Note: this is the beginning of shatore’s side story in my version of the red star zombies. So something will be changed in the future such as two of the toa names for earth and water. Otherwise I hope you all enjoy this. Frist Mission log: there have been strange lights flickering off the red star before it crashed on the planet. Helryx decided to send a three manned Toa team to investigate the crash site. Main objective: find survivors. “Toa of Earth” We are here now and all I have to say is. What a mess. “Toa of water” please brother save your attempts on humor to yourself. “Shatore” ugh would you two shut up for 3 sec-. Then out of the wreckage of the red star Cam out a mutated makuta with a weird necrotic flesh covering most of its body. “Toa of water” MATA NUI!! WHAT IS THAT THING?!! It lunged at the Toa of earth. But before it could reach him shatore shot in the head. Thinking it was dead. shatore got close to it. Toa of earth"Ewe what is that thing? " Shatore looked at it with a strong glare "It looks like it was a Makuta at one point. But I never seen something like this before. “Toa of water” ughhh It reeks. How long do you th-. It started moving again and swung its tail and put them all on there backside. It took this chance to crawl into a hole nearby underground. “Toa of earth” WHAT THE!? I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS DEAD!?. “Shatore” it shouldn’t have been able to survive a hot like that to the brain. It’s not natural. “Toa of water” I’m going to report this to Helryx right now. They we’re shortly interrupted by a zombified Botar that got them off by surprise. “Toa of earth” Hel- before he could react The zombified Botar grabs and bitten the Toa of earth’s upper body clean off leaving his lower legs behind. Shatore decided to teleport himself and the Toa of water out of the crash site to try to get a grip on themselves. “Toa of water” WHAT IN ALL OF CREATION DID WE JUST WITNESS!?!. “Shatore” I don’t know. All I do know is that Botar was killed not that long ago. But this is something we cannot do alone. End of Frist Mission log.
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A lot of this story seems to stray fairly heavily from typical writing conventions, and that makes it very difficult to read or tell exactly what a character is done speaking.
So most writing uses quotation marks to emphasize when a character is speaking, like this:
Since all the characters’ names are given quotation marks, the only indicator that someone has finished speaking is a period at the end opf either a sentence of just a line of dialogue, leading to punctuation getting a little wacky:
There’s a number of grammatical and spelling errors, but they’re secondary to being able to read the story. I would look around at some of the other stories on the site and see what works in other folks’ stories.
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