Author’s Note:
This strange creature, who goes by the name Keru, was found living in an old abandoned subway system out in the wasteland deserts. She has an affinity for collecting vinyls and is really opinionated on pointless topics. She is violently natured but it seems to come from a genuinely good place most of the time. Or at least, I think it does. She doesn’t seem to have any ill wills towards humanity in general, but she has been known to get violently angry on an individual level from time to time.
We followed her around for a few days taking some pictures and doing little interviews. The following are direct quotes gathered from said interviews.
“I have to admit, when I was first approached to do this photo shoot, I was a bit skeptical. Usually when people approach me it’s from behind the other end of a long metal barrel. I guess I’m just not used to people wanting to get to know me for a change.Usually it’s just, ‘Die you creepy alien bug!’ and then the bullets start flying.”
“Not that I’m quite sure as to why exactly that is… I always thought I had a very photogenic face. I mean, just look at that smile.”
“Still, It’s just nice to be appreciated for a change. Growing up a freaky, horrendous alien bug monster definitely had an effect on the mental image I had of myself. You know, like maybe I just don’t connect too well with other people. Like, I’m trying to distance myself, putting up barriers that make it hard for me to be real with other people in any meaningful way… I dunno… Being just one of a few million identical sister drones left me constantly vying for the attention of my parents, who were always too busy searching the wastelands for any pockets of human survivors to devour for sustenance. It just felt like my life was always planned out for me, even though I knew I was meant for better things.”
“This gun is really very special to me. It’s my baby. Not actually, of course, that’d be pretty weird… But on a much deeper metaphysical level, I connect with this gun. Like, it is an extension of me. I’m just saying, if I could physically reproduce half gun half bug monster babies, I definitely would have by now. Not that that has kept me from trying… And suddenly I feel I’ve shared too much.”
“This guitar belonged to my father. He got it from Ron Strykert after a particularly energetic live performance sometime in the mid-1980’s. It was a warm summer night, the lingering stench of sweat filled the air – as described by my father, of course. My father snuck backstage and proceeded to devour the head’s of each member of the band, and good ol’ Ronnie hid trembling behind a snack tray. As my father approached, Ron offered him the guitar in exchange for his life. Of course, none of that is true – my father hates Men at Work – but it makes for a good story.”
Author’s Note:
She was very adamant about playing us a song. She wasn’t very good.
“A defining moment of my life? Probably when the human’s attacked my hive and burnt it down to a smoldering pile of ash. All of my sister’s swarmed them viciously in a glorious battle that lasted many days, but I was too busy obsessing over some boy. I think his name was Daniel. He was a human, I was a hormonally unstable teenage mutant bug monster… We were in love. It wasn’t until later I found out he only ever got close to me so he could tell all his human friends about the location of our hive. I was so mad that I would have eaten his head but I was doing this whole Vegan thing at the time so I just opted to turn him into Swiss cheese. From that day on, the gun became the center of my affections. Very romantic, I know… Just look at me, I’m blushing.”
“Don’t sneak up on a girl when she’s in the shower, that’s just rude. And no, I’m not sorry that I shot your leg. Quit crying.”
Author’s Note:
She shot Kevin in the leg. It was not Kevin’s idea to take the photos. In fact, Kevin was not even in the room when the photos were taken. That’s right, she walked out of the shower, marched up to Kevin, and shot him in the leg, then walked back inside to pose for the next shot. Frightening.
“We all put on our pants the same way. This is probably my most redeeming trait.”
“Of course, these are no mere pants, foolish human. This is actually an advanced battle suit that allows me to take flight. The soldier drones in my hive used to wear them when descending down from the skies in massive swarms that would black out the sun – and look freakishly stylish while doing it.”
Author’s Note:
This beast attacked the crew while on a break, and it should be noted that Keru wasted no time in jumping to our aid. She even saved Kevin.
“You can call me a monster – because I am one. HA! Get it? But I just can’t bring myself to say I miss the old days. Looking back on it now, I had some good times in the hive, but I just wasn’t living the life I wanted to. Sure, it’s been hard to adjust to some aspects of life now that human’s are starting to reclaim dominance over the wasteland. Society has changed a lot from the old days of swarming tiny defenseless huddles of humanity for food. It was a shock when I learned I couldn’t just kill and eat people anymore. I mean, I guess I could do that if I really wanted to, but I actually support what most of you humans are trying to do rebuilding civilization from the ground up and all that, and I’d hate to be so counterproductive to the cause. It’s all very romantic. Like taming the wild west, it has a very old-timey Hollywood vibe. What can I say? I’m enamored by it.”
“This is just an old chainsaw I found. It’s good for cutting tree limbs and people limbs. I don’t know what the chain is made out of but it never goes dull, or at least it hasn’t yet. And trust me, I’ve used it to kill some pretty heinous beasts out in the wasteland. Many Giant Armored Sand Eels that wanted to make me their lunch without even taking me on a date first have fallen to this lovely old girl.”
“What? You want a closing statement? How am I supposed to summarize all of that into a few short and sweet sentiments? Seems rather disingenuous to me, and I’m the freaky gross bug monster here. Being the soul survivor of my race, I think I am allowed to refer to myself in that manner. I mean, whose gonna stop me?”
Author’s Note:
Overall, a very strange experience, though that isn’t so uncommon out here in the wastelands. Kevin is doing better, he is currently in recovery back at the base hospital. Keru sent him flowers.
BTW breaking character for a moment no clue why half the images decided to flip to the side like this. I’m too lazy/busy to fix it atm will look into it later. Sorry for inconvenience. Just, tilt your head lmao.