Just one look into his eyes was enough for her to understand exactly what he was thinking of and how he was feeling at that moment.
Ari’s heart sank. The sheer gravity of the situation finally set in. She suddenly looked away. She had no connections with this crew. She’d be leaving them behind at the very first opportunity she gets. After all, she boarded this ship with one single goal in mind, and she wasn’t going to abandon it because of this one kid… but still, what would become of him when it was her time to leave? Would his heart be able to handle it?
Ari tried her best not to think about that.
Suddenly, Ari felt the tension of Dolphus’s hug start to ease, and then the sensation of the touch of his arm and wing disappeared. The kid let go of her.
Towards the tail end of the hug, Ari started feeling progressively more and more drowsy, and now that the sensation of human touch had disappeared and there was no wing to provide support, Ari started to waver slightly. Her eyes were actively striving to close on their own and her brain was shutting off, struggling to form coherent thoughts.
All of the rest she got when she’d taken a small nap on the main deck of the ship finally wore off. She was now running on the last leftovers of her energy, and those were moments away from completely running out.
All the strain she underwent over the course of the last two days had finally taken its toll.
Ari heard Dolphus start to speak, but her mind couldn’t process his words. Acting almost automatically, she started to turn and lean back. Her foot that still had a boot on it stayed on the floor, while her other leg stretched out, going way beyond the boarder of the bed, it being way too short to accommodate her height. At the very moment her head hit the pillow, her mind turned off. She paid no mind to the mysterious book that lay right beside her head. She was sound asleep with a peaceful expression on her face.
Ari came down gently and gracefully - at least, in her mind she did. Dolphus had barely finished his sentence before a THUD readjusted the mattress and nearly popped him into the air, forcing his feet out and his knees together as he kept himself from tumbling off the bed.
“Ari? Ari??” He gasped, leaning over her with a horrified expression, but the rise and fall of her chest in the limited light reminded him of her nap under the tree several hours ago. With a sigh he righted himself, staring at the opposite wall with his hand on his knees, slowly drawing his wing back under his cape.
Well… Now what?
All was quiet aboard the Caelin’s Hand. The dark of the room was doing an excellent job reminding him of how utterly exhausted he was, explaining how he had so easily broken down in front of Ari multiple times. It would be so nice to sleep…
NO. This moment was too important to let a little thing like complete and utter inability to remain awake and composed ruin with its existence. He tightened his fist until the knuckles turned white; just because he was completely depleted of adrenaline and so emotionally spent that basically anything would make him start bawling didn’t mean he was about to close his eyelids, for just a quick moment…
The sun lit up the room brilliantly.
At the same time as Rook stirred from his extra long nap in a bed made of cargo, Dolphus was curled up in the fetal position facing Ari, with his back to the edge of the bed. How he managed to contort himself around to face the opposite way was an impossible question to answer, but the back of his hand now supported his left cheek as he lay slumbering, with both on Ari’s knee, and his wing wrapped around from underneath him covering most of his torso.
If he knew exactly how innocent he looked in that moment he’d probably throw himself overboard, but at the moment he was completely still, oblivious to the rest of the world as he slumbered dreamlessly, barely fitting in the only unoccupied space of Ari’s bed.
Mariner woke, as he rose he brushed a soft coating of dust off his shell. The benefit of having a coral bed was the abrasive nature helped to prevent irregular growths from forming and potentially restricting his movements. However the trade off was it left him looking extremely disheveled.
After cleaning himself off Mariner dressed in his simple garb, and after a moments thought selected a leather bandolier for his chest. He looked around his room, before he had retired for the night he had sent the marine to a unoccupied cabin. With the help of a few sailors of course. Mariner lamented that his quarters seemed to be a high traffic area on the voyage. However he seemed to have little power to stop it. He laughed to himself at that, most powerful individual in the Armada couldn’t stop a bunch of petulant children from barging in unannounced. That he supposed, was life.
As he gazed out at the sea absent mindedly he did a double take. In the distance he could see a familiar Island, he squinted closely just to be sure. His fears confirmed, it was the border gate, they were leaving the Armada a full day early. Striding quickly to the door, he pulled it open and stalked down the hallway, knocking on every door as he passed.
“Crew meeting, chart deck, fifteen minutes.”
Mariner made his way there himself afterwards. Opening the door, he began to set up everything as he had the previous day.
