This poem was inspired by @Risebell’s posts here,
So enjoy, and feel free to laugh and cheer.
Also don’t sue me for copying Dr. Suess
Or else you might end up get hung from a…moose?
Also ignore the fact that this intro has rhymed.
Just pretend like I do this all of the time.
And now I need one more stanza to make this right.
Um…I don’t know…blah blah blah RIGHT.
Every user down in TTVille liked Christmas a lot…
But Risebell, who lived just south of TTVille, did NOT!
Rise hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his aviators were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was thirteen sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, his heart or his glasses,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the masses,
Staring from his tropics with a sour, nasty frown
At the users made posts below in their town.
For he knew every user down in TTVille beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a psychic foot-tail wreath.
“And they’re changing their avatars!” he snarled with a sneer,
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his pale fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!”
For tomorrow, he knew, all the user boys (but no girls),
Would wake bright and early, for their Bionicles!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That’s one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the users, young and old, would type up a post.
And they’d post! And they’d post! And they’d POST!
POST! POST! POST!
They would talk about Tahu, and rare golden masks,
Something Rise couldn’t stand! He’d give them thirteen smacks.
And THEN they’d do something he liked least of all!
Every user down in TTVille, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They’d stand hand-in-hand. And the users would start singing!
They’d sing! And they’d sing! And they’d SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more Rise thought of this user ChristmasSing,
The more Rise thought, “I must stop this whole thing!”
“Why, for sixteen years I’ve put up with it now!”
“I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THEN RISE GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
“I know just what to do!” Rise laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great grouchy trick!”
“With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!”
“All I need is a Kikanalo…” Then Rise looked around.
But, since Kikanalo are extinct, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Rise? No! Rise simply said,
“If I can’t find a Kikanalo, I’ll make one instead!”
So he called his pal, Matt. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some canisters, And got out of his flat,
On a ramshackle sleigh, and he hitched up that Matt.
Then Rise said, “Giddiup!” And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the users lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the users were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
“This is stop number one,” Rise hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty canisters in his fist.
Then he slipped down the chimney, largely because he fell.
But hey, if Santa could do it, then so could Risebell.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the user’s festive avatars were displayed in a row.
“These avatars,” he grinned, “are the first things to go!”
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Galis! Pohatus! And Protectors of Ice!
Makutas and Ekimus! (all very nice)
And he stuffed them in canisters. Then Rise, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the canisters, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the Boards. He took the user’s posts!
He took the holiday discussion! (which he hated the most)
He cleaned out the Boards as quick as a flash.
Why, Rise even took their last bit of Tahu-hash!
Then he stuffed all the posts up the chimney with glee.
“And NOW!” grinned Rise, “I will stuff up the tree!”
And Rise grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small user!
Little pota8o! (who was also called ‘the confuser’)
Rise had been caught by this tiny user spud,
Who’d got out of bed for a cup of cold mud.
He stared at Rise and said, "54n74 c14u5, y,”
“y u b3 74k1n m3 Chr15tm45 7r33? Y?”
But, you know, that old Rise was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“Why, my sweet little spud,” the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There’s a Hau on this tree that won’t light on one side.
“So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.”
“I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
And he fib fooled the user. Then he patted its head,
And he got him his mud and he sent him to bed.
And when pota8o went to bed with his cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took Was the log for the fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On the walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one small post that he left in the house,
Was too small to be read, even by a mouse.
Then he did the same thing to the other users’ houses
Leaving posts much too small for the other users’ mouses!
It was quarter past dawn… All the users, still a-bed,
All the users, still asnooze when he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The avatars! The posts!
The pictures! The speculation! And even one Christmas ghost!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Dangit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to fling it!
“PoohPooh to the users!” he was vilely humming.
“They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do!”
“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the users down in TTVille will all cry Boo-Hoo!”
“That’s a noise,” grinned Rise, “That I simply MUST hear!”
So he paused. And Rise put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn’t be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at TTVille! Rise took off his aviators!
What he saw was shocking! (just like defibrillators)
Every user down in TTVille, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And Rise, with his mage shoes ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”
“It came without avatars! It came without posts!”
“It came without Tahu, or even that Christmas ghost!”
And he puzzled thirteen hours, till his puzzler was sore.
But Rise never thought of something he hadn’t before.
Because you see, where the original version states,
That the villain of the story must turn his way straight,
Rise never learned any lessons that day.
Instead, he shouted “Hip hip hooray!”
Then he shoved the canisters full of things,
Off of the mountain! Where they weren’t seen until spring.
Then Rise turned around and got into his sleigh.
“Bah Humbug,” he said, and then went away.