This is a short story that I’m using to help me flesh out ideas and characters for one of my works in progress (wip).
Please feel free to provide constructive criticism:)
Nightfall - Chapter One, Part One
Thomas Branch held the steering wheel with a death grip, desperately trying to see through the deluge as the storm poured out its fury. The wipers were no match for the torrent, their rhythmic hum drowned out by the sound of heavy raindrops pounding against the glass. Every swipe of the blades bought the briefest moment of clarity before the rain overtook the gap; limiting his ability to see once again. Setting his headlights to high did little to alleviate the relentless storm, as the torrent prevented him from seeing more than a foot beyond the hood.
“Come on!” he muttered to himself, leaning closer to the glass hoping to gain an edge. His words betrayed him, fogging the glass with each breathe. Frustrated, he moved to switch the dial on the air conditioner to the defrost setting. Fumbling across the dashboard, he found what he thought was the climate controls. Turning the dial, the stereo blared to life; the sudden sound startling him and his partner who had been silently preparing their equipment in the rear compartment.
Once again, he ran his hands across the console, this time searching for the stereo. The unwelcomed distraction made him lose his focus, the vehicle drifting off the road with an angry roar as the tires rolled across the rumble strips.
“Sket!”
Thomas grabbed the wheel and pulled the truck back onto the road as the song on the stereo taunted him with lyrics about the black devil of Oklahoma.
“I got it.” His partner said, leaning through the crew hatch into the cab. With a satisfying click, the stereo no longer added to the stress of the situation.
For a moment, the two sat in silence; with only the sound of driven rain to fill the void.
“Sorry about that.” Thomas said, his voice close to his usual calm, although his body language was openly disagreeing with his tone. The storm had brought about a string of calls that kept his team busy. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but the rookie called out leaving his ■■■■■ down one crewmember.
Trying to regain his composure, he slowed his breathing. The sound of the rain steadily beating the body of the truck had an oddly calming effect. As he continued to drive, he felt the gentle squeeze of a hand on his shoulder. Glancing over, he saw Alyson crawling her way through the opening of the patient module and into the passenger seat of the ambulance.
“He’s going to be okay.” She said attempting to reassure him. But he could tell that she was worried too.
“I know.” He said, trying his best to convince himself as well.
Through the rain, Thomas was able to see the flashing yellow of the hazard lights, the force of the wind swinging them wildly with each gust. Reaching up to the main controls, Alyson pressed the button changing the siren to a different tone as they approached the intersection. Cautiously, they turned north on Highway 99 before accelerating once more toward the scene.
Keying the radio, Alyson reported in.
”Purgatory Dispatch, Mercy One. We are north bound on Highway 99. Arrival in five mics."
Her hand still hovering over the controls, she pressed the button once more returning the siren to its mournful call. Lightning lit up the sky, briefly illuminating the night turning it into day. Massive trees lay ahead, their broken branches lay strewn about as though some invisible hand had pulled them up from the roots and tossed them there. The tremendous roar of thunder made the ambulance shutter under its fury as though it was demonstrating its dominance over the meager noise their siren could produce. Slowing, Thomas maneuvered the truck around the ancient trees; having to drive over the sidewalk more then once to avoid fallen power lines along the way.
“Mercy One, Purgatory Dispatch. Be advised, there are reports of downed trees and road debris in that area."
Alyson let out a humorless laugh as she helped guide Thomas past an old oak tree that once stood proudly in front of the South 51 Apartments.
“Leave it to Dispatch to state the obvious.” She said, raising the microphone to her mouth. As she was about to reply, the radio toned indicating that someone else was trying to talk.
“No joke.” Thomas replied, letting Alyson handle the radio while he focused on the road.With a sigh, he continued to steer the truck around the detritus scattered along the road. The lights of the Ambulance reflected off the driving rain, making it hard to see. Reaching to the controls, Thomas switched from the strobing red and blue lights to solid white, the light bar acting as a beacon to pierce the curtain of water. It was a welcome change of pace for the night.
“Purgatory Dispatch, Mercy One. Be advised, Law Enforcement has just confirmed reports of flooding in the area. How copy?”
As they rounded the bend toward Lagoon Creek bridge, the report on the radio was confirmed.
The bridge that once sat comfortably fifteen feet above the waters of the creek, was now covered.
White water rushing through the holes in the parapet threatened to sweep away any who were foolish enough to tread upon the bridge.
“Afirm Dispatch. We are at the bridge now.” Alyson replied, before slowly putting the microphone back on its hook.
Thomas stopped the truck, watching the flood rage. They were so close; yet it seemed that this God forsaken storm blocked them at turn. The wind and rain whipped the side of the ambulance, seemingly mocking the paramedics with each gust of wind. Looking over at Alyson, Thomas could see her staring out at the torrent. He lips moving, barely making a sound as she said a quite prayer.
That’s the one thing he hadn’t done tonight. Sighing he too said a simple prayer.
“Please Lord, please help us get to him.”
He hadn’t prayed since his father died. Always figured that he had to be the one to figure things out; carry the weight himself. But tonight… tonight was too big for him. He had tried everything, and it felt like he could do nothing but fail.
