Lewa and the Creature

Creative Content Literature
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This is a short Bionicle story starring Lewa, Toa of air, as he finds a creature in need.

Lewa and the Creature

One day, Lewa was swinging through Le-Koro just for fun. He landed firmly on a tree, then sat down and rested his axe next to him.

‘What a pretty-beautiful day,’ he thought.

Suddenly, Lewa heard a cry of distress that seemed to echo through all of Le-Wahi. He jumped up, peering through the dense, green canopy of leaves that nearly shielded his view.

“Are you good-well?” he called out, but there was no reply. ‘Interesting,’ he mused. ‘That sounded like a gukko bird.’

Lewa thought that any gukko in danger should be helped out. He picked up his axe and started toward the sound.

Soon after, he found a small gukko tangled in some branches, about to beg for help once more.

“Word is, deepwood, that you are in peril-trouble,” he said, half to himself. “Let me help you.”

Lewa lifted his green axe, aimed for a branch, and slashed the wood off. Although that gave some room for the gukko, it still wasn’t enough to free the creature. He eyed the neighboring branch, then cut that one off, too.

The gukko let out a mechanical chirp and stretched its wings. It wiggled out of the tree, looked thoughtfully at Lewa’s green eyes, then fluttered away.

Lewa sighed as he saw the damage he had done to the tree. “That’s not going to grow-sprout back soon.”

Instead of complaining, Lewa decided to shake off the bad feelings and swing onto a hammock of vines. “At least it’s a great-fine day,” he said. “I’ll chill-relax here for a little-short while.” It was always nice to take a break.

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Your formatting has definitely improved since your last story here on the Boards, and I have nothing to complain about for formatting and grammar, outside of the strange italicization of certain dialogue, with no indicated need (like sarcasm or emphasis).

In terms of the story, though, it’s okay. A good avenue for improvement would be fleshing out the descriptions and giving Lewa some sort of internal monologue, even if just through narration. Also, the “peril-trouble” exists, but there’s no tension, no reason to worry for Lewa or the gukko.

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Thanks for the feedback!

The text in italics is thoughts.

I’ll try to fix that. I’m glad you like it, though!

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Ah; in most books I’ve seen, thoughts usually don’t have any sort of quotation marks, like this (I made a few other slight revisions too):

“Are you good-well?” He called out… But there was no reply. Interesting, he mused. That sounded like a gukko bird.

Incidentally, one good way to convey descriptions is by describing expressions. I know Lewa’s wearing a mask, but describing his eyes widening as he sees the poor trapped gukko or his mouth curling into a smile after he frees it would defnitely improve the flow.

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Me returning to this topic after a literal month

One day, Lewa was swinging through Le-Koro just for fun. He landed firmly on a tree, then sat down and rested his axe next to him.

What a pretty-beautiful day, he thought.

Suddenly, Lewa heard a cry of distress that seemed to echo through all of Le-Wahi. He jumped up, peering through the dense, green canopy of leaves that nearly shielded his view.

“Are you good-well?” he called out, but there was no reply. Interesting, he mused. That sounded like a gukko bird.

Lewa thought that any gukko in danger should be helped out. He picked up his axe and started toward the sound.

Soon after, he found a small gukko tangled in some branches, about to beg for help once more.

“Word is, deepwood, that you are in peril-trouble,” he said. “Let me help you.”

Lewa lifted his green axe, aimed for a branch, and slashed the wood off. Although that gave some room for the gukko, it still wasn’t enough to free the creature. He eyed the neighboring branch, then cut that one off, too.

The gukko let out a mechanical chirp and stretched its wings. It wiggled out of the tree, looked thoughtfully at Lewa’s green eyes, then fluttered away.

Lewa smiled, but that quickly changed to a sigh as he saw the damage he had done to the tree. “That’s not going to grow-sprout back soon.”

Instead of complaining, Lewa decided to shake off the bad feelings and swing onto a hammock of vines. “At least it’s a great-fine day,” he said. “I’ll chill-relax here for a little-short while.” It was always nice to take a break.

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