I had the idea to create this topic after having a large internal monologue based on a decision I was forced to make not long ago. I felt a need to share it, yet not with anyone I know in real life. I will not specify what this decision was about, though you might be able to figure it out on your own just based on what I say. Anyway, feel free to post your own here, and I don’t intend for this to be a pity circle, just a place for posting internal monologues, be it positive pondering or negative. That being said, you can reply to them, however you must post an internal monologue of your own if you do. You can only reply to the one in the comment above you. If you must reply to one outside of this rule please do it over PMs as to help prevent this from becoming a pity circle and otherwise full of off topic discussion. All regular board rules also apply for very obvious reasons.
This is probably one of the most serious things I’ve posted online due to trying to keep a rather lighthearted persona in place. Anyway, without further delay,
“Did I just make a grave mistake, or did I set myself upon the correct path? Either way was a leap of faith into the dark. I do not know what the correct decision was. I do know that I am clueless of my future, however. The last minute decision gave me more time to think, but I do not know that I will need that time to think. Did I give up something important for nothing? Have I destroyed my future? Have I opened a window? How should I know what I’m losing or gaining based on words alone? Words carry much misunderstanding, this I know to be true. I needed to try them, but either way bound me to a wall with no turning back. I’d chose more time, not knowing if I’d need it or not. Why do I feel regret? I felt regret when I was deciding the other path. Why? How? This I’ll never know, at least, not until a large amount of time has passed. Should I have braved myself and taken the leap? Why did I fall timid and silent upon being questioned? I would not be judged for my thoughts. Either way would lock my head forward, with no time for looking back. Am I simply being dramatic? I do not know what the future will hold, nor do I know what I’ve gained or lost by this decision, I was never able to see both or even one in operation, just making an important decision over insufficient words. No number of questions could suffice. Why didn’t I have more time to decide? Why let a young and indecisive person decide such a vital matter without providing them vital knowledge to make said choice, only minor details? No regrets now, I can’t turn back, I’m bound to the stone I choose, yet I know not what either stone looked or felt like, and will not for some time. I feel great regret, but why? I was so sure of myself not long ago, and could have felt the same regret had I choose the other path. I feel as though I’ve lost opportunity and feel guilty on behalf of family for seemingly greedily choosing extra time. Confusion is all I have left in this decision, I’m not one to know how the future will play out, I don’t know what it has for me, but I do know all of my decisions have weight, and invisible weight that only I can feel. Why did I choose so blindly? Because I had to, but then why was I forced? How does one choose something so important with such little sight? Did I make a choice that will harbor no later regrets? Did I yet again choose the path filled with regret, only to learn nothing from it? No, no regrets now, I must face the reality I’ve created for myself no matter how unfair the circumstances of that decision is. Nothing can show me how the other path goes, my only real option was to consider negatives in the future. This option gives me more time to decide other decisions for that future, the same one I sit in indecision and confusion over. I cannot know what lies ahead, I can only hope for better. It is simply that one cannot truly know what they’ve had until it drifts away before their own eyes. Only then would you understand it’s weight, regret. Or is it possibility to begin anew, this I do not know, nor am I expected to. Perhaps my decision was the immature one, I do however know that I made that decision and cannot change it, and must live with it for better or worse. Whether it be correct or not is beyond me, so I shall sit facing the future that lay ahead of this decision, no regrets, only working to get the best out of this scenario.”