Mahri Nui, the Toa Nuva prepare the Matoran Universe for Mata Nui’s awakening via an agenda (unleash the swarms on Mata Nui, Recover the Staff of Artakha, etc) then head to Karda Nui to fight off Brotherhood agents who have come to seize the area with the help of Arthaka and the adaptive armor he provided them. With their combined power and the assistance of Toa Ignika and Takanuva, Ignika (formed by the mask of life) flies through the Codrex to sacrifice himself to awaken Mata Nui. With the Ignika placed, Mata Nui awakens though Makuta uses this attempt to seize total control of the Robot, sending Mata Nui’s spirit out of the body with the Ignika. The Mask lands on the desert world of Bara Magna where Mata Nui creates himself a Toa-like body to move around. With the help of the Glatorian and Agori, Mata Nui not only manages to help them defeat the Skrall and Bone Hunters, but he also manages to find some key clues essential to making his way back to the MU. The Makuta possessed robot manages to track Mata Nui’s location and takes of towards Bara Magna. With the convincing of the Agori villagers, Mata Nui combines the villages into the Prototype robot which he uses to combat the Makuta. During their fight, many of the Matoran Universe inhabitants escape the robot onto Bara Magna where they help to fight off the Skrall, Skakdi, and Rahkshi. When trying to bring both moons back towards Bara Magna Teridax intervenes though is killed when Mata Nui smashes the Robots head against one of the approaching moond. With the moons back intact with the planet and all the Inhabitants of both universes on Spherus Magna, The robot shuts down and Mata Nui remains inside the Ignika, allowing all the inhabitants to live in freedom.
Uh… nine or ten years?
The midgets were happy.
The brother of their deity put him to sleep.
The midgets then get brainwashed and put to sleep too.
Heroes rescue some of the midgets and return for the rest.
They lose an elbow, deal with AnakinSkywalker, and battle a supposedly hot lady.
They succesfully rescue the other midgets.
Heroes turn into old peeps.
Food cans wash up on shore of island.
Tall dudes pop out.
They learn to beat up kittens and crabs from the old people
The faces of the Tall dudes turn yellow.
They fight a midget.
Mr. Clean unleashes his wrath in the form of balls.
Tall dudes defeat the Scrub(bing) Bubble Queens.
SILVER FOR DAYZ
New prophecy is revealed.
Mask is a ■■■■■■.
Midget goes through puberty and gets a tan.
Now-Tall dude challenges deity’s brother to lacrosse. Everyone migrates to old island.
The deity is dying!
Tall dudes go to place to find Gold Mask With A Man On It.
Tall dudes get noskop3d by smiling rainbow-colored gangsters.
Midgets travel the ocean to help them.
They also go through a growth spurt.
They fight the gangsters with native midgets
They all climb stairs. They fight weird people including Skakdi Darkrai, Roller Derby Man, and Spider Jockey from Minecraft.
Spider Jockey’s spider evolved into dragon!
Dragon gets rekt.
Gold Mask With A Man On It gets off Spider Jockeys head and swan dives into the ocean.
New Tall dudes take an underwater train.
More mutations occur.
They fight a jailer, mutant guys with squid bows, a HOLY GADUNKA, and a robot possessed by brother of deity.
Guy commits suicide
Deity’s alive again.
Old tall peeps travel to a house of Kard(a Nui)
They team up for battle and fly with tall midgets on their backs
Other peeps travel through a swamp of lies.
Big metal ball is opened.
A bad guy commits GTA.
Two guys fight him on their own scooters.
Gold Mask With A Man On It is put in a hole.
EARTHQUAKES FOR DAYZ!!
Deity woke up!
His brother took him over!
Deity flies through space with the GMWAMOI.
Deity becomes Neil Armstrong.
Deity becomes a gladiator.
He and a friend get to deal with Kiina, but are out of packing tape.
Mike Tyson wants to battle!
Subsequently dies.
Deity is hero!
Deity experiences becomes slightly taller.
Brother arrives at the moon.
Deity and brother have a match of Rockem Sockem Robots
Leader of old Tall dudes turns completely yellow and defeats brother’s goons
Brother dies from concussion by moon.
All the midgets, Tall dudes, old peeps, gladiators, and other guys are happy again!
#FIN.
Best. Bionicle. Description. Ever.
I tried telling the Bionicle story to my friend at school just last week. It took 5 days through about 6 class periods.
Wish I had this version, beacause I tried to simplify it like that, but failed.
In the time before time, some scientists built a robot to remake their planet after it exploded because they wanted too much planet juice, which he did 100,000 years later alongside some other things. Boom.
Awwe hell no. Im not gonna get into this trap. If I start typing, I wont stop.
Best of both worlds 
