Omega Bonklez (A Gen 1 Bionicle Comedy)

So, this is a story I originally wrote for the LMBs, but since they're closing I will probably continue it here. It's basically a parodied version of the original Bionicle storyline, hopefully it'll go up to 2010, maybe even cover the additional plot of the serials. MNOG will be a part of the first couple of chapters, just so you know.

Chapter One: FIYYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Tahu, was that his name? Sure, seemed pretty cool. And it meant FIYYYYYAAAAAAAA!!!!! Information popping outta nowhere aside, Tahu realized...i'was kinda dark in here. And he didn't have a body.
Well that sucks, he thought. Better finda way outta 'ere. He kicked and punched, quite well for someone without a body, and then saw a dark circle roll out in his line of sight, revealing the outside world. Something pushed from behind launching him and a couple of limbs onto the soft sand. The parts crawled towards him, and they began to assemble. Put together, Tahu gained a red/orange color to his armor and some cool new thoughts. Let's see, I'm a Toa-hero, ugh, treespeak sucks, wait, how do I know that, oh, and I'm supposed to stop this...Makooti guy? Is he, like an evil corporate business tycoon, nah, he must be an ancient evil who's been creepily stalking the innocent denizens of this island for millenia, and he also assembled an army of animals to carry out his doings AND he controlled them with infected tribal masks, not to mention being a mass of limbs in his true form. Seems legit.
"I dunno why, but I suddenly have a sudden urge to wait outside a large city until some guy named Takua comes along, freak him out, then act like I just got there and walk away," Tahu said. And he proceeded to do just that.

Much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much later... (WHY DIDN'T YOU FIND TAHU EARLIER!!!!!!!!!)

Ah, it feels really good to freak out peoplez after sleeping for so so so long, Tahu thought. Now I'ma go find some elder guy who's probably been standing in front of a fire trying to get some divine messages. Yeah, good luck with that since he's asleep and we live IN A KARZING ROBOT. Ooh, now that's a secret I should hold for seven years until I reveal it to someone who will tell it to everyone else and it'll make sense for them to know. Bursting with glee, Tahu traveled to that one lava place.

To be continued...

8 Likes

All i thought.

FFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Wow, I had no Idea people were reading this. Better post the chapters.

Note: The following chapter was an alternate version of Chapter One, but I didn't post it here for obvious reasons (you'll find out).

And that's when Tahu woke up. Quite bleary-eyed, he looked around to survey his surrounding and get ahold of the situation he was in.
Huh. In pieces, in a capsule, woke up from nightmares, seems legit, he thought. Wait, I think, I think I think I think, that I...am a Toa dude, and I gotta defeat some Mr. Makooti guy...now that is messed up. Maybe I'll just take a stroll somewhere.
Finally settiling on doing just that, Tahu set out to take his stroll.

Just one problem with that.

WARNING: Viewer discretion is advised for the next part. You may never exit this webpage sane again after being exposed to the amount of cheese in the next scene. You have been warned. You have been warned...

Ya know, if I'm a Toa, I should be a Toa of something. Howabout cheese? And that was how the nightmare of Tahu's cheese song was born. Read carefully if you dare.
(a cappela)

OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
YO HO YO HO
A CHEESY LIFE FO ME
YO HO YO HO
A CHEESY LIFE FO ME
CHEESE TASTE GOOD
GOOD TASTE CHEESE
GRAMMAR IS OVERRATED
CHEESE IS GOOD
HARHARHARHARHAR
SET THE CHEESE ON FIYAH
SET THE FIYAH ON CHEESE
IF THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE
THEN GALI IS ACTUALLY A GIRL IN THE ANIMATIONS
AND IF THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE
THEN SEE IF I CARE
CUZ EY'M THE MASTAH OF CHEESE BRUH

The probably of getting nightmares from this story has decreased by 50%...to 100%.

Then Tahu realized something else: He needed to immediately (finish the fanfic) put himself back together. He was no doctor, but being in pieces for too long was almost certainly bad for one's digestive system. He set to do that, not knowing how hard of a time his kin were having. But since Tahu didn't know that there were five others like him, he continued on with rebuilding himself, while the only sane member of the Toa was being verbally attacked by a disproportionate speedster.

1 Like

Chapter Two-Talkin Around at the Speed of Sound

Hey hey guess what Pohatu's gonna be annoying in this story.

Kopaka was having a decidedly bad day. VERY bad. On the plus side, he did wake up from nightmares, therefore stopping them. But he was being followed, followed by this guy who had a flipped body and would JUST...NOT...STOP...TALKING!!! Kopaka was NEVER one for talking. What was the need for it? Maybe some verbal communication here and there, but for the love of Mata Nui (who Kopaka was pretty cool with saving) why did this guy always have to talk?! From what the Toa of Ice had found out, this guy was Pohatu. Pretty laidback, Toer of Stone, chatterbox. Oh and add singerbox to that list. If that's even a thing. Here for you, the reader, is provided some of Pohatu's "poetry".

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HERE TO SAVE THE MATORAN, HERE TO SAVE THE LAND
HERE TO DEFEAT MAKUTA, BUT CAN KOPAKA MAKE A PLAN?
I AM A TOA HERO, AND THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA BE
LLALALALLAALALLALALALALALALALA

Kopaka, who had a thinking mind (a mind for thinking about everything) could not stand this imbecile's constant ranting. To make matters worse, he has to trek up a mountain with this madman. On his 10th minute with Pohatu, Kopaka turned around and said in his low, cool voice,
"You need to stop. NOW!" he barked.
"Um, what? Why so salty, brother Toa?" asked Pohatu innocently.
"You! For the love of all that is good in the world, stop TALKING!" That shut Pohatu up. He didn't talk for the rest of the trip, even when they found other Toa. Even now, around the Matoran campfires, some say that Pohatu's spirit was broken at that moment, by the cruel and coldhearted Kopaka.