Tharos woke with a groan. He felt like he’d been struck by lightning, allowed to rest then struck with lightning again, then one final time for luck. He rolled out of his bunk, dragging himself upright, he quietly dressed and made his way to the chart room. Hoping he could sit quietly to the side and nurse some wine.
Mako had sat down onto the deck, the moon bright in the sky. The waves brushing against the ship, rocking it as it continued towards its unknown destination.
Remember a night like this?
The very first.
How ironic that the sea was so calm that day.
How young it seemed.
He gazed up at the moon.
And now…
Mako’s eyes turned towards the door of the deck, hearing the muffled cries of someone, somewhere. Most likely the soldier had awoken.
He had that experience. To wake up in the midst of an unfamiliar place,
only to be terrified by what almost seemed like death already beckoning you forward.
He sighed, the moment of recollection gone. Now he was left to wonder, and to wander. He stared at the horizon, the starts blinking in the distance.
Good night. To whomever is listening. If anyone is…
He struggled to keep his eyes open, before sleep did embrace him.
There have been few times when Mako dreamt peacefully.
This must be one of them.
He dreamt of a temple, a temple with an altar. Its great pillars stood tall, ancient. The altar was made of marble, it’s smooth surface gleaming in the ethereal light, coming from somewhere, someplace. Above the altar, stood a mask, a mask of metal, with thorns wrapped around it. As Mako picked up the mask, he saw an inscription placed onto the side of it. As he attempted to see the inscription, the words became more and more smudged, until there was nothing possible to see.
As he did so, a voice echoed through the mask.
“Sorrowful is any heart, O’ penitent one. The path may not be clear for you, but you will always be able to follow it.”
The sun shone heavily on Mako’s face as he awoke, slumped onto the deck. He was suddenly alert, as if someone had pricked him awake.
An island could be seen off in the distance.
The waves still rocking the boat, as it continued.
He heard Mariners voice echoing through the ajar door leading to the cabins.
Getting up, he walked quietly through the still silent halls, until he reached the room. He sat down, still thinking about the dream.
Ari didn’t see any dreams for the entire night. It was the best sleep she’d gotten in a while, despite taking place on a bed too small inside an unfamiliar room onboard a ship travelling through the ocean. That night, nothing could wake her up until she’d gotten her fair share of sleep.
Ari slowly opened her eyes.
Before her, she saw the wooden ceiling of the room. The entire cabin was flooded with the rays of the early morning sun through the tiny window, leaving a warm feeling on Ari’s skin. The distant sounds of seagulls and the beating of the waves against the hull of the ship could be heard in the background. It was a truly peaceful morning.
Ari was used to waking up early. This morning didn’t seem to be an exception, despite how tired she’d been the day prior. After such good sleep, she felt completely rested and ready for the upcoming day.
Ari laid down for a bit and then stretched in bed with a yawn, now fully coming to her senses. Only now she realised, that a couple of things didn’t feel quite right. Something hard rested on the pillow, touching the side of her head and something warm rested on the bed right up against her left side. Ari raised up on her elbows and looked down at the bed. Much to her surprise, right next to her, lay Dolphus, curled up with the wing wrapping around his body and resting his head on her leg. He was peacefully asleep. It was such a sweet and innocent sight that Ari had almost forgotten that it was the same kid who had spent the entire evening bellowing his eyes out the day prior. Involuntarily, Ari smiled.
Had he really been here all night?!
She once again looked over at his wing. Ari didn’t want to disturb his sleep, it was too peaceful, but curiously got the best of her and she took the risk. She stretched out her arm and gently ran her fingers across its feathers. This sight was so fantastical that it almost seemed unreal, but Ari could certainly feel the warmth of the wing and the softness of the feathers. This sensation matched the one she’d experienced the day before. Somehow, none of this was a product of her imagination.
Ari looked to her left and saw a small notebook lying on the pillow, right next to where her head used to be. Where’d that come from? Pulling her hand away from the wing, she picked up the book, opened it and looked inside, resting on the bed supported by her elbows. There was nothing written inside.
She started turning through the pages, looking for any signs of writing, when she heard heavy footsteps approaching the door of her cabin from the outside and a knock on said door, followed by Mariner’s voice ordering the crew to gather for a meeting.
Ari winced slightly at the sudden unexpected sound.
Crew meeting, huh? That was probably directed at Dolphus… I’m not a part of this crew, so it’s none of my business.
