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Chapter 16
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“Diero, we need an out.”
Diero granted the anodize airhead’s request by pausing for a moment, and then looking extremely nervously in the direction of the burning house. Every single set of eyes drew towards it, and the good citizens of that pathetic place immediately began rushing to get water and control the blaze while I and the shared IQ snuck off.
“I left the warhead in there.” Diero suddenly stated.
Chromeboy jolted violently and looked disapprovingly at his minion, but Jethryn shrugged in response. “It’ll be something else to keep Ghid busy, and I don’t think anyone there has the resources to open it up. The fire won’t get nearly hot enough to cook the casing.”
“You’re in a bad way.” chromeboy mused, looking sympathetically at what remained of his friend. “There’s a larger alley up here. Let’s take a minute.”
There were some hushed words, and Diero exited the alley, guarding it from being intruded by the likes of myself and Cordax, who was pretending to look busy by constantly adjusting a knob on his knife that served no visible purpose. I eyed him as he did so, and I must admit to some surprise at just how dexterous he was with manipulating small objects. Between his thumb and forefinger was a dangerous place for anyone to be, and the more I considered his greatest potential the more he realized I was staring at his hand, eventually shoving it into a pocket and looking at me as if I belonged in an institution.
“Where’s Monopoly?” I asked as I fumbled about for yet another cancer stick.
Cordax felt for the knife in his pocket. “I don’t know,” He responded. “Ghid probably knows. He was working for Ghid, you know.”
The gleam in the back of Cordax’s eye betrayed the fact that he was guessing. It also betrayed that he had found his knife. “That’s poppycock. Why would Ghid be searching for him if he already had him?”
“How do you know Ghid’s searching for him?” Cordax questioned, acting as if he had planned this whole bait and switch just to get me to slip up.
“How do you know he wants to find him at all?”
“Because he worked-” Cordax stopped himself, knowing that was the exact trap he had tried to lay for me. “How come you’re so curious about Monopoly’s whereabouts?”
“Because he worked for me.” I grumped back, noticing the tipping of a large, stupid hat in my peripheral vision and deciding to play it up. “How come you’re so stupid?”
“I thought you were the expert in that,” Cordax quipped. “Given how your parents were a camel and an elephant.”
“Surprising how we share such a resemblance then,” I finally found my cancer stick and stuck it in the lower right hole of my Akaku. “Son.”
Cordax opened his mouth to retort, then did a double take and looked at me in disbelief, motivating me to snort out a series of very poorly stifled laughs. “Gee, could I have guessed?”
“That about does it,” Cordax growled, whipping out his knife and approaching me. Before he could strike, however, we both rose ominously into the air and found ourselves on opposite sides of Diero’s rocky head.
“Now, do you two morons mind telling me what all the infighting is about?” He grinned, but the grin was artificial. He was clearly miffed at our squabbling, which was what I was hoping for. Cordax responded to the question by ramming the toe of his shoe into Diero’s nose cavity, then gripping his foot in pain as the attack didn’t even make him flinch.
“No, no, you have to do it like this.” I said, swinging my foot into Diero’s jaw, staggering him violently and causing him to drop me in a heap of disgruntled Tott. Diero turned his piercing eyes upon me and began to retort, but barely got one syllable out before Cordax swung another kick at his lovely hat and knocked it off his head.
The slow turn of that eerie scowl was both comedic and terrifying. “You brat,” He began. “You stooge! You simpletonish asininite! You have the fanfaronadity to stain my millineried bucolite with your penny-loafing shod! I ought to staple you to the wall! I ought to make an effigy of you and light it ablaze and then laugh at it! I ought to-”
So that’s what happened when Diero got his feathers ruffled. He started using words that don’t exist. Well, keep up the good fight Cordax; I have a conversation to overhear.
I crept away from the increasingly loud Diero and strained against the alley entrance to hear whatever could be heard.
“…To the old observatory, I know there’s enough equipment there to patch you back up good as new.”
“Renner, you’ve been exceedingly good to me, but consider how often I’ve dodged death before. Someday soon you’ll have to say goodbye to me for good.”
“Not as long as I have a say in the matter, Jethryn. Have you ever chosen a name for your Dreamer? He seems extremely useful.”
“Not yet. Tell you what, when I pass, I’ll make sure to give you command, and you can name him Jethryn if you want.”
