Tales of Endless Ocean (G1 redo)

Creative Content Literature
1

Book 1:Called By Stars

Prologue-In The Time Before Time

In the time before time, the Great Spirit descended from heavens, causing the world as we know it to flash into existence. His work finished, Great Spirit brought us, ones called Matoran to an island in the midst of the Endless Ocean. It was an island paradise, calm and plentiful, so we named it Mata Nui after the Great Spirit himself.

Unfortunately, our happiness was not everlasting. Mata Nui’s brother Makuta grew jealous of the honours we bestowed upon the Great Spirit. He placed a dark spell over Mata Nui, causing him to fall into deep sleep. For thousand years, the dark shadow of Makuta loomed over the island of Mata Nui.

Still, all hope was not lost. Ancient tales told of six heroes called Toa, each wielding great power over over their element, shall arrive when the stars are right,banishing the darkness from our island paradise. Thousand years after start of the Dark Time, they indeed came.

Six heroes, one destiny: to defeat Makuta and save the island. Let Mata Nui grant them sucess.

Chapter 1-Fire

The sun shone brightly, illuminating wide, sand-covered beach.This was nothing unusual on this part of the island.

Hovewer, not all was normal. Strange metalic object floated towards the shore. It was shaped like a cillinder, half-sphere covering its front end. When it hit the beach, its lid began to spin, emiting loud hissing sound. Out of the canister poured pile of metallic parts and quickly began to assemble itself.

Resulting being was tall humanoid,armored in red and orange. He took few, unsteady steps, his crismon eyes flashing awake.

x-x-x

He was standing on a sandy beach, his memories hazy and unclear. Before him, deep blue sea stretched towards distant horizon. To his left,two mysterious structures sat on tall cliff. To his right,a curtain of smoke hanged over the black rocks. Behind him, strange face was carved into the cliff. Whole beach was enveloped in thick sense of mystery.

Who I am? He couldn’t remember…

Strange word constanly echoed through his confused mind. Tahu. It seemed to be a name of some sort, but whom it belonged to? He tried to remember, but at first, he wasn’t able to do so, his memories obscured by thick mist.Then, the realization came upon him. He was Tahu.

Now knowing his name, Tahu turned back to the canister that brought him there. It was great cylinder made from polished metal,a silver mask lying at its foot.He picked it up, examining its features. At top, the mask was rounded, while its bottom was straight. Seven slits decorated the mask,three surrounding each side of its oval mouth while seventh sat on forehead.

Instinctively, Tahu placed the mask on his face.

Moment the mask touched his face, great power surged through his very body. He picked up a sword lying nearby and entered the veil of smoke. For most beings, thick smoke would be uncomfortable, but it had no effect upon Tahu.Then,he left the smoke,entering the strange forest.Its trees were long dead, charred black by some catastrophic event. Great volcano loomed over the forest, standing like long forgotten guardian. Tahu took liking to this place.

Wanting to try capablities of his weapon, Tahu swung his sword around. To his surprise, its blade ignited, leaving behind a trail of sparks. “Excellent,” exclaimed Tahu. He stabbed sword forward. Great stream of fire erupted from the blade, burning a tree stub to the ground. “I control fire!” realized Tahu.

To celebrate his newfound powers, Tahu shot a few bolts of fire into air, and then departed on the journey deeper into this charred forest.

Chapter 2-Air

Lewa traveled through thick jungle, diverse mix of forest plants covering its floor. Through he could remember little, Lewa knew that he liked this place. Forest’s tall trees were suited for jumping,climbing and swinging,activities which Lewa loved. Currently, he was swinging on sturdy vine. “Yooo Hooo!” Lewa happily yelled as he landed on moss-covered ground.

Near place of his landing rose tall cliff. The stairs hewn into its weathered stone led to a cave enterance blocked by large boulder. Lewa climbed the stairs, inspecting the mouth of cave. Boulder was firmly locked inside, resisting any attempts to be moved. A triangular compartement was carved into rock above the mouth.

Perhaps something click-fits inside.