There was a comforting sensation in Dolphus’ mind for a moment.
Before his visit with Devan, any time something or someone had touched his wing, it was a red alert that set his whole body on edge. It meant exposure and shame, the ruination of his entire life, all his efforts and aspirations destroyed and his will to live utterly crushed.
But now? The fingers that caressed his delicate feathers showed the same warmth and compassion that Ari had shown the night before. It had begun to wake him up, but in his slumbering state, his heart still raw from the night before, he refused to let his mind fully awaken. He clung to the sensation in his feathers as long as he cognitively could.
With her hand removed, Dolphus’ mind began to raise some concerns as to what had transpired. That was a hand… Someone was actively touching my wing. That’s a problem; it means my wing is exposed and someone knows about it. I have to wake up now.
But… it felt so nice, so…
What if it was Mako, huh? Or Karl? You want to simply assume you know what happened?
Grumbling internally, Dolphus’ eyes creaked open, Ari no doubt feeling the sensation of his head turning as he very slowly looked around the room. Ari was right there, the first sign of her being her scarily close abs almost turned directly at him, as she flipped through the notebook Devan had given him.
After a small pause with his tired eyes reading her expression, the reality of the situation hit like the harpoon striking Karl’s cabin. If Ari had been looking and chose to blink, she would miss the sudden and lightning-like motion which brought him to an upright position, sitting on the edge of the bed with perfect posture, looking at the opposite wall with nearly as much red in his cheeks as Ari had in her hair. His brain completely discarded the information about the notebook and quill for the moment; this was so utterly embarrassing, waking up all curled up like a ball right in front of Ari.
…Well, at least it wasn’t Mako…
It took another few seconds for Dolphus to register the knock at the door and the request which Mariner raised. But this is Ari’s cabin… Oh, it’s probably to establish her role on the ship and give her a proper introduction and all that.
There’s no way we’re already out of the Armada, so it can’t be the captain vote. No way.
Ari let out a hearty laugh at Dolphus’s reaction, she found the way he jumped up and the way the colour of his face changed to a bright red in an instant extremely amusing. But inside she regretted slightly that such a peaceful and quiet moment was over, interrupted abruptly.
At this point, which everything that transpired in this short moment, from Mariner’s call to Dolphus suddenly springing into motion, Ari forgot about the completely empty book. It wasn’t an exciting read anyways. She put it down next to her, still open roughly around the middle and rubbed her eyes, her vision still being a bit blurry after waking up.
“Don’t worry, kid. It’s all good. It’s not like I was gonna bite ya in your sleep or anything.”
Ari completely failed to understand what he was so embarrassed about. It was beyond her what could be so shameful about him falling asleep in such a position.
Ari watched Dolphus stare blankly at the wall, until she finally understood what the boy was thinking of.
“He’s probably calling for you. I ain’t a part of this crew, so there ain’t no reason for me to be on that meeting. I’ll go exercise on the main deck while y’all are doing all the talking. Gotta keep myself in shape, y’know.”
Now that there was no Dolphus pinning her down, she started to rise up from the bed. What she said was true. She wasn’t about to let herself go just because the last couple of days had been rough. And she truly believed that there was no reason for her to go to the crew meeting.
Dolphus could feel his brow crinkle as his hand stole towards his throat. His visceral reaction to Ari’s presence had generated amusement on her part, and for all the joy it brought her it made him feel equally ashamed.
I wonder how the water is today.
You want Mako to have to fish you out, huh?
The notebook returning to the pillow drew his attention to it, and his eyes flashed as he realized she had been combing through it. “Hey-!”
As she continued, he breathed out his relief at the sight of the blank pages. How was I supposed to know if Devan had written something inside it?
It really didn’t help how he could see her overly sharp teeth as she spoke, glistening in the sunlight with perfectly whiteness. Yet at the same time, he couldn’t make himself be disgusted with her insinuation, like he had several times before, or even dismiss her statement altogether.
If she doesn’t understand… who am I kidding of course she doesn’t understand
What, you mean tall?
“I don’t…” Dolphus started, but bit down hard on the sides of his tongue for a moment as Ari sat up at the end of the bed. She still had a boot to put on, after all, and it gave Dolphus ample opportunity to come to terms with the raw and exposed heart that attempted to free itself through his mouth.