“Oh come off it, Jethryn!”
“See? He’d be a perfect fit for it.” There was a series of choking coughs from Jethryn, and given the sudden sounds of debris in the alleyway moving, I knew the interview was over.
Quickly replacing myself at the position Diero dropped me to, I slowly stood again and listened casually to his ramblings and ravings. Cordax had resigned himself to folding his arms and looking away, waiting for the aging to cease. Renner exited the alley, carrying Jethryn in his arms, and gave a shrill cough which broke Diero out of his scolding lecture.
“He knocked my hat off!” Diero hissed, pointing an accusing forefinger at Cordax, who pretended to bite at it.
“I’m so sorry I don’t care put it back on let’s go.” Renner grumbled, turning down the alley as Jethryn’s lower half shambled to catch up, looking upwards at its master with the attitude of a worried dog. Diero tossed Cordax to the side, replaced his hat, and tossed a match to me while he rubbed his sleeve against the extremely minimal mark of dirt which Cordax’s attack had left.
“So, what did you find out?”
“What?” I retorted.
“During the whole kick-him-in-the-face thing; what did that silver guy say?” Cordax’s eyes gleamed like an overeager child. “I did my part, so let’s have the deets.”
“The ‘deets’?” I glared. “I’m not giving you any ‘deets’ on anything. It sounds like the same disease you look like.”
“B-But,” Cordax looked shaken. “I did that whole listening to Diero act for you! So we could get information about the- the whole conversation thing!”
“You did that because you’re a dumb, gullible child.” I mumbled. “You’re dumb for trusting Monopoly with that blind adherence of yours to anyone who decides to act minimally friendly to you, and you’re dumb for trusting me. There’s a good reason you don’t have any actual friends, and an even better one for why the one you think is your friend never spoke to you again.”
With that I spun on my heel, kicking up as much of the dust of the street as I could, leaving Cordax in wounded shock. He had nowhere else to go except with us, however, and before long I could hear his hurried steps as he attempted to catch up.
…I just said ‘us’ again.
Let’s pretend that never happened and move on with my self esteem intact. What else can we focus on? Hmm, there are many things. The night sky, the stupid and painful to look at water tower with its artificial light, the sight of Renner up the road holding the door of a building open impatiently and gesturing angrily to hurry up, the impact of Cordax running into me deliberately as he raced towards the door - life is full of beauty and by beauty I mean me.
It was a large stone building, constructed like a courthouse, but it was a fair bit taller than one normally would be. There was a clock at the top of it, and judging by Renner’s presence there I guessed this was what he referred to as ‘the old observatory’.
It was about time these morons went here; this was where I had intended to go from the very beginning. Why it took this long to happen I don’t know, but at least it was finally occurring.
Upon entering I was ushered to a grand wooden staircase in the back of the room which led up to the second floor. The rest of the party was waiting on the steps, and ascended as I entered. Due to being there to shove me along, Renner was not able to arrive first and be part of the gawking committee which had assembled in front of a large pair of wooden doors, Diero having stopped with a match halfway to intercept his cigar. Chromeboy elbowed his way past them and froze in shock and awe at the sight which lay before him.
The room had originally served some more eloquent purpose, but it had been converted into a somewhat crude all-purpose medical facility. This didn’t seem to be the source of the surprise, as the large figure present on an almost vertical operating table seemed to be a much better candidate for that position. He had a long, curved black tail, an arched yellow spine, which reflected the light in the room, and the head jutting out of the shoulders to complete the curve was flat and sinister, with the slit-like eyes traveling randomly across the floor. His hands and feet had sharp claws, and his entire body was black and white, save only for additional yellow armor which matched the color of his head and spine.
“Society for the elimination of foodles…” He murmured, decidedly unaware of our presence- did I seriously just say OUR again?! “It could destroy that universe…”
Of course I knew who I was looking at. I had no pity, no possible remorse for the condition he was in. Renner, however, stuttered and gasped at the character, babbling incomplete words in stupefied confusion. “Ghid’s been here.” He finally managed to pry out of his mouth. “Ghid’s been here and he’s after us.”
“Yes, I’m after you.”
“Literally.” The figure at the top of the stairs mused, his voice echoing like a spider’s web across the room while all four of his eyes gleamed downwards at the terrified party. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get into my living room and tidy up for my exceptional guests.”
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