Just kidding, Pohatu actually stopped talking for a mintue then went right back to his thing.

-End of Chapter Two-

(so apparently i have to put the fanfic in one post, so I'll start from here since the first two are alternate version of the same chapter)

-Chapter Three-"For the Love of Some Dirt"

Onua. How does one explain Onua? Alright, I was being rhetorical. Don't answer that and let me continue on with the story. Onua was a thinker, really. All day he would think, thank, thunk. It was his thing, really. So everyday since he left his canister, he would sit on a rock, and think. The villages Turaga, Whenua, was not a big fan of the thinking. I mean, it's not like the village was constantly under attack by Rahi and Onua was the only one with the power to stop them. Luckily for Whenua, Onua was about to come out of his thinking ways and finally put a plan into action. Said plan was formulated during his thinking. Said plan involved a bridge, as many Rahi as they could find, and bait. A bait that was willing to do anything.

 "Whenua, is there anyone in the village who's dumb enough and willing to be Rahi-bait?" asked Onua.

"You mean like a scrub or noob? We've got tons of those!" replied Whenua. "You probably want Nuparu. He's smart, but underappreciated. He'd do anything for some attention and glory!"

-to be continued-

Chapter Three-Part 2

After his conversation with Whenua, Onua set out for Nuparu's house. There was absolutely no problem finding it-just head for the sound of the drills that make your ears bleed. Onua stuffed some dirt in his ears (It didn't work. At all) and entered Nuparu's house while bracing himself for the horror that's inside (Pokemon!). Upon entering Nuparu's house, he saw a figure hunched over in the corner of a room while untangling a mess of wires from a boards. Onua took a step, but before he could make a sound, the figure (who's obviously Nuparu) whirled around and began speaking to Onua.
"Hey hey hey hi are you a Toa?" said Nuparu.
"Um, well yes. So I need your help with-"
"You? A Toa? Need my help? Wow, I'm honored! My name's Nuparu! Are you Toa Onua?
"Um, yes, so-" Onua was cut off by Nuparu holding out a sheet of fibers. He wanted Onus's autograph. "Look, Nuparu, I really need your help and..." Onua was cut off once again by Nuparu starting to tear up. Give me a break, Onua thought. He signed the sheet, then began to tell Nuparu about the plan he had. Nuparu would attract the Rahi to the bridge, where Onua would then corner the Rahi and call the Onu-Koro Guard to help him remove the infected masks. When Nuparu asked about the Rahi running away, Onua remarked that the bridge they were trapping the Rahi at led to a dead end tunnel.
"What about me?" asked Nuparu. "Won't I get eaten or something?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," replied Onua. The two then stepped outside the gather the Guard for the execution of the plan. If only they knew that Makooti wasn't bothering with Onu-Koro and had just sent down Fikou spiders scared of their won shadow. Luckily for them, before they could waste all this time, someone entered the village. This was a Toa, for one, and he wore green armor, and he merged words to create a slang. Can you guess who he is?

-End of Chapter Three-

-Chapter Four-

As any Bionicle fan will know (oops broke the fourth wall), this was the happy-go-lucky Toa of Air, also known as Lewa. Except he wasn't actually the happy person that he is shown to be (the children would get the a-scares). One could say the real Lewa was the most edgy creature in existence. The arrival of Lewa was sounded my the angry shouts of Matoran as he shoved them aside. When Lewa came into full view of Onua and Nuparu, they saw that he was not without his characteristic dark shades, making it nearly impossible to see his eyes (however some completely respectable and totally not fake tabloid papers suspect that he has none behind his face). Then Lewa began to talk.
"'Sup," he said.
"Ohai are you a Toa too?" asked Nuparu, not knowing the danger of speaking to Lewa.
"Wait, there are more Toa? Oh right, we're supposedly a team," realized Onua.
Lewa eyed Onua with a look that shouldn't be described. "I work alone," he said.
"Well, I'm sure we can come to a compromise with that will work for all of us-" Before he could finish his sentence, Lewa turned around and walked away. "He seems to get angry fast." Onua remarked to Nuparu.
"Yeah, but he is a Toa. He can't be that bad. So should we go do the thing with the Rahi?" asked Nuparu.
"No, I'll try to get Lewa in on being part of the team. You stay home."
"Alright, I'll be going now, then. Bye Toa-" Just then, Nuparu was run over by a truck with an ominous skull on the front crashing through the village. Also it was being driven by a skeleton with four arms and a head that could not have possible belonged to a human. He was also holding four golden weapons.
"KRAZI!!!! Get up here and help me drive this!" shouted the skeleton.
"Coming Samukai!" said a muffled voice, supposedly Krazi, from below the vehicle. Before Onua could run to help Nuparu, he saw the truck heading straight for Lewa, who was unaware of the carnage (this is why you shouldn't listen to music with headphones at full blast kids). Not willing to let his comrade die, Onua attempted to utilize his earth powers to stop the truck and rescue Lewa.

He was unsuccessful.

-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH CLIFFHANGER-

2 Likes