Lewa leaped towards nearby tree and began to climb its branches. After somewhat long climb, he arrived in the treetops.He leaped from branch to branch,then swung on dexeterous vine hanging from yet another branch.He misjudged,landing in a nest of rahi birds.

“Sorry birdies.” Lewa said as he wiped himself from the sticks.He returned stray egg back into the nest and then continued his journey through the treetops.He jumped to his intended destination,and then began to climb upwards.At top of the tree,Lewa saw triangular piece of stone.It was colored bright green,its surface glittering like emerald.

This musts be that click-key.

Lewa took the stone and climbed back down. He returned to the cliff and inserted the stone into the compartment. At first, nothing happened. Then, the huge boulder began to roll down at alarming speed. Fortunately, Lewa leaped out of way in time. When the way was clear, Lewa entered the mysterious cave.

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Chapter 3-Earth

Onua dug through the depths of earth. He was tunelling deep under mountainous landscape where he awoke while ago. Something led him down, and so he dug until he was in the point where he was now. Onua could feel vibrations of nearby rahi, from minute Uki mole to great Aramaya worm. Some strange sense led him towards pecuilar direction: he knew the location of the place he was seeking, but did not know what place it was.

As he dug deeper and deeper, Onua’s senses detected large empty space nearby. Then,his onyx claws met not usual dirt or stone, but open air. Onua’s eyes quickly adjusted to light of the cave he dug inside. It was elongated tunnel lit by yellow lighstones, one of its ends dissappearing into darkness, while light being at other. Onua decided to go into the light.

He was in great cavern lit by countless lighstones. Underground stream ran through its middle,dividing cavern into two. Both sides were connected by bridge. On the floor of cave stood numerous dome-shaped houses made out of hardened clay, some lone, others connected into clusters. Whole sight of cavern was breathtaking.

Small biomechanical being acompanied by another of same species came towards Onua. “Great Toa of Earth,our turaga welcomes you to our city of Onu-Koro.”

“You know me?” asked perplexed Onua.

“Yes Toa Onua.” first being spoke. “I am Onepu,the captain of ussalry.And this-” he pointed to his companion, “-is my friend,somewhat dimwitted Taipu.”

Onepu continued.“We both are Onu-Matoran,led by Turaga Whenua.You are on the island of-”

“Kuma Nui.” said Taipu.

Onepu hissed at Taipu and then resumed. “Taipu! -Mata Nui in the region of Earth, Onu-Wahi. Should I lead you to Turaga?”

“It certainly sounds like good idea.” Onua answered. Both Toa and Matoran set to the Turaga’s hut.

“But there is big Kane-Ra bull there! We should call Ussalry!” called Taipu.

“Taipu,that is training dummy. We have no need to worry.” explained Onepu. Finally,Onua entered Turaga’s hut.

x-x-x

“Welcome,Onua. I am Turaga Whenua and I will answer your questions.
You are one of six Toa, powerful heroes summoned by the stars.Each Toa wield power over one of the elements.You are Toa of Earth.
The Island of Mata Nui is haunted by great shadow, the shadow of Makuta. You are here to stop him.” Turaga Whenua explained.

“How we should do it?” asked Onua.

“Mask you wear is called Kanohi. Kanohi masks give their wearers special powers, depending on the type of mask.
To defeat Makuta, each Toa will need six Kanohi. One is mask they wear,while other five, same as the masks worn by other Toa, are hidden all around island of Mata Nui.” Turaga Whenua answered.

"How we can obtain the masks? I suppose that Makuta did not leave them unguarded. " said Onua.

“Powerful beasts called Rahi guard the masks. They once were benign animals,but shadows of Makuta took over them. Not all of them are under control of Makuta, but many more are steered by Dark Spirit’s hand.” said Turaga Whenua.

Chapter 4-Water

Gali swam through calm waters of Lake Naho. Colorful fishes swam around her, accompanied by gelatinous lightfish gently carried by the current. Large snails with brightly colored shells crawled over the seafloor, occasionaly munching on aquatic plants. Gali felt happy there, in calmly waving waters of Lake Naho.

On sandy seafloor grew green seaweed, pinkish shells of various shapes and sizes nestled between its clusters. Multicolored coral covered large portion of slopes, providing home for great variety of marine animals. Her dark dreams long forgotten, Gali felt at home.

