The Bane of Rumpelstiltskin

This is a random story I wrote for a class recently. I figured I might as well share it here!

Once, not too long ago, there was a proud computer programmer. One day, he found himself at a banquet, hosted by none other than the leader of his country, a benevolent dictator. Hoping to make himself sound more important, he told the dictator that his daughter could turn Bitcoins into real money. The dictator was not very good at telling when people were just bragging, so he had the daughter locked in a tower in his palace, with nothing but a computer with a large sum of Bitcoins in the room. He demanded she turn the Bitcoins into five million dollars by the morning, or else he’d have her executed by firing squad. Despairing, for she was, in fact, inept with computers, she broke down sobbing after about 5 minutes of trying to get the wifi to connect. Then, suddenly, she noticed a small, impish man had appeared in the room.

“Give me your necklace, and I will turn your Bitcoins into five million dollars,” he said.

“Sure thing,” she said.

So she gave him her necklace, and he fulfilled his end of the bargain. The next
morning, when the dictator barged into the room, he was overjoyed to find that
his demand had been fulfilled. In fact, he was so overjoyed that he ordered her
to make twenty million dollars from Bitcoins the next evening. Sure enough,
when night fell, she was unceremoniously locked into the tower room again. Once
again, the impish man appeared after a short time.

“Give me your ring, and I will turn your Bitcoins into twenty million dollars,” he said.

“Okay,” she said.

And so, the next morning, the dictator was thrilled to find himself twenty million dollars richer. He was so thrilled that he promised the programmer’s daughter his hand in marriage if, the next night, she could turn his remaining Bitcoins into one billion dollars. So, for the third night in a row, she found herself locked in the tower. Just as she began to worry she was fodder for the firing squad, the funny little man appeared.

“Promise to give me your firstborn child, and I will turn the Bitcoins into one billion dollars,” he said.

“Sure, whatever,” she said.

So he worked his magic a third time. The dictator was ecstatic the next morning to find himself a billionaire, and married the programmer’s daughter that afternoon. In the due course of time, she gave birth to a child. After a few days, the funny little man appeared.

“Give me the kid, chump,” he said.

“Nah,” she said.

“Very well. If you can guess my name in three days, you may keep the child.” With that, he vanished.

Now, the programmer’s daughter (hence to be referred to as “the dictator’s wife”) had learned a thing or two about computers since her marriage. Once the little man had gone, she Googled, “child-stealing imp,” and found several results that mentioned such a character, who was named Rumpelstiltskin.

The next day, the impish man appeared again.

“Guess my name,” he said.

“Rumpelstiltskin,” she said. “It’s all over Google.”

“Curse you! Curse that search engine! Curse the Internet!” he exclaimed. In his rage, he slammed his foot, and it pierced the ground. Exacerbated, he tried to pull it out, but he tore himself in half in his attempt. But the dictator, his wife, and their child lived happily ever after.

Edit: @Chronicler, thanks for your compliment that didn't survive the server troubles!


You are very much welcome!

1 Like

Did you forget the inevitable revolution? REMEMBER THE RUMPELSTILTSKEN! VIVA LA BITCOIN!

nice story too


That's for Rumpelstiltskin II: The Rumpeling.


s this an actual thing?

1 Like the immortal words of Greg Farshtey, "Follow the story and find out."

(But no, not really. At least...not yet. :wink: )

1 Like

goshdangit, I always find these things too late. Anyway, I like this modern interpretation of the story. GJ Mr. Smith!