Hey everyone. With the recent success of the amiibo lineup (nearly 6 million sold worldwide since November), Nintendo has been looking to expand its influence in the figure market. Particularly, though, what they’re interested in is releasing figures of characters that have not had many physical renditions of themselves sold in stores before (presumably so they can corner the market on that particular character and sell it for 5 times its normal value otherwise). So to that end, Nintendo recently partnered with TTV in order to release TTV amiibos; which will be coming to stores next year. Here’s a quick rundown of what games each amiibo functions with, and how it will change the way you play.
Mesonak (Smash Bros): When activated, the Mesonak amiibo will swear that he’ll get his own Wii U and play Smash Bros with you soon. Keep touching the Mesonak amiibo to the Gamepad to remind him about all those promises he’s totally not going to keep. You can also touch the amiibo to your phone to instantly drain it of all its remaining minutes/data.
Kahi (Literally Anything): Touch Kahi to your Gamepad to get a long, in depth discussion about a random topic which will never end no matter how many times you tell him to shut up. When you get arrested for hurling your Wii U out the window and hitting a neighbor’s dog by accident, touch the Kahi amiibo to your legal papers to get a generally incompetent defense attorney. After being acquitted or serving your jail time, touch the amiibo to your car as you’re leaving to have it instantly break down.
Eljay (Kirby and the Rainbow Curse): Touch the Eljay Amiibo to your Gamepad to turn Kirby into a rolling Mangosteen. This will instantly win the game as Mangosteen sucks and all enemies will do whatever is possible to avoid it. Touch the Eljay amiibo to your computer to instantly spark a gigantic internet controversy on some random Bionicle website.
Var (Smash Bros): Touch the Var amiibo to your computer to begin another stupid card war. Touch it to the Gamepad during a Multi Man Brawl to create an endless army of xat bots to fight instead of Miis. Touch it to the Gamepad during a team Smash to fight alongside a smaller version of yourself which will constantly go on about “Hluk Hogan” and “scramman.”
Kini (Nothing): Touch the Kini amiibo to your Gamepad to endure a 10 minute lecture about how much better his laptop is than your computer, or how the X-Box One is totally going to catch up to the PS4.
Viper (Any game): Activate the Viper amiibo when starting up any game to get an extremely lame introduction. “And today we’re gonna be playing Smash Brroooooosssssss….”
Tenebrae Invictus (Mario Kart): Tap the Mange amiibo to the Gamepad during a race to call upon a swarm of Mormon missionaries who will knock your opponent off the track.
Venom: Just kidding he sucks he doesn’t get anything.
This the first wave of amiibos, which will be retailing at $50 apiece. BTW, the Kahi amiibo is a Gamestop exclusive and has already been sold out and is now going for $500 and your soul over on eBay.