He couldn’t understand it. They were able to get to the dust addict that was having an overdose behind the Quick Trip, clawing at their arms and chest, screaming nonsense. They didn’t have any issues making it across old town south of the old Lawson cemetery when Roberta Jenkins fell again, bruising her hip; this time she tripped over her dog that knocked her down as it ran and hid somewhere in her bedroom. Why was it so difficult get downtown to help John Sterling?
Thomas sat behind the wheel, seething with annoyance at his current circumstance. Suddenly, the cab of the truck was filled with a blinding light. The vehicle shook violently as a tremendous THOOM threatened to deafen them.
It wasn’t until after his ears stopped ringing, that he could hear Alyson screaming. Her hands behind her head, she had curled up into a ball trying to hide under the dash of the truck.
“Alyson!” Thomas shouted, rubbing his hand against his ear. “I think we’re good.”
Alyson slowly uncurled herself and looked around. Everything in the truck seemed normal.
Thomas’s eyes continued to adjust to the darkness of the night, when he noticed something on the hood of the truck.
Is that bark?
Before he could process the thought, he felt Alyson grab his arm.
“Look!” She exclaimed, pointing out the window.
Turning to see, he could hardly believe his eyes. Lightning had struck the tree in the opposite lane, its trunk exploding from the strike. They both watched in awe as it titted toward the bridge, crashing with a THUD narrowly missing the roadway.
“That was close.” Alyson said, leaning back in her seat, running her hands through her hair as she sat staring out the window.
That could have been a lot worse, Thomas thought. That really could’ve sucked.
Letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding he noticed something. The tree was acting as a makeshift dam, diverting the rushing water away from the roadway.
Taking his foot off the brake, Thomas started driving toward the bridge.
“Wait! What are you doing?” Alyson protested.
“He’d do it for us.” Thomas replied, not taking his gaze off the bridge.
Alyson looked over at him, not saying a word. After quickly tying her hair back into a messy bun and pulled her feet up into her seat.
Slowly, Thomas let the ambulance creep toward the rushing water, the rain still unrelenting as it pounded the windshield. Looking through the plexiglass window by the floorboard, he was able to guide the vehicle to the water’s edge.
Taking a breath, he looked over at Alyson.
“You ready?” He asked, not really giving her an option.
Making a face, she nodded.
Dropping the truck into low four, he pulled forward into the tumult of water. Keeping his eyes ahead, using the reflection of the lights off the parapet to keep him centered he inched his way ahead.
He knew his instructor would be screaming at him for this. It takes only two feet of rushing water to carry away most vehicles. He’d witnessed it countless times, pulling up to a scene with someone stranded on the roof of their car, crying out for help as the flood waters rushed all around. But he was determined. It was on one of those same scenes that he witnessed John brave the waters to rescue the stranded motorists. No matter what his instircts were screaming, he couldn’t back down; not now.
The water level began to rise, no longer rushing beneath the body of the truck. The plexiglass windows glowed yellow with the submerged running lights illuminating the murky waters. He could feel his feet getting wet as the water pushed through the door seals. But still, he moved forward.
“Uh, Thomas.” Alyson said, concern filling her voice, one hand pressing against the chair with the other hand grasping the Oh Sket bar on the truck.
“Almost there.” He replied, trying to console her as he kept his eyes glued to the far end of the parapet. The water continued to rise, now soaking the seat of his pants. Looking back for just a moment, he could see water rising to the floor of the patient box.
“Almost.” He said once more, the nose of the truck rising higher as it approached the center of the bridge. The engine roaring into the night, defying the storm waters as it went. After what felt like an eternity, the ambulance freed its front wheels from the water. The noise of rushing waters was suddenly drowned out by a soul crushing CRACK! Looking in the sideview mirror, Thomas watched in horror as the tree broke away, no longer acting as a barrier to the bridge. The waters surged forward, its full weight slamming into the back of the ambulance. The rear wheels lifted off the deck and the vehicle began to fishtail.
“THOMAS!” Alyson screamed, the truck sliding across the road and into the east side parapet.
Water came rushing through the back doors of the ambulance, threatening to rise to the level of their equipment.
Gritting his teeth, he pressed the accelerator to the floor, almost willing the truck to move forward.
“COME ON!” He cried out, “PLEASE!”
Not like this …
The rushing water began to press upon the rear of the ambulance, forcing its tires to the road and giving the truck the traction it needed. Slowly, the truck crawled out of the water, this time completely.
Letting out a shout to the heavens, Thomas began to laugh. Celebrating the fact that his foolishness hadn’t killed him or Alyson. Looking over, he could see the shocked look on her face, she too laughing at the experience.
“I can’t believe we made it.” She said, her hand over her heart.
Letting out the breath that this time her knew he was holding, he silently prayed.
“Thank you…”
Composing herself, Alyson reached for the radio.
“Mercy One, Purgatory Dispatch. Be advised, Lagoon Creek bridge is washed out. We are still enroute to the scene. New Estimated time is five mics.”
) but from my general skimming of what you’ve got so far, it’s pretty solid.