Piece of old writing I did (Bionicle)

This is a piece of writing I did way back in the far away year of 2019. The main reason why I am posting this is because I would like to do more writing but alas I lack the confidence, so I am posting this to test the water, so to speak, I want to know if my writing style is interesting and what I need to improve, or is it just cringe?
So with out further ado here it is:

A hunched over figure meandered his way through a crowded city, the sky was a smoky and sickly black, the only light was generated from furnaces and reactors. The matoran slithed his way through the crowds of matoran workers and Drones, they were told that the drones were there to keep a watch on the matoran so no riots broke out, the matoran climbed up a ladder and onto a small ledge of one of the many furnaces, he slid under a conveyor belt with junk and ■■■■■■■, the main energy source on the MiclosIII. Being recently promoted from engineer to a Miner, his job was self explanatory, he would go outside the ship equipped with a deep space suit and mine asteroids. Recently a lot of matoran had been promoted to higher levels, but not many had been demoted down to being engineers, which is a problem because if there are not enough engineers, the furnaces would stop working, which in turn causes the ship to stop working, this worried Kelic, he had guessed that he would find out the answer in the near future. Kelic finally made it to one of the many facilities for the miners, heavily guarded by first tier Drones. The Drones are categorized in three tiers: the first tier Drones are made for crowd management and chasing down thieves and crooks. Second tier drones are made for emergencies and terrorist attacks. The third tier Drones, they are, something of a nightmare. They were made for assassination and disposal of matoran, if you speak up or against someone or thing you are gone, no one knows how or when, if you know you are being chased, most will steal a deep space suit and jump off the ship as quick as they can. Then there are the fabled fourth tier Drones, no one knows what they are used for, some say they are used for fixing the outside, some say they control parts of the ship, others say they fill in for the other drones, I personally don’t believe in them.

Edit. The censored word is a name I had made up for a mineral

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It’s surely interesting. Could use some work here and there, but I like it. Maybe the word matoran and the word drone get repeated a little bit too much. Try using more pronouns and synonyms.

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Looks promising. Make sure to look up comma splices, understand what they are, and fix all the examples you see. They’re absolutely everywhere.

Here’s an example of a comma splice in the first sentence, and a fix. The main tenet is that commas cannot be used to join separate sentences; semicolons (as I just used), periods, or added words can fix the problem. Starting with periods:

Now semicolons:

Now added words, or a slight change in sentence structure:

The key to note is that, while the first part of the sentence (everything before and including “crowded city”) can be used as a full sentence, the other parts cannot be. That’s good!
Of course, you probably don’t want to use all periods or all semicolons; a mix of both styles might be ideal. Were this my project, I might frame the first sentence like so (also take note of the removal of extraneous words):

I know it can be tough to hear critique on your own writing; hopefully I was constructive and helpful enough that you continue to work on this instead of get discouraged! I’m interested in any further updates you post, and I’ll only give advice when asked for :slight_smile:
Nice work!

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