“How would he know I was here?” He objected, then feeling his eyes widen for a moment turned towards her. “Uhh, I mean, he wouldn’t know, my cabin door is still closed. If he did mean to call you and you didn’t show up, he’d be pretty disappointed.”
“I mean,” He stood up awkwardly, glancing at the book and quill for a moment before turning back towards her, having difficulty forcing his hand away from his throat. “It wouldn’t be too inconvenient just to walk there and see. It’s at the end of the hall.”
Karl awoke to two things: the wind blowing through the broken window of his cabin, and Mariner’s loud knock at his door. Well, this sounds important, he thought. Rising from his warm bunk, Karl pulled on his boots, which were lying on the floor beside him, and stood up. He promptly fell back as the Caelin’s Hand swayed lightly, coming up with a bump against the wall.
“So much for not being sore this morning,” he muttered. “I’d better get used to this before anything really dangerous happens.”
He got back up, and grabbed his cloak from the chair where he had put it the night before. It quickly mitigated the breeze from the window, which he latched before heading out into the hall to attend the meeting on the chart deck.
Having not slept much the night prior getting to the location mariner had located, his intentions for this impromptu meeting more than clear to her.
It was time to decide who would be the captain of this vessel, surprisingly for the first time in a while she was nervous. She hadn’t been this way during the first meeting right? What had changed? Maybe the newcomers? The storm? The young soldier being held up below deck? Whatever the reason she couldn’t pinpoint it and she didn’t like it. She would need to steel herself for this, show no weakness, show that she could be the strong and capable leader this crew needed.
Standing just outside the door she drew in a deep breath, rolled her shoulders, straightened her cape and stepped inside her confidence on full display. Alexis made sure not to overdo it however, she didn’t want the crew to view her as cocky or too brash, gods know the fireball she had unleashed on the soldier had already done so.
Ari briefly turned around and looked over at Dolphus, confused at his sudden exclamation and then returned to what she was doing.
Ari waited for Dolphus to finish interrupting himself and stumbling over his words. She had finished the process of feeling for her missing boot and was in the process of putting it on when he was done talking.
She stopped for a good ten seconds, trying to digest what had just been conveyed to her and thinking over the kid’s arguments. Finally, after determining that she had no reason to object, she spoke with a sigh, while tying her shoelaces.
“Alright, fine… I’ll go. But just because you’re asking. A crew meeting sounds so lame. Y’all will just be talking about some boring stuff, won’t you?”
Her words were followed up with a yawn, which almost seemed to back up her statement.
Although, Ari did like the prospect of getting a chance to meet Mariner again. On this strange crew, he intrigued her the most and she wanted to see him, in circumstances that were better than last time. However, she doubted that she’d be able to speak to him properly during the meeting, so she wasn’t looking forward to it too much. She’d rather do one hundred pushups right then and there than sit through boring speeches about things she had no understanding in.
His concerned expression turned immediately to a rather blank confusion, with just enough fear underlying it to tell that something was off. His head slowly lifted until he was staring straight forward, his posture aligning itself with his gaze.
“What.”
Dolphus seemed to stare directly through the large wall of hair coming off Ari’s head, and then down at the floor, his eyes searching every seam in the boards for an answer to the feeling he now felt. Turning, he slowly started and then quickly finished traveling to the window, just tall enough to peek his eyes out over the lip of it before suddenly forcing himself up on his tiptoes in shock.
After a moment of this, he swung his face back towards Ari, and then with a worried expression at the door, his hand pausing an inch or so away from his chin. He had never been on a ship of this size on the open sea before, but that didn’t stop him from noticing the increase in pace, or the fact that he had never seen the peculiar island before from instantly recognizing its shoreline.
“The sea gate.” Dolphus uttered as his eyes returned to Ari, as if it was somehow more monumental than simply being a landmark. “We’re about to leave the Armada.”
Ari hadn’t considered this possibility, not even for a moment. She brought her hand up to her chin and squinted her eyes.
“Huh. Maybe you’re right…“
Ari was looking down, finishing the tedious process of tying her boot, so it didn’t immediately occur to her that Dolphus’s attention suddenly switched to something else.
She only realised that after she heard him whisper something in a bewildered tone and march past her to the window of the cabin. As he peeked through it, she stood up and turned towards him, confusion on her face.
Wanting to find out what was so special in that window that it caused the kid to act like this, Ari walked up to him and peeked through the window as well. She needed to bend down quite a bit to do that, the window was too small and was placed too low for her height.