After while, Gali surfaced to examine her surroundings. In distance,she saw dome shaped houses built on giant lilypads. Presence of sentient inhabitants interested her, so she moved to investigate. Gali took a dive, quickly swimming to the lilypad village.

When she came closer, Gali resurfaced, using her hooks to pull herself ashore. She was standing near tall cliff, giant mask carved into its rocky face. From mask’s triangular mouth flown waterfall, falling into small pool connected with the lake. Why is my mask carved into cliff?

Gali turned back towards the lillipad village. Its leaf houses were damaged by some unknown diaster. It seemed to be abandoned, aside from small yellow,red and blue figure who just left the water. Small newcomer fiddled with a machine that stood on one of pads.

After while, whole new hut rose from underwater. Little people similar to the newcomer, but colored various shades of blue stepped on large leaf. Suddenly,huge monster rose out of underwater, preparing to leap upon little figures.

Gali quickly jumped in the water to defend blue humanoids. She jumped in front of monstrous lizard, skillfuly evading its blows. Somehow,Gali knew what to do next. She leaped towards reptillian, quickly knocking infected mask off its face. The lizard instantly stopped attacking, swiftly sliding under the water.

Mechanoids instantly began cheering at Gali and at newcomer whose name apparently was Takua. One blue mechanoid, taller than others and wielding blue trident spoke to her.

“Welcome, Toa Gali. We have been awaiting you.”

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I definitely appreciate what you’re doing here.
You’ve got some funny moments with Taipu, lots of obscure Generation 1 Rahi setting a good scene, and just a classic feel to it.

However,
Make sure to focus on using proper grammar. Your spelling and vocabulary are great, but your grammar is much weaker.
Bad grammar creates clunky dialogue and hard-to-read descriptions, as well as bad presentation. If you clean up your grammar, then your story will present much better and more people will read it- it’s a huge factor!

Definitely keep working at this, and good job.

2 Likes
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Thanks for review.What I should improve?

5

Mostly sentence structure and grammar. For example:

This is difficult to read out loud, because of several formatting and grammar issues. It could be rewritten as follows to improve it’s flow:

In the time before time, the Great Spirit descended from heavens, causing world as we know it to flash into existence. His work finished, the Great Spirit brought us, the ones called Matoran, to an island in the midst of the Endless Ocean. It was an island paradise, calm and plentiful, so we named it Mata Nui after The Great Spirit himself.

After actually doing this, I realized that for the most part, what you’re missing is conjunctive words such as “the”. For native English speakers, leaving out even such a simple word as “the”, or “an”, makes a big difference in quality.

Additionally, remember that, after using a comma or period, use a space before continuing on. For example:
This is right
Toa Tahu looked around. The Island was calm, but peaceful.

This is wrong
Toa Tahu looked around.Island was calm,but peaceful.

Make sure you research how to format commas, periods, and other punctuation, in addition to using words like “The” and “an”. It’ll make your work much better! :slight_smile:

1 Like
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Is it better now?

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Chapter 5-Stone and Ice

Pohatu was running on wide plain of stone. His mask, Kanohi Kakama aided him, allowing him to run at far greater speed.His Turaga,Onewa, said that he needs to find five other Kanohi to defeat Makuta,the dark spirit that haunted the island.

Pohatu decided to head for tall frozen mountain that rose above desert landscape. To him, it seemed that the mountain may be location of one of the masks he was seeking. There were also other other reasons why Pohatu decided to head there. He wanted to explore other regions of the islands, and also wanted to meet with other Toa.

From Turaga’s tales, Pohatu knew that there were five other Toa, and he wanted to meet them. He activated his mask, Kanohi Kakama. In moment, Toa of Stone appeared at the foot of the mountain.For while, he rested, and then, Pohatu began to scale the mountain. He swiftly moved upwards, appearing like brown blur.

As he neared the peak, Pohatu began to slow down as he wasn’t suited for locomotion in snow. On top of the mountain stood tall white figure holding a sword made out of crystal and circular shield. He looked like what Pohatu had imagined the Toa of Ice looks like. Pohatu zipped towards stranger, wanting to start coversation.

