First proper MOC: Dark Umbra (it's meant to be generic)


This is my first proper MOC that I spent a good 4 hours on and I'm pretty happy with the result! She is a female and I do not have a name for her (a generic one would fit her backstory)

Speaking of which, let me tell you her rough backstory

This unnamed generic titan is a friend of Ragged Claws and she is basically like Wyldstyle from the Lego Movie, in the way she acts really cool and such, but it's actually quite silly and ridiculous (hence why it would be great to have a generic name like Shadow Cloak, I dunno, maybe throw me some suggestions?) So Ragged Claws will often say how silly it all is and she'll just get annoyed. Now I should say, she is great in combat and an ace with the sniper rifile.

She is definitely in the Hero Factory universe, but I'm still debating whether she is a Hero or not (perhaps she was a refuge on a planet that they found on a mission once?) I do know for a fact, the Hero core would like stupid on her chest.

Let's move onto the actual build of this thing. It was fairly fun to rummage around in my lego boxes for all my black parts and occasional spare lego piece. At the last minute when I was building her weapons and such, I gave her a cloak

This is another one of her ways to look "really cool" but we can all see it's just a rip off of Megatron from Dark of the Moon. (and I'm guessing that's ripping off something else as well)

You will also notice - even though I gave her high heels and posed her in such a way - I tried to not make her not obviously feminine. I hate it when some people add in breast plates on a female MOC, you don't have to have breasts on the thing to prove it's a girl! Enough ranting, here are a few more pictures of her.

Please give me feedback on what you think and if you have any suggestions for her name and her story!

I'm still annoyed I couldn't find any of my black pins, it makes me wince every time I look at her right forearm. I really should swap pieces with that.

Well there she is.

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Not bad, definitely female looking.

Name: Umbra, Latin for Shadow.

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Dat first pose tho. A real eye catcher. Keep doing that sort of thing.

The MOC itself is lacking -- it's incredibly skinny, even for a female. The torso in particular should have a bit more bulk to it, if you don't want her to look skeletal. The thighs look really weird and squarish, especially compared to her smooth and streamlined shins. Arms look okay except for the Bohrok teeth. I would go for adding some white to the torso as well.

If possible, give her another mask/head, maybe Roodaka's. Rahkshi heads are so overused, especially on female characters. If you can't find any, that's okay... just please don't make it a habit.

As for names... I think "Moonlight" might be good for her.

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Thank you for this feedback I shall take all this into account!

I will keep the Rahkshi head on this because it makes her look very generic and that's kinda what I was going for. But I probably won't use any Rahkshi heads in the future, because I have a load of unused masks lying around.

I'm not sure about Moonlight, as both words mean something bright and that's not really her, but thanks for the suggestion!

I would use Umbra, it's just there is already a Lego set with the same name frowning

So? Different fandom, so the names up for grabs.

Fair enough, I'll call her Dark Umbra

Nice MOC!
It looks really good. smiley

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