After carefully scanning the scenery, she concluded that she saw… nothing special about it. The only notable thing was the silhouette of an island visible in the distance, but to Ari, it looked like every other island she’d ever seen.
She turned towards Dolphus again, with a puzzled expression. She didn’t understand what all of that fuss was about.
Ari’s expression grew even more puzzled.
“How do you know that? It looks like just another island.”
But something about the way Dolphus looked at her told her that he knew exactly what he was talking about. It seemed like he was completely convinced in his assessment.
Despite her initial scepticism, her eyes lit up. Was she really about to leave this place behind, after so many years of preparations and trying?
But how was that possible? She’d heard how many days it took ships going from the Capital to reach the boarder. She definitely traveled for less time than that. Did yesterday’s storm really move their ships so much?
Dolphus once again didn’t pay enough attention to his surroundings to notice Ari’s approach, and as he turned away from the door was forced to stumble back to avoid Ari, in spite of how she was obviously not remotely flattening him.
Why am I so small? He gulped.
…Okay better question, where can I get whatever vegetables she’s been eating?
There was a flash over his face for a moment.
…But even though it tried to linger, it simply couldn’t. He just couldn’t hold any sort of offense towards Ari, no matter how much his ego desired him to. As the irritation rapidly dissipated, he dove earnestly into answering her inquiry.
“I’ve been practicing cartography for years.” He squeezed himself up against the wall, Ari’s upper body towering above him as he peeked his nose over the lip of the window. “See those two rocks?” His finger snuck alongside his cheek, pointing at a couple large and very dark rocks which jutted dangerously out of the water. “Those are the twin sisters of the sea gate. There’s a third sister a ways off, but she only appears at low tide.”
“Most people don’t put them on maps when marking the sea gate.” His hand crept across his body and gripped his left shoulder. “I learned about them when I was very young. I’ve never seen them before, but I’ve seen this island on maps a hundred different times.”
His sentence had dipped in the middle, the slightest twinge of sadness present, which he had made a clear effort to correct course on. Now he dropped his hand from his shoulder and turned to look up at her, the perspective making him feel smaller than he already did on a normal basis.
“I don’t know if they also plan on discussing you, but the fact that we’re already at the sea gate means the captain vote must be occurring.” For some reason, this fact brought his voice no great joy, exiting his lungs as if he was going to have a tooth pulled.
The momentary flash of frustration didn’t escape Ari’s attention.
Did she say something wrong again?
However that anger on his face went away as quickly as it had appeared, so Ari didn’t linger on that notion for long.
Had he told her that before? Ari scratched her head. she couldn’t remember. Her memory from the first half of the last day, up until the moment when she woke up in that orchard, was fuzzy. Many details of what had transpired there escaped her mind.
Ari turned back towards the window and squeezed her face next to Dolphus’s, looking over in the distance where he was pointing.
She didn’t understand what was so special about those rocks, but the enthusiasm with which the kid was talking about them transferred to her, so she was eagerly examining the landmark with curiosity in her eyes.
Ari was only able to catch a small glimpse of the kid’s sad expression and met it with that of concern. The fact that he held onto his winged shoulder also didn’t escape her. She didn’t know what suddenly caused this sadness in him, but it was still worrying.
All clues pointed towards the fact that something very bad had happened to him in the past.
Ari’s mood lightened when Dolphus changed the topic.
“Ah, right, that thing. You’re a crew without a captain. You’ll be voting for that woman with black hair and a cape just like yours, kid? You seem to like her a lot.”
That woman with black hair worried Ari. Particularly the thing she could do. Ari didn’t trust magic.
If the meeting was truly on the matter of the vote, there was absolutely no reason for them to involve Ari in it. She wasn’t a part of the crew and didn’t know anyone on it. Her opinion on who gets to become the captain wouldn’t matter, and it’s not like she had one to begin with. It was none of her business. But she’d still go, if the kid wanted her to be there.
Dolphus studied her eyes as he spoke, watching for anything he could identify and latch onto. Her sudden shift between this expression of concern for that which had subtly revealed itself and her appreciation for a topic change was of interest, as well; she seemed to bounce back quite quickly from anything that got her down.
Or she’s lying.
No. His fingers twitched, sending a pulse which ran all the way through his arm and directly into his heart. I know she’s not.