“Hello,Hello! Who are you? I am Pohatu!” announced himself Pohatu.

“Name is Kopaka.” said stranger.

“What is with you,mate? Something happened?” Pohatu inquired.

“I am fine.” Kopaka coldly answered.

“Want my help?” asked Pohatu.

“I work alone.” answered Kopaka, sliding away from Toa of Stone.

Pohatu ran after him, trying his best to don’t slip down the slope he was traversing. “Hey!” he called at Toa of Ice, but Kopaka ignored him. Then, Pohatu came upon idea. He used his powers to raise wall of stone before Kopaka,stopping him from getting away.

“We both seek the masks! Shouldn’t we work togother?” meerily said Toa of Stone.

“If you insist so…” Kopaka mummbled an answer.

“Want me to crumble the wall? I will gladly help you!” Pohatu offered.

“Thanks. But I can do it myself.” Kopaka stated. His sword lit up with white glow. After while, cracks appeared on the wall, and began to slowly widen and expand. Tired by waiting, Pohatu kicked the wall using his feet additions.

The wall shattered by sheer force of impact, sending chunks of stone flying into air. By then, Kopaka’s attack took effect. While they flew through air, chunks shattered into thousand pieces.

“You see,teaming up really helps.” happily said Pohatu.

“I agree.” responded Kopaka.

Obstacles to their progress gone, both Toa continued their search for mask.

Chapter 6-Gathering

In center of the island of Mata Nui stood ancient structure called Kini Nui. On circular slab of stone stood the central shrine, a dome made out of polished stone surrounded by six pillars encarved with the symbols of the elements. Behind central shrine rose gigantic head,the stairs leading into its closed mouth.

Four figures were coming towards central ■■■■■■■■■■■■ fire red,second sea blue,third leaf green,fourth onyx black.

“I am Tahu,Toa of Fire.” said red figure.

“I am Gali,Toa of Water.” said blue figure.

“I am Lewa, Toa-hero of Air!” said green figure.

“I am Onua,Toa of Earth.” said black figure.

Knowing each other, the figures began to discuss various things.

x-x-x

“We should find the masks.” said Tahu,Toa of Fire.

“Yes,masks are key.” said Gali,Toa of Water.

“I head-agree,brother and sister.” said Lewa,Toa of Air.

“It seems that we all agree on this.” said Gali.

“But what will we do with wear-masks once we searchfind them? Have a dance-ball?” Lewa said.

“Turaga Whenua said that we should bring them to the Kini.” spoke Onua for first time at the gathering. Others nodded. The Kini were six mysterious shrines, each located in different wahi.

“So,we will find masks and bring them to Kini. We should split-” Tahu began, but was interrupted by arrival of two remaining Toa,one rock brown,other snow white.Brown one spoke first.

“I am Pohatu,Toa of Stone, and my talkative companion is Kopaka, Toa of Ice. He has already found one mask!”

Tahu began to growl, but restrained himself. “We should split up in two groups . Myself with Gali and Lewa. Onua with Pohatu and Kopaka.” Tahu announced.

“I work alone.” Kopaka replied.

Tahu growled again.

“It would be useful to know each others mask powers.” proposed Pohatu. “My is Speed.”

“My is Levitation!” exclaimed Lewa.

“My is Water Breathing.” answered Gali.

“My is Shelding.” said Tahu.

“My is Vision.” stated Kopaka.

“My is Strength.” said Onua.

For while, Toa spoke to each other. Their shared their past experiences and looked towards the future. Finally, they left Kini Nui in their quest for the masks. Tahu,Gali and Lewa went to the southwestern part of the island, Pohatu and Onua went north,and Kopaka went west into frozen mountains of Ko-Wahi. All seemed well for Toa.

x-x-x

Four strange figures watched Toa,their heads shaped like these of serpents.

Teal one wielded black staff ending in green feather fan. Purple one wielded grey hammer with blue patterns. Orange one wielded two white blades encarved with red symbols. Yellow one wielded long spear with white pole and yellow tip.

