Tales from Okoto: The Iron Horror

So this is my entree to the TTV One Year Anniversary Contest to build up the Bionicle World. It is a bit long, but I hope you like it. :blush:

               Tales from Okoto: The Iron Horror
On the mythical island of Okoto, there laid six tribes that were celebrated by their inhabitants; Six tribes that were loved by all, but that does not mean that there couldn’t be a seventh. Known only by the Great Protectors of the Islanders, another tribe lays on Okoto’s Shores, The Iron Tribe.

Two villagers were wandering in the Eki Jungle, trying to find their way back to their home in Jun-Koto. Both come from the Jungle Tribe, a group known for having quick feet, but slower dialect. “Why Trimota must you always make us far-lost?” said a tall, lanky figure with prominent red eyes, pushing a cart. “Not lost Seritoy, just trying to follow fire-ball” said his accomplice, Trimota, pointing at the Sun. She was shorter than Seritoy,with a personality that seemed to have hints of egotism placed around a rather dull structure, as opposed to his humble and wise nature . The two were just young merchants, coming back home from The City of the Mask Makers after picking up The Great Creator Ekimu’s popular masks, a mask that they had only put into their shop a few weeks ago. Seritoy runs a small shack in the marketplace in Jun-Koto, with Trimota being his only employee. The two had a boom in business in the past few months since Ekimu created the Retua Mu, a mask that is similar to the original Retua, but with small amounts of elemental power in each one.
The two continued to follow the Sun until they reached the portion of the Jun-Oko region where the lava flows of Ta-Oko combines with the flora of the Eki Jungle. “Because of slow-think, we are in terrible-bad place!” Said Seritoy, placing the cart next to him with a ragged-induced force. Trying to calm her fired-up friend, Trimota stated “No worry, we can just turn-way and find new-path.” “But that no-change anything! We next to hot-water and far-distance away from Jun-Koto. I even-worse with you!” said Seritoy, madder than before. The strength of his voice started a great rumble on the land that they stand upon.
Then, out of the sludge between the lava and greenery, a figure with the body structure similar to those of the Okotians reaches out. With its deformed, blob-like mask and its harsh, orange-colored armor, the frightening being started to approach the two fearful Jungle Villagers. “YOU…” said the pseudo-islander rather stiff, “MUST…COME… WITH…. ME…”. Trimota starts to run, but Seritoy stays in a paralyzed state. “Come on Seritoy, no time for freeze-game!”
cried a panicked Trimota. “C…Can’t.” Said Seritoy with a stutter, “B…Body branch-stiff!”.
Trimota then started to back away from her friend. “Sorry.” she said before she ran into the Jungle, with the cart following behind her. “N…NO!” shouted the betrayed villager. Once Trimota was gone, the masked being released him from his stiffened control. “You must join me!” Stated the mess that was still slowly moving towards Trimota. “ Why should I? Not only know-not of animal-kind you are, but also know-not of what to join!? said a still panicking Seritoy. “Well fear not Jungle Villager, you are about to find out,”.
The being then started moving closer to Seritoy. He did not run, though. “I am Jern, the Protector of Iron.” said the now named “guardian”. Confused, Seritoy responded with,”But Iron Group exist no-not.”. “We are not known as we are seen as against the Code of Okoto by your Protectors,” said Jern. “We are no different than the other islanders, besides the mask that lay on our heads and the thoughts running in our minds. “What mind-thinks?” said the still confused Seritoy. “Oh, that of hatred, fear, lust,” said the Iron Protector. “We were originally going to take your dippy friend, but then we felt you. All your Anger, all your fear, we needed your strength.” “For what?” said Seritoy. “To use our masks. They run off of what might be seen as non-virtuous to some, but as a deity to us.” stated Jern. “So, will you join?”.

Years later, after the “death” of Ekimu, An aged Trimota lays in her hut in Jun-Koto. Now having a family of her own, a warrior son and a grandson who has lost the dialect of yesteryear, she feels that she has nothing to fear of. She would be proven wrong. In the same year of “The Great Skull Spider Raids”, another threat came back up from her past. The Iron Tribe, now coming out of their earthen base, set their annihilation trip on Jun-Koto.The warriors of the village could not withstand the might of the masks of the horror inducing tribe-members. With the tribe knocking out the protection of the peaceful village, The Protector and his fighters walked into the Jun-Koto. They destroyed everything in sight, but The leader of the Iron Tribe had a different goal entirely. Walking into the hut that used to hold shelves of masks, he centered his eyes on Trimota. “No… that can’t happen. Se…Se… Seritoy?” said the now terrified, aged villager. “Hello Trimota, it has been long-time.” said Seritoy, The Protector of the Iron Horror.

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Gosh dangit, is that treespeak that I see?

0/10, no redeeming factors.


Ok now for the real criticism:

-Names are great
-Story is great
-Names of things (such as Jun-Koto) sound strange.

10 outta ten.

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@Oniwah But everyone loves dem Treepseakin’ Matotectors en Stuff. Also the Book almost ruined my original idea for the re-introduction of Treespeak and thanks for the short review, but what do you think are the main flaws?

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