Dolphus broke his gaze from Ari in the middle of her question, traveling down to stare forward with some distress. It was only after he realized Ari’s abs were once again directly in his line of sight that he awkwardly turned about, slowly pacing away from her as his heart fought a rather vicious battle with his mind.
He had been eager to ask her advice the night before, just prior to her dropping unconscious and seeming to rattle the entire ship with her weight. Now, though, the casual attitude with which she discussed Alexis made it seem like she didn’t actually understand anything he bellowed and blubbered the night before. Logically, the argument that it would be unwise to discuss the matter with her, much less ask her opinion on the topic, seemed extremely sound and presented itself as the preferable, painless option that allowed him to face the matter head-on.
But the gash in his heart was not yet healed.
“That’s… I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.” As he rotated towards Ari once more, there seemed to be something of his mask in place… But it wasn’t quite right. Like he was somehow trying to be genuine and masked at the same time, and neither one could get in front of the other. As for Dolphus, he made no conscious observation of its presence; it was the only way he knew to present himself as proper and restrained.
“You haven’t met the other candidate for captain yet. His name is Rook,” His hand tried to crawl back up to his shoulder, but with an effort he returned it back to his side. “He was captain of a vessel some years ago. Technically he has more experience with captaining a vessel than Alexis does, but I’m not particularly fond of him taking the position for a number of reasons.”
“Although, I suppose personal preference shouldn’t impact whether or not someone objectively votes on a given position. We can’t afford to be partial,” He went on, wondering if it was just as obvious to Ari as it was to him that he was trying to avoid his next point. “Which… is why I’m not sure.”
“Alexis doesn’t… um,” He adjusted his hair as he spoke, trying to maintain eye contact with Ari as he spoke, occasionally darting his eyes off to the side before refocusing them on her again. “I mean, she hasn’t necessarily proven herself to be a capable captain necessarily, as there’s a lot that goes into it, but… She’s got potential as a leader, certainly, and… If that were the only factor things might be different, but I don’t think fath-”
I don’t think father would approve of it.
With a scowl Dolphus snapped his focus off of Ari, staring with furious brows at the notebook on her pillow, his fingers digging deep into the base of his scalp. His eyes quivered inside their sockets as they stared in silence at the delicate quill until, with less resistance than he otherwise may have had, he felt the mask slip off.
“Who am I kidding.” His brows crinkled in resignation as he turned back towards Ari, his fingers finally slipping through the loose waves of hair which curled at the ends. “You heard everything I said last night. I wish she was who I want her to be, but I…”
His gaze broke away, digging into the floor as he finally allowed his hand to grip into his shoulder. “Truthfully, I don’t have any idea who she is.”
“She’s always been the person I see her as, and- and she’s never tried to prove that idea wrong, or contradict it in any way. She’s always so kind, so, so gentle, and… and there never seemed to be anything in opposition to that. She was always perfect.”
“Until…” He looked back up at Ari, seemingly not noticing his knees were touching. He could practically feel the skin of his shoulder, charred from a vengeful fireball, stinging through his clothes.
“I don’t like Rook, but… I know who he is. He’s very up-front about it, all the time, and never leaves any room for doubt. But I-I can’t decide if Alexis should be my choice when everything I think I know about her could… could be a lie. Something I told myself to make it real. I know so little of who she really is that I can’t tell where my fiction even begins.”
“Besides, I…” He glanced away, the portal through his eyes and directly into his soul being interrupted by the motion. “I don’t … like … magic.” His frame seemed to decrease as he spoke the forbidden word.
“S-So I don’t-” He looked back, but paused to viciously smear away a tear that ran down his cheek. He was not repeating the events of last night; not so soon. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve had to lie to her to cover for us, and it… feels horrible, but I don’t know that I can bring myself to vote for her… or even bring myself to not.”
He opened his mouth again, desperate to tack some kind of final point on the end, but after a couple of strained noises resembling the beginnings of words he gave up and stared at the door, his hand crawling back to his shoulder and digging into it harder than before. His knees were still frozen together, but internally he was finding it less painful to look into the larger, somewhat menacing eyes of the colossal Wohlford and speak his heart to her.
Throughout the whole first part of Dolphus’s speech, Ari stared at him, caught completely off guard by his inquiry.
When he took a long pause, she processed everything that had been said to her, and was about to interject, when Dolphus continued, with a new intensity.