Akiroa have arrived.

8

Chapter 7-Carved Cliff

Two Toa walked path in midst of the desert. Twin Suns shone on them as they trekked through Motara. Tall cliffs rose in distance, their stony surface covered in red,orange and yellow.

“We should be nearing that cliff soon.” said Pohatu,Po-Koronan Toa. “We will see if these rumours are true.”

x-x-x

Carved cliff was a cliff in midst of Motara. It was named so for ancient carving of giant head, origin of which were lost to the time. Pohatu and Onua stood in front of mysterious sculpture.

Pohatu tapped on head’s mouth.“Let see what is this made of.”

“I could manage this.” Pohatu said,grinning at his friend. He used his powers to ■■■■■ stone, splitting the seal into two. Strange machinery began to retract into the walls, revealing long passage. Both Toa steped within.

The passage twisted downwards, leading to underground room. The room was divided into two by deep pit. Square holes were carved into walls around pit, their purpose unclear.

“Even I can’t jump over this. We will have to make bridge.” said Pohatu.

“I sense ground on bottom of the pit. My powers will help.” Onua said. He focused his powers at depths beneath. Slowly, tall pillar began to rise from floor of the pit. As it grew taller, speed of its growth heightened.

When pillar was complete, Pohatu jumped on. Mechanical arm shot out of opening, intending on sending Toa falling into the pit. Pohatu dodged arm, landing on the pillar Onua made. He rested for while, then leaped onwards. Arms reached for him during his flight, but he managed to avoid them.

“That was close.” Pohatu said.

Suddenly, the pillar descended back into the pit. “Interesting…” murmured Onua. “Something drew my pillar back down…”

Pohatu examined mask lying on the pedestal. It was brown version of Lewa’s mask, Kanohi Miru. Pohatu could remember its power, levitation. He reached for the mask,putting it on his face.

Then,pillar Pohatu was standing on retreated into wall. Pohatu quickly activated newfound mask,flying to Onua’s side of room.

“Thanks for help.” he said to Toa of Earth.

Chapter 8-Return to cave

“…and then, largebig monsterthing leapjumped out!” Lewa finished his story.

“I think it was some large Rahi, but which one it was?” Gali wondered.

“That rahi clearly guards something. We should find what.” said Tahu.

“That is verygood idea! Together, we can topple-beat any bigbeast.” Lewa cheered.

“I agree with Tahu, but we should be cautious.” said Gali.

x-x-x

Group was near the cliff Lewa spoke of. Stairway was carved into the cliff, leading to cave enterance. Toa decided to enter. Cave began as long tunnel leading into chamber. On tunnel’s walls were carved strange inscriptions and pictures depicting various rahi.

“I do not see any monster nearby.” said Tahu,Toa of Fire “We can enter.”

In each corner of the room Toa entered stood stone pillar. On pedestal at back wall sat a Kanohi Mask. It was surrounded by two pilles of stone tablets. Great beast lied before the pedestal. It was colored black and yellow. It had tigerlike head with triangular ears. A rod extended from each of its shoulder, rusted mask on its end.

It was Muaka tiger, very big Muaka tiger.

Muaka tiger awakened and leaped at Tahu. Toa of Fire activated his Kanohi to shield himself from attack. He counterattacted by sending jet of flames at beast, but it dodged, and extended its neck rapidly at Tahu. Toa was thrown back out of the room. He got up and prepared to strike again.

Tiger refocused on Lewa,roaring and leaping at him. Lewa dodged and jumped on tiger’s back. Gali used tiger’s distraction to launch stream of water at Muaka. Meanwhile, Tahu jumped at tiger. Lewa was shaken off, but Tahu managed to focus his fire powers. Gali’s and Tahu’s powers combined into big blast.

Muaka’s infected Kanohi were knocked off. Tiger backed out of room. It was overnumbered and had no use to defend this cave.

Lewa picked the mask. It was red Kakama, Mask of Speed. “That is yours,” he cheerfuly exclaimed to Tahu.

“Thanks.” Tahu responded. “And Gali too.”

“Thanks,Tahu. Togother, we are great team!” said Gali.

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