If the first part caught Ari off guard, this one left her completely flabbergasted. She was utterly shocked at how upfront he was about everything he said, how frankly he spoke, opening up his soul to her, despite not being an emotional mess like last evening, how he completely abandoned his mask for that entire time just because he wanted to know her opinion.
Ari began processing what was being asked of her without questioning Dolphus’s intentions.
She was good at reading people, but Alexis confused her. This fact alone was unsettling to Ari. This made Dolphus’s question even harder to answer.
She tried to remember everything she knew about Alexis. Every single observation she made while interacting with her. The most notable being her reaction to her own use of magic. It seemed like she was surprised and scared by the damage she’d done, as if she didn’t expect it. Ari remembered how she lashed out at her for not giving her last name when Ari introduced herself, despite the fact that Alexis didn’t give Ari her last name either. Very little made sense about this woman. The only explanation could be that Alexis didn’t… quite… know herself, whatever that meant.
Finally, after a long pause that involved a lot of thinking, which was something Ari didn’t like to do, she broke the silence. She stood at a distance from Dolphus and wasn’t looking at him directly, with her hand to her chin and her eyes travelling around the room, accompanied by a thoughtful expression on her face.
“All I can say is I’m not sure how I feel about this woman. I dislike magic. It’s a nasty thing. But I don’t dislike the people who use it just because they do… She acts confident and likes to boss people around, but she seems confused about who she is. You want to see someone else in her but you don’t seem to know the real her. She doesn’t seem to either. Do you even know her last name?”
Ari seemed more or less relaxed and was speaking casually, but her eyes were serious when they suddenly looked directly at Dolphus.
“The captain is someone who has the lives of the entire crew in their hands, right? You aren’t sure if you really know this woman. Would you trust her with your life?”
Ari took a long pause. She looked away from Dolphus and was staring at the door of the cabin with her back turned to him. He couldn’t see her face.
“Why are you asking this to me anyway? I don’t know this woman, or anyone else on this crew. You’re the only one here I’ve had a chance to talk to for more than five minutes. I am a shipwright, I build ships. I have no clue what it takes to be a good Captain and don’t care who gets to be one on your crew. I don’t like thinking about serious things like this.”
Ari understood that he became attached to her, but she didn’t get why her opinion mattered to him this much all of a sudden. She was thinking about how much the boy seemed to trust her, to an almost unhealthy degree, despite the fact that she seemingly did nothing to earn that trust. She simply comforted him when he was down.
Was that really the reason?
She knew that he was extremely lonely, but she had failed to realise the sheer extent of the effects that this loneliness had taken on him.
Ari walked up directly in front of Dolphus and squatted down, lowering to just below his eye level. She looked him dead in the eyes. Her expression was serious and mature, the most mature Dolphus had ever seen her.
“Listen, kid. I want to live my life to the fullest, without these concerns, which is why I got onto your ship to begin with. I wanna leave my past behind and start over, and I can’t do that if I stay in the Armada. You’re helping me with that and I thank you for it, but I can’t help you with everything in return. I can punch things hard and make sure that your ship doesn’t sink, but things like this you’ll have to figure out yourself.”
Dolphus didn’t look up at Ari during the long silence which followed his inquiry, but the tone in her voice carried her emotions across perfectly. To her credit, she was legitimately considering his question, and all the points he made, but his focus was more on trying to determine if she had made any special notice of his slip-up.
Nothing, I think. I hope.
His face cleared significantly at her reiteration of disliking magic, but only turned towards her with a quick rotation of his head once she mentioned her last name. There was an implication there he wasn’t quite sure she was intending, but it crossed his mind nonetheless.
What… What are you saying?
“Well y-”
The seriousness of Ari’s gaze gave him pause. He wanted to break away from her eyes, to simply and conveniently look off to the side and hide his emotions, but they wouldn’t allow for that. Was he lying to himself with that answer?
His head made some slight movement, trying desperately to break away, but refusing to do so. At least one part of his mind was adamantly insisting he stayed there and faced this.
It was, perhaps, for the best that Dolphus could not see her face just then. It meant she couldn’t see his spirit crumple like a sack.
Was it not obvious why he asked her? Did she not know it was Alexis, not her, he desperately wanted to open up to, and ask advice of, and wholly trust in every capacity? Did she have no idea how much it meant to him, to finally relent and leave himself so exposed like that, that she could feel all the way into his heart? To have someone care about him, respect him, love him again after so long?
Don’t you get it?
Although, perhaps, Ari had seen his expression and posture after all. Once more Dolphus did not comprehend her approach until she was right in front of him, and his fingers brushed against the front of his collar as he again got spooked by a solid wall of abdominal muscle.
But then she lowered herself down so far that she ended up slightly under his eyeline. His knees unbuckled, his back straightened, and his lips parted in anticipation of what would surely be the crux of her statement.
“W-”
“Well I don’t want them either! But I can’t run from life, can I? I’ve tried to do that for years, and look where it got me - cold, alone, living in alleys, and working the worst slave labor jobs in existence. Fish heads, Ari! I had to pick up FISH HEADS!!!”
“Th-”
“That’s not fair! I’ve been hurting my entire life and you get to show up and then just dump it all? You got to join the crew, didn’t you? Do you really think I would’ve opened my heart up to you if you were just going to disappear like… like that? I don’t have anyone else, Ari! I’m… all alone…”
“M-”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just trying to hide from the inevitability of it all. If I can’t trust Alexis, maybe I’ll never get to know her. Maybe she doesn’t want me. Maybe I’m just some stupid, naive kid to her. Maybe she really does hate me and refuses to be around me in any way other than a formal presence to make sure I don’t get hurt. Maybe that concern I thought I saw during the Thauin was a lie, and everything I’ve seen since was a lie, too.”
“I-”
“Maybe that’s why she couldn’t hug me on the beach. Because I would’ve known it was all a lie.”
“…I don’t mean to burden you.” His head tipped down until all he could see were the exceptionally square toes of her boots. “As you said, this is… Something I have to figure out all on my own. I can’t try to run away from it or p-push it off onto other people.” He pinched his collar tight in retaliation of the stutter that found its way out. “I have to admit where I am wrong, and where I’ve lied to myself, before I’m confronted with the vote.”
Did he say all of that just to convince himself of something he didn’t really believe? Well, not entirely. Deep down he did believe some of it, but in front of anyone else he would have bucked up to preserve his pride, his dignity.
But she’s seen my heart. What more could she find out?
As Dolphus sadly stumbled through his response, Ari could feel her confidence and the determination she had just spoken with waning.
Her blunt nature seemed to have brought the kid down even more.
Ari looked down with a sad, sorry expression.
From young age she was taught to always give back what she owed. The kid clearly cared about her, he trusted her. Suddenly, she felt guilty for not being able to pay him back for his trust.
“You ain’t burdening me, kid. You saved my life back there in the forest, and only thanks to you and Mariner I’m not stranded on that island trying to build a raft right now. I wish I could help you with your struggle, I see how much it means to you, but I can’t.” Ari raised her eyes at Dolphus and smiled a bit shyly and awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck, “I ain’t smart, unlike you, and I don’t know many things. I’m much better at hammering nails and sawing timber than thinking about serious stuff and deciding what’s right or wrong. That’s just how I am. I’m sorry for being such a good-for-nothing…”
Had this been said by anyone else, it could have easily been interpreted as sarcasm or mockery, but Ari was speaking completely genuinely. She truly meant every single word she said.
Of course none of this made her original statement less true. She was still determined to get out of the Armada, just like she was sure that the kid couldn’t rely on her for everything. But still, now she regretted that she hadn’t approached this differently.
As Ari began to speak, Dolphus’ eyes slowly returned to look at her, almost burning with guilt, only for him to flinch at her expression. She was regretting something she had said; evidently she was acting just as repentant as he was, or maybe she- no, no, that’s not right, that’s not right at all.
She was hurt.
Something he said had hurt her.
Dolphus carried the same injured expression throughout most of Ari’s introspection, sickened at the thought that he might have somehow hurt her after all she had done for him. But as she got around to the last sentence in her reply, his expression dropped sharply into a mortified one, and his pupils decreased in diameter in real time.
“No-!” Dolphus almost blurted out, reaching towards her but stopping just shy of actually making contact with her, his hand limply contracting and making a slight return towards his body. What are you doing? Trying to touch her face?? Are you stupid?
“…I didn’t mean to-” He swallowed. “I, I’m not saying that, I just- you’re fine, everything about you is fine and wonderful, and- and I didn’t mean to hurt you, p-please…”
“…Don’t…” He could feel his ribcage rattling as his eyelids started welling up with water. “…Don